edgygirl Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 I wouldn't. The best response to no response is... no response. You will feel really bad if you text him and again, no reply back. Can you live without these clothes? I bet you can. I'm tempted to text him again to put an end to it. I deserve at least a breakup text? Besides I left my clothes at his place, I need it back..
Author frus69 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 I wouldn't. The best response to no response is... no response. You will feel really bad if you text him and again, no reply back. Can you live without these clothes? I bet you can. That costs me $90 and I really like it too... I feel he should at least text me something like "hey sorry you are not what i'm looking for" instead of disappearing. Can I text him later tonight "hey i understand this is not working anymore and it's ok. Can I get my clothes back when you are convenient"
edgygirl Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 I'd use the first phrase as a more self-confident one... instead of you giving him the power by saying this is not working (for him), I'd scratch that doormat-ish "I understand" and say this is not working for you, and that you'd like your clothes back when it's convenient. Sorry OP. I know it stings but this is a blessing in disguise. Let him go, you'll be better off. Can I text him later tonight "hey i understand this is not working anymore and it's ok. Can I get my clothes back when you are convenient"
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) Dont let him tell me if he's keen, then I should go ahead and make the decision without communicating? See, that thing happened Monday, then Tuesday I saw him and it went really well, also set up a date Thursday. Wednesday havent heard from him whole day, now it's Thursday morning and I messaged him if tonight is still on, that was 2 hrs ago and no reply yet. Sure it's mid-day now and he's working but I'm sure he saw the text. I have a bad feeling and I don't know if I should text again and put a formal closure "looks like it's not happening anymore. All good", or dont say anything, and just move on The communication pattern you describe above would not in itself be cause for alarm. The red flags for me are the teasing, not 'being bothered' to answer your texts and excusing his behaviour with 'girls like jerks'. My guess is that he's deliberately ignoring your messages in a 'treat em mean and keep em keen' kind of thing. Regarding whether or not to communicate about the end depends on whether or not you're open to working with him or just want him gone. If you decide that he's a tool and just want him gone, then there's no need to discuss it. Send an assertive text of "this isn't working for me anymore. Good luck with your life". Saying something like 'looks like it's not happening anymore' is too wishy washy. However if you don't want to dump him, then you need to sit down and start a conversation about the things which are making you doubt the relationship. Don't ask him how he feels - let him offer it. And if he says that he's still really into you, tell him that you're not feeling it. And the teasing and being a jerk needs to stop if you're to continue. Edited to add: another excellent breakup line is to acknowledge that he is correct about being a jerk and you're leaving to find a man who isn't a jerk. Edited January 17, 2019 by basil67
Author frus69 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 The communication pattern you describe above would not in itself be cause for alarm. The red flags for me are the teasing, not 'being bothered' to answer your texts and excusing his behaviour with 'girls like jerks'. My guess is that he's deliberately ignoring your messages in a 'treat em mean and keep em keen' kind of thing. Regarding whether or not to communicate about the end depends on whether or not you're open to working with him or just want him gone. If you decide that he's a tool and just want him gone, then there's no need to discuss it. Send an assertive text of "this isn't working for me anymore. Good luck with your life". Saying something like 'looks like it's not happening anymore' is too wishy washy. However if you don't want to dump him, then you need to sit down and start a conversation about the things which are making you doubt the relationship. Don't ask him how he feels - let him offer it. And if he says that he's still really into you, tell him that you're not feeling it. And the teasing and being a jerk needs to stop if you're to continue. Edited to add: another excellent breakup line is to acknowledge that he is correct about being a jerk and you're leaving to find a man who isn't a jerk. Hmm honestly if he doesnt stand me up tonight I am willing to just communicate one more time about my feelings and needs. However it's 3pm now, been 4 hours since my message and he sill hasn't reply. I cant think of any reason except he is ghosting.
edgygirl Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Come on... it's been only 4 hours and you're ready to send a "breakup" text, out of anxiety? Go soothe yourself so you stop obsessing about him, don't send impulsive messages when you don't hear from a guy. Don't text him today. Wait a few days and then if you don't hear from him, you decide what to do, with a clear head. Until then you can also think through basil's points. Hmm honestly if he doesnt stand me up tonight I am willing to just communicate one more time about my feelings and needs. However it's 3pm now, been 4 hours since my message and he sill hasn't reply. I cant think of any reason except he is ghosting. 1
Author frus69 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 Come on... it's been only 4 hours and you're ready to send a "breakup" text, out of anxiety? Go soothe yourself so you stop obsessing about him, don't send impulsive messages when you don't hear from a guy. Don't text him today. Wait a few days and then if you don't hear from him, you decide what to do, with a clear head. Until then you can also think through basil's points. lol well lucky i didnt send the break up text yet. No I wasnt going to send it now..but the date is supposed to be on 5pm when we finish work, and it's 3 now. It may have been only 4 hours but i feel he should let me know by now?
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Hmm honestly if he doesnt stand me up tonight I am willing to just communicate one more time about my feelings and needs. However it's 3pm now, been 4 hours since my message and he sill hasn't reply. I cant think of any reason except he is ghosting. Has he given you a time and place to meet? If so, he may feel that he doesn't need to re-confirm. If he doesn't confirm, will you go anyway? Or will you not be there?
Author frus69 Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) Has he given you a time and place to meet? If so, he may feel that he doesn't need to re-confirm. If he doesn't confirm, will you go anyway? Or will you not be there? No time and place, well time is Thursday after work. But according to our pattern we meet after work at 5pm in front of my office. and he texted me back at 4pm saying we will meet 5ish, maybe bit later. So, now I'm confused again about what i should do/say well I already told him I dont like the jokes, now I just need to let him know I prefer daily contact. See even if he didnt stand me up, I still feel he's losing interest because he dropped contact. I cant convince myself that "maybe he just isnt into small talks". and I just need to figure out how to say my needs without sounding needy.. Edited January 17, 2019 by frus69
fred123 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 isnt it a rude and a huge sign of disinterest if someone says to you that they want to buy you a gift for their work promotion ( which is a nice and thoughtful gewture) and they respond with " hey we are only strangers still" id be hurt and pissed. thats not the response of someone who is into me right?
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 I have been seeing a guy for a short month, but we see each other 3 times a week. He initiates most of the dates and he generally texts me pretty well (checks in with me daily). But sometimes he would do things that baffles me.He brings up other girls (whether they are just friends, or girls he dated before) and likes seeing my kind-of-jelly reactions. He also once said "hey we are still strangers" after I said I'd get him a gift for his promotion, then he laughed when I went face palm. Last time he "forgot" to reply to my text and I thought it was a sign of low interest,but he called me silly and sent me a meme that says "girls like jerks". He says he likes teasing me and I'm so funny when teased. But I wonder if he doesn't care/just not that into me? Becasue people say if a guy really likes you he would not want to risk it. I dont want to be a boring chick that cuts his jokes, but I also dont want to get played here. Any suggestions? Please please please don't ignore this foolishness. My narcissist ex was like this at the beginning and I too was laughing it off and when it clearly didn't feel good I too didn't want to blow things out of proportion. If I were you The next time he tease you in a way that doesn't feel good tell him "I don't like that" or "that's not sexy". And don't laugh it off. If he responds making it like it's not a problem or if he does it again I would ignore his behind. If y'all not exclusive I wouldn't bother telling him. Date other men who treat you better. If y'all are exclusive I would formally breakup. You have to teach people how to treat you. If he wants to know why you are ignoring him/broke up with him then tell him "I like it when men are nice and respectful and you haven't been that way towards me". If he apologizes and corrects then give him your attention again. Don't take that mess for real. 1
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