mortensorchid Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 So on the 4th guy I have connected with on OLD (this time through Match). I was actually feeling good about this because, lame as it may sound, we connected somehow. He was my age, divorced, no kids. It turns out he actually went out with a gal I went to high school with (one of the Mean Girls), not that that "did it" for me. But it was still somehow a connection between him and me. Tonight we talked again and ... I am not too happy to hear about his family situation. All we did was share basic info about them (my Mom and Dad love a mile away from me, my sister lives about 50 miles away). He said his father left his Mom many years ago and no one has seen or heard from him since. He has two brothers and a sister, his one brother is on drugs and so is his sister. His other brother is a corrections officer. And he works in the same jail where his sister is being housed. I... Think I better throw him back as well. Am I wrong?
Rayce Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 As one to hook a catfish or two myself I would at least see what's up before totally writing him off. Just be careful.
alphamale Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 when you're dating someone you are also dating their family, this goes for marriage as well 1
Rayce Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 when you're dating someone you are also dating their family, this goes for marriage as well wow... my brother was a totally disaster back in the day… it would be sad to think I am not dateable because of him... gee thanks
Blanco Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 wow... my brother was a totally disaster back in the day… it would be sad to think I am not dateable because of him... gee thanks No need to take it so personally. All he's saying is that for a lot of people, when you date/marry them, you're effectively connecting yourself with members of their immediate family, too.
Rayce Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 lol... I wasn't taking it personally. That is an assumption on your part. That's the problem with the internet. You can never be sure of what the true intent is.
Simple Logic Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 Mortensorchid, You have posted here many times, seem like a good person and appear rather attractive in your profile photo. You are going to break out of your dating slump. So don’t settle for less than you seek.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 This guy could be totally healthy ... I am not saying he is ... but lots of people get super healthy emotionally precise because of family problems. Unless my gut picked up something off ... as in he goes to visit his sister each week in jail ... I wouldn't rule out someone for having a troubled family. If the person didn't have enough emotional distance from his troubled family, yes a problem. If the person didn't recognize that his family was troubled, yes again a problem. Lots of people come from troubled families ... It is a little strange that he shared all this with you on a pre-date phone conversation. That's information you want to spill later ... for exactly the reason we have here ... His situation is scary in the abstract, absence a concrete sense of the kind of person he is. Why not go out and meet him?
edgygirl Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I don't care about family issues that much... no one chooses their birth family. Some people are morally awesome even though their family is a mess i.e. Nothing wrong with meeting him and getting to know him as a person. You might like him. If you don't, throw him back to the fish tank then.
Happy Lemming Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I'd give him a chance... Go out on 1 or 2 dates and see if you like the guy.
NuevoYorko Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I don't think you should write him off now. See what you think of him in person.
rightondude Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 Mortensorchid, You have posted here many times, seem like a good person and appear rather attractive in your profile photo. You are going to break out of your dating slump. So don’t settle for less than you seek. I am pretty sure that is not her in the profile pic. If it is, Mortensorchid, sup?
losangelena Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I am pretty sure that is not her in the profile pic. If it is, Mortensorchid, sup? Pretty sure that's Kate Moss. 1
chillii Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 As one to hook a catfish or two myself I would at least see what's up before totally writing him off. Just be careful. Yeah for sure me too. And ya know , sometimes when ya meet someone the combo of nerves and newness , makes for some funny chit chat but next time you'll both be a bit more comfortable and who knows. Just sayin , might be worth some more time.
Wallysbears Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I wouldn’t toss him because of his siblings. He may have strong boundaries and keep distance from toxic people - even family members. Give it a few dates to get a better read on him in person.
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