fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I recently went on a few dates with someone who wanted to wait to have sex for a while (we did fool around but didn’t go all the way). I do like him but not sure if it will develop into anything further as we don’t know each other enough. I also have a fwb and now dno if its right to keep seeing him.
HiCrunchy Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 No, not cheating. Ur not exclusive to either person. 1
Highndry Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 It's not cheating but it's pretty gross to be sleeping with 2 different men at the same time. 1
Author fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 I am not sleeping with the other person yet but will stop with the fwb if we do, as I know he’s a one woman man.
SmartDude Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 It's not cheating but it's pretty gross to be sleeping with 2 different men at the same time. I agree. It will totally mess up the dynamic. You need to be sleeping with at least 3 men or more to really go the FWB route in my opinion. Jealousy and thinking about what other people are doing all the time sucks. 2
Author fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 You need to be sleeping with at least 3 men or more to really go the FWB route in my opinion. Jealousy and thinking about what other people are doing all the time sucks. 3 people at the same time? I’ve only had 1 at a time.
AriesDude Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 To be honest, in my opinion, you are already destroying your chances with the guy you're going on dates with...whether looking at how you're desensitizing yourself for intercourse, setting yourself up for a situation where you are gonna compare the guys, killing any real intimacy for when he touches you, which youve proven already by saying you didnt go all the way. Not only are you making it harder for this dater and yourself to build a real connection to see if he can "light your fire" but at this rate you might have to fake some situations if you go on with this. In US terms you are probably not cheating but keeping your options open and having an Option B for when dater doesnt work out is pretty much the same doesnt matter where you go and allows you to put minimal effort into really opening up emotionally towards anyone else which is why you're going "we don't know each other" after a few dates. I suggest you hold off with the fwb. Would make things much more worth it if you wait to have intercourse with the guy you're going on dates with. again, only my opinion, you can ignore my post if you want
Author fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Thanks Aries. Will hold off the fwb and see where this could go.
2much4 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) This is not cheating, but if this develops into a relationship and the guy finds out about the fwb...that might still be a dealbreaker for him. While its technically all above board, I know Id dump anyone who had sex with other people while dating me. Then again, I dont live in the US, apparently you people just assume everyone is sleeping around. Maybe he wouldnt care. Edited January 14, 2019 by 2much4 1
d0nnivain Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I don't think it's cheating. Before cheating can happen two people have to actually promise to be exclusive. Unfortunately the new guy is your life who wants to wait to have sex probably thinks that you two dating implies that you are exclusive. He will be very hurt & will bail when he finds out about your FWB. He has old fashioned values & wants somebody who shares those. This may be a point I=of incompatibility for you two. I'm glad you decided to cool it with the FWB
AmyHershaw Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 It isn't cheating, because you aren't in a committed relationship with him. However, you should notify him of your friends with benefits partner. He's probably going to be hurt as he more than likely assumes he is the only guy you're engaging in sexual activities with. It's not disgusting that you're doing it with two men overlapping, it's entirely your decision what you do sexually and you shouldn't be judged for it, but you need to be honest with him. Honesty is the best policy like they always say.
AmyHershaw Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I agree. It will totally mess up the dynamic. You need to be sleeping with at least 3 men or more to really go the FWB route in my opinion. Jealousy and thinking about what other people are doing all the time sucks. You don't have to be sleeping with multiple people to do friends with benefits, all it is is no strings attached sex with someone. I agree with you when you say it will cause problems with this guy.
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 It depends on the agreement between you and the FWB. I disagree that a FWB is just NSA. It's more intimate than that. It is a relationship with fuzzy borders. When asking such questions it's best to put yourself in their shoes, your FWB and this guy you have been on dates with. How would you feel if they were seeing/sleeping with someone else? Then adjust your situation accordingly.
Author fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Thanks everyone! I have told him when he asked what I was looking for that I was open and have had a FWB. I only recently was more open sexuall (past 3 months in almost 4 years) A woman’s got needs after being single for so long lol.
Author fairyfloff Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 When asking such questions it's best to put yourself in their shoes, your FWB and this guy you have been on dates with. How would you feel if they were seeing/sleeping with someone else? Then adjust your situation accordingly. I was upfront with what I’m after with both men. I’m fine if they were sleeping with others as long as we use protection. But respect his wishes to be exclusive and will stop seeing others.
SmartDude Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 You don't have to be sleeping with multiple people to do friends with benefits, all it is is no strings attached sex with someone. I agree with you when you say it will cause problems with this guy. Ya I was kind of just being a smart ass. The thinking behind it is solid though. Once you have more than 2 men you are seeing as FWB, you simply don't have the time to compare. With 2 its easier to compare them all day long, thinking that one must be the right choice and the other the wrong choice.
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