Aveenolover Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I recently had 1 date with a guy. On Saturday. For me, I usually dont know if I'm feeling someone until after the end of date #2. I usually couldnt care less if we have a date 2 because I really cant tell if I even like them after just 1 date. Well this guy I went out with on Saturday kept trying to make a 2nd date and I told him I was super busy until the end of the week. (I really am. My work is extremely heavy in the beginning and slows down thurs/fri) and he thought it was weird that I wasnt pushing a date sooner (isnt 1 week enough fine...?) And said in his 31 years, every girl regardless of her pedigree, knew by the end of date 1 if she was interested. Am I really that weird? Link to post Share on other sites
fairyfloff Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I was like you, everyone of my relationships (prior to online dating), took me a while to like them, so going on online dates, I thought I will need to see them multiple times to be interested. However after trying online dating, I found it’s nore likely if I am not interested after first date, I never was interested in them by the 5-6 date too. By then they would of expected something more so I would have to end it. I even found them less compatible as I got to know them. Lots of weird guys out there!! Coz my guy frend seems to meet lots of compatible females, just he is not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 l knew in 10 seconds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Whether it be friendship or dating potential, I know that I like someone if we run overtime because we can't stop talking. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I usually knew after the first date if I wanted to see them again... If he is pushing for a 2nd date, you need to tell him if you wanna meet or not. No need to string him along Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Yes, I've always known pretty much right away. At most I need one full date. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Although I never felt attached or invested after one date, I did know if I liked him enough or was attracted enough to want a second date. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Sounds like you’ve never met someone you really connected with. When you do, it is instantaneous and mind blowing as the connection is so strong you instantly feel comfortable with them and it seems like you’ve known them forever. For better or worse, not everyone experiences this. It’s sort of a blessing and curse because once you do, nothing less will ever do. Also, if the relationship ends it is spectacularly painful on levels you can’t imagine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 He's just saying that to push you to make a decision or to get an answer right away. Infant I think it's different for women and for men. For me personally, it takes a few dates to get comfortable enough with the guy to consider him as a sexual and romantic partner. On the first date I'm too busy being self-conscious and trying to make a good impression. Having said that, I know on the first date whether or not we will be compatible going forward. Everything I have foreseen in my past relationships came true, so now I just don't bother wasting my time 'hoping' that my suspicions are wrong. Everyone is different, but the fact that he's telling you most women know on the first date just tells me that to him all women are the same and he expects the same from all women. Pass! Link to post Share on other sites
lillydewan Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Yes, I know it exactly. I'm definitely sure that it's the person I like after the end of the 1 date:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Sounds like you’ve never met someone you really connected with. When you do, it is instantaneous and mind blowing as the connection is so strong you instantly feel comfortable with them and it seems like you’ve known them forever. For better or worse, not everyone experiences this. It’s sort of a blessing and curse because once you do, nothing less will ever do. Also, if the relationship ends it is spectacularly painful on levels you can’t imagine. Hmm... in my experience, instant chemistry was amazing but the relationship didn't last long. I have good chemistry with men who are sexually promiscuous (probably because they're so attractive to so many women). Breaking up with them was only difficult because I wanted to be near them, but I didn't lose anything going forward without them. The reason I broke up with them is because despite all the chemistry, I didn't see a future. In all fairness, I've never had amazing instant chemistry with anyone that it blew my mind. I secretly believe that people who experience this are closer to their primal urges for carnal relationships than to REAL connection. Maybe that's just what I tell myself to feel better... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I'm one of those.....I knew if I was interested after the first date. My husband asked me out again during our first date.....still together 29 years later. Everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Before the first date I know if I want to kiss them. After the 1st kiss I usually have some idea if I'd be willing to have sex with them. After the 1st date I always know if I never want to see them again vs. I'd be willing to go on a 2nd date but I certainly don't I know whether I romantically like / love them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 If your method works, stay with it. Nothing wrong with taking two dates to figure out if you like someone. As others have said, I tend to think chemistry is there right away ... or not ... But ... again, if your method works, stay with it. And you don't owe this guy any explanation of how go about dating. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I don't think you can actually know them enough to know if you LIKE them after one date, but you can know if you're attracted to them physically or not and may have an idea if you have any common ground or if you like their personality. But of course, people are nervous on first dates, so if you have any attraction or are ambivalent, a second or third date should clarify things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedHead5 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Before the first date I know if I want to kiss them. After the 1st kiss I usually have some idea if I'd be willing to have sex with them. After the 1st date I always know if I never want to see them again vs. I'd be willing to go on a 2nd date but I certainly don't I know whether I romantically like / love them. ^^This Exactly my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 it takes me about 3 seconds to ascertain if I am attracted to her. not by her pics but for the first meeting in real life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aveenolover Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 Thanks guys for your feedback! I know if I'm attracted to someone right away but I never have a huge desire to actively pursue someone until I get to know them. He was upset because after that first date, I wasn't texting him all the time or rushing to set up a second date. I told him I wanted to see him again. I knew I wanted a second date, but I wasnt DYING to have a second date, if that makes sense lol. He didnt like that and thought it was odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Excluding swinging/open relationship stuff where the men were basically just autonomous sex toys and accessories to my existing relationship(s), I've never met up/gone on a date with anyone I hadn't already known long enough to have a good idea of whether I liked them or not. I can't imagine being able to get a good read on someone in a single date if I didn't know them at all before that. All of the men I've been in RELATIONSHIPS with (all four of them, lol), I had at LEAST a couple months to observe them and talk to them and get to know them socially, totally outside of any potential romantic context. I mean, I'd certainly know whether I was attracted to them, and I like to think I'd have a good idea of whether or not they were an axe murderer... but that's not enough information for me to be all gung ho about anything. There are plenty of attractive non-axe-murderers out there who I'd never want to be in a relationship with. I'd question this guy's taste in women if he's so accustomed to desperate behavior after a single date. It's not like you weren't sure if you wanted to see him again. You just weren't throwing yourself at him. It sounds like he's the sort to get impatient with any woman who doesn't put out by the second or third date. Seems he's much more concerned with speed of progression than longevity of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Less than 1 minute to know if I'm attracted and find him kissable 1 date to know if I see potential and know whether I am interested in going on more dates - usually due to what he talks about and body language during the date. 4-5 dates to know if I think I could go exclusive and explore further - seeing how he behaves in a few settings, his life goals, realiability and communication style. When I am not sure by the 5th date, it means I am not really that interested and am forcing it because the man has the right qualities I want in a long term partner. That's what happened with someone I went on 8-10 dates a year ago. It made me realize if I am not sure by the 5th date, it's prob a no. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 He's right. It's odd. It shows you're lukewarm and disinterested and if I were him I'd ditch you for someone who would be more excited to see me. He was upset because after that first date, I wasn't texting him all the time or rushing to set up a second date. I told him I wanted to see him again. I knew I wanted a second date, but I wasnt DYING to have a second date, if that makes sense lol. He didnt like that and thought it was odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that is based on more than just excitement. There is nothing wrong with being disciplined in the way you approach intimacy and potential partnerships. It's no more "odd" for a person to want to get to know someone for more than the span of a single date before jumping into bed or into a relationship or allowing themselves to become smitten than it is for a person to be DTF within hours of meeting. Popular culture trends toward impatience, impulsiveness, and instant gratification. Most people in the dating scene seem to expect this. But there is no evidence that this is a better way of approaching relationships. This guy says that every woman he's dated before has been willing to make a judgment call very quickly. How has that worked out for him? He's still single. Link to post Share on other sites
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