Author pandagirl2018 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Change your locks. If there is any hint of narcissism here, as you fear, you may not be able to get rid of him that easily... I can't change the locks, I am on a rented house. What should I do before I break up with him? I don't want him to storm inside my house.
GoreSP Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 He will do that every time you have an argument. With time, you’ll avoid arguments just to avoid him questionning the relationship and breaking up. This isn’t healthy. He knows he’s doing it and it doesn’t look like he wants to change.
GoreSP Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 He said I love you after the first date? yeah, that is one hell of a redflag ! Yes. Love bombing never ends well.
Newheregirl Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) My boyfriend and me have been talking about moving in together, and last week he proposed to me. It was really nice and romantic and I said yes. <snip> Please can you give me some advice. I'm feeling so sad and confused at the moment. Thank you. This looks to me that he likes you, but he is a very insecure man with a lot of issues maybe from past relationships that were triggered. Things that are no fault of you. Unless he acknowledges them and truly wants to address it with you and evolve, it's a dead-end. It seems like you're not 100% sure of breaking up just yet, so give it some time to see how you truly feel and take care of yourself. Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
elaine567 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I can't change the locks, I am on a rented house. What should I do before I break up with him? I don't want him to storm inside my house. Speak to the landlord if he refuses to give you your keys back or he starts acting weird or shows up unannounced.
Author pandagirl2018 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Thanks everyone. Just to let you know that I have ran for the hills. I have ended things with him about an hour ago, and put all his stuff that he had in my house in my garden and opened the gate, so he can come inside the garden and collect them without having to enter my house or me having to see him. And asked him to leave the house keys in the same place in the garden. At his point I'm scared of any agressive reaction he could have, so better safe than sorry and I don't want him to come inside my house. End of story. I feel sad but also relieved now, like a weight was taken off my shoulders. 3
alphamale Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) Thanks everyone. Just to let you know that I have ran for the hills.<snip> way to go pandagirl Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Author pandagirl2018 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 He was here just now, went to the garden, collected his stuff and left my keys in there. I was inside the house and didn't even see him. Then sent me a sarcastic message saying "thank you" for letting him say goodbye to me. I responded to him that he said goodbye to me yesterday, when during our talk I apologised and started crying in front of him and he ended turning his back on me and went away. 1
greymatter Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 You did very well in ending this, as hard as it must have been. If it were me, I would still worry that he had copied the keys before giving them back. It would be worth speaking to the landlord to see if the locks can be changed. Your safety is extremely important. Be on guard and careful for a while. I'm glad that he came to pick his things up and left without incident. Wishing you well as you process all of this. 1
Morello Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 That's the way to go. By taking control of the situation, you took early steps toward healing.
Gretchen12 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Yeah I'm not sure if this was the right guy for you. But going forward when you are in a committed relationship, a marriage, your partner is allowed to say he has doubts. Couples that stay together will carry one another through uncertainties. In the end he did not run away. You did. And I'm not saying you shouldn't. He sounds weird from your description. And besides, your feelings changed. But for all we know he may be on another forum where people are telling him that you have some disorder for painting him black and discarding him after one fight. You can only be mindful of your own patterns of behavior. He love bombed you and you were susceptible to it. After awhile you learn what type of partner you need. 1
Highndry Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Yeah I'm not sure if this was the right guy for you. But going forward when you are in a committed relationship, a marriage, your partner is allowed to say he has doubts. Couples that stay together will carry one another through uncertainties. In the end he did not run away. You did. And I'm not saying you shouldn't. He sounds weird from your description. And besides, your feelings changed. But for all we know he may be on another forum where people are telling him that you have some disorder for painting him black and discarding him after one fight. You can only be mindful of your own patterns of behavior. He love bombed you and you were susceptible to it. After awhile you learn what type of partner you need. I agree, this relationship had issues on both sides and both parties devalued each other in extreme fashion. That's not love, or healthy.
Author pandagirl2018 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Yeah I'm not sure if this was the right guy for you. But going forward when you are in a committed relationship, a marriage, your partner is allowed to say he has doubts. Couples that stay together will carry one another through uncertainties. In the end he did not run away. You did. And I'm not saying you shouldn't. He sounds weird from your description. And besides, your feelings changed. But for all we know he may be on another forum where people are telling him that you have some disorder for painting him black and discarding him after one fight. You can only be mindful of your own patterns of behavior. He love bombed you and you were susceptible to it. After awhile you learn what type of partner you need. When I said he ran away, was from the situation and from wanting to deal with it. I didn't run away from him, I ended things which is very different. Yes he can have doubts, but no need to tell that to my face the cold way he did. That's when my feelings changed and I decided to end. And regarding the "Couples that stay together will carry one another through uncertainties", yes absolutely, but the wanting each other, the core of everything, is strong. Yes I was susceptible to the love bombing, maybe because I was feeling lonely at the time I met him and the attention was nice. That's something I need to check with myself. 1
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