I lost MM baby **Updated**

[Amethyst68]

Honestly I feel like you're grasping at straws to hold onto your MM. You're basically saying single men will just be the same do why leave and you'll just visit a sperm bank later on.

 

Do you think your MM will stick around if you have a child, even if he's not the father? I doubt it, you won't be free to be at his beck and call whenever he demands.

 

You need to be open to new opportunities, give the new men a fair chance. If things don't work, then I'd maybe start thinking about sperm banks.

[AngelLove]

Honestly I feel like you're grasping at straws to hold onto your MM. You're basically saying single men will just be the same do why leave and you'll just visit a sperm bank later on.

 

Do you think your MM will stick around if you have a child, even if he's not the father? I doubt it, you won't be free to be at his beck and call whenever he demands.

 

You need to be open to new opportunities, give the new men a fair chance. If things don't work, then I'd maybe start thinking about sperm banks.

 

You're right...and I'm still planning to leave MM so that way I would open to available men.As I stated in earlier post, I tried leaving MM months ago because I thought about my future and asked myself if I wanted to be in the same place 5 years from now. Also my age played a huge factor in it.I don't want to be an old lady stuck in a dead end relationship.I broke it off and told him why..he kept messaging me , telling me how much he misses me and if I ever want to meet to to let him know.

 

Well, I decided to see him one more time. That one last time led to another and things went back the way they were. But he still won't leave his wife and he won't see me after hours. So now I know I have to end it .It's just so hard because I've grown to care about him. So letting him go will hurt even though I know it's for the best

Edited January 13, 2019 by AngelLove

[MetallicHue]

I think your making the right choice. I know it may be really hard to follow through but you really have to break it off and go no contact. Like you said it’s going to hurt but if you want to have children and someone who will support your dream that’s the way to go. I wish you luck and believe you have the strength to move forward.

[bathtub-row]

You're not just giving up your potential to have children, you're giving up your whole life for a man who wants no real future with you. Children are, with few exceptions, in your life forever - and this man is taking that chance away from you. You need to pull yourself together and extract yourself from this guy. One day, you're going to turn around and you're going to be 50 and single with no kids. I promise you. I'm not sure what it's going to take to wake you up but you're allowing him to do this to you. And him pursuing you over and over again every time you break up with him means absolutely nothing in terms of having a future with him. You're a sidekick to his otherwise very full life. You, on the other hand, have very different circumstances that will come back to bite you hard if you don't put a stop to this insanity.

 

Despite the complications a child would've presented in your life, I'm sorry about the loss of your baby.

[RecentChange]

A sperm donor would be much much more favorable than a pregnancy with a married man who has made it explicitly clear he does not want your babies.

 

Again, love yourself more than you love him. You are sacrificing everything for him, yet he doesn’t care enough about you to even be bothered with meeting you after hours.

 

Honey, that isn’t love. It’s not what it looks like, talks like, not the behavior of love.

 

That is a man who is using you. And doesn’t mind pulling you back in for attention and sex, even though he knows it’s bad for you. That you are sacrificing a real future and true love to be his play thing.

 

You really need to get some perspective on this and get MAD. You should be angr about the way he has used you. Wasted your time. Kept you secret.

 

It’s wrong, it’s mean, it’s selfish - don’t allow yourself to be treated like that.

 

When you find real love, you will be awestruck because this is nothing more than a farce.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby .

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The problem also is sometimes it's hard to find a single man who wants children. Sometimes they might already have children and don't want anymore. What's your opinion on sperm donor ? That would be my last resort if I don't find a man in couple years

 

I know 3 single women who have done this. One did it twice (same donor). They are all happy being single and financially secure (well, one maybe not as much financially secure). They are all amazing, intelligent women (two are Ph.D.s) and great mothers.

[bathtub-row]

I agree that a sperm donor is a great idea. It’s your Plan B and a very good one. First step, lose the married guy.

[Miss Clavel]

I've been with MM for nearly 2 years now. I tried breaking it off months ago because I wanted more than secrete relationship...only to fall back into it 2 weeks later. He kept massaging me telling me how much he misses me and I was too weak to stay strong. It's like an addiction

 

Then I got pregnant but miscarriaged at 5 weeks. At first part of me was realived because I didn't know how to tell MM and the mess it would bring. He made it clear that he didn't want to knock me up. Now that it has sunk in, I feel sad about it and wonder what could have been had the pregnancy worked out. I feel devastated even though it was early

 

I was always on the fence about having children prior to this. But now that I lost it, all I can think is about getting pregnant. MM doesn't want that and is being more careful after my early miscarriage

 

Now I think about my future alot. And I feel MM might be a block into me having kids. Not to meantion, I'm already 34. I don't have much time left. I feel left out when other women talk about trying for kids with their husbands etc.

 

I feel like this was an eye opener for me to finally have the caurage leave MM. Has anyone been through the same thing?

 

i think what you feel is your biological clock, it's ticking.

 

 

 

this man is not a good candidate for a pair bond. and you need a pair bond to raise a child. imo.

 

if you want children, there's an entire checklist of thing you need to do first.

 

been in a monogamous committed relationship is a the top of that list. im guessing good health insurance is on there too.

 

 

you've given away your freedom, way to cheap. you need your freedom back so you can find someone else. that's how it works.

 

undo this commitment you have with a man that is not good enough for you and use your freedom to pursue your own dreams.

 

dream bigger.

[AngelLove]

I'm contemplating breaking it off with my MM for the second time. I tried months ago but failed miserably. It lasted a week before things were hot and heavy again. It's so hard because I've grown to care about him and I've fell deeply in love with him. I don't know how I'm going to have the courage and actually stick to my decision.

 

What's pushing me over my age is because I have baby fever and I'm already 33. Also the fact that he's not free and he's never spend any time with me outside his work hours. When I tried breaking it off the first time, he told me that he misses me etc. But then why are still hiding? He's not willing to change his single thing about his life to be with me officially

 

So I have to end it for good but how ? Wish I should have stick to my decision. Now I have do it all over again

 

How did you end your affair?

[Simple Logic]

Just tell his wife, that may add a lot of clarity to the situation for all.

[Happy Lemming]

In my youth, I dated a married woman. She was in a love-less, sex-less marriage. Her husband was engrossed in his career/job and didn't want to make time for her and wouldn't touch her for some reason. A mutual friend introduced us and things took off from there. We had a great time, we went dancing, traveling, adventuring, etc. and the sex was FANTASTIC!!!

 

Things were going along just great... At some point, she decided she wanted to try to give her marriage another try, so she broke it off with me. I was sad and disappointed, but I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't last forever, so I was somewhat prepared for the breakup.

 

I did what I always have when I break up with someone, I headed out to my local bar/pub and tried to find her replacement.

 

About 6-8 months down the road, she contacted me and said she was "throwing in the towel" with her husband (once and for all), and wanted to get back together. I had already moved on and was dating someone else, so I didn't pursue it with her.

 

I know my situation is somewhat different than yours, but my advice is to pick yourself up, get out there and find someone new (not married).

 

Youth is very precious, please don't waste it!!

[TheRainbow]

If he's married, you really only have a few options if you want to be with him. You can either tell his wife, providing proof and all. Or you could continue being his side piece. It's a harsh reality, and I was the other woman for a huge part of my marriage. I wasn't madly in love with him or planned to be with him. Just know that statistics say most relationships/marriages stemmed from affairs don't work out.

[elaine567]

If he's married, you really only have a few options if you want to be with him. You can either tell his wife, providing proof and all. Or you could continue being his side piece.

OR you can say nothing to the wife and just walk away.

Why mire yourself in more drama?

[Wallysbears]

Never ended or been in an affair. But how you can end this is to simply stop contacting/receiving contact from him.

 

Period.

[lyfeofafreespirit]

If they’ll do it WITH you, they’ll do it TO you. If you have baby fever, even more of a reason to run from this guy. He’s married. He didn’t end the marriage to be with you, no matter what excuse he gave. Anyone can do better than being the backup plan. And telling the wife will most certainly backfire on you if not right away, then later down the road. No need to add more drama.

[Lov3foo1]

Push him away.

 

Tell him “you may miss me, you may want me, but you will never choose me. And that’s the bottom line.”

 

Be with someone who chooses you. Love is a choice.

[Mrs._December]

Now I think about my future alot. And I feel MM might be a block into me having kids. Not to meantion, I'm already 34. I don't have much time left. I feel left out when other women talk about trying for kids with their husbands etc.

 

I feel like this was an eye opener for me to finally have the caurage leave MM. Has anyone been through the same thing?

Don't EVER sacrifice your dreams for someone who only sees you as something 'extra' in his life.

 

And that's all you ARE, AngelLove - you provide the 'extra' for a selfish POS who thinks he deserves to have more than the average married man. And after he's done having his 'extra' with you, he goes back home to his REAL life, doesn't he? While you sit there all alone once again, he's all satisfied and content after sex with you and is home playing Happy Husband and Happy Father. Unless you're one of those women who don't want someone in their life full-time and only want occasional sex with someone they have a bond with, then you're wasting your time.

 

I'm sorry and please don't take this the wrong way, but miscarriages are really not the tragedies we think they are. They are actually nature's way of eliminating an imperfect embryo/fetus that likely would not have survived to full term or would have been born with horrible birth defects. You may not realize it now, but the truth is, there was a reason for your miscarriage. I hope you're not blaming yourself because that was simply Mother Nature doing what she does.

 

 

If you'd carried to term, I can only imagine how acrimonious it would have become. I think maybe you had visions of sugar plums dancing in your head, but he would have dropped you like a hot rock and it would have become very, very ugly. You would have ended up likely having to file for child support and a DNA test to prove paternity, and your poor kid would have never had a father because you sure wouldn't want to tell him that his dad was a married POS who wanted nothing to do with either of you when the fun was all over once you got pregnant. Get pregnant with someone who wants you and wants the baby, not someone as low as this POS.

 

 

I see in a more recent post that you're now 33, and still wasting your precious fertile/baby years being the 'extra' for this selfish fool.

 

So I have to end it for good but how ?

Here's a really novel idea, AngelLove. How about putting YOURSELF first, for a huge change instead of always jumping around like a trained seal trying to provide that EXTRA for a selfish married POS?

 

One last question you need to ask yourself. Are you any FARTHER with this clown now - today - than you were the first day your affair started?

 

I'll bet my house the answer is "no" because he can't offer you a damned thing except sex.

Edited January 24, 2019 by Mrs._December

[anika99]

Mrs. December makes some really good points. I see from some of your earlier posts that your MM has small children and that your affair is mostly meet ups for sex during working hours. He won't see you outside of working hours or take you out anywhere because he wants to protect his marriage.

 

Really think about that. When he is not with you he has a full life that he enjoys without you. When he leaves you after a round of sex you cease to exist until he wants to have sex with you again. He goes home to his house that is filled with his family. He gets to scoop up his small children while they squeal with delight at seeing him come home. He has dinner with them, tucks them into bed. He probably enjoys his status as a married family man and everything important is celebrated with his family. His wife and children are his real life and so they get to enjoy vacations, weekend outings, dinners and celebrations with extended family. All of this exists without you, without even a thought of you.

 

And here you are, a lady who is perpetually waiting. Waiting for him to call you, waiting for the next sexual tryst, waiting for him to want you. Oh I'm sure you have friends and activities but I bet you think about him excessively in between meet ups and everything else is merely a distraction from the constant waiting. The life you want with him is the life he already has. He already has a wife and kids and a house and extended family and all of the good and bad that comes with that. That's not what he is looking for with you. You are for fun and stress relief, you give him a little mini vacation from his responsibilities.

 

Everything you want he already has. He is never going to give you what you want and it's not his responsibility to make you happy. It's your life and it's your responsibility to find your happiness. He is making himself happy. He already has a family, he doesn't want a second family. If you want a family then stop waiting on a married man who sees you as a bit of entertainment on the side. If you waste your childbearing years on this you will have no one to blame but yourself.

[AngelLove]

Thanks for your advice..I know I originally said I'm 34 in my original post but I'm 33 turning 34 next month. So I already feel like I'm 34. I feel like this will definitely give me the caurage I need to leave MM.

 

I was always on the fence about having kids but my miscarriage sparked a baby fever. ll I can think about is getting pregnant and having a child. I get jealous when I see pregnant women and wish if it was me. If I was married or had a proper partner then we would compromise and try again. But that's not reality. I feel like that's the price I pay for being with a MM.

 

I was always on the fence about having children before I met MM.

[RecentChange]

Not being able to have children is one of the many many things you sacrifice by being with a married man.

 

Honestly I don’t understand what you get out of this.

 

Don’t you want someone who would be proud to show you off to his friends and family?

 

Don’t you want to be more than a dirty secret?

 

Don’t you want someone you can introduce to your friends and family?

 

Someone you can share a home with, someone you can build a life with, someone you can have a family with?

 

This man gives you nothing but occasional sex and attention. That’s it. You know that isn’t enough. Why do you settle for so little? Why do you love him more than yourself?

[bathtub-row]

How do you end it with the MM? Take a cue from the Nike slogan and “Just Do It”.

 

This man is stealing the best years of your life and you’re letting him by giving in to your impulses. You must stop yourself - no one else can do it for you. If you don’t make this decision on your own, you’ll end up hating MM and yourself in just a few years. I promise. This guy is NOT the love of your life. No matter how much you believe it, no matter how many mountains you’d move for him, he’s not the guy for you. He’s out to steal your life and, I don’t care what anyone says about how “it’s never too late”. Yes, it can be too late for many things and you’re reaching that threashhold in terms of not having the life you truly want. You’ll look back one day and wonder what on earth you were thinking by sacrificing so much for a losing game.

[AngelLove]

So I guess I have to take pludge and end it once and for all. It's just hard walking away because I have feelings for him. Even though I know it's for the best

 

I've been thinking about ending it but I always give myself a deadline. Like maybe wait few months before ending it. Just having hard time letting go.

 

Should I end it in person or texts when I'm ready to?

[Normm]

Just go dark and block everywhere. A guy like him doesn't need or deserve an explanation. Besides he'll just try to manipulate you into changing your mind. What you want or what is in your best interest is of no concern to him, it's all about what HE wants.

[RecentChange]

So I guess I have to take pludge and end it once and for all. It's just hard walking away because I have feelings for him. Even though I know it's for the best

 

I've been thinking about ending it but I always give myself a deadline. Like maybe wait few months before ending it. Just having hard time letting go.

 

Should I end it in person or texts when I'm ready to?

 

A text is sufficient here. You honestly do not owe him anything more. He has already taken SO MUCH from you, and doesn’t care about you enough to make his life uncomfortable in any way.

 

Text him. Keep it short and sweet, then BLOCK each and every way he can possibly contact you. I would also tell him in the text that he will be blocked, and that you never wish to speak to him again. And that if he DOES contact you again, you will be informing his wife of everything. And stick to that!

 

Don’t let yourself get used any more - because that is exactly what he is doing. Using you for his own gratification while not caring about how much he is hurting you. He has been having his cake and eating it too - while all you get is crumbs.

 

I would also really recommend getting some counseling at this time. So you can get some tools to stay strong, and figure out why you were willing to stoop so low in the first place.