Janalily Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I have been with my bf for a year. I know that he wants and needs to get a green card and I feel like he’s depending on me to help him. The problem is I’m not ready to marry even if it’s not “real”. I feel like it’s too risky. And today one of his friends got married for green card purposes and he says to me “see he helped his gf and you can’t even help”. Those words really hurt me. I already feel pressure because of this. Dating someone who doesn’t have a green card is risky because it’s hard to know if their love for you is real. Do you guys think him saying that to me was rude? Am I obligated to help him?
chillii Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 l'm not on the states and not sure what a green card is residency or like l guess. But nope imo the only time and this is if a girl would even consider a marriage just for that anyway , is if there's a pile of money in it for you too which some do do here. Because tbh he doesn't exactly sound genuine about any real feelings for you so if your thinking about it you may as well make it worth your while. But l also think l read somewhere right in this forum to actually , that there's also a lotta risks there marrying just for that too. Think someone said somem like your then responsible for them for 10 yrs or something like that. So l'd really check the fine print good f l was you and do some serious research. 1
AriesDude Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) Yea that does sound really rude. I would be hurt too. You are in no universe marrying someone to "help" them. When I had a girlfriend in Canada and she told me "So do you want a green card?" I told her "What the hell is a green card?" lol i really didnt know until recently and couldnt care less about ever getting one. But my stupidness aside. Are you sure your bf wasnt maybe being sarcastic when he said those words to you? If he wasnt being funny though, yea I would suggest taking a step back and really looking at where things are going for you guys. Ultimately you still have to ask yourself "Can I see my bf as my husband someday in a year or 5 when it doesnt look risky anymore" So take things much slower and really look at how your bf feels about you but if he brings up this green talk again sometime soon or too much. please run Chilli then responsible for them for 10 yrs or something like that. of course it can differ where you live but i know that just divorcing someone can cancel the card alone in most places. Yea do some research please OleanderlightOf Edited January 12, 2019 by AriesDude spelling 1
Author Janalily Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 l'm not on the states and not sure what a green card is residency or like l guess. But nope imo the only time and this is if a girl would even consider a marriage just for that anyway , is if there's a pile of money in it for you too which some do do here. Because tbh he doesn't exactly sound genuine about any real feelings for you so if your thinking about it you may as well make it worth your while. But l also think l read somewhere right in this forum to actually , that there's also a lotta risks there marrying just for that too. Think someone said somem like your then responsible for them for 10 yrs or something like that. So l'd really check the fine print good f l was you and do some serious research. Thank you!!
Author Janalily Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 Yea that does sound really rude. I would be hurt too. You are in no universe marrying someone to "help" them. When I had a girlfriend in Canada and she told me "So do you want a green card?" I told her "What the hell is a green card?" lol i really didnt know until recently and couldnt care less about ever getting one. But my stupidness aside. Are you sure your bf wasnt maybe being sarcastic when he said those words to you? If he wasnt being funny though, yea I would suggest taking a step back and really looking at where things are going for you guys. Ultimately you still have to ask yourself "Can I see my bf as my husband someday in a year or 5 when it doesnt look risky anymore" So take things much slower and really look at how your bf feels about you but if he brings up this green talk again sometime soon or too much. please run Chilli of course it can differ where you live but i know that just divorcing someone can cancel the card alone in most places. Yea do some research please OleanderlightOf Thank you!!
Author Janalily Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 Dump him. He’s using you my gut always told me that. He said I love you on date 3...
mortensorchid Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 This guy is using you, like he would any other woman in this situation. Move on.
Simple Logic Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 This is a bad situation I would remove myself from.
JuneL Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Do you guys think him saying that to me was rude? Yes, very. Am I obligated to help him? Absolutely not! If he wants a green card so bad, nothing is stopping him from getting one himself. I came to the US as a foreigner and decided to stay and work in this country after finishing school here. In fact, if one is good, s/he can get a green card on a fast track (faster than marrying a US citizen), and that's what I did.
JuneL Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Okay, I just looked at your other two threads, both of which are very recent. So he broke up with his long-term gf to be with you with his eyes on getting a green card. He was still not over his ex, and would check out dating apps on and off during the time he was supposed to be your bf. What are you getting out of a "relationship" with this jerk?
SunnyWeather Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 ya, not getting a good vibe with this. curious though, in any marriage or partnership, each brings something to the table. in the simplest terms, you clearly have the G card and I'm guessing a fairly stable environment/network of family and friends due to being in your home country. what does he have to offer you and the relationship?
edgygirl Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) My then boyfriend married me when I lost my job during recession and I was on a work visa and it was impossible to get a new job in the 1 month period I had. I didn't marry him strictly for the GC, I loved him immensely and thought things would work out and we'd be together forever. Only you can determine if he indeed loves you or is only interested in a GC, not people here on the board. They don't know him and your relationship. For them, it sounds suspect and I get that. But I don't think him talking about you and him getting married to make the visa situation easier is per se a red flag. It depends on what kind of person he is, if he loves you for real, his personality and if he's a good person or just trying to take advantage of you. I know I wasn't trying to take advantage of my ex, I really really loved him. Edited January 12, 2019 by edgygirl
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