sammysue Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 Hi, me and my bf have been together for a bit over a year now.when we started he left his wife of 30yrs. well, she has many medical problems,prescription drug addiction, and a bit looney toons. He keeps telling me in another month or whatever she'll be out of the house(he doesnt stay there,he has his own business and stays at his shop), she'll stop calling,etc.etc. He still pays her bills,well he pays for her everything! Still talks to her on phone 10 thousand times a day. I tell him that when i got divorsed that was it we were divorsed, we went our seperate ways,i pay my own bills etc. Its now been a year and nothings changedhe just says that he has to deal with her cuz of her mental cond. Well i know her too and i think the cond. is selective. She has (been forced) to go to her sisters to stay butr he still hasnt went back in house And i hate the shop it filthy. Now the excuse is that their son (age 21,spoiled rotten) promised that he wont live there if i do so my bf now has to wait till his son moves out. Which will never happen, he has never had a job and does nothing all day.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 You have a tough road ahead of you with this guy. After 30 years, his home ties (even though he 'left' and isn't actually living at home) are going to keep him pretty much right in the state he is in. It sounds like there is a lot of pressure on him to maintain this status he has going and as long as his W is incapable of standing on her own, and as long as his S has the emotional upper hand on his father, there is little chance that he will make that final break and come to you. I can't imagine, with as much emotional pressure his W is putting on him that he will have it in him to actually ask her to leave her home. All you can do is move forward - right now you are setting him up so that he can still have you AND continue to maintain his 'home responsibility' status. As long as you condone this by simply 'being there' for him during this, he will continue to do it, because he knows (or thinks, at least) that you aren't going anywhere. It may be time to let him know that while he has all this stuff at home going on, it is doing nothing but holding you back and that you will need to make a break to get your own life in order - and ask that he not contact you until he has his life in order. Perhaps the real threat of losing you due to his own inaction will be what it takes to knock him off the fence - or, there is a very real possibility that if you walk away he may well just let you go. Right now you'll need to gather up whatever strength you have and put it to a focused purpose of preparing yourself to walk away. He will have to decide whether or not to follow - but at the very least you will have taken the matter into your own hands and will be prepared to move forward: with or without him.
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 Hi, me and my bf have been together for a bit over a year now.when we started he left his wife of 30yrs. well, she has many medical problems,prescription drug addiction, and a bit looney toons. He keeps telling me in another month or whatever she'll be out of the house(he doesnt stay there,he has his own business and stays at his shop), she'll stop calling,etc.etc. He still pays her bills,well he pays for her everything! Still talks to her on phone 10 thousand times a day. I tell him that when i got divorsed that was it we were divorsed, we went our seperate ways,i pay my own bills etc. Its now been a year and nothings changedhe just says that he has to deal with her cuz of her mental cond. Well i know her too and i think the cond. is selective. She has (been forced) to go to her sisters to stay butr he still hasnt went back in house And i hate the shop it filthy. Now the excuse is that their son (age 21,spoiled rotten) promised that he wont live there if i do so my bf now has to wait till his son moves out. Which will never happen, he has never had a job and does nothing all day. You don't know this woman, so don't make assumptions that she's being selective. If she's been in and out of mental institutes and been on medications, what she has is Mental Illness. That doesn't ever go away... Unfortunately for you, his wife will be part of his life as I think he still feels some responsibility towards her, even if they aren't together. It's something you might just have to accept and deal with. All in all, it doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you. Is this MM worth all the energy? His family is his family, that includes their son too. You say the son is spoiled rotten, how do you mean? Just curious. Maybe he's angry that his father is with another woman, who knows? LB has given you some good advice as well, but I think you need to look out for number one, and that's you.
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