I think I did something terrible

[Andy_K]

Your still blaming me for what happened. I didnt ask to get touched. Unconscious people cant consent. Why he hell should I change my behavior just so I don't get hurt?

 

Hows about teaching people not to do the wrong ****ing thing?

 

I don't recall you saying you were unconscious, just very drunk - to the point you don't remember exactly what happened. For all you know, maybe you did flirt with the guy heavily. Maybe you came on to him. Maybe you responded very favourably to his advances. Can you blame him for the whole incident when you don't even remember how it started? I assume he was drinking heavily too. What if he can't remember how it started either? What if he's just as shocked about all this as you? Is he still to blame then?

 

Your friend saw you making out with the guy, so it doesn't sound like you were protesting too much at that point.

[Wallysbears]

Step 1 - your friend is a sucky friend if he left you making out in a hot tub with a complete stranger while totally drunk AND also knowing that you are in a relationship for years. I wouldn't go hanging out with him any further. Friends don't let friends get hurt (assaulted? raped? endangering your relationship?) like that.

 

Step 2 - tell your partner what happened

 

Step 3 - figure out a way to make sure you aren't vulnerable like that again. Perhaps don't drink? Perhaps not go to hot tub parties without having a friend there that you can TRUST? Perhaps take your boyfriend? (And I know that you shouldn't HAVE to do these things...but this is the reality of being a woman. We have to protect ourselves.)

[smackie9]

Hah, it was a slip up so don't say anything if you don't want to ruin a good thing you got going with your BF. I doubt he will ever find out. Everyone was pretty foggy about what happened anyways. deny deny deny. if you can get past the guilt, you will be good.

[basil67]

Kazmi, it would appear that some of the writers on this thread don't understand the concept of consent. I'm sorry for what you experienced.

 

And I agree that these people aren't your friends. Good friends look out for those who are incapacitated.

[edgygirl]

I feel everyone is being too judgemental with OP and how much she drank. Give me a break. No matter how much she drank, no one has the right to assault her.

 

I've been in that situation a few times in my life. It's horrid. I usually don't drink much, but I do have friends in the place I was born where people drink until they pass out. But it's not a common thing to get assaulted even though people drink too much there.

 

I hope you get tested for STDs asap. I hope your boyfriend can understand that people took advantage of you, and no matter how much you drank, the assault is not your fault. He might have a knee jerk reaction though as after all he's your boyfriend and which bf likes to know his gf had sexual interaction even though it was not her fault?

 

Think about how you frame it to him. I feel you believe you were assaulted/raped? and taken advantage of unknowingly while drunk. So that's what you have to tell him. I hope he's a good guy and won't be as judgemental as most here. Passing out doesn't give anyone the free pass to touch you and/or rape you.

 

I was almost raped when I was younger than you on the first time I drank a little too much in my life, but luckily a group of 3 friends realized something was happening and came to save me. That friend of yours is not that nice for leaving you alone with a stranger. I also feel you have to consider whether you report the incident to the authorities.

[Tristian]

After review and a bit of clean up I will ask everyone to keep in mind our guidelines regarding civility and respect and remind some folks to stick to what has been shared rather then making any broad assumptions based on very little information.

Edited January 11, 2019 by Tristian