gopetal Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 So my boyfriend (of 5+ years who I live with) and I are freelancers in the same profession. This means we are competitors when it comes to work on occasion. Usually very supportive competitors. However, this morning I was offered a job through a mural friend. When he asked how I got the job I lied and said I didn’t know, maybe one of the “find a freelancer” sites I’m signed up for. Later this evening he asked me if I’d lied about that. He’d avoided speaking to me all day but I just thought he was in a sad mood (which happens sometimes). I stupidly tried to say I didn’t lie... and then immediately told him I had. Apologized and told him that it was wrong of me and that I was scared to tell him because I didn’t want to hurt him. (To be honest neither of us do very well financially... so missing out on a job is a bit of a big deal). He said “I knew you were lying” and basically walked away and has been buried in video games since. I know that wanting to be forgiven is selfish but I do... any tips for making this better are appreciated. He’s the type who withdraws and I’m the type that needs to talk things out.
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Make him his favorite thing to eat & apologize profusely explaining that you were trying to spare his feelings by not telling him that the mutual friend picked you. Then promise never to do it again & keep your word. Sexual favors may work to. Seriously apologize naked & on your knees if you get my drift. 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Leave him alone and let him play his little video games. When he decides to act like an adult and puts down the controller, feed him a nice dinner and have sex with him. He'll forget about it, soon enough. Men are simple creatures, feed us and have sex with us and we'll be just fine. Resist your urge to "talk it out", nothing good will come of it. Drop it and start making him his favorite meal. "d0nnivain" you beat me to it... you must type very fast!! But yea, similar advice!!
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 He's choked that you couldn't trust his reaction to the news. Not that you feared hurting him, but you thought he was going to be mad at you, and recent you for getting the job....that's what he is thinking and it leads him to question how you see him as your BF. After a day of two, approach him by saying you did some thinking and that you should have never thought he would be upset with her, that you know better. That you will never doubt how he will react about something like this again. A relationship is a partnership, so it shouldn't matter who gets the job or not, the both of you reap the benefits together. 3
Geraltt Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Resist your urge to "talk it out", nothing good will come of it. This is more important than one might realize. In general terms, men are results-focused; we're big on getting things done and completed. Women tend to be process focused, which means they tend to want to talk things out... and talk... and talk... and talk... meanwhile, the issue remains unresolved. (More on that here: https://careers.redventures.com/blog/2015/11/18/5-major-differences-between-men-and-women-at-work/) This isn't anything new, surprising or denigrating to anyone, it's simply a fact of life: women talk more than men. So, men, if you're trying to reach her, speak her language and let her talk, recognizing that talking is the way she works through things. Women, if you have the urge to talk-talk-talk about whatever is going on, sooner or later your man is going to tune you out. 2
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 What would have been the right reaction to your mutual friend picking you? Letting him know before accepting it? Sharing with him and debating who should do it? I understand the issue here is you lied, but I can't grasp what would have been a better way to deal with it. Who were you trying to protect? His feelings? The friend who picked you?
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 If we can't talk as it's annoying, what do we do then when there's a conflict? Shut up? Talk only once and let it be? How do you know then when it's resolved in his mind? Only by him coming back? It's hard to understand really not to mention incredibly frustrating. In general terms, men are results-focused; we're big on getting things done and completed. Women tend to be process focused, which means they tend to want to talk things out... and talk... and talk... and talk... meanwhile, the issue remains unresolved. So, men, if you're trying to reach her, speak her language and let her talk, recognizing that talking is the way she works through things. Women, if you have the urge to talk-talk-talk about whatever is going on, sooner or later your man is going to tune you out.
Rockdad Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Edgygirl it's the talking until the guys ears bleed that shoots a girl in her foot and drives him deeper in his cave. The OP's BF has his head buried in a video game but actually it's his cave and that's where a lot of us go to process and work through things. Yes I agree with you it frustrates women. 2
Geraltt Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Talk only once and let it be? Yep. Make your point and resolve the situation. Problem solved, and there's no need to go over it repeatedly. 2
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Biology is so cruel. Why did it have to make us so different? Ughhhh.
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