jnr586 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I am in a very serious 10 month relationship with the man of my dreams. He was here in the US on a year-long visa that ended in December. I'm American and we met not long after he moved here. Everything has seemed right. We've met each other's families. They're crazy about us, etc., etc. His employer had organized a training visa for him to return on to the US this month. It was meant to be for 2 more years, which seemed like a great period of time to let us explore this relationship that has been so wonderful. The visa was denied at the embassy this morning. He is shattered as his plans are in limbo. He's in talks with his employer to see what other options might be out there. Obviously he and I are both freaking out about our future. He and I are both 100% in it to win it and I can't imagine finding another man who holds a candle to him. We are both in our 30s and have dated enough to know what we want and need in a partner. I know there will be a way to make it work and get him back here. Leaving the US is not really an option for me professionally, and the US is where he wants to be. Based on the past year I believe he's the man I want to marry but I don't want it to be under these circumstances. I just hate how our relationship has suddenly become a long-distance one as my experience with LDRs has been bad. What we have together is very special. Anyone with similar experiences or suggestions?
manfrombelow2 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) I can't imagine finding another man who holds a candle to him. All I can say, is I wish the best for your boyfriend about his visa issue. Finally, the mindset associated with the bold part will get you into troubles. So I suggest you stay calm, keep communicating with your boyfriend, and that's just it. Don't overthink things. Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Full quote of starting post redacted - bolded retained
Wallysbears Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Sounds like the employer was attempting to utilize a J1 visa for a purpose it wasn't designed for and got caught. Good luck to him.
lurker74 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 That is very stressful. My only advice is don't make any decisions right now. Things change...see how it feels in a few weeks and who knows? Maybe by then the visa thing could change too. Good luck!
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 In this political climate I don't hold out much hope. Do you have any interest in living where he's from?
Author jnr586 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Posted January 10, 2019 I have a very good job here and recently bought a home. Professionally, there wouldn't be much opportunity for either of us there. He doesn't want to stay there. It's an option, but somewhere along the lines of Plan F or Plan G.
Geraltt Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 trump and his merry band of collectivist sycophants won't be in office forever. Once he's gone - I'm predicting April or May, either through impeachment or resignation (or just being pressured by the GOP) - things will eventually come back to something approaching normal and your man should re-apply. Good luck!
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 get married so he can get his green card. Just remember you will be responsible for his welfare for 10 years even if things don't work out between you two.
preraph Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Trump is absolutely letting in tens of thousands of legal immigrants and has no problem with that. He's not stopping people on work visas. That's propaganda. He's got his hands full with insurgence at the border. Your bf can apply from his home country for legal citizenship, but it sounds like something is in the way. Work visas usually work, unless we have too many locals unemployed in that profession.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 If there is someone qualified like him looking for work, your BF he ain't gonna be working...US citizens come first. This has been going on for years. Maybe the application wasn't filled out properly, or there was a time limit as to how long he could work in the country, from his country, only allowed so many work visas. I know they have done that here in Canada, where they put limitations on foreign workers/work visas. It only take one mistake, and back of the line you go. Sometime they don't need a reason to deny you access to the states.
Author jnr586 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Posted January 10, 2019 He's from Ireland. It is a trainee visa, not a work visa. A work visa would likely be successful but I'm not sure if his employer will pay the salary a work visa would demand. Should unfold over the next few days/weeks, but I'm bracing myself for the need to brainstorm.
TaserTag Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 This sort of thing is always so scary (feels like being torn away from your family and held apart), but try not to panic and to have faith that the proper documentation can be sorted out. ((hugs)) I immigrated from the US to Canada to be with the man who is now my husband. People told me to just marry my now-husband to immigrate, but we did not want to get married for immigration purposes or to be rushed into anything. I applied for a visitor visa, and my first one was rejected, because of a mixup in files at the border (I had to go back to the US, get fingerprint records, and my reapplication went fine). Then I applied for an extension on my visitor visa, and then stayed on a student visa, until I was able to apply for permanent residency. I applied for permanent residency with a document stating that my husband and I considered ourselves to be common law married, and we still didn't get officially married for a couple years after that. I'm not sure what the options are from your boyfriend's country to the US, but I find that there are always options available. Just take the time to read up on everything that might be an option, is my only real advice. I know my applications and all of the rules felt overwhelming at times, but my husband stayed clearheaded and we just read a ton of things about immigration law and the processes until we cobbled together the plans that worked for us.
Wallysbears Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 He's from Ireland. It is a trainee visa, not a work visa. A work visa would likely be successful but I'm not sure if his employer will pay the salary a work visa would demand. Should unfold over the next few days/weeks, but I'm bracing myself for the need to brainstorm. Yeah, that's the J1 visa and potential visa issue that I commented on before. Sounds like the employer is trying to use a J1 visa in a manner that does not comply with US Visa laws. (ie. trying to use a J1 visa for someone that is not truly an intern/trainee) He needs to speak to an actual immigration attorney.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 He's from Ireland. It is a trainee visa, not a work visa. A work visa would likely be successful but I'm not sure if his employer will pay the salary a work visa would demand. Should unfold over the next few days/weeks, but I'm bracing myself for the need to brainstorm. There's your answer. Your BF needs to start looking for work that will get him a work visa. If you are going to date internationally you need a pragmatic side to this. Personally in your shoes, I'd move to Ireland.
Wallysbears Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 There's your answer. Your BF needs to start looking for work that will get him a work visa. If you are going to date internationally you need a pragmatic side to this. Personally in your shoes, I'd move to Ireland. It isn't as easy as simply getting a work visa and/or the OP moving to Ireland. Immigration and visas are much more complicated (as is emigration and getting work visas for other countries) than most people realize.
RavenHairr Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Get married and live in Ireland for 2 years temporarily while you file for a spousal visa. My friend did it when she married an Italian. They moved from Italy to the US and now he’s a citizen too.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 It isn't as easy as simply getting a work visa and/or the OP moving to Ireland. Immigration and visas are much more complicated (as is emigration and getting work visas for other countries) than most people realize. I never said it was simple. I said that OP & her BF can't just rely on some trainee visa in this climate & then wail & cry when that doesn't work out. They need LAWYERS not people on a message board. 1
Wallysbears Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I agree COMPLETELY with the fact that they need an actual immigration attorney - in the US and likely in Ireland - to help them understand what their options are. 1
edgygirl Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I was on a work visa during the 2008 recession, and would also have to leave. I loved my American boyfriend dearly and we just went to city hall and did it. But as we did it for the wrong reasons (although we loved each other and I expected it to last forever), it didn't last. Just wanted to say I understand why you're hesitant to get married to him for the wrong reasons. Which type of visa was he denied? Was it H1B or the L intra-company one? And why was he denied? Does he have a good immigration lawyer and can it be appealed?
Artdeco Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 The easiest is definitely to get married. Work visas are hard to get, and they come with very stringent requirements in terms of income, type of profession, etc. I wonder what visa he was on during his first term, and why the second one was denied. What did they say at the embassy? It’s tough these days. Eg I know plenty of green card holders through work, who already live here and some of them keep getting called back for more interviews these days. It’s getting more and more difficult to move to this country. And with the government shutdown they are probably creating a massive backlog, on top of everything else.
Author jnr586 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Posted January 10, 2019 It is not a J1 visa. He and his employer have been working with attorneys. While much appreciated, I’m not seeking immigration advice, just personal feedback as I imagine this problem can’t be that uncommon. While a seemingly easy solution, me moving there would likely create more problems than it would solve. Not 100% out of the question, but a way to get him to the US would be far more desirable, for both of us. Thanks to all who have provided input so far.
edgygirl Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 You could move there for 1 year only, wouldn't affect your career as much, and then determine if it feels right to get married and come back. I know you have a good job, but people can always come back, or perhaps request a sabbatical. It sounds exciting to take a break abroad, it will also enrich your life culturally. You can do a short specialization course which would add to your resumé when you're back. I say this because I've always prioritized career, and if I could go back, I would prioritize the person I love specially in your age. You can always come back to your career soon. I have a very good job here and recently bought a home. Professionally, there wouldn't be much opportunity for either of us there. He doesn't want to stay there. It's an option, but somewhere along the lines of Plan F or Plan G.
edgygirl Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) Ok - so I have an idea. Many people from the region I come from who want to come and spend some time here to have the "living in America experience" sign up for an English language course, some of them are certified to give you a student visa, I forgot how long a person can stay but it's a sizeable amount of time. The person is not allowed to work, but the courses are not super expensive. Edit - here's a link: The United States government offers three student visa types including F, J, and M. F Student Visa: for study at an accredited U.S. college or university or to study English at an English language institute https://educationusa.state.gov/your-5-steps-us-study/apply-your-student-visa/english-language It is not a J1 visa. He and his employer have been working with attorneys. While much appreciated, I’m not seeking immigration advice, just personal feedback as I imagine this problem can’t be that uncommon. While a seemingly easy solution, me moving there would likely create more problems than it would solve. Not 100% out of the question, but a way to get him to the US would be far more desirable, for both of us. Thanks to all who have provided input so far. Edited January 10, 2019 by edgygirl
Recommended Posts