She treats me TOO good! How do I make her hear me on this?

[ChasingAround]

Hey,

Here's what you need to know about my 30 years on this planet in brief:

I met 'C' when we were at secondary school. I was a year older, best mates with her brother. We dated on and off for 2 years, I was 16-18. Probably the strongest connection I've had with a girl to this day tbh!

I was punching because she was the girl that every bloke in that school would have wanted to date, I don't think I was ever really good enough, but I was on the football team and enough of a rouge to back then to have the whole 'bad boy thing' and in those teenage years those things seem to count for something.

Her mum hated me back then!

 

I broke up with her. She was so talented and she wasn't going to take this amazing job in London to stay with me. We broke up, she took the job, I spent a winter couch surfing and sleeping in my car.

 

Anyway, my life got better. I joined the army, served for 5 years, then went travelling for a few years, and now ..I'm a geography teacher in a secondary school (still not sure how that happened, but I love it)! I got my life together. I have a little boy who's 7, my pride and joy.

 

We didn't ever stay in touch but as it happens she had a rough time through her 20's, married young and divorced after multiple infidelity from her husband, her brother died, split from her at-the-time fiance who was having a long term affair, she then had a miscarriage at 31 weeks (which I can't even imagine, and honestly this girl was born to be a mum), and most recently, not long before we reconnected, her mums had a cancer diagnosis.

That's a hell of a lot for a girl who's still only 29!

 

Which is when we ran into each other again! I didn't even know we were living in the same part of the country! I just saw her at the train station and ran round like a loon to jump on same train! Haha!

 

So here's my issue, right:

I love her I do, I just love her sense of humour (and the girl is fire!!). But ever since we've been back together shes been SO doting, like OTT! Like, cooked breakfast in bed every morning, little gifts all the time, super affectionate in bed, etc. She even de-iced my car!! Tough problem to have, right? But It's all the time, It'd be awesome on my birthday, but it's just an average Wednesday or something!

She needs quite a bit of reassurance as well, I feel like. She doesn't out and out ask for it, but I can just see it in her.

 

And I get it! I know shes been through a lot! I'm not about to walk out on her but I just don't know how else to gently tell her to, chill out! Every time i'm like 'babe you shouldn't do all this' but obviously she just doesn't hear me.

 

Sometimes, I'll be teasing her, and she'll hit back at me and then I see the sassy, scrappy, (dare I even say a little stroppy?) girl that I always used to know, and I LOVE that.

I figured it'd just be a time thing and she'd relax once she knew we were solid, but that's not happening, nothings really changing and ......I dunno.....I don't need perfect that shes shooting for - I just want normal!

 

(For context, I think her mum notices it too, shes made a few comments to me.. Me and her mum are cool these days, but I've had my orders: "be gentle with her heart Chase")

 

Advice?

[emilp89]

In my opinion, you can't do much here. She developed a fear and it wont go away. Unless she learns to let it go. You can't help here because this fear is tied directly to you.

 

This is something she needs to learn by herself. I know this may sound extreme, but the best course would be therapy.

[central]

Ah, to be so lucky! Anyway, appreciate what she is doing, and do your best to reciprocate if you think this has long term potential. Some people are just very giving and loving - if you appreciate it, enjoy!, and tell her you do. It sounds like you don't feel you are worthy of her love and generosity, though. Why is that? Do you not reciprocate the feelings? If that's the case, please be honest with her, or at least discuss it and figure it out before you ruin things.

[emilp89]

Ah, to be so lucky! Anyway, appreciate what she is doing, and do your best to reciprocate if you think this has long term potential. Some people are just very giving and loving - if you appreciate it, enjoy!, and tell her you do. It sounds like you don't feel you are worthy of her love and generosity, though. Why is that? Do you not reciprocate the feelings? If that's the case, please be honest with her, or at least discuss it and figure it out before you ruin things.

 

Sorry, I don't agree. Her behavior is not healthy. She is afraid of losing him and/or his infidelity. So she pampers him.

[preraph]

Tell her when she goes overboard, it makes you feel pressured to do the same and that you are never going to be that person. Because it's true that someone who gives too much often thinks eventually they'll get it back and eventually get butthurt when it doesn't happen. So you need to have the talk.

 

Either that, or you need to step up and look for ways to reciprocate. If it were me and I loved her, I'd have the talk AND step up just a notch. I'd step up the notch first so it doesn't seem contrived. She is obviously going to be delighted when you do nice things for her such as she does for you, but she may be going overboard, so have the talk and tell her you don't like feeling obligated or guilty for not being the type person to reciprocate.

[stamatia]

It's possible she's not doing that because she fears she will lose him, but she's doing that out of love, wants to do nice things for him, in a way she's maternal. In all these years she grew up from a teenager to a woman, so naturally she's not the same aynmore. If I were you I'd properly talk to her, not just "babe, you shouldn't have to do that". Also wake up before her and make her breakfast or surprise her with a dinner. Even if you're a bad cook, make some eggs with a twist.

[snowcones]

She sounds like me. I had to learn how to WAIT for the guy to show me love first before I shower him with mine. He has to earn it by showing me he can love me like how I need to be loved. Ask me how I learned that? The hard way. She will too.

[edgygirl]

Sounds a little co-dependent... one of my sisters is a little like that. She's the perfect girlfriend. But things are not as amazing as it seems under the surface. It can usually show deeper emotional issues.

 

https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-of-codependence-codependent-behavior/

[RecentChange]

Yes co-dependent and insecure.

 

Reminds me of the dog that starts running through all its tricks as soon as it sees its master because it really really wants to be told he’s a good boy.

 

Rather than the confident one that enjoys the praise, but doesn’t piddle it’s self over it.

 

I would try to talk to her, tell her how you love he so much, and she really doesn’t have to do all of this. That you want he to feel secure and RELAXED with you, and that all the spoiling makes you feel uncomfortable. That you appreciate it, and love her - but you love her so much that all of this extra effort makes you feel like a taker ..... and you don’t want to be a taker.

[RedHead5]

How long have you guys been back together?

[BettyDraper]

Why don't you try to return some of the love she gives you? She could be codependent or just a very sweet woman.

[ChasingAround]

I know this may sound extreme, but the best course would be therapy.

Maybe... Don't know if I'm the person to suggest that though

[ChasingAround]

Ah, to be so lucky! .... It sounds like you don't feel you are worthy of her love and generosity, though. Why is that? Do you not reciprocate the feelings?

No. I think I'm as worthy of love as the next man. This isn't that. This is something else.. It's not a gift here and a nice act there, it's constant, it's always ...It's a little bit smothering.

 

She's not clingy.. but when we are together she's just trying to please me a lot of the time, and I don't need that. I'm down for real life, I don't need her to make-believe perfect.

[brent878]

Hey,

Here's what you need to know about my 30 years on this planet in brief:

I met 'C' when we were at secondary school. I was a year older, best mates with her brother. We dated on and off for 2 years, I was 16-18. Probably the strongest connection I've had with a girl to this day tbh!

I was punching because she was the girl that every bloke in that school would have wanted to date, I don't think I was ever really good enough, but I was on the football team and enough of a rouge to back then to have the whole 'bad boy thing' and in those teenage years those things seem to count for something.

Her mum hated me back then!

 

I broke up with her. She was so talented and she wasn't going to take this amazing job in London to stay with me. We broke up, she took the job, I spent a winter couch surfing and sleeping in my car.

 

Anyway, my life got better. I joined the army, served for 5 years, then went travelling for a few years, and now ..I'm a geography teacher in a secondary school (still not sure how that happened, but I love it)! I got my life together. I have a little boy who's 7, my pride and joy.

 

We didn't ever stay in touch but as it happens she had a rough time through her 20's, married young and divorced after multiple infidelity from her husband, her brother died, split from her at-the-time fiance who was having a long term affair, she then had a miscarriage at 31 weeks (which I can't even imagine, and honestly this girl was born to be a mum), and most recently, not long before we reconnected, her mums had a cancer diagnosis.

That's a hell of a lot for a girl who's still only 29!

 

Which is when we ran into each other again! I didn't even know we were living in the same part of the country! I just saw her at the train station and ran round like a loon to jump on same train! Haha!

 

So here's my issue, right:

I love her I do, I just love her sense of humour (and the girl is fire!!). But ever since we've been back together shes been SO doting, like OTT! Like, cooked breakfast in bed every morning, little gifts all the time, super affectionate in bed, etc. She even de-iced my car!! Tough problem to have, right? But It's all the time, It'd be awesome on my birthday, but it's just an average Wednesday or something!

She needs quite a bit of reassurance as well, I feel like. She doesn't out and out ask for it, but I can just see it in her.

 

And I get it! I know shes been through a lot! I'm not about to walk out on her but I just don't know how else to gently tell her to, chill out! Every time i'm like 'babe you shouldn't do all this' but obviously she just doesn't hear me.

 

Sometimes, I'll be teasing her, and she'll hit back at me and then I see the sassy, scrappy, (dare I even say a little stroppy?) girl that I always used to know, and I LOVE that.

I figured it'd just be a time thing and she'd relax once she knew we were solid, but that's not happening, nothings really changing and ......I dunno.....I don't need perfect that shes shooting for - I just want normal!

 

(For context, I think her mum notices it too, shes made a few comments to me.. Me and her mum are cool these days, but I've had my orders: "be gentle with her heart Chase")

 

Advice?

 

Dude. Are you insane? TRUST me when I say if you lose this girl and end up with a girl who cannot be bothered to put in any effort you are going to miss this. I had an ex wife who was exactly like this. It pushed me away somewhat. I thought I wanted someone more cool and independent. Now I am dating and it's horrendous. Women cannot be bothered.

 

Hang on to this girl like grim death. You are very lucky.

[smackie9]

Just talk to her in more detail in what is going on, and what your expectations are. Don't say "You don't need to......." or "You shouldn't be doing this......" She's going to feel rejected. Word things in a way that the things she does are wonderful, but how it make you feel...uncomfortable or how ever you describe it, she will listen. She wants to make you happy, so tell he the things that do make you happy and comfortable...and maybe tell her that you would like to be the one to do nice things too....just slow the pace down and enjoy each others company.

[ChasingAround]

Why don't you try to return some of the love she gives you? She could be codependent or just a very sweet woman.

 

Either that, or you need to step up and look for ways to reciprocate. If it were me and I loved her, I'd have the talk AND step up just a notch

 

It's possible she's not doing that because she fears she will lose him, but she's doing that out of love, wants to do nice things for him, in a way she's maternal. In all these years she grew up from a teenager to a woman, so naturally she's not the same aynmore. If I were you I'd properly talk to her, not just "babe, you shouldn't have to do that". Also wake up before her and make her breakfast or surprise her with a dinner. Even if you're a bad cook, make some eggs with a twist.

 

I do tons of stuff. I'm not posing this question as some bad boyfriend who feels guilty because his girl does tons of nice stuff and it shows him up as lazy.

The reality is, I'm more openly affectionate and more romantic than i have been in any previous relationship. A lot of that is due to my idea that if I show my love, I could make her feel secure, and then she'd relax. Except it hasn't really panned out like that this far.

 

It's a difficult problem to explain, because you don't know her, you don't know us. But I know her, and know that its been yearsss and its been tough on her, but I also know that the girl I used to know is still there, I see flashes of her all the time.

 

I don't want to leave.

 

I don't want to change her or get in the way of who she is.

 

I just want her to trust me enough to be herself ...not what she thinks I want her to be, or should want her to be

[40somethingGuy]

Hey,

Here's what you need to know about my 30 years on this planet in brief:

I met 'C' when we were at secondary school. I was a year older, best mates with her brother. We dated on and off for 2 years, I was 16-18. Probably the strongest connection I've had with a girl to this day tbh!

I was punching because she was the girl that every bloke in that school would have wanted to date, I don't think I was ever really good enough, but I was on the football team and enough of a rouge to back then to have the whole 'bad boy thing' and in those teenage years those things seem to count for something.

Her mum hated me back then!

 

I broke up with her. She was so talented and she wasn't going to take this amazing job in London to stay with me. We broke up, she took the job, I spent a winter couch surfing and sleeping in my car.

 

Anyway, my life got better. I joined the army, served for 5 years, then went travelling for a few years, and now ..I'm a geography teacher in a secondary school (still not sure how that happened, but I love it)! I got my life together. I have a little boy who's 7, my pride and joy.

 

We didn't ever stay in touch but as it happens she had a rough time through her 20's, married young and divorced after multiple infidelity from her husband, her brother died, split from her at-the-time fiance who was having a long term affair, she then had a miscarriage at 31 weeks (which I can't even imagine, and honestly this girl was born to be a mum), and most recently, not long before we reconnected, her mums had a cancer diagnosis.

That's a hell of a lot for a girl who's still only 29!

 

Which is when we ran into each other again! I didn't even know we were living in the same part of the country! I just saw her at the train station and ran round like a loon to jump on same train! Haha!

 

So here's my issue, right:

I love her I do, I just love her sense of humour (and the girl is fire!!). But ever since we've been back together shes been SO doting, like OTT! Like, cooked breakfast in bed every morning, little gifts all the time, super affectionate in bed, etc. She even de-iced my car!! Tough problem to have, right? But It's all the time, It'd be awesome on my birthday, but it's just an average Wednesday or something!

She needs quite a bit of reassurance as well, I feel like. She doesn't out and out ask for it, but I can just see it in her.

 

And I get it! I know shes been through a lot! I'm not about to walk out on her but I just don't know how else to gently tell her to, chill out! Every time i'm like 'babe you shouldn't do all this' but obviously she just doesn't hear me.

 

Sometimes, I'll be teasing her, and she'll hit back at me and then I see the sassy, scrappy, (dare I even say a little stroppy?) girl that I always used to know, and I LOVE that.

I figured it'd just be a time thing and she'd relax once she knew we were solid, but that's not happening, nothings really changing and ......I dunno.....I don't need perfect that shes shooting for - I just want normal!

 

(For context, I think her mum notices it too, shes made a few comments to me.. Me and her mum are cool these days, but I've had my orders: "be gentle with her heart Chase")

 

Advice?

You treat her like the gift she is. These kinds of girls don't come along often and count your lucky stars she is yours. This girl has given her heart to others and got stomped. She probably is fearful you will do the same but wants to love so much. The day you won't have her will be the day you wish you had her. You should really go out of your way to show her some extra love. Cherish, Cherish, Cherish. You're a really lucky dude. Marry her!

[ChasingAround]

Sounds a little co-dependent... one of my sisters is a little like that. She's the perfect girlfriend. But things are not as amazing as it seems under the surface. It can usually show deeper emotional issues.

 

https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-of-codependence-codependent-behavior/

 

See.. none of those bullet points are really her, bar "doing more than is required at your job or at home to earn approval"

[ChasingAround]

This girl has given her heart to others and got stomped. She probably is fearful you will do the same but wants to love so much.

I agree with that!

 

The day you won't have her will be the day you wish you had her. You should really go out of your way to show her some extra love. Cherish, Cherish, Cherish. You're a really lucky dude. Marry her!

But do you get that I love her for her, not for all the **** that she does for me. Just for her. I'm a bloke, I want to protect my girl, I want her to feel safe with me, not like she has to force it 24/7 to keep me around. I'm not going anywhere. I want to feel trusted, not just appreciated.

 

I dunno. I probably sound like a class A ****. I feel like no one will understand it, because they just aren't living it..

[brent878]

I agree with that!

 

 

But do you get that I love her for her, not for all the **** that she does for me. Just for her. I'm a bloke, I want to protect my girl, I want her to feel safe with me, not like she has to force it 24/7 to keep me around. I'm not going anywhere. I want to feel trusted, not just appreciated.

 

I dunno. I probably sound like a class A ****. I feel like no one will understand it, because they just aren't living it..

 

Bud, I told you, I lived this. If she's doting on you and constantly at your beck and call it's because she doesn't feel safe. She doesn't feel loved back. She feels something is off. So she keeps trying to do more and more to get the validation she needs.

 

If you want her to be chill, you have to create an environment of security where she feels she can relax. Give love back. Be affectionate. Make her feel secure and loved and like you aren't going anywhere and she will chill out. She isn't a mind reader. Telling strangers on the internet isn't going to make her feel safe. You need to tell HER, repeatedly, until it resonates.

[40somethingGuy]

I agree with that!

 

 

But do you get that I love her for her, not for all the **** that she does for me. Just for her. I'm a bloke, I want to protect my girl, I want her to feel safe with me, not like she has to force it 24/7 to keep me around. I'm not going anywhere. I want to feel trusted, not just appreciated.

 

I dunno. I probably sound like a class A ****. I feel like no one will understand it, because they just aren't living it..

I understand fully. My wife was like that when we started dating then living together. I could do no wrong and she was over the top in expressing her love. I remember thinking 'this is too good to be true.' Then we got married. Then had kids. I promise you she is NOT over the top anymore.

[BettyDraper]

I agree with that!

 

 

But do you get that I love her for her, not for all the **** that she does for me. Just for her. I'm a bloke, I want to protect my girl, I want her to feel safe with me, not like she has to force it 24/7 to keep me around. I'm not going anywhere. I want to feel trusted, not just appreciated.

 

I dunno. I probably sound like a class A ****. I feel like no one will understand it, because they just aren't living it..

 

If you believe that nobody on LS will understand because we don’t know you or your situation, then I fail to see the reason for posting about this issue in the first place.

 

NOBODY is even implying that you aren’t good to your girlfriend. There is no reason to be defensive unless you have a guilty conscience.

 

I pride myself on being a very good hostess. My guests always compliment me. Some of them call me Martha Stewart. My husband used to say “You don’t have to do all of this.” I told him that it made me feel unappreciated. Now he praises me for my efforts. I enjoy treating my guests well.

 

What exactly do you do for your girlfriend? Let’s start there.

[anika99]

Bud, I told you, I lived this. If she's doting on you and constantly at your beck and call it's because she doesn't feel safe. She doesn't feel loved back. She feels something is off. So she keeps trying to do more and more to get the validation she needs.

 

If you want her to be chill, you have to create an environment of security where she feels she can relax. Give love back. Be affectionate. Make her feel secure and loved and like you aren't going anywhere and she will chill out. She isn't a mind reader. Telling strangers on the internet isn't going to make her feel safe. You need to tell HER, repeatedly, until it resonates.

 

I agree with the bolded but this is something deep within her that only she can fix and she most likely needs some professional help to do so. Real life isn't a romantic movie where a person just needs to find true love and all their inner demons magically disappear. The OP has already stated that he is a good and attentive boyfriend.

 

OP I can totally relate to why this is difficult and smothering for you. The girl is not being her authentic herself. I'm sure she is a very kind and caring person at her core but it's not normal to subjugate oneself solely to pleasing another person. The person who does that is not being their true self. You can't have a real authentic relationship with someone who is not being real. I totally understand and I get why this is a problem for you. The people who are trying to compare this to being a good hostess or trying to make this about something you are doing are not fully understanding the situation.

Edited January 11, 2019 by anika99

[brokenblade]

Hey,

Here's what you need to know about my 30 years on this planet in brief:

I met 'C' when we were at secondary school. I was a year older, best mates with her brother. We dated on and off for 2 years, I was 16-18. Probably the strongest connection I've had with a girl to this day tbh!

I was punching because she was the girl that every bloke in that school would have wanted to date, I don't think I was ever really good enough, but I was on the football team and enough of a rouge to back then to have the whole 'bad boy thing' and in those teenage years those things seem to count for something.

Her mum hated me back then!

 

I broke up with her. She was so talented and she wasn't going to take this amazing job in London to stay with me. We broke up, she took the job, I spent a winter couch surfing and sleeping in my car.

 

Anyway, my life got better. I joined the army, served for 5 years, then went travelling for a few years, and now ..I'm a geography teacher in a secondary school (still not sure how that happened, but I love it)! I got my life together. I have a little boy who's 7, my pride and joy.

 

We didn't ever stay in touch but as it happens she had a rough time through her 20's, married young and divorced after multiple infidelity from her husband, her brother died, split from her at-the-time fiance who was having a long term affair, she then had a miscarriage at 31 weeks (which I can't even imagine, and honestly this girl was born to be a mum), and most recently, not long before we reconnected, her mums had a cancer diagnosis.

That's a hell of a lot for a girl who's still only 29!

 

Which is when we ran into each other again! I didn't even know we were living in the same part of the country! I just saw her at the train station and ran round like a loon to jump on same train! Haha!

 

So here's my issue, right:

I love her I do, I just love her sense of humour (and the girl is fire!!). But ever since we've been back together shes been SO doting, like OTT! Like, cooked breakfast in bed every morning, little gifts all the time, super affectionate in bed, etc. She even de-iced my car!! Tough problem to have, right? But It's all the time, It'd be awesome on my birthday, but it's just an average Wednesday or something!

She needs quite a bit of reassurance as well, I feel like. She doesn't out and out ask for it, but I can just see it in her.

 

And I get it! I know shes been through a lot! I'm not about to walk out on her but I just don't know how else to gently tell her to, chill out! Every time i'm like 'babe you shouldn't do all this' but obviously she just doesn't hear me.

 

Sometimes, I'll be teasing her, and she'll hit back at me and then I see the sassy, scrappy, (dare I even say a little stroppy?) girl that I always used to know, and I LOVE that.

I figured it'd just be a time thing and she'd relax once she knew we were solid, but that's not happening, nothings really changing and ......I dunno.....I don't need perfect that shes shooting for - I just want normal!

 

(For context, I think her mum notices it too, shes made a few comments to me.. Me and her mum are cool these days, but I've had my orders: "be gentle with her heart Chase")

 

Advice?

 

Of course I could be one of those "You should be glad that you have someone who is being so nice to you". But I totally understand. From what you are saying, she is trying way too hard. You can see right through that, and that is part of what is bothering about this. But this could have a lot to do with what she has went through.

[ChasingAround]

I understand fully. My wife was like that when we started dating then living together. I could do no wrong and she was over the top in expressing her love. I remember thinking 'this is too good to be true.' Then we got married. Then had kids. I promise you she is NOT over the top anymore.

Hahah that's cool man! I just want normal like that!

 

 

Bud, I told you, I lived this. If she's doting on you and constantly at your beck and call it's because she doesn't feel safe. She doesn't feel loved back. She feels something is off. So she keeps trying to do more and more to get the validation she needs.

 

If you want her to be chill, you have to create an environment of security where she feels she can relax. Give love back. Be affectionate. Make her feel secure and loved and like you aren't going anywhere and she will chill out. She isn't a mind reader. Telling strangers on the internet isn't going to make her feel safe. You need to tell HER, repeatedly, until it resonates.

Yeah 100%, I agree 100%!

But I try and I try and I try!! And its like whatever I do, big or small, its not really making much headway. So what am I left with, like, either I'm just not enough or whatever I do I'm never able to undo what these other blokes have put in her head. And I'm not saying i'm going to leave her but I don't want to see her live her life like that!!

So I tell her, I tell her all the time, I cuddle her on the sofa and I tell her I love her, I dance with her in the kitchen and I tell her how happy she makes me, and I hold her in the night and I whisper that I'm here, and we're solid, and we're forever. I promise it, and I swear it, over and over.

And now I'm telling strangers on the internet because, I don't know what else to say man

 

If you believe that nobody on LS will understand because we don’t know you or your situation, then I fail to see the reason for posting about this issue in the first place.

Because I need someone to understand. I need that a lot right now.

 

I pride myself on being a very good hostess. My guests always compliment me. Some of them call me Martha Stewart. My husband used to say “You don’t have to do all of this.” I told him that it made me feel unappreciated. Now he praises me for my efforts. I enjoy treating my guests well.

But this isn't like, going a bit over the top. This is like, her waking up before me, on her day off, to cook me pancakes and on top of that she decided to go outside and scrape the ice off my car.. lovely on my birthday or something but this is just like some random wednesday in January! Like, whats that? She doesn't need to do that to make me love her.

 

What exactly do you do for your girlfriend? Let’s start there.

I make her laugh - a lot! (It's my thing)

 

I'm 10x more touchy feely than I've ever been in a relationship, always hold her hand, put my arm round her.

 

I organise us date night. Every Monday. My surprise. I write her the time and dress code on a post it note everytime and stick it somewhere in the house.

 

I give killer massages - Its a talent

 

I listen when she talks, I ask her how her boss is, I ask her how her friend colleagues daughters cousin is. I pay attention.

 

I pretend to like all those shows she wants to watch (because I know if I moan, she'll just put something else on)

 

I take shopping in for her mum, so she doesn't have to when I know shes working late

 

I let her put those stupid face mask things on me

 

I sing horribly to the radio and make her dance with me.

 

Like I don't know what I'm meant to say here!?... I tell her she's hot, and we talk about her childhood memories and theoretical apocalyptic survival plans, I wash up dishes and we have water gun fights with my son in the garden. Like, we have a good relationship. I am confident in the fact that I'm a good partner. To the outside eye, we have a normal relationship. But nothing has ever changed the issues that we have.