Camilla520 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I’ve been In a long term relationship with my boyfriend for over three years. I know him for total 7 years now. I and his relationship has been up and down for the past few years coz of disagreement in things. Recently that I’ve through the loss of my mother and I would like him to be present at my mother’s furneral to show support and respect. However, he said that he couldn’t attend because he will be pressured by my family to marry me if he showed up at the furneral. Moreover, he claimed that he is not sure if I’m the one for him and he didn’t want too much pressure from me or my family. But he mentioned to me on few occasions that he loves me and do want to marry me in the future. I’m getting older and has been patiently waited for him to accomplish some of his goals. We have total different personalities and views about thing and now to the point that i don’t know if he just strings me along until he finds someone better or he is serious about marrying me. I love him a lot and It hurts me to think about what he really thinks in his mind. Now he is going to other state for looking for employment and may stay there for a while if he finds a job. He can’t be there for me through hard time when I need him the most. Should I wait for him and hope he will marry me or should I just move on with my life? Please help.
preraph Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Listen, because you've known each other for so long, it would be completely disrespectful for him not to attend the funeral for your mother. The reason he gave you for not wanting to do so is very alarming. What a lame thing for him to say. He knows he should be marrying you about now and apparently he doesn't have any intention of doing so. adjust the fact that he won't attend a funeral with you for your mother after you dated for 3 years is a very bad sign but he is just too selfish and doesn't have enough empathy in him. I'm afraid you are wasting your time with him. think about just that one incident and ask yourself if you would ever want to have children with him and them learn something that crazy from him, something that uncaring and selfish. He's just telling you enough to keep you strung along I'm afraid. Actions speak a lot louder than words and if he cared he go with you to this funeral. And if he had any intention of marrying you he wouldn't avoid seeing your family for fear of getting asked about it. I'm sorry but this is just not a good situation. I think it's a deal-breaker. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I and his relationship has been up and down for the past few years coz of disagreement in things. Moreover, he claimed that he is not sure if I’m the one for him and he didn’t want too much pressure from me or my family. Now he is going to other state for looking for employment and may stay there for a while if he finds a job. Just three of the many red flags in your post if you're looking for a lifetime commitment. Camilla520, trust me, if you find the right person it isn't this hard. And you'll know him because he'll want to commit to and support you, something your current BF is clearly uninterested in. You've wasted three years, don't throw any more time away... Mr. Lucky
Simple Logic Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 What kinda of jackass doesn’t go to their GFs mothers funeral? This opportunity should give you clarity. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 My condolences on the loss of your mother. What a double kick in the teeth that your BF could not be supportive. He's emotionally stingy. To me that is unforgivable. He's never going to marry you. Stop wasting your time. Even if he did, what do you get? A miserly little man who is not supportive in a crisis. You are better off alone. 2
maxi105 Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 hmmm... I honestly feel as though I have read this post before either on this site or another. but I will give you the benefit of the doubt on this one. the bottom line here is that I think you know what the real answers are here!!!! and if you don't, you are going to need more than good luck to have a relationship that is worth anything that is realistic, lasting, genuine or worthy. if this post is 100% sincere in its questioning. condolences for your close and very recent bereavement if everything that is going on for you is genuine. (I think in all honesty regardless of everthing else that is going on in this post, I think the best thing you can do is to try to put all your efforts in coping for the funeral and in grieving to help you be able to get from moment to moment eventually without the burden of such raw feeling and heartbreaking emotions. even if you have to greive alone to say goodbye to your mother then do that and be with those that can really show you their support and love at this increadibly tough time; and focus on building yourself back from the bereavement. NOTHING ELSE. if he is a real man and the right man for you (which I am not seeing right now, AT ALL) he will prove it!!!!!!! right about now, from what you say and as someone else has already suggested....don't waste anymore on this immature,self centred loser. you can do much better than this, he is using your position to just get "what he wants from you!!!!!!!" (and that's not that hard to figure by the way you say he's treating you) particularly as you are weak and focused elsewhere. lose this *********** unless you don't value yourself or your mothers values that she will have died to make sure you lead the best life you can for yourself! you don't owe this jackass **** at a time like this! maxi.
Malin889 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 So sorry to hear about your mother. It stinks that he won’t go to the funeral (wow, what a sh*******), but when you are there, don’t worry or talk about him and just think about yourself and your family. As for him, unfortunately he is straight out telling you he isn’t sure about your future, so The only thing you can do is move on. You can’t possibly wait around for this person. Don’t waste anymore time on him. He’s done and so should you be. Go out and meet someone who is sure about you.
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