Auggie Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 (edited) <snip>When I told her to stop 'diagnosing' me. She accused me of 'controlling' her. Then she left. Yikes! She definitely did you a favor by leaving. Edited March 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
kendahke Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Has anyone here M or F dated someone with a mental illness and how did you all handle it? Were they fine as long as they were on their medication or did it ugly sometimes in the relationship? Since I have bipolar, I just want to know what it was like if you don't mind me asking. It was an experience I never want to go through again. Yes, he was on medication, but he still flipped hard from his high point to his low point.. and when he got low, he got nasty. I don't do nasty and I have no patience for this at my age, so it wasn't about to work out.
Wallysbears Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I find it very shallow for individuals to say that they would automatically disregard anyone with a mental illness. Then again, people very shallowly disregard others for a whole lot less. No wonder so many people are consistently single and wondering why they can't find anyone.
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I find it very shallow for individuals to say that they would automatically disregard anyone with a mental illness. Is it about shallowness or merely self protection? 1
Wallysbears Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Is it about shallowness or merely self protection? Dismissing someone out of hand because they suffer from depression when said person may be completely healthy and treated? Shallow. It is one thing to say that you wouldn't have a relationship with an individual that refuses to treat an illness (mental or otherwise) but to simply dismiss individuals with a mental illness? Shallow. Would the same people dismiss an individual that has, for instance, diabetes? 1
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 (edited) I thought the subject of the thread was about dating someone with a mental illness. Dismiss/disregard I took as meaning "Would not date." Edited March 8, 2019 by elaine567 Removed quote
Wallysbears Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I thought the subject of the thread was about dating someone with a mental illness. Dismiss/disregard I took as meaning "Would not date." I'm taking it the same way. To me? The differentiation would be someone that has an illness and is healthy because they are getting proper treatment vs. someone that has an illness and is purposefully non-compliant with treatment and/or refuses to seek treatment.
littleblackheart Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 To me, the line is how much and in what way does that impact my mental health negatively; if it doesn't or I feel I can cope, fine. If the balance tilts too much towards the negative in the relationship as a whole, then it's a problem. One of my sis has BPD, mostly under control, and any guy would be lucky to have her as a partner. Besides, plenty of people with no mental illnesses manage to be major *******s just fine. 1
kendahke Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 The differentiation would be someone that has an illness and is healthy because they are getting proper treatment That made no difference in the guy I dealt with--he was on medication--2 big, grey, whale pills he took every day and that still didn't curb his nasty side when it showed up out of the blue. I'm not here to take anyone's verbal or emotional abuse. Ev.er.y.bo.dy is entitled to their preferences in a romantic partner.
alphamale Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 um, yeah guys....two-thirds (that is 67%) of people with mental illnesses are UNDIAGNOSED.
Highndry Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 um, yeah guys....two-thirds (that is 67%) of people with mental illnesses are UNDIAGNOSED. How many people have to have it for it to not be an illness but, instead, a "personality trait." Starting to wonder about all these "mental illnesses" popping up.
Wallysbears Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 The statistics are that either 1/4 or 1/5 of people have a mental illness. Sadly most are not diagnosed/treated. Many due to the stigma around mental health, especially in the US. Mental illness is no different than a physical illness.
todreaminblue Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 (edited) I read somewhere that in a lifetime most people will experience mental illness within themselves.... to note .......you know that a prolific serial killer can be totally sane.....as he/she sits down to a plate of human liver and washes it down with a good red before burying the victim in their basement ....then goes to bed with their wife or husband...kisses them,turns off the light.... without the wife or husband ever knowing they are a serial killer....you just dont know the contents of someones heart.....takes years and even then...people tend to adapt and change with life.... you take a leap of faith dating anyone in these times you just dont know you just have to trust that if its right you will know its right....and if its wrong to date them...you will know that too i have had heart break and strangely....that man had no diagnosed mental illness other than when he drank or did pot.......i have dated men with mental illness....it wasnt the mental illness that broke us.....it was the self medicating on illicit drugs i am mentally ill myself..i have a complex compounded mental illness..im not "normal" in my life though i try really hard to living my life without causing harm to others....i try to leave people better for knowing me and a smile on their face..... i once wrote on this site a while ago.....if i could make a change it would be that not all mentally ill people should be considered undateable...its like tarring and feathering a whole group of possibly good,harmless, loyal and deserving people without knowing them....its sad and its a hope killer for people living with mental illness....if i had a magic wand ill tell ya...i would change the world...but i dont..i write poetry instead that will never be read,and leave it to god...god loves my poetry.....:0) and everything and every person has a reason on this earth...and it aint to walk alone.....so it was written any relationship will go through storms... my turn.... i would say every relationship will go through storms.....sometimes ...just sometimes mentally ill people have strategies and coping mechanisms to sail with storms normal people would shudder at the thought of going through and run away.....you never know.....you just cant.... what you really have to do ....is feel the confidence to know right from wrong.....in a relationship...be a good communicator and be willing to give the relationship a go .........in that confidence you have you will know if the relationship is worth your effort and the person you are with....whether mentally ill or not...is legit and true to you and for you....and within the art of communicator... you have the strength and wisdom to say goodbye to what is not right and good and true for you.........with this....i wish you well....deb Edited March 9, 2019 by todreaminblue
Realitysux Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 I have been diagnosed with bi polar. I have seen this diagnosis be trown around that I now believe the majority of people are not diagnosed with the right mental health diagnosis. You don't have to have a mental illness to be suffering mentally and if your not in a good place emotionally or mentally then your relationship will most likely not be as successful. If you do have a mental illness or are suffering mentally, you can get to a good place and have a successful relationship. 1
newyorker11356 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 (edited) I dated someone with a mental illness for a few months (she has BPD), and it was an absolute roller coaster ride. She was one that couldn't really manage it properly and would cause me anxiety in the relationship. That being said, I wouldn't necessarily rule someone out with a mental illness as long as it's mostly under control and it isn't really affecting me. Edited March 9, 2019 by newyorker11356
mightybop Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 I just got out of a relationship with someone who was bipolar and suffered from PTSD and stopped taking their medication and seeing their therapist. Having no experience with this sort of thing, I just decided to roll with it. At first she seemed fine but I started noticing things as time went on. She was constantly sleeping and would often cancel plans we made. She always seemed depressed when we were together and had no excitement to do anything. She didn't really show affection and I had to initiate everything. She was a widow with no job and had a kid too so I think this exacerbated her condition. We also lived 30 minutes apart so that didn't help things. I think she just had too much on her plate to begin with, and then I come along. In fact this was kind of her reason for ending it. Just too much to deal with. It's weird because the day before she said she was "so happy she gets to see me tomorrow". Tomorrow comes and she says "she wants to break up". So yeah, be careful dating people with mental illness. I was trying to psychoanalyze everything, thinking she had an avoidment attachment style or something. I never criticized her once and was always forgiving, supportive and never got angry at her. I really wanted to like her but it was not to be.
Auggie Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Dismissing someone out of hand because they suffer from depression when said person may be completely healthy and treated? Shallow. It is one thing to say that you wouldn't have a relationship with an individual that refuses to treat an illness (mental or otherwise) but to simply dismiss individuals with a mental illness? Shallow. Would the same people dismiss an individual that has, for instance, diabetes? The problem with your comparison is that diabetes is not a mental illness, so it doesn't make sense to use that as an example. The only thing diabetes and mental illness have in common, is that both conditions require medication and routine checkups. Other than that, I think I'd rather date someone with diabetes than someone who is on multiple meds for their mental illness. Does that make me shallow -- to know what my dating preferences are? I've dated men with mental illness; one stalked me, one hit me, and one ghosted on me after I caught him cheating on me with other women. 1
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 The problem with your comparison is that diabetes is not a mental illness, so it doesn't make sense to use that as an example. The only thing diabetes and mental illness have in common, is that both conditions require medication and routine checkups. Other than that, I think I'd rather date someone with diabetes than someone who is on multiple meds for their mental illness. Does that make me shallow -- to know what my dating preferences are? I've dated men with mental illness; one stalked me, one hit me, and one ghosted on me after I caught him cheating on me with other women. diabetes is a nasty nasty disease that slowly takes your life one way or another
Wallysbears Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 The problem with your comparison is that diabetes is not a mental illness, so it doesn't make sense to use that as an example. My exact point was that diabetes is NOT a mental illness...but rather a chronic illness that needs to be managed. The person with diabetes has to regulate their illness and condition and stay on top of it in order to have a healthy life. So does a person with a mental illness. The brain is no less a bodily organ than the pancreas. Those whom disregard individuals that suffer from illnesses linked to how their brain functions in comparison to neurotypical humans might as well judge those whom have a pancreatic, etc illness the same. Good luck to all that use these criteria. I have anxiety and depression. I also have underlying autoimmune thyroid diseases which attribute to my anxiety and depression. I manage all of the above thanks to a great team of doctors. And I’m SO grateful for my amazing husband that doesn’t see ANY of that as a detriment but instead a strength. By day? I am senior management in a $750m company. By non-work hours? I raise a son, help my husband with his business, make incredible meals, volunteer and think I’m a damn good friend to my tribe. My mental and physical illnesses define me about as much as my eye color. I had zero choice in having them. I’m aware of them, I deal with them, I know my limits and I handle them. Perhaps I’m MORE cognizant of my “self” because of them. Dismiss people because of a label and you may very well dismiss some of the most amazing people. But that may be their gain.
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Dating anyone with a long term serious illness, is going to be difficult and challenging. Mental illnesses are especially hard as few of us are trained to deal with mentally ill people. We can usually understand and deal with physical illness, to an extent, but understanding and dealing with "odd" behaviour patterns, deep depression, hallucinations, severe anxiety, mood swings, paranoia, suicidal thoughts/actions, manic episodes, meltdowns, addictions, OCD.. etc. etc. is usually beyond most of us. We may want to help, but many of us would end up out of our depth if faced with real mental illness. Behaviour of affected individuals can be unpredictable and test even the calmest and most rational. Professional help depending on geography and financial situation may not be easy to source, and crisis intervention may be sparse or non existent. Of course some people are well stabilised on treatment and medication and can live completely normal functioning lives, but I do not think the decision to date a mentally ill person should to be taken lightly as if it is just "nothing" and "it will all be fine".
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Of course some people are well stabilised on treatment and medication and can live completely normal functioning lives, but I do not think the decision to date a mentally ill person should to be taken lightly as if it is just "nothing" and "it will all be fine". there are so many resources for mental illness that those that want treatment can usually get it somehow. a lot of the medications are generics that cost pennies per week. a bigger problem is getting diagnosed (67% with mental illness are not diagnosed). an even bigger problem is staying on medications that have many side effects on a long-term basis. you would be surprised these days who may or may not be mentally ill. your office mate or best friend my be bipolar or schizophrenic or suffer from clinical depression
basil67 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 And there's always the question of how 'normal' can a person who has a mental illness be. My son takes psych meds. When I've pushed his psychiatrist about parts of his being which are still infuriating (for him and for us) and for further medication tweaks, the psych works to manage my expectations. He will never be 'normal' 1
MetallicHue Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 As I stated as on the first reply to the thread I suffer from depression and I’m quite tough to deal with. That said I could probably find fault with half the people I worked with for how they acted in the business world. I’d rather take the ups and downs than deal with the all the other self serving people out there. 1
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 And there's always the question of how 'normal' can a person who has a mental illness be. My son takes psych meds. When I've pushed his psychiatrist about parts of his being which are still infuriating (for him and for us) and for further medication tweaks, the psych works to manage my expectations. He will never be 'normal' what is "normal" basil67? is a guy who walks into a school and butchers 20 kids normal? your son is more normal than the gun toting freak, its all relative.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 As I stated as on the first reply to the thread I suffer from depression and I’m quite tough to deal with. That said I could probably find fault with half the people I worked with for how they acted in the business world. I’d rather take the ups and downs than deal with the all the other self serving people out there. non-diagnosed weirdos, that's what I call 'em
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