mortensorchid Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I have decided I have had such bad OLDs in the last few weeks/months that I need to take a new approach with it. Some of it had to do with the fact that I realized I didn't talk to the person first on the phone, we had a bad chemistry and it was just ... Bad. So I will remind myself to do a pre screening of the person - I will insist that we talk on the phone at least once, somehow I lost this in the last few years of isolation. But I digress ... I had arranged to have a phone conversation with this guy I had made a connection with on Match. We had only exchanged some basic factual information via messages on Match and texting (what do you do jobwise? What do you do in your free time? etc.). Granted it's rather odd to do this, that you are having a phone call with a stranger over something personal rather than business, so there were pauses here and there. But ... He sounds like a dumb jock at his core. I am afraid this will not be good. Probably best to throw this one back before it goes any further... I hope someday he will come along someday, The One. But he's so not.
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 As an adult, he should be able to carry on a basic conversation. Texting has negated that ability in some people. I agree with your "policy" of talking on the phone before you meet. It isn't that hard to talk about generic stuff and throw in some fun anecdotes or stories. The next one will be better!!
greymatter Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I have only spoken on the phone with one guy in advance of meeting. I prefer to just meet in person and have been pretty successful in screening men via messaging when determining whether to meet. This is just my experience but I hate talking on the phone anyway so your new method wouldn’t work for me (I’m in a relationship so am only dating one person now).
chillii Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Yeah def' talk on the phone before you do anything else. l was only on a site briefly but l wouldn't even think about meeting a woman until we'd talked on the phone. Only if we felt good after a call or two and talked easily, got along and l liked her enough so far and her me, did l then bother meeting her.
salparadise Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 If the person is local I'd rather just meet and talk. There have only been a few instances where I wished that I had not met someone. I've had many where I enjoyed meeting, and the conversation, but didn't wish to date them. If you view it as torture to sit and converse in person with someone you're not very interested in, then by all means screen them on the phone. If someone local insisted on prequalifying me by phone I'd probably decline and be done with it. If there's distance involved, it's understandable.
Gretchen12 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I always talk on the phone first. The voice is part of the attraction. God made man and woman with different voices: masculin/ feminine.
central Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Talking usually helps screen out those who really aren't good prospects. I would try to have numerous, non-superficial email exchanges first, though, and base most of my decision to meet on that. A phone call is particularly helpful if there is some distance involved - I don't mind meeting someone nearby with little prior information, but if I have to drive an hour or more to meet, I want to have a sense that we might really be compatible.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I have found talking on the phone to be a waste of time. There was one instance when I had a really enjoyable 90 minutes phone conversation with a guy. It went so well that we agreed to go to dinner (rather than drinks or coffee). Once I met him, I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. Good conversation was no longer relevant. I also remember once a talking to a really cute guy on the phone first. We were both kind of shy and had some awkward silences. He ended up cancelling the meeting. If we met in person, there could have been a physical spark that would bridge over initial shyness. So yeah, impossible to asses it on the phone. It's best to see what the vibe is like over an hour long drink at a convenient location. 2
AriesDude Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Yeah I agree with Eternal Sunshine here. Rather go for face to face meetings as pre screening people can work against you if you're calling it a new approach. Especially if you plan only doing it "at least once". Reading into people's true colors on a phone is not easy. But if you truly do insist on taking that road...here's to hoping the people you meet only come with the inability to hold a conversation as a flaw. Good luck.
lurker74 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I pretty much always talk with a woman before meeting her. There are a couple of reasons. First, me calling them shows confidence. That helps when I finally do meet them. Second, sarcasm and humor and even intelligence do not transfer well via text so I want to understand it. Third, a bad voice is a major turn off; met a woman that had such a nasally voice (think think Janice from Friends or Fran Drescher) that I could NOT be with her. And fourth, although this has not happened to me, it decreases the likelihood of being catfished. OK, the 4th reason is more of a joke but it does happen!
GraceAndJoy Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 But ... He sounds like a dumb jock at his core. I am afraid this will not be good. Probably best to throw this one back before it goes any further... I hope someday he will come along someday, The One. But he's so not. I have found that many men don't know what women are attracted to, and they think being into sports/outdoors makes them appear cool or masculine. These things are emphasized in their OLD profiles, but when I meet them and get to know them, this is a small part of their lives. In high school, for the most part, the jocks got the girls. Now that men (even non-jocks) are dating again mid-life, they want to be THAT GUY to attract a girl. Just a possibility... And for this reason, meeting for coffee/drinks may be preferable to a phone call. I find body language, tone of voice, etc. is very important to determining chemistry!
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Some people will go as far as face time. Me personally, how the man's voice sounds is a key factor in what attracted me to someone. So if they have something like a slow/low monotone voice, I'm so out/not happening. Boring!
AriesDude Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 So if they have something like a slow/low monotone voice, I'm so out/not happening. Boring! Lol having a hella deep 007 voice is boring now? Never knew. lol.
nospam99 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 The phone call is for 'her', whoever 'she' is, to find out enough about me to be sure she wants to meet me. I screen carefully based on her profile. Maybe I've just been lucky, but by the time I send the first message, I already pretty much know enough about her personality that I want to meet her in person. The only times this hasn't worked is when the woman 'overfaked' her selection of photos: too old or too shopped and my disappointment about her appearance became a deal-breaker.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I talked to my partner on the phone prior to meeting up. One time a few years ago, I was totally turned off once the guy spoke, something about him was very off. He was kind of obsessive. I had always wanted a phone/vid chat, but he turned that down and I think he knew I would find him weird. If the guy refuses a phone call, he may be hiding something.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I feel an initial phone call is critical to establishing a basis of intellectual connection and rapport before meeting. Dating sites present a search for a needle in a haystack. You have to be patient and mellow, enjoy the journey. After a few months on a free site, 6 weeks ago I met a man who's pretty great. He's not perfect, but neither am I. He's mature, I'm very attracted to him, great physical match, best sex of my life hands down, battle-tested studly Marine, we have a blast doing everything together, he's romantic and high drive like me, smart, serious, great values, old school manly gentleman, fit and healthy, fellow badass, awesome sparks and soulmate feelings getting stronger! Everybody says we seem to go together, bring out the best in each other. Hang in there!
Highndry Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 I have to see a woman in person to know if there's anything there. Email is pointless other than to show she has a grasp of the English language. A phone call could seem wonderful only to meet in person and find that I am not attracted in the least. I've GOT to see her in person, and email, text and phone cannot solve that. I prefer a quick meet up at a coffee shop or something. Grab a drink and look at each other in the flesh while exchanging pleasantries. That being said, I'm not doing online dating. It's serendipity from here on out or I'll go to my grave single. I don't care anymore.
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) For me a call or two didn't really matter if it was a bit shyish. nerves,whatever, you still know if you like each other enough to meet. Edited January 10, 2019 by chillii
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) For me a call or two was just more so about if we actually even liked each other enough to even bother. But hopefully you maybe even got a really nice surprise, which happened. Any of mine were too far away anyway to just go drive to wherever for nothing. Edited January 10, 2019 by chillii
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