Author ZA Dater Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 ((((Hugs)))) Thanks. I have to wonder though, three dates in a week and none of the three really had a satisfactory outcome. At least I had my one good date, I only have them every 5 years or so. At least I know what I do like does actually exist. But I also know I cant seem to get what I like, much like a kid who stands outside a closed sweet shop. What I have learnt from these three date is local doesn't work for me, I'd rather have one good date with a tourist than sit through horrid dates with locals, even if I means I get no dates at all. I guess this hurts a bit because there aren't many people who come along and I actually enjoy their company and feel something for them. A friend wants to me try going out with a hippy chick, she is pretty enough but we are completely incompatible on every single level, that's the thing a lot of people aren't compatible with me so I don't tend to go after people where I see there is no compatibility which means I am just alone.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 maybe you need to lower your standards a bit Not interested. All that does is put me to sleep through intellectual boredom as I have to sit listening to some usually apathetic person with no intellectual connection at all. What do I regret about this, that I didn't meet her 2 days earlier. But who knows maybe I was punching above my weight, which to be honest is one of my reasons for living, to try and do the impossible.
Normm Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Unmatched. Not clear what "unmatched" means? Did she block you or just took you off of her favorites list on the dating site? Anyway seems like you've progressed a bit this past week. Not much but somewhat. Think positive.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 Not clear what "unmatched" means? Did she block you or just took you off of her favorites list on the dating site? Anyway seems like you've progressed a bit this past week. Not much but somewhat. Think positive. Basically unmatched mean the conversation disappears and essentially she "un liked" me. I suppose you could call it a block in a way. Glad you think there has been progress, to me this is the same as it always been for years. At least I went out with someone I liked, I suppose that's ok but its back to same old now. Hard to find any positives out of it. What really got to me was a friend "well there is ABC, she is perfect for you, a hot hippy chick" sorry someone who wears paint on their face and goes to trance parties isn't for me, irrespective how pretty they might be. This useless help is not help at all. I wish he would let me be, he doesn't get me, women fall at his feet and he doesn't need to work at all so he doesn't get me at all. 1
Normm Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 You seem to be getting more dates lately. Keep putting yourself out there, that second date will happen. It's almost certain. As to your friend- next time he tries to recommend potential dating partners, look him right in the eye and say to him firmly and with a bit of anger/annoyance "What part of "I'm not interested in them" don't you get?
Author ZA Dater Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 You seem to be getting more dates lately. Keep putting yourself out there, that second date will happen. It's almost certain. As to your friend- next time he tries to recommend potential dating partners, look him right in the eye and say to him firmly and with a bit of anger/annoyance "What part of "I'm not interested in them" don't you get? I am having to virtually beg for dates (I didn't with the Swede) and the locals aren't doing it for me so I doubt I will continue on this path, I had to take very new pictures and try use those for all their worth. As for friend, he has been making these stupid suggestions for years. What he and I like are poles apart, he is also older than me. People he finds amazing don't impress me at all because mostly I look through them, he is 50 and can dates 25yo's but when I look at these 25yo's I don't find much I like, yes they are all decent looking but apart from that they offer nothing and he has started to realise this too...who would have thought I could teach him anything... Its hard to explain but I look at the person carefully, how they come across, their views and how compatible they may or may not be. The people he brings to the table aren't compatible with me and usually I deal with by just being the quiet conservative person they wouldn't be interested in anyway. One famous example of this was a rather pretty tall brunette, "we are going out with her and her bf, she is bringing her friends and will set you up, I have told her all about you". In a rare moment of not thinking I went along with this bearing in mind I had never met her before. We arrive and I am already nervous and out of place, its a club and there she is with 4 friends. Friend one took one look at me and turns her nose down Friend two was this super out going loud mouth Friend three turned her nose down at me and wouldn't greet me Friend four was so unattractive I wouldn't have bothered with her. So much for setting me up... I cant really find people I like....
Normm Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Those 4 girls you met at the bar mirror your dating experience, everything from "being blocked" to "her not being interested" to "you not being interested.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Those 4 girls you met at the bar mirror your dating experience, everything from "being blocked" to "her not being interested" to "you not being interested. The difference is they can get dates I cant. No surprise today when I saw friend mentioned above. 'Its not bad, I get it all the time, I am rejected all the time" sure, this coming from someone who has his pick, this is what I don't get, don't try to make me feel better by spinning BS. He can go out and chances are can get a date each time he goes out. I don't really think there is a "feel better" way about this but rather a keep moving forward mantra. Sometimes I think for me dating is like a buffet, most of the time the table is empty, sometimes there will be some unremarkable food, which I eat because there isn't anything else but I don't really like it and every few year there is a really nice dish which I really like. All this good experience did was get me wanting more good experiences but quite where those are to be found I have no idea. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted January 15, 2019 Author Posted January 15, 2019 You can get dates. You already have. I had maybe 5 dates the whole year last year, he probably had 50...
Normm Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 Don't compare yourself to him or anyone else. 5 dates is infinitely better than zero.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 15, 2019 Author Posted January 15, 2019 Don't compare yourself to him or anyone else. 5 dates is infinitely better than zero. All I am going to do now is focus on other things, this might have not worked out but the positivity of sitting across from someone gorgeous who was intelligent, ticked most of my boxes does give a feel good factor. Infinitely more pleasant than going on a date with someone who doesn't tick those boxes. That's what I keep saying here, for me a numbers game doesn't work because I'd rather not date than be underwhelmed. There is another potential date but there are more downsides than upsides and its a very poor match up so I'll probably take a pass on this.
NuevoYorko Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I'm happy for you that you had a good time with the Swedish girl. In reading your description, you went on at length about her good attributes. It might be that you came off somewhat different than you usually do yourself. A bit more loosened up, being that you did not have to worry at all about whether there would be a second date or not. That could be somewhat freeing. Keeping you more in the moment. Try not to take the unmatch thing personally. She probably liked you and enjoyed the time you spent together but was not interested in pursuing anything like a long distance relationship, she might even be dating someone back home.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 15, 2019 Author Posted January 15, 2019 I'm happy for you that you had a good time with the Swedish girl. In reading your description, you went on at length about her good attributes. It might be that you came off somewhat different than you usually do yourself. A bit more loosened up, being that you did not have to worry at all about whether there would be a second date or not. That could be somewhat freeing. Keeping you more in the moment. Try not to take the unmatch thing personally. She probably liked you and enjoyed the time you spent together but was not interested in pursuing anything like a long distance relationship, she might even be dating someone back home. I actually asked her if she were single "yes, else I wouldn't be here" she smiled and laughed. I wanted to keep in contact as she is planning on coming back to SA later in the year. She wowed me comprehensively, everything wowed me and its these moments which I look for, K does it all the time and this girl was the only other one who has ever done it. From the beginning it was good, she laughed when I said I knew nothing about sushi but I am happy to try, she would order one dish and I would order one random dish, the deal was we had to eat which each other ordered. It was fun. When I am wowed I somehow have something more to give, its hard to describe but perhaps what happens is the dating negativity disappears because in that moment I have everything that I want as weird as that sound. Someone either wows me or they don't. I felt really good after spending time with her, suddenly a decade and a half of dating disappointments were gone and I was free. Again I chase this feeling and yes I think if she had befriended me I would have gone to meet up with her over there.
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