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He loves teasing me to the point I dont know if he's serious about it


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Posted (edited)

I have been seeing a guy for a short month, but we see each other 3 times a week. He initiates most of the dates and he generally texts me pretty well (checks in with me daily).

But sometimes he would do things that baffles me.He brings up other girls (whether they are just friends, or girls he dated before) and likes seeing my kind-of-jelly reactions. He also once said "hey we are still strangers" after I said I'd get him a gift for his promotion, then he laughed when I went face palm. Last time he "forgot" to reply to my text and I thought it was a sign of low interest,but he called me silly and sent me a meme that says "girls like jerks".

He says he likes teasing me and I'm so funny when teased. But I wonder if he doesn't care/just not that into me? Becasue people say if a guy really likes you he would not want to risk it. I dont want to be a boring chick that cuts his jokes, but I also dont want to get played here. Any suggestions?

Edited by frus69
Posted

Ha , probably another one been reading too many internet lists on trying to make her laugh but goin overboard .

lf you like him enough to try just try a few subtle ways of showing your pissedoffness first of all , it might take a few goes or even talk about it with him even better if you can.

Sounds like he could certainly use a bit of toning down and educating on the subject matter too.

  • Author
Posted
Ha , probably another one been reading too many internet lists on trying to make her laugh but goin overboard .

lf you like him enough to try just try a few subtle ways of showing your pissedoffness first of all , it might take a few goes or even talk about it with him even better if you can.

Sounds like he could certainly use a bit of toning down and educating on the subject matter too.

 

I feel because this is still new, and we aren't anything yet (relationship wise), I can't argue that "you can't hang out with other girls" or "how can you ignore me"..almost makes me look pity if I can't take jokes.

Posted

I'm really torn on this.

 

Him telling you to not buy a gift and then laughing at your facepalm is OK. He was probably trying to keep it lighthearted so it wouldn't be awkward. Forgetting to respond to texts happens - especially if it wasn't a question which 'needed' an answer. One missed text doesn't equal low interest.

 

Having said that, I don't know the full length and breadth of his 'jokes'. And teasing people because they find the resulting upset or frustrated reaction to be cute is just mean. If his jokes are making you feel bad then don't pretend you're OK with it. Some people's jokes are poorly disguised barbs and you don't want to get caught up with a guy who teases you and makes you feel bad.

  • Like 1
Posted

Yeah see Bas has very important points there too and you certainly don't wanna be putting up with bs like that.

lt's a bit hard to tell though from your post so far which way the line goes with him.

AS you talk more though people will be able to figure it out .

Hang in there.

  • Author
Posted
I'm really torn on this.

 

Him telling you to not buy a gift and then laughing at your facepalm is OK. He was probably trying to keep it lighthearted so it wouldn't be awkward. Forgetting to respond to texts happens - especially if it wasn't a question which 'needed' an answer. One missed text doesn't equal low interest.

 

Having said that, I don't know the full length and breadth of his 'jokes'. And teasing people because they find the resulting upset or frustrated reaction to be cute is just mean. If his jokes are making you feel bad then don't pretend you're OK with it. Some people's jokes are poorly disguised barbs and you don't want to get caught up with a guy who teases you and makes you feel bad.

 

So you dont think him forgetting to reply is a bad sign? I know I wouldnt forget to text if Im super into a guy!

Let's see if it becomes a pattern then, or if he starts texting less..

Posted
So you dont think him forgetting to reply is a bad sign? I know I wouldnt forget to text if Im super into a guy!

Let's see if it becomes a pattern then, or if he starts texting less..

 

I guess context is important. If he was doing nothing, then you'd expect a reply. But if he was flat out at work and too busy to even pee, I could see it happening.

 

He probably will start texting less. It's normal to text less as a relationship develops. By itself, low texting doesn't mean low interest. I'd be more concerned about low interest if he doesn't make time to see you in person.

Posted

A missed text isn’t concerning but the teasing is. It doesn’t matter if you are not exclusive, first impressions count. Getting a rise out of someone seeing them get jealous is borderline abusive when it makes you feel uncomfortable.....that’s why you are here right? Getting a second opinion? Friendly banter this is not.

  • Like 2
Posted
I have been seeing a guy for a short month, but we see each other 3 times a week. He initiates most of the dates and he generally texts me pretty well (checks in with me daily).

But sometimes he would do things that baffles me.He brings up other girls (whether they are just friends, or girls he dated before) and likes seeing my kind-of-jelly reactions. He also once said "hey we are still strangers" after I said I'd get him a gift for his promotion, then he laughed when I went face palm. Last time he "forgot" to reply to my text and I thought it was a sign of low interest,but he called me silly and sent me a meme that says "girls like jerks".

He says he likes teasing me and I'm so funny when teased. But I wonder if he doesn't care/just not that into me? Becasue people say if a guy really likes you he would not want to risk it. I dont want to be a boring chick that cuts his jokes, but I also dont want to get played here. Any suggestions?

 

Ask him those questions.

Posted

I find it hard to judge after only a short while of knowing someone if the teases and jabs are a method to keep things lighthearted, or they just like getting a rouse out of people. It can keep things interesting if done right, but can get fatiguing if done every so frequently or harshly. You seem to not like it right now, so it's fair to be concerned if this is a good match.

 

This type of humor is very innate for some people, so don't be surprised if it keeps going or gets more prevalent. It works in some relationships, but are you that type of person? Maybe no by your description.

 

Also, this thing with bringing up other women he's dated maybe be a little to obtuse for you, and there's nothing wrong with you feeling annoyed by it. It is who you are.

 

Ultimately you may just prefer to be with someone who has a little more tact.

  • Like 1
Posted

I agree with smackie... this type of interaction where he goes against the grain to get a rise out of you will wear thin fast, if it hasn't already. It's immature and antagonistic in nature. You want to be with someone who is affirming and supportive. This is the opposite. I've gone out with people who did that to various degrees, and found that a tiny bit is okay if done in a genuinely friendly manner, but someone who operates in that mode most of the time, and does so pointedly will become irritating really fast.

 

A guy I grew up with is like that. Our old buddies still count him as a friend, but they can't tolerate him and won't be around him. He does't have any success with women either. I only know of one girlfriend he's had his whole life, and that that only lasted about a year I think. He never married. It's sad. He's not a bad guy, he's just a dickhead.

 

Don't worry about a missed text. If he failed to respond more often than not, it would be different. Sometimes people can't respond immediately, and then it slips their mind. No biggie. Assume the best, not the worst when you just don't know.

  • Like 3
Posted

If you find it in poor taste, say something. If he apologizes and is sincere, no big deal. If he pushes back, maybe he's just a jerk.

 

I sometimes make off key jokes but I immediately retract and apologize if I think it was crass. We all make dumb jokes from time to time and if they're not malicious, it can be a sign of intelligence or wit or just dry humour. Deliberately trying to make you jealous though is very uncool.

  • Like 1
Posted

Sounds to me that he is in the early stages of trying to get his act together,...and just hasn't quite got it down yet. If he was formerly a Beta Male Pleaser, a timid "Yes" man, an insecure needly clinger,... but has been studying dating coaches and such to break out of that pattern then I would expect to see behavor like this. It is like trying a new skill when you just are not very good at it yet.

he generally texts me pretty well (checks in with me daily).
That is one big thing he is doing wrong. He should never be "checking in". The phone is for setting dates,...the dates are for "getting to know someone". He was correct when he said "hey we are still strangers", he just isn't supposed to actually say that to you,...so he, nor you, should be "checking in" every day.

 

So, bottom line, it is up to you if you want to put up with his Learning Curve and see what he manages to become,...or you can drop it and find a guy who already knows what he is doing and doesn't need to figure it out.

Posted
Sometimes people can't respond immediately, and then it slips their mind.
That actually happens a lot. I've done it with family and best friends. There is no ill intent.
  • Like 1
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Posted

 

He probably will start texting less. .

If he goes whole day without texting, isnt it too less? I really like when a guy texts me everyday, not whole day everyday, just one " how's your day" text will be enough. And of course I text him too, it's not like I only want him to do the work. If I dont hear from him for a whole day I really feel he isnt thinking about me. But no guy I ever dated could do that, damn.

Are you saying as long as he still sees me few times a week, I shouldnt worry about not texting for a day or two?

  • Author
Posted

That is one big thing he is doing wrong. He should never be "checking in". The phone is for setting dates,...the dates are for "getting to know someone". He was correct when he said "hey we are still strangers", he just isn't supposed to actually say that to you,...so he, nor you, should be "checking in" every day..

Really? I actually liked it when a guy checks in with me every day because it means hes thinking about me, no? And if he doesnt texts me for a day, or two, I really feel he isnt that interested, is he not?

That actually happens a lot. I've done it with family and best friends. There is no ill intent.

Lol yeah, I understand people get busy, but he didn't say " sorry was just too busy with work", he went "I saw it and couldn't be bothered replying and later I forgot. Hey, girls like jerks!" And I really cant tell if he was joking or was he intentionally being a jerk.

Posted

Lol yeah, I understand people get busy, but he didn't say " sorry was just too busy with work", he went "I saw it and couldn't be bothered replying and later I forgot. Hey, girls like jerks!" And I really cant tell if he was joking or was he intentionally being a jerk.

 

Oh, I wish you'd said this in the start - my advice would have been completely different. Scratch what I wrote before.

 

Saying he couldn't be bothered is just rude and obnoxious on his behalf. Appalling. Between the teasing which makes you uncomfortable, him not being bothered to answer your text and thinking that all girls like jerks....I'd unceremoniously dump him and say I want a guy who treats women with respect.

 

Anyway, if you decide that he's clueless rather than deliberately obnoxious and wish to continue with him, make it clear that you don't like jerks or jerky behaviour, nor do you like him teasing you and winding you up. Tell him that if he keeps it up, he's out. The upshot of the conversation is that he may leave, but is it really a loss?

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Oh, I wish you'd said this in the start - my advice would have been completely different. Scratch what I wrote before.

 

Saying he couldn't be bothered is just rude and obnoxious on his behalf. Appalling. Between the teasing which makes you uncomfortable, him not being bothered to answer your text and thinking that all girls like jerks....I'd unceremoniously dump him and say I want a guy who treats women with respect.

 

Anyway, if you decide that he's clueless rather than deliberately obnoxious and wish to continue with him, make it clear that you don't like jerks or jerky behaviour, nor do you like him teasing you and winding you up. Tell him that if he keeps it up, he's out. The upshot of the conversation is that he may leave, but is it really a loss?

Well ok didnt think the details mattered.. the actual convo is like this

Me- hello? ( after 3 hrs no reply to my text)

Him-forgot to reply

Me-no one forgets that

Him-yeah people do. I saw it and couldnt be bothered replying straight away and thought I'd do it later"

Me- well if you arent keen just let me know

Him- I am keen silly. ( then the meme of girls like jerks)

 

Ok so I didnt think he was obnoxious, I just wasn't sure if he cared or not. I did later on told him I dont like jerks nor the jokes, let's see if he changes. Or maybe it's his way to fade out, who knows. He seems to text less now that's for sure lol

Edited by frus69
Posted

He got it in his head that women like jerks, probably from some video online.

 

There's a basic rule you can't go wrong by following and it applies to men, women, children and animals: Praise good behavior. Don't reward bad, and that means, don't react in a way that rewards him either. If he does something really nice, shows up on time, says something sincere and sweet and follows it with good actions, praise him, Oh, thanks for being so sweet and not keeping me waiting. If he doesn't, don't reward him with any good behavior, and that also means taking away attention entirely for a while. If he says something crappy or jokey but mean, just excuse yourself and leave the room or something. Come back and give him a chance again. Keep doing it. Don't be all nice to someone while they're treating you bad, and that means trying to make you jealous. The best reaction for that is NO reaction. A close second is reminding him that you're a woman who can get male attention anytime she wants, but not by doing something trashy.

 

Praise when good, don't reward when bad.

Posted

Preraph is spot on about the praise the good/don't reward the bad - and it does work. But have you been together long enough to warrant training him?

 

Also, don't ask a guy to tell you if he's not keen. Simply judge by his behaviour and act accordingly. Thing is, if you wait for him to tell you, you're handing over your power.

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Posted
Preraph is spot on about the praise the good/don't reward the bad - and it does work. But have you been together long enough to warrant training him?

 

Also, don't ask a guy to tell you if he's not keen. Simply judge by his behaviour and act accordingly. Thing is, if you wait for him to tell you, you're handing over your power.

 

Dont let him tell me if he's keen, then I should go ahead and make the decision without communicating?

See, that thing happened Monday, then Tuesday I saw him and it went really well, also set up a date Thursday. Wednesday havent heard from him whole day, now it's Thursday morning and I messaged him if tonight is still on, that was 2 hrs ago and no reply yet. Sure it's mid-day now and he's working but I'm sure he saw the text. I have a bad feeling and I don't know if I should text again and put a formal closure "looks like it's not happening anymore. All good", or dont say anything, and just move on

Posted

If you move on, don't even let him know. Just block his butt. He can figure it out. I agree with others that not getting a text back right away is a grounds for dismissal unless it's been going on I'll say 10 days. People get distracted and busy. His teasing and I'll bet gaslighting you as well (making you feel like a chump for not liking his teasing) are the bigger problems. Stop chasing him though. I mean, why? You're not even sure you like him. Stop chasing and see what he does.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
If you move on, don't even let him know. Just block his butt. He can figure it out. I agree with others that not getting a text back right away is a grounds for dismissal unless it's been going on I'll say 10 days. People get distracted and busy. His teasing and I'll bet gaslighting you as well (making you feel like a chump for not liking his teasing) are the bigger problems. Stop chasing him though. I mean, why? You're not even sure you like him. Stop chasing and see what he does.

 

yeah i asked him if the date is still on 10 am and it's now 2pm. I dont think work can be the reason now. I'm tempted to text him again to put an end to it. I deserve at least a breakup text? Besides I left my clothes at his place, I need it back..

Edited by frus69
Posted

He sounds abusive. That's how it starts... small little "jokes". That aren't that funny, are they? And I am one who loves sarcasm, but not at my expense. Good men don't really do that.

 

Women are fascinating. The guy is a jerk, but what worries her is... if he likes her. That's not the point!

 

He says he likes teasing me and I'm so funny when teased. But I wonder if he doesn't care/just not that into me? Becasue people say if a guy really likes you he would not want to risk it. I dont want to be a boring chick that cuts his jokes, but I also dont want to get played here. Any suggestions?
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