Did he think I wasn’t interested?

[Pandora2018]

I first matched with a guy online almost a year ago and at first I decline his date offer bc I initially thought his personality wasn’t my type. Then somehow months later there were attempts to actually go out but it never happened. We even ran into each other on the street at one point ha.

 

Anyhow finally we met for drinks last night.

He gave me a hug, and from the start convo was good he was also being touchy lightly, here and there, on the knee or such. OF WHICH I reciprocated almost NIL bc I was so cold at the bar And also I couldn’t read him as his personality is rather introverted and man of few words. I am the opposite-friendly, chatty and love being around people etc.

 

So while the convos were decent I felt that the attraction was waning somehow like by the end I was leaning far far away from him bc I was near the door and cold. The date was about 2 hrs. We walked out and he subtly tried for a hookup invite to which I said haha not today and then as we parted ways he hugged me tightly, joked we will meet again in 6 months, and then never heard from him since last night.

 

I asked a guy friend and he said I tend to be a tough date and either I could have intimidated him or the guy thought I wasn’t sexually attracted or interested. Could that be the reason why I didn’t hear from him?

Or maybe the guy thought I was weird or something else?

 

My friend suggested that I text him first to say, maybe I came off cold, sorry I wasn’t feeling well etc and maybe try hinting at another date.

Thoughts on this?

Edited January 12, 2019 by Pandora2018

[MetallicHue]

Is this the same person from the first thread you wrote or someone new?

[PRW]

You acted the way you did because after the attraction of the initial emotional buzz wore off, you became a little more tuned in and wasn't that attracted. Your initial reaction from a year ago took hold and told you that your original instincts from a year ago were correct.

 

His "hook up" invite while only on a first date made it clear he just wanted to get laid. You were probably picking up this vibe half way through the date and that is why you pulled away during the second half of the date.

 

You should wait to hear from him. If you don't hear from him than he moved on to another that he thought he could get laid on the first date with.

[SunnyWeather]

 

My friend suggested that I text him first to say, maybe I came off cold, sorry I wasn’t feeling well etc and maybe try hinting at another date.

Thoughts on this?

 

NO, do not do apologize, it sounds needy and desperate. Frankly, if you were cold you either could have said something or he could have had the awareness to suggest moving to another location. But, it sounds like his intentions were focused on one thing and that didn't include your comfort.

 

If he was into you, the interaction would have been different both during and after the date. And, if he did feel rejected, then he caved rather easily. Is that the kind of scenario you want to further entangle yourself in?

[d0nnivain]

If you haven't already text him & thank him for the date. Do not apologize. Do make a joke about hoping you don't actually have to wait another 6 months to see him. Both indicate interest on your part. You can't assume he knows.

[Incanada]

This is all on you.

 

You didn’t reciprocate online, then later again, then during the date and so on. Of course this dude doesn’t think you have any feelings for him. How would he? You didn’t respond to his light touching because you ‘were cold’? I don’t even know what that means.

 

If you like this guy I’m shocked. I think you let it go. If you did really dig him you’ve learned some lessons.

[Versacehottie]

You can't really tell what his "intentions" are. Maybe he liked you when you first matched but then it never happened so he built you up (kinda like a challenge to get you to go out with him) but in reality when you finally did, he wasn't just not into it. On your end--the only part you can control--i think if you are cold you should "deal" with it right away, like move to a different part of the place you are in or cozy up to him, borrow his jacket, something. Or have the foresight to dress sexy but not where you will get cold, a crucial thing haha. You would risk having your body language come off as uptight and uninterested and you don't really get a chance to redo that. Sounds like whatever positive expectations he built up in his head, the date itself didn't live up to that. To be fair, that could have happened months ago when if you had followed through on the first time you should have met up--to either of you.

 

I don't think you should apologize for mishandling anything on your part. But you could just be in contact and be positive, sound interested, show interest and thank him. He might still be open to something. Good luck

[alphamale]

it sounds like you were an after thought in his mind. don't respond to his pathetic attempts to get you in the sack

[elaine567]

I asked a guy friend and he said I tend to be a tough date and either I could have intimidated him or the guy thought I wasn’t sexually attracted or interested. Could that be the reason why I didn’t hear from him?

 

The poor guy tried his best but you were "cold", not only temperature wise but your whole demeanour indicated lack of interest.

No reciprocation and leaning away from him is not how you signal attraction.

I am frankly surprised that you expected to hear from him again.

[greymatter]

When I was dating a year ago, if someone offered a hookup invite, that would have been a "stage left" exit for me in terms of dating them. If that's not what you are looking for and that's all he seems to be offering, why are you so worried about whether he thought you were interested or not? It sounds like you are not into him at all, so it isn't clear to me why you care about what he thinks. Is he someone you've now decided that you want to pursue a relationship with, after the clear lack of interest on both of your parts since you initially met online a year ago?