Lilllyb Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I'm starting to come in this phase where I feel bored. We started off not seeing each other as much and had plenty of time to look forward to seeing each other, and we started having sex like four to five months ago. I lost my virginity and my experiences with sex were rough. Sometimes I felt good, but sometimes I felt pain. Now I don't feel pain but I feel a bit sad because it's like he can never bring me to orgasm and I'm always faking it... Now when I start to have sex with him, it feels forced and I don't enjoy it as much as I did a few weeks ago. We both said "I love you" to each other (him saying it first) and I feel like he genuinely does love me. Like me, he loves having his space as well. We went from seeing each other 2-3 times a week and now we hit 4 times a week (because of college). I feel a bit suffocated as I'm starting to want space and I also am starting to feel bored when I'm with him. Yesterday when I saw him it wasn't so bad and we saw each other for 7 hours, but today I was kinda eh moody. What should I do to stop feeling this way? I am an introverted, reserved girl if that helps with anything. And I am 19 and he is 20.
5x5 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 What should I do to stop feeling this way? Dump him! Which ought to apply to any sexual relationship, with a man who can't bring you to orgasm. 1
alphamale Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 both of you really should be concentrating on your studies
preraph Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 You're in school. You don't need someone lounging around with you for seven hours. No wonder you're bored! It's called cabin fever. Plus you're not used to that and need space being who you are. I think first you try telling him, "We're seeing each other too much. We need to limit it to two times a week so I can study and so we have something left to say to each other." It's either that or just break up and tell him outright you're bored. There will be lots of guys who can't make you orgasm and honestly, since you're a near-virgin, it's not surprising. My best tip on that is to make him clear out and then, forgive my frankness, masturbate a lot and find out what works for you and once you know how to get yourself reliably off, you can train the next guy what to do by saying , Yes, there, etc.
Garcon1986 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Can you actually quantify what kind of sex would make you orgasm and what won't? Then tell him gently ? Otherwise if you've lost all attraction it's time to move on. It is worth mentioning that all relationships lose the fiery passionate love at some point. You need to discipline to transition to the slow burning long lasting love, which mostly comes with age and wisdom. Of course it's a moot point if you are 19 and don't care about a LTR at this point in your life, which is certainly a reasonable adult choice. Those are the advantages are disadvantages. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 As far as being bored or moody, it is possible that the relationship has run its course, lost its steam. You are probably ready to make a change. You are only 19, its OK to explore the dating world... see what else is out there.
AriesDude Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Yeah agreed with most guys here. Can go on and on about the spiel of not giving up too soon and maybe having a really long in-depth conversation with your bf as to how you guys can change things up and do more outdoor stuff together and really find out why his bed game is dying but im guessing you already did that....if not, try it. If you did...all advice i can give you is to really go and consider whether or not the orgasms is a complete deal breaker for you. Remember if he did it once he can do it again, he is probably just going through something.
Geraltt Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 At the ages of 19/20, you should be going out with a LOT of people, having fun, working hard in school, being silly, flirting, fooling around, enjoying life. You will never, ever have this kind of freedom ever again. As someone who's approaching 60, please get this: you are in the midst of the best time of your life. Take advantage of it. Squeeze out every last drop. This time in your life is way, way too short to be tying yourself down. Soon enough, you're going to find yourself adulting. And, trust me on this, adulting isn't as much fun as it may look. 1
edgygirl Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Gosh I wish someone told me all this when I was 19. (limiting the quote as it seems that's what moderators want now) Also, OP: Please don't fake orgasms. What for? It leads nowhere. It's best for the man to know it is not happening and that he has to find a way to help you. I never did it even once in my life. No wonder you're not enjoying sex and it's even hurting, and also helping turning you off to the relationship. Don't do that to yourself. preraph advice that you have to know how to do it yourself and then guide them is solid. Soon enough, you're going to find yourself adulting. And, trust me on this, adulting isn't as much fun as it may look. 1
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 What to do? Learn to communicate with your BF. Tell him how you feel. Getting it out there will enable the two of you to figure something out together, or come to terms that the relationship has run it's course. As for the sex, it's not 100% up to him to bring you to orgasm, it's also your responsibility to know your body, and to communicate to him how and what brings you to orgasm. He's not a mind reader, he can't do this on his own. If you are in pain, you need to buy proper lubricant, take more time with foreplay, maybe use sex toys. And faking it is a terrible thing to do...if it's not happening, you need to speak up so he can work with you to make it happen. geeez louis. As they say if you can't have sex with the lights on, and or talk openly to your partner about sex, you are nowhere near ready to be in a adult sexual relationship. TALK TO HIM. 3
Hopeful30 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 You sound like me. I've never orgasmed with a man and faked in most of my relationships. Let me ask you this - do you have any childhood wounds? Were you hurt by one or both of your parents? For me, I was abused from the moment I was born. My mother is mentally ill and took out all her anger and illusions on me. I grew up under the illusion of so much bullsh*t that doesn't even exist, all the while not even realizing that I'm my own person and not her servant/slave. For this reason, it's incredibly difficult for me to show any emotion at all. As a child, anytime I would be myself or show my true colours, I would get beat into submission. The reason I'm sharing this with you is so you understand how childhood experiences shape our relationships as adults. My advice to you would be to dig deep and figure out why it's difficult for you to be vulnerable (orgasm) and expressive. What you describe isn't a relationship issue. It's a symptom of a deeper wound that needs healing.
Highndry Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Faking orgasms is not fair to you or your bf. First you need to look into why you would do such thing. He's young, so he probably doesn't know any better, but a faked orgasm is pretty obvious to more experienced men, so you're not going to get much mileage out of that as you get older. The lubrication, muscle spasms, etc., are just not there. Moaning means nothing. Next, it's completely normal to get bored in relationships at times. Not everything is candy crapping unicorns 24/7. Your boyfriend isn't some machine that turns on your happy place without fail. It comes from within. That being said, you're way too young to get serious right now. You've got another half decade plus to figure a lot of things out. I am not suggesting dumping him, but I certainly wouldn't recommend thinking too seriously about any relationship this early in life. Good luck.
snowboy91 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 If having sex feels forced then that's where you need to take action. It's not magically going to get more fun unless you make it fun. Work out what really excites you sexually and what brings you toward orgasm, and let him know what to do differently. But aside from that, I see how you might be feeling a little bored. You're spending a lot of time with him maintaining the relationship, which takes away time from yourself and what you want to do. On top of that, you say you're introverted so you do need your own down time fairly often. At any stage of life, but especially at 19, it's really important to make time for yourself and the things you enjoy rather than trying to keep up with everyone else's expectations, including your partner's. See friends, study, do stuff you enjoy with them, once you step back slightly you'll see how you feel about the relationship overall.
Elpida. Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 1. Tell him you'd like to see each other a little less and see how it goes. 2. Talk to him about what you want in bed 3. Try different activities together If all fails, accept it has run its course and move on. Honestly it's sad when a relationship ends but if you are already feeling bored why drag it out? You might end up feeling relieved. 1
Nilfiry Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 So you got bored, eh? Well, it is time to move on because nothing is going to get you your butterflies back (barring some extreme situations). Sure, if the sex improves, you will stick around for that until you get bored of that too, but no reasons to waste your time.
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