Thedubman Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Had a great first date with a women 3 days after meeting her online but she has flaked 3 times for a second date and the twist is....? I would of just thought she is not interested but why would she feel the need to call me almost everyday if she was not interested. It’s almost starting to get annoying, it’s been almost 2 weeks since our first date. After her flake out excuse today I texted her and I quote, “Ok, just left labcorp, running a few errands now, if you feel better just lmk if not don’t hesitate to call or text if you find free time in the future, hope you feel better!!!”. Kind of gave her the “ call me with plans and if you don’t leave me the hell alone text”. Never had a situation with one of the best first dates I ever had, afterwards she calls ME almost everyday but when I suggest a second meet up she plays games with me. What the hell is going through this women’s head? Why is she doing this? Never dealt with a situation like this, usually when thier not interested they ghost, not call ME everyday after the first date. Help!!!!
Mrs._December Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 After her flake out excuse today I texted her and I quote, “Ok, just left labcorp, running a few errands now, if you feel better just lmk if not don’t hesitate to call or text if you find free time in the future, hope you feel better!!!”. Kind of gave her the “ call me with plans and if you don’t leave me the hell alone text”. Ugh. Why didn't you just offer to lay down on the floor and let her wipe her shoes off on your back while you were at it? That text doesn't sound at ALL like you're telling her to either call with plans or leave you the hell alone. It just says, "I'm still desperate enough to hope that you'll contact me and tell me you want to go out, and even though you've bailed out of our plans no less than THREE times these last two weeks, I'm still going to be a push-over and let you know how AVAILABLE I am and I'll even tell you that I hope you feel better" (I guess that's her latest lie to cancel out of your third planned date - that she suddenly fell ill?) How creative. She keeps you dangling at the end of her fishing line because you allow it, that's why she does it. And she KEEPS you on that fishing line because you're the backup plan for those times she hasn't gotten a better offer. She bails on your dates at the last minute if a better offer does come along, and again, she does it because you allow it. You're mistakenly believing she's crazy or something and want to know what she's thinking - but she's not 'thinking' anything. She's just using you as a backup plan, a pinch-hitter, when she doesn't have a better option. And if you keep letting her do it, that's what she's going to continue doing. Stop being a floor mat. 1
Author Thedubman Posted January 11, 2019 Author Posted January 11, 2019 I know, your 100% right. I’ll no longer initiate contact ever again. Should I answer her calls when she calls me and leave the door open? How do I handle this? I guess after 3 times she has no intention of seeing me in person ever again.
chillii Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Ugh. Why didn't you just offer to lay down on the floor and let her wipe her shoes off on your back while you were at it? That text doesn't sound at ALL like you're telling her to either call with plans or leave you the hell alone. It just says, "I'm still desperate enough to hope that you'll contact me and tell me you want to go out, and even though you've bailed out of our plans no less than THREE times these last two weeks, I'm still going to be a push-over and let you know how AVAILABLE I am and I'll even tell you that I hope you feel better" (I guess that's her latest lie to cancel out of your third planned date - that she suddenly fell ill?) How creative. She keeps you dangling at the end of her fishing line because you allow it, that's why she does it. And she KEEPS you on that fishing line because you're the backup plan for those times she hasn't gotten a better offer. She bails on your dates at the last minute if a better offer does come along, and again, she does it because you allow it. You're mistakenly believing she's crazy or something and want to know what she's thinking - but she's not 'thinking' anything. She's just using you as a backup plan, a pinch-hitter, when she doesn't have a better option. And if you keep letting her do it, that's what she's going to continue doing. Stop being a floor mat. Thanks for the laugh. l was scratching my head to but didn't even know where to begin.
Gretchen12 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I texted her and I quote, “Ok, just left labcorp, running a few errands now, if you feel better just lmk if not don’t hesitate to call or text if you find free time in the future, hope you feel better!!!”. Kind of gave her the “ call me with plans and if you don’t leave me the hell alone text”. No. You did not. Your text was nothing like "call me with plans or leave me alone." How come you don't say what you think? Is it a habit? Why not text her "Hey, how come you flake on me but call me almost everyday?" or something like that. Instead you say one thing but think another. Either she thinks you're feeing just fine with this by your easy going texts, or she's married or something and she's glad you won't call her out.
Author Thedubman Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 Damn I really must be that much of a rookie
Author Thedubman Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 No. You did not. Your text was nothing like "call me with plans or leave me alone." How come you don't say what you think? Is it a habit? Why not text her "Hey, how come you flake on me but call me almost everyday?" or something like that. Instead you say one thing but think another. Either she thinks you're feeing just fine with this by your easy going texts, or she's married or something and she's glad you won't call her out. I guess I’m afraid she will get mad and still have hope she comes around. Out of the 30 or so dates I’ve been on in 2018, the date with her was by far the best one on almost every level. I guess I’m having a hard time letting go. I know the truth but having a hard time accepting it. Damn
Highndry Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I guess I’m afraid she will get mad and still have hope she comes around. Out of the 30 or so dates I’ve been on in 2018, the date with her was by far the best one on almost every level. I guess I’m having a hard time letting go. I know the truth but having a hard time accepting it. Damn Always be direct with women. It will serve you well. They want a guy who speaks his mind and isn't afraid to call a spade a spade. I wouldn't initiate a call to this one, I would wait for her to contact you. When she does, politely tell her your intentions are to see her in person on another date or move on.
rightondude Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 yeah brother you need to let that next call go to voice mail and txt her once she gets well and wants to hang out again, holler.
some_username1 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I know, your 100% right. I’ll no longer initiate contact ever again. Should I answer her calls when she calls me and leave the door open? How do I handle this? I guess after 3 times she has no intention of seeing me in person ever again. You don't answer the call at all. You look at your phone, picture in your mind that Charlton Heston gif where he's laughing his head off, think to yourself "what a sad case" and go about your business. Job done.
some_username1 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I guess I’m afraid she will get mad and still have hope she comes around. Out of the 30 or so dates I’ve been on in 2018, the date with her was by far the best one on almost every level. I guess I’m having a hard time letting go. I know the truth but having a hard time accepting it. Damn I can relate somewhat to this. The problem is when you go on 30 odd dates and 1 woman stands out what that basically says is, you have high standards (probably) so she is not easily replaceable and you fall into this trap you find yourself in. Conversely, if she stands out in 30 odd women, she is going to stand out to all the other thirsty dudes who are trying to hit her up as we speak. How do you like those odds? You, by definition, have no backup plan, she's got more backup plans than you have had hot dinners amd usually you can tell from how you are being treated where you are in the hierarchy. In your case you are her little toy boy who always answers the phone for a chat, you are in danger of being more like a comfort blanket to her than a dating option. I wish I had some magic bullet to prescribe but if there was one I would have used it myself. Your best absolutel best case is withdrawing your attention and see how she ramps up her attempts to chase you to get you back. If I know these type of girls though you after she realises you ain't picking up you will get a few random texts trying to reel you back in but it will be empty words with no actual substance. I don't think you will win from here basically. Keep your dignity and move on with your head up and do not think of this woman again because every time you do she has further undermined you. Good luck.
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