cre8r Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 In the past 6 months I've had 2 short term relationships, both of them broke up with me...first relationship after dwindling communication from her said she didn't know if the relationship was getting anywhere, I didn't call her enough (long distance relationship) and that it seemed I wasn't the type to get married. Second woman, after 2 months, out of nowhere says we're not compatible. Her reasons...I wasn't interested in traveling nor living together. in both these relationships after hearing their reasons, I told them both I'm adaptable but it still didn't matter to them. I met them both online and they we're the ones that aggressively pursued me. From a woman's point of view are these just nice excuses to spare any hurt?
basil67 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I think that both women gave excellent reasons to end the relationship. I'm going to guess that the fact that you had to tell them that you're adaptable means you're not really so adaptable. Woman 1: Had she communicated that she wanted more contact with you? And why would she say that you're not the marrying kind? Would it have come from things you've said or your actions? Even throw away lines about men and marriage could give an impression that you don't want to marry. Woman 2: Had there been discussions about travel which you weren't interested in? And why would she have the impression that you don't want to live with a partner? In short, I think it's highly unlikely that the women were saying these things without something to prompt their line of thought in that direction. 2
kamani Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I am a woman. But I haven't dated much and in a long term marriage. Women need to feel loved. They want attention. Even if you loved them, if they didn't feel it they are not happy. The first one was a long distance relationship as well and may be she thought how is the distance gap going to close. The second one wanted to travel with you and to spend more time with you. They felt you don't care them. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 You got reasons out of both of them, more then the standard it's not you, it's me. Why or whether they were sugar coated excuses not to date you, the fact remains that they decided to stop seeing you. It doesn't really matter. It just means that the right person for you is still out there. As Thomas Edison said, "I haven't failed. I just found 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb." Keep plugging away. 4
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Maybe their expectations were more than what you would have wanted to provide. It's possible they would have never been happy anyways (high maintenance), no matter how much you were willing to bend over backwards for...you don't need that crap. I agree you just need to keep at it. That's why we date, to figure out if you are compatible for the long haul and they fulfill your expectations. If you feel maybe you didn't do enough, then just learn from each experience and apply it to the next encounter. 2
Hopeful30 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) I think that both women gave excellent reasons to end the relationship. I'm going to guess that the fact that you had to tell them that you're adaptable means you're not really so adaptable. <snip> ^This. ................................. Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
amaysngrace Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 They didn’t give you a whole lot of time to cultivate a strong relationship before bombing you with marriage and moving in together. I’d consider yourself lucky if I were you. Their intentions seem less than genuine, or healthy for that matter. 1
Author cre8r Posted January 9, 2019 Author Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) I think that both women gave excellent reasons to end the relationship. I'm going to guess that the fact that you had to tell them that you're adaptable means you're not really so adaptable.<snip> I've never been married and I've got 2 grown children as that would be the tipoff for me not being the marrying kind. Additionally Woman 1 got really upset over me not eating from the same plate from an item we were sharing at a restaurant as I thought it would be more convenient if we had our own plates. I guess I didn't live up to her romantic expectations. Woman 2 asked if I wanted to take a vacation in March which I agreed to, she mentioned it another time and although I didn't jump for joy, I just gave a nod. In fact I tried to play it too cool with Woman 2 as she would put in a lot of effort being the one that texted mostly, planning etc. Most likely this cost me to lose her and perhaps made her insecure. As a result I think she's going back to her ex husband as they were separated last February. Thanks everyone for providing these insights, it looks like you're all pretty much spot on. I'm only trying to win at this game but obviously the strategy's wrong. Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote and add paragraphs
Author cre8r Posted January 9, 2019 Author Posted January 9, 2019 They didn’t give you a whole lot of time to cultivate a strong relationship before bombing you with marriage and moving in together. I’d consider yourself lucky if I were you. Their intentions seem less than genuine, or healthy for that matter. You have a good point. I've thought about that also, glad to see some support on that one, thanks.
littleblackheart Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 2 relationships in 6 months, even short-term - that's quite fast moving! You weren't a good fit for either. That's it. There's no need to assign blame or look further than that.
preraph Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) I've never been married and I've got 2 grown children as that would be the tipoff for me not being the marrying kind.<snip> Oh, I remember Woman 1. She's crazy. Crazy. OMG. Getting mad because you won't share a plate. You are well rid of her. And I wonder if Woman 2 just needing financial saving and wants to move in with someone/anyone. You need to move on from both of them and let it go. Unless you are one of those guys who goes around saying to women you're dating early on ,"If it ain't broke, don't fix it," these two are just in too big a hurry and/or wanting money or something. But if you are a guy who kind of boasts about not believing in marrying or bitter about it, most women would bail on that. Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Author cre8r Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 Seeking perspective once again...today after her breaking it off last week, she texts me asking if I'm ok, how are things I'm working on doing, hoping I'm ok. Any thoughts on whether she's trying to get back together or is genuinely concerned that I'm ok. When she broke it off I didn't put up an argument, nor pleaded, begged, etc., I simply wished her the best. If I broke it off with someone I wouldn't contact them again. Thoughts?
manfrombelow2 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) When the woman who broke up with you initiated contact with you, you are to take that chance to ask her out, and start the process of hang out, have fun and hook up. You don't keep chatting on the phone, you don't keep talking, you don't do nothing beside asking her out. If she agrees, good but if she doesn't, you say sth like "Ok let me know when we can have a drink, I gotta go now, bye" and hang up the phone. That's the only correct formula. Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of immediately preceding post
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