Rockingfit Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 I don't know why, but I can't stop contacting my ex. When we broke up we remained really good friends and it looked like we might get back together. He then started talking to other girls and putting them before me. I found out a few months after we broke up that he cheated on me with 6 girls. Why can't I get him out of my head. everytime we talk we end up fighting. He just doesn't care about me!
nolanola Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 It's not that you can't stop contacting your ex, it's that you won't. That probably sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You are addicted to being in contact with him. Like any addict, you have to hit rock bottom to get the gumption to leave your drug behind and go through the pain of withdrawal. Ask yourself, what do you hope to get from contacting him? Are you trying to get him back? Continuing to contact him just makes you look desperate and no man wants to make a desperate woman that won't leave him alone his girlfriend (his FWB maybe, but not his girlfriend). Imagine that every time you text him he shows it to his friends and they laugh about how you just can't get over him -- to me, that would be the most humiliating thing I could think of and the thing that would help me not contact someone. 2
Author Rockingfit Posted January 8, 2019 Author Posted January 8, 2019 He tells me all the time that he wants to be friends and keeps talking to me. Then when things are going well he stops talking to me.. Its like he wants me to want him. He is always telling me about the other girls he is with. He keeps meeting up with me and won't speak to me at all the day after. I am embarrassed when I contact him crying.
Twizzlestick Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 If you’re like me the draw to contact your ex is to give a break from the pain. The agony. It’s like a temporary anaesthetic. That’s the true motives. Hope. Anything, just to switch off the searing pain. It’s the inner chimp. It says “right enough of this rubbish give me control damn it”, it barges careful little rational brain aside and plunges for the controls and levers in a panicked bold manner (there’s a book called the Chimp paradox, I’d recommend it). I once found myself dialling my ex and didn’t consciously know I’d done it! The analogy I used is imagine someone you loved were about to die and you had powers to stop it. The chimp would take over and do anything, friggin anything to stop that loved one going over the abyss. Except with us going over that abyss is facing loss. My Dad says Bargaining is a natural stage of grief and loss process. The advice is to avoid it to try and heal quicker, NC etc, but it’s kind of natural to go through a bit of it my Dad was saying. Telling your inner chimp “no” can sometimes keep you circling going mad, so everyone does a bit of inital bargaining and “reaching out”. You just don’t want to get stuck there I would imagine, looping round and round. 1
preraph Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 I don't know why you'd choose to be really good friend with someone who lied while you were together and cheated on you with six people. You sure don't expect much out of a friend. Is that all you think you're worth? You have to start setting standards and stick by them. He doesn't really care about you. He's not your friend. If you love someone, you don't do things you know will hurt them. He didn't love you and probably doesn't even know what love is. You need to decide you're worth more than keeping this jerk around. Get some self-respect and block him on everything and STOP looking at his social media. Exercise some self-discipline and move on. All you lost is what you HOPED he was. It was never him. He was never who you hoped he was or anything near it. So get over it and start by blocking him every which way and severing this tie. 1
Author Rockingfit Posted January 8, 2019 Author Posted January 8, 2019 I know I deserve so much better he is just really good at drawing me back in. We got on so well. We were together 2 years and we never fought! We were so close. Or so I thought. We only broke up because I was supposed to go travelling. He tells me I'm his comfort blanket. Cutting him off is easier said than done. I go for weeks without talking to him and then something pulls me back
Twizzlestick Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 . He tells me I'm his comfort blanket I’d tell himself to “do ‘something’ to himself sideways and do one” if he said that to you! What a disrespect thing to say to a human. Sounds like some screws not completely done up correctly with that one. It’s not normal behaviour for an adult to calmly and deliberately tell someone something so debasing. 1
Senorheartbreak Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 (edited) I know I deserve so much better he is just really good at drawing me back in. We got on so well. We were together 2 years and we never fought! We were so close. Or so I thought. We only broke up because I was supposed to go travelling. He tells me I'm his comfort blanket. Cutting him off is easier said than done. I go for weeks without talking to him and then something pulls me back Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can only relate. I know the pain and the draw when they feel like the only person you want to speak to. Have you tried blocking and deleting their number? That may atleast lessen the urge. I was given some good advice today that i will try. When you feel the need to message them, message a friend or do an activity instead that takes your mind off it. I wrote a list of things that my ex did and i read that when i feel like messaging. It reminds me why i shouldnt be the one to message/reply. Edited January 8, 2019 by Senorheartbreak 1
Author Rockingfit Posted January 8, 2019 Author Posted January 8, 2019 I have tried blocking him on everything and when I do my mind races wondering what he is up to or if he is with someone new. I guess I just have to be strong and not reach out. He never reaches out to me first. 1
Senorheartbreak Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 I have tried blocking him on everything and when I do my mind races wondering what he is up to or if he is with someone new. I guess I just have to be strong and not reach out. He never reaches out to me first. That is always a fear. But he is already seeing others whilst he is talking to you? Hes getting his cake and eating it too. Which i think is completely unfair on you. If anything, you not being around can only make him kiss you and realise what he had.
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 You have the ability to stop contacting him you simply haven't chosen to stop. For some reason you are willing to continue to chase after this toxic man who wants other women. When you finally get tired of being kicked in the teeth you will block him & delete him off everything. For now set up a system where you can do something -- anything -- other then reach out for him. Post here. Go for run. Call your BFF. Clean your house. Just don't contact him. It's a matter of mind over matter. Try making a list of all the awful things he ever did to you & why you are better off apart. Read that before you contact him. Hopefully it will make you change your mind. 3
manfrombelow2 Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 Mental discipline is what you need to truly get into No Contact. 1
Goldenheart Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I know your pain, I’ve literally been going throug it for the past few months. You just have to force yourself to stop. I stopped a while ago for about a week and literally just felt so much better and happier. I should’ve never looked back. Once you stop you will realize how much life it’s sucking out of you. You will feel much lighter and at ease. Find a way to force yourself to stop. Lock your phone in your trunk, talk to someone else, try to stay occupied. It’s all the cliche stuff that we tend to here but it really is the best
TheBetterPerson Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 You really need to understand that NC is the golden and only way! I broke up with my ex around May time, we lived together until August (last time i saw him) and stupidly didnt feel like we had broken up until we left our flat. We messaged the entire time until he stopped messaging me as much (Nov) and then i knew he had someone new, it broke me more than breaking up. I have not spoken to him since NYD and its hard, it really is hard but i know if i go a few more months with NC i know i will be over this, i am just not over this right now but i want to be. Do you want to get over this? If so, then you NEED to implement NC from your side, even if he messages you - you need to not reply! 1
Redhead14 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 "He tells me I'm his comfort blanket" He probably says that or something similar to the 6 girls he was using to cheat on you with. Now he's saying it to you so that he has 7 girls to cheat on this new girl with . . . Don't set yourself up to be #7. Block and delete his number and get somebody else's digits to replace his. 1
brent878 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Take your phone. Put it in your bedside table. Return to it in 7 days. Re-evaluate how you feel.
preraph Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I know I deserve so much better he is just really good at drawing me back in. We got on so well. We were together 2 years and we never fought! We were so close. Or so I thought. We only broke up because I was supposed to go travelling. He tells me I'm his comfort blanket. Cutting him off is easier said than done. I go for weeks without talking to him and then something pulls me back Why would he fight with you? He's having sex with six other people, probably doesn't even have time to take the relationship seriously enough to want to fight about anything. He had it just like he wanted it, no responsibility or commitment, no obligations.
preraph Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Yeah. You're the only one not squawking about anything he does. That's very comforting, I'm sure.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Couldn't have said it better. On my deathbed, I'll tell my kids and grandkids (if I have any then) that one of my greatest regrets for life was BREAKING NO CONTACT after my breakups. I'm serious. You really need to understand that NC is the golden and only way! I broke up with my ex around May time, we lived together until August (last time i saw him) and stupidly didnt feel like we had broken up until we left our flat. We messaged the entire time until he stopped messaging me as much (Nov) and then i knew he had someone new, it broke me more than breaking up. I have not spoken to him since NYD and its hard, it really is hard but i know if i go a few more months with NC i know i will be over this, i am just not over this right now but i want to be. Do you want to get over this? If so, then you NEED to implement NC from your side, even if he messages you - you need to not reply!
cconnection Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I don't know why, but I can't stop contacting my ex. When we broke up we remained really good friends and it looked like we might get back together. He then started talking to other girls and putting them before me. I found out a few months after we broke up that he cheated on me with 6 girls. Why can't I get him out of my head. everytime we talk we end up fighting. He just doesn't care about me! I am currently in the middle of getting back to my single life after going back to an ex and staying there for two years. I don't think that you're desperate, it's hard to be around someone everyday and every night and then all of a sudden they're gone. You get used to the routine and you mourn the person that they were when you are in a good space in the relationship. I reached out to my ex in a negative way several times 2 days after the final break up occurred and then just stopped. I blocked his number from calling my phone as well as all forms of social media that we used to be friends on. That's going to be the best way and then like someone else mentioned think back to all the lies and cheating and things that he did that caused the demise of the relationship. It's hard but you have to come to the realization that if it was worth working out you two would still be together. Try to stay busy and start making plans for your future. Focus on your goals for yourself and keep in mind the person you knew is no longer around even if they are still breathing they're not the same.. Hope this helps you in some way.
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