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My boyfriend doesn't want to go out on a DATE

ChocolateShake

By ChocolateShake
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ChocolateShake New Member

ChocolateShake

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Hello. I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year. I will get to the bottom of the matter. For over a month, he does not want to go out with me for either the cinema or the restaurant. Before that everything was normal, he regularly took me to some places at least once every two weeks.

somewhere for 3 months I was the initiator of meetings, but he agreed to them, but as I wrote, he has been looking for excuses for a month. We see each other twice a week at the university. What should I think about it?...

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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It's a bad sign. You should move on and find someone who makes the effort to romance you properly.

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Geraltt Established Member

Geraltt

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If you're both in uni, you're probably both strapped for cash and stressed about exams, assignments etc.

 

It's very possible that he's got some money issues but doesn't want to bring them up for fear of being criticized.

 

Now, I don't know where you are (location-wise) but many university towns have lots of activities that can be enjoyed by cash-strapped students. Perhaps search out a few things like that and suggest that you and he take advantage of them.

 

Where I live there are a cluster of both indoor and outdoor skating rinks run by the city that are available to use, no charge. Then there are also things like winter hiking, some art galleries have low- or no-admission days or evenings... the list goes on and on.

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SophieG Established Member

SophieG

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It's a bad sign. You should move on and find someone who makes the effort to romance you properly.

 

Did you ask him why?! I sometimes get in a mood where I’m feeling more down and it takes all my energy to go out. Have an honest conversation with him. Ask him why he doesn’t want to go on dates and if everything’s all right.

If he tells you that it’s all good, then you have to decide if you can accept this or not.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Maybe he's broke, OP. It can be hard for a guy to admit he's barely got any money left, even if he's a student and doesn't typically have a lot of cash anyway.

 

Talk to him. Don't assume the worst just yet.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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May he be depressed and too embarrassed to share that? Or perhaps has some hardcore family problems that he's also not comfortable sharing?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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My 1st thought was it's a money issue. You need to ask him why.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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What kind of 'excuses' has he been giving? I wonder if they are actually valid reasons.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Ask him if it's because he's broke. Then if you want to go bad enough, pay for it yourself. Otherwise, if it turns out he just would rather not, he's a couch potato and not good for anyone other than another couch potato.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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It may be lots of things, but what is he doing the nights he used to take you out on dates?

Is he sitting at home, going out with his friends maybe? Or does he have a new hobby/sport that is taking up his time or is he taking others out on dates...

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ChocolateShake New Member

ChocolateShake

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Thanks for all the answers. The excuses were, for example, I feel bad today, or today I work on a computer.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Thanks for all the answers. The excuses were, for example, I feel bad today, or today I work on a computer.

 

Surely these comments were part of an actual conversation. Was he unwell? Depressed? When he was working on the computer, what was he doing? Working for a deadline?

 

Or didn’t you care to enquire further?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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He's a couch potato. He was just dating to reel you in and he can't keep up the farce, so now you either break up or stay with a couch potato. I recommend the former since you don't like his inactivity.

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ChocolateShake New Member

ChocolateShake

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I'm waiting ... my friend recommended a method to me to provoke honest conversation. You have to prepare, etc., but maybe someday I will describe it how it works. I'm going to apply it tomorrow.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I'm waiting ... my friend recommended a method to me to provoke honest conversation. You have to prepare, etc., but maybe someday I will describe it how it works. I'm going to apply it tomorrow.

 

Sounds like game playing. Exactly what are you planning? What did your friend recommend? Let us know so we can tell you whether it's a good idea or it will cause more problems.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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I'm waiting ... my friend recommended a method to me to provoke honest conversation. You have to prepare, etc., but maybe someday I will describe it how it works. I'm going to apply it tomorrow.

 

 

Waterboarding?

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greymatter Established Member

greymatter

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A method to talk to him? Yikes. Just talk to him and don't wait, or you are contributing to the problem here. A conversation about something so basic doesn't require a "method." Just talk to him, approach the subject from a place of empathy, and find out what is going on. Then make a decision about what you want to do. This isn't as complicated as you are making it.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I'm waiting ... my friend recommended a method to me to provoke honest conversation. You have to prepare, etc., but maybe someday I will describe it how it works. I'm going to apply it tomorrow.

 

Is there a reason you can't just have a normal conversation with him?

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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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If I'm getting this right, you not only don't go out on dates, you don't go to each other's houses either.

You see each other twice a week at school.

 

It honestly sounds like he isn't into the relationship anymore.

I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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It's a bad sign. You should move on and find someone who makes the effort to romance you properly.

 

Yep! My partner and I are going on 2 years and still go out on dates. Honestly this sounds like he has lost interest in you. I dated my ex for almost a year and towards the end of our relationship, he never wanted to go anywhere w/me.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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I dunno. There's people who just don't like to go out and/or spend money. My friend's first husband drove her crazy because he never wanted to go out and she loved going out to museums and music things. There's more of this to come as people live on the internet and don't always develop social skills.

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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I bet he has time for

 

 

Either his other girl

 

or his buddies!

 

Speak to him and tell him what you want

 

If he can't deliver, then it's your choice to stay or go!

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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I had a dateless relationship, more time for sex was his reasoning

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ChocolateShake New Member

ChocolateShake

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Okay we talked honestly and it's all good. the boy just got into a small debt, he had no money and he would not tell me about it. now when I think about it is even adorable. I'm glad that everything is good. I greet everyone and thanks for the answers!

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BettyDraper Established Member

BettyDraper

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I had a dateless relationship, more time for sex was his reasoning

 

I was in one of those situations too. I don’t consider those relationships.

They are just FWB with a nice label. A man who only wants to have sex with his “girlfriend” doesn’t care about her.

Edited by BettyDraper
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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