Elpida. Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I got the information out of my boyfriend that he was embarrassed of me today and I can say it was the most crushing thing I ever heard. I am Greek living in London, UK. I guess it’s obvious I am foreign here. My boyfriend and I are both considered very attractive but he is British. His friends know I exist but I have met very few of them. He has also not introduced me to his parents in the year we have been together. By the way, I know definitely, there is not another woman involved. His parents are "disappointed" that he has a “foreign” girlfriend. I thought that they were just old fashioned so never pushed it but now seems that he feels the same. Honestly this is strange to me because I never had a boyfriend who was not proud to show me off or call me his girlfriend. It came about because I made the comment that all we ever do is sit at home watching movies or ordering takeout and I would like to go and see live music or take a trip or something. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being seen with me. He said it’s nothing to do with my appearance or the way I dress, but because I am foreign and he is not comfortable and thinks that people will gossip. Then he said “it’s like me walking down the street with a black woman”. Honestly I am so disturbed that my boyfriend has revealed himself to be so weirdly racist and closed minded. I told him I had no idea he felt this way, and there are many mixed culture/race couples and he said that it’s not so normal for him to be with a “foreign”. He said he can’t change the way he feels and he feels self conscious when out. He didn’t even see something wrong with his comments either. He gave a half assed “sorry” when I yelled about it and then asked me if we were having dinner at my place tomorrow. I am a really successful woman that graduated top of my class in business school, travelled a lot and has been really nice to him. I can’t understand this. It’s not like I go around wearing the Greek flag and smashing plates. I don’t know what to make of it all really. Shocked that people still think this way, or especially to reveal this after so long. I feel like he doesn't see me as equal now because I am "foreign"
elaine567 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 (edited) London is a huge melting pot, there are "foreigners" everywhere it is not as if you are living somewhere where being Greek would be an issue. He is racist, his parents are racist and no doubt his friends are racist too. There is nothing you can do about it, apart from leave him with your head held high. People like that do not deserve you being in their lives. Onwards and upwards Edited January 16, 2019 by elaine567 removed quote 3
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I always though Londoners were among the most open minded about cultural diversity & biracial couples. Remind your BF that Prince Harry married a foreigner who is multi-racial. If that doesn't get your BF to recognize that his fears are ridiculous in this day & age, get a new BF. You certainly can't go through life having your SO be embarrassed of you.
lana-banana Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Yes, your boyfriend and his family are xenophobic and racist. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Break it off now and look for someone whose views are in the 21st century. 1
stillafool Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Did you break up with him? You don't want a boyfriend who is ashamed to be seen with you, do you?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 You sound like a lovely woman who can find someone with a much larger mind than this dude! I've honestly never heard of anyone being prejudiced against Greek people. But, his comment about a black woman make it clear he is a racist.
hippychick3 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 You are way too good for him, OP. You sound like an amazing catch and deserve someone who is proud to be with you and show you to the world. You deserve better than this racist, insensitive a**. 1
Osho Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 (edited) You obviously love him very much to not just drop him like a bad habit. He obviously is going against his nature even being with you. So there has to be something there for him to fight his conditioning. Why not sit down and tell him that you’re willing to help him grow out of this silly idea that one human is any different than another. Discuss a game plan. Where you both mutually agree to stay in half of the time and the other half you do what normal humans who love each other do. Eventually working toward introductions to his friends and family. If he isn’t willing to work through this than you have an answer to what needs to be done. In the mean time let this teach you how amazing you are by not lowering yourself to his level. Try and bring him up to yours! Edited January 16, 2019 by Osho
2much4 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Then he said “it’s like me walking down the street with a black woman”. I told him I had no idea he felt this way, and there are many mixed culture/race couples and he said that it’s not so normal for him to be with a “foreign”. Wtf did your boyfriend smoke? The only complaint I've ever heard about greeks is that they're broke lol... Your boyfriend is making things up, it's probably just an excuse not to put in any effort. If he's serious, thats pretty worrying. Cause if he's got something against greeks, that pretty much means the only nationality he's allowed to date is his own. That's like...next level racist. You should ask him if he's allowed to date welsh or scottish women or if that already feels too exotic for him :lmao: 2
elaine567 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 With all this EU stuff going on, extreme views are becoming commoner and more "acceptable". Racism and religious intolerance has become more acceptable in Britain in the wake of the Brexit referendum, a United Nations expert has warned. At the end of an 11-day visit investigating the impact of Brexit on racial equality in the UK, the UN special rapporteur on racism reported a “notable shift” in attitudes. 1
olivetree Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I'm a little confused. You say you've been dating a year. Has he kept you hidden this whole year and you've only just talked about it? Or is not wanting to go out with you a new thing?
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 The min any man says something like that....it's a kick to the curb with the rest of the garbage. My god woman you deserve a better BF than that!
Wallysbears Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 I would help you pack his stuff and toss it in the street if I were closer. Ditch him
Shining One Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 I can somewhat understand your situation. I've been with two women who had to keep me a secret because of their parents' views. We had to limit our dates to ensure we weren't seen together by anyone their parents knew. However, the difference in my case was that the women accepted me. In your case, your boyfriend doesn't accept you. Personally, that would be a deal-breaker and I would end things with someone who doesn't accept me.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Dating someone who is ashamed of you ... is sorta like picking a doctor who has a reputation for killing his patients. Get out yesterday ... And please, figure out why you would even need to ask us this question. Someone is ashamed of being with you? There is no other response other than to dump him. Relations are hard enough when someone is totally into you ... Impossible when one partner is ashamed of the other. He's weak and lame for not getting past his ignorance. You think this will be the only thing he'll be weak and ignorant about?
Simple Logic Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 I guess I am American and have seen my share of racism toward brown skin people and foreign nationals, but seriously Greeks? .
AriesDude Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Yeah all I can say is sorry it took you a year to notice he is a dumb prick. I agree that it might just be an excuse to avoid you meeting his parents as he probably already introduced someone else to his parents or is possibly married or engaged with another woman. Block him soon and best of luck moving on and finding a more decent man in the future.
mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 It all sounds like a bad situation to me to be in. You sound too good for him to begin with. I've been there as well with other guys from my past, and they for whatever reason don't like me or don't like the fact that you're with them, and they are acting out. So just end it and move on.
BettyDraper Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 What's the point of being with a narrow minded person who is also ashamed of you? I think you know the answer to your question. Don't waste another year with this fool.
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 I got the information out of my boyfriend that he was embarrassed of me today and I can say it was the most crushing thing I ever heard. I am Greek living in London, UK. I guess it’s obvious I am foreign here. My boyfriend and I are both considered very attractive but he is British. His friends know I exist but I have met very few of them. He has also not introduced me to his parents in the year we have been together. By the way, I know definitely, there is not another woman involved. His parents are "disappointed" that he has a “foreign” girlfriend. I thought that they were just old fashioned so never pushed it but now seems that he feels the same. Honestly this is strange to me because I never had a boyfriend who was not proud to show me off or call me his girlfriend. It came about because I made the comment that all we ever do is sit at home watching movies or ordering takeout and I would like to go and see live music or take a trip or something. He said he didn’t feel comfortable being seen with me. He said it’s nothing to do with my appearance or the way I dress, but because I am foreign and he is not comfortable and thinks that people will gossip. Then he said “it’s like me walking down the street with a black woman”. Honestly I am so disturbed that my boyfriend has revealed himself to be so weirdly racist and closed minded. I told him I had no idea he felt this way, and there are many mixed culture/race couples and he said that it’s not so normal for him to be with a “foreign”. He said he can’t change the way he feels and he feels self conscious when out. He didn’t even see something wrong with his comments either. He gave a half assed “sorry” when I yelled about it and then asked me if we were having dinner at my place tomorrow. I am a really successful woman that graduated top of my class in business school, travelled a lot and has been really nice to him. I can’t understand this. It’s not like I go around wearing the Greek flag and smashing plates. I don’t know what to make of it all really. Shocked that people still think this way, or especially to reveal this after so long. I feel like he doesn't see me as equal now because I am "foreign" It's normal to feel shock in this situation. Just please please please don't ignore it. Let him go. Don't bother trying to convince him either. His prejudice is deeply ingrained as you can already tell by how matter of fact his answer to you was. Move on, forgive his ignorance, and find a man who will proudly be out with you.
chillii Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Couldn't inagine why anyone wouldn't be proud of their nice Greek chickie. Sounds like it's more a conservative thing with him than some racism . More worried about what people will think just because his not with an English girl , conservative parents and blah blah. TBH, he needs a kick in the ass.
fred123 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Couldn't inagine why anyone wouldn't be proud of their nice Greek chickie. Sounds like it's more a conservative thing with him than some racism . More worried about what people will think just because his not with an English girl , conservative parents and blah blah. TBH, he needs a kick in the ass. however you want to cotton wool it its racist. at least your bf was honest about being asahmed. you should my thread about my ex gf. she was jewish and played the race card on me too and i am brown. she never told me she was ashamed she just kept me hidden the wholw time. o it freaking hurt cos i was proud as hell of her and didnt give a crap what anyone thought about her as i loved her.
snowboy91 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 I guess I am American and have seen my share of racism toward brown skin people and foreign nationals, but seriously Greeks? . Unfortunately most major English speaking countries have their targets. Many British are racist toward Greeks and eastern Europeans in the same way Americans might be racist toward Mexicans, Colombians or Brazilians, or Australians toward Chinese, Indians or Japanese. OP if you continue this relationship you'll keep running into this problem. At best your BF is allowing his social group to have a say in who he dates, and as a result feels as if he has to hide. At worst, he is mildly racist himself. Either way, there is a lack of compatibility in beliefs here and it's going to cause bigger problems unless it's addressed properly.
toomanyquestions123 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 He has a problem because you are "Greek" or because you are simply not British ? I can't believe he told you that to your face after 1 year of a relationship, this is so aggravating. Please keep us updated of how you will break it off, you dont need to waste more time on him anymore !
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