I decided to break up with my girlfriend last night. ***Updated***

[Occitanie]

She didn’t take it too well, but I know it was the right thing to do.

 

I’ve always known she finds it very hard to be affectionate, both verbally and physically. I thought I could deal with it, but I came to realise it left me incredibly repressed and frustrated.

 

I don’t think I’m too demanding, I just appreciate a girl who cuddles up to me from time to time, kisses me out of the blue, and even holds my hand.

 

I won’t hide that it was a difficult choice to make, but so are all break ups.

 

 

I’ll chalk it up to experience and move on to better things.

[Happy Lemming]

Based on your post, it sounds like you were not getting what you wanted from this relationship, so you made the decision to end it.

 

In my opinion, if dating isn't fun and you are not happy, then it is time for a change.

 

Best of luck in finding what you are seeking.

[Occitanie]

Based on your post, it sounds like you were not getting what you wanted from this relationship, so you made the decision to end it.

 

In my opinion, if dating isn't fun and you are not happy, then it is time for a change.

 

Best of luck in finding what you are seeking.

 

It’s not that I was completely unhappy. There were plenty of great times, and I appreciate every moment with her.

 

It’s just the lack of affection from her part that was the nail in the coffin for me.

 

Obviously that’s just who she is, and there’s no changing that. So that’s why I decided to move on, rather than carry on.

 

Thanks for your kind comment.

[avriltreize]

She didn’t take it too well, but I know it was the right thing to do.

 

I’ve always known she finds it very hard to be affectionate, both verbally and physically. I thought I could deal with it, but I came to realise it left me incredibly repressed and frustrated.

 

I don’t think I’m too demanding, I just appreciate a girl who cuddles up to me from time to time, kisses me out of the blue, and even holds my hand.

 

I won’t hide that it was a difficult choice to make, but so are all break ups.

 

 

I’ll chalk it up to experience and move on to better things.

 

Can I ask how long you were together?

 

My bf recently broke up with me and he sounds exactly like your ex. My bf hadn't been in any long term relationships before and his personality was very quiet, stubborn, set in his ways, by the book type. But I loved him regardless. If you took away the verbal/physical romance stuff he lacked, he was the perfect guy. Not to say he was stone cold or something he just wasn't as romantic as myself. It was a bit of an adjustment and for 13yrs it was working. Yes 13yrs is how long we were together and then a while ago he wanted to end it with me.

 

It's been a struggle and found posting here helps. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more about it.

[manfrombelow2]

I hope you seriously weight your action before doing it, and I wish you best of lucks and happiness in your upcoming road.

[Occitanie]

We broke up 2 weeks ago.

 

She wanted us to stay friends, but I told her that’s not what I wanted.

 

We didn’t speak until she sent me a message asking how I am.

 

I instead asked her when she’s free to meet up, and she tells me all the days she’s available.

 

I asked her about next Friday night, but she couldn’t, so she asked if we could meet up Friday lunchtime.

 

After a while of going back and forward, she said she could do this Saturday night. I agreed and told her to come at 9pm with a bottle of red. She didn’t respond.

 

Why?

[stillafool]

I don't know why you're even talking to her if she's your ex. Much less setting up a date. She's obviously waiting to see what her best offer is for Saturday night.

[Wallysbears]

After a while of going back and forward, she said she could do this Saturday night. I agreed and told her to come at 9pm with a bottle of red. She didn’t respond.

 

Why?

 

 

Because you completely fell down in what a "date" should be.

 

 

You don't ask a woman to come to your house and bring wine.

You pick a place and take her out somewhere.

 

You messed up.

[Occitanie]

Because you completely fell down in what a "date" should be.

 

 

You don't ask a woman to come to your house and bring wine.

You pick a place and take her out somewhere.

 

You messed up.

 

Not when she blew me off. It’s totally down to her to come to mine. She needs to make it up to me, not the other way round. She needs to make 100% of the contact.

 

A date is a fun-filled event for sex to happen.

[Wallysbears]

Your opinion and mine are different.

 

And I expect you won't get another second chance.

[ExpatInItaly]

Not when she blew me off. It’s totally down to her to come to mine. She needs to make it up to me, not the other way round. She needs to make 100% of the contact.

 

A date is a fun-filled event for sex to happen.

 

Make what up to you, OP? She is your ex. I’m not sure why you thought she’d be receptive to coming to your house with wine. That’s what girlfriends do, not ex-girlfriends.

 

You’re coming across as bitter and entitled about this...Who broke up with whom?

[Twizzlestick]

Not when she blew me off. It’s totally down to her to come to mine. She needs to make it up to me, not the other way round. She needs to make 100% of the contact.

 

A date is a fun-filled event for sex to happen.

 

I suspect you’ve been listening to Cory Wayne, he’s really good. I think his advice rings true, certainly with keeping your high value up. Where I’m not sure he’s quite right is the “fun filled opportunity for sex to happen” when it comes to the first date after reach out.

 

It’s the sex bit that’s wrong as I think many get fixed on it and in Choosing the setting blow their cover. Should just be “fun filled opportunity”. As opposed to “friendly” chat or the opposite “sex”. Especially on first meet up. I’d suggest something fun, ripe for giggling and flirting and off cuff followed by drinks. Wine round the house is a bit boring and also reeks too much of your devious plans . Keep your value man. You don’t want her to think you’re necessarily planning that. You want it to be fluid.

 

Remember. She ditched you. Let her think you’re not in the bag. What would you think if she asked you over for wine? You’d think “she’s in the bag here”. Whereas a meet for drinks would leave a question hanging.

 

Where you also fell down is you didn’t keep your value high. Should’ve said “let me know when’s good” and leave it with her. If she can’t do it, let it sit with an open door.

[Occitanie]

Make what up to you, OP? She is your ex. I’m not sure why you thought she’d be receptive to coming to your house with wine. That’s what girlfriends do, not ex-girlfriends.

 

You’re coming across as bitter and entitled about this...Who broke up with whom?

 

That’s the thing she *was* receptive to coming over.

 

When I asked her when she’s free, she didn’t blow me off or make some excuse, ahe acrually told me when she’s available.

 

She can’t make it next Friday night, but she actually asked me about other days.

[Twizzlestick]

Actually. Re reading your post I’d be so careful with this one.

Red flags....

 

“She wanted to be friends”

 

You asked her on an evening - she declined and wanted a daytime meet (her excuse could be false. If she wanted an eve she’d suggest another eve)

 

You amped up with the evening offer and suggested wine round yours - silence

 

See the pattern? She wanted to be friends, was squirrelling out of meeting in an eve where it’s naturally more “date like”. When you amped it to an eve at yours, she bolted.

 

I think she is only interested in a daytime friends catch up.

[Desperatelyconfused]

Because red wine round your house is not what ex's do.

 

Coffee at lunch is.

[ExpatInItaly]

That’s the thing she *was* receptive to coming over.

 

When I asked her when she’s free, she didn’t blow me off or make some excuse, ahe acrually told me when she’s available.

 

She can’t make it next Friday night, but she actually asked me about other days.

 

Okay...so what's the problem, then?

 

And you didn't answer the other question, but I'll ask again: who broke up with whom?

[Occitanie]

Okay...so what's the problem, then?

 

And you didn't answer the other question, but I'll ask again: who broke up with whom?

 

You quoted a rely of mine in which I said she blew me off.

 

She broke up with me.

[ExpatInItaly]

She broke up with me.

 

Then you need to understand that she doesn't want to have a cozy night in with a bottle of wine, man.

 

She might have been open to meeting and having a chat over some food to extend the olive branch. But what you suggested has blatantly obvious romantic undertones. Breaking up with you was the signal she wanted to end the romance. Now that she knows you have amorous intentions, she is keeping her distance. I've been in her shoes and it's awkward when the guy you just broke up with is trying to seduce you.

 

I know you're hurt but I still don't really see why you feel she needs to make anything up to you. The relationship has ended. I am guessing she felt guilty for causing you pain and wanted to see if you two could remain on decent terms, so she contacted you. It wasn't a hint to try to romance her.

 

Why did she end it, out of curiosity?

 

EDIT: I am confused. In your previous post about her, you said: I decided to break up with my girlfriend last night. She didn’t take it too well, but I know it was the right thing to do. But here you say it was the other way around. Can you clarify the discrepancy?

Edited January 25, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[Ronni_W]

That’s the thing she *was* receptive to coming over.

 

When I asked her when she’s free, she didn’t blow me off or make some excuse, ahe acrually told me when she’s available.

Just a guess...maybe she *was* receptive to coming over to yours, but not in a 'get-drunk-on-red-and-have-sex' kind of way.

 

So far as your "she owes me this, that and the other" perspective, maybe she just is not feeling it the same way you do.

 

How you went about it probably just opened her eyes to what she'd be setting herself up for, if she came over to yours (even without the 'red').

 

Just a guess...I suggest that you ask her directly, so you'll know for sure, one way or the other.

[Occitanie]

She got in touch two weeks after the break up. I asked her to come round to mine with a bottle of red wine.

 

A lot of you told me that she just wants to be friends and isn’t interested in reconciliation.

 

Well, that’s not how it came across last night.

 

She arrived at 9pm. She was really quiet at first and it was quite awkward. At one point she said “(my name), I want us to continue”.

 

We had a small chat about how we felt. She said she had felt like absolute crap over the last two weeks. She had gotten in touch with a mutual friend to see how I was doing, because she didn’t know how to get in touch with me - she was scared of how I’d react.

 

She told me that what frustrates her the most is that I’m not capable of opening up and telling her when something’s wrong.

 

I’ve never been able to because I always went by the idea that you shouldn’t argue in a relationship.

 

 

 

I think it’s best we take things slow and not just jump back into it. I need to work on myself and communicate better with her.

 

We’ll see how it goes over the next few weeks.

[El Duendecillo]

I’ve always known she finds it very hard to be affectionate, both verbally and physically. I thought I could deal with it, but I came to realise it left me incredibly repressed and frustrated.

 

I don’t think I’m too demanding, I just appreciate a girl who cuddles up to me from time to time, kisses me out of the blue, and even holds my hand.

 

I need to work on myself and communicate better with her.

 

 

Reading your original reasons for breaking up, I have to ask, how does working on yourself, and communicating better with her solve the issues for your original reasons for breaking up with her?

 

Has she agreed to working on herself also, to becoming more affectionate to you?