ToastedMarshmallow Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 (edited) Background: I’m currently dating a new guy after my last abusive relationship, we had a baby together so I’ve found dating as a single mother difficult. The new guy is 11 years older than me and has a teenage daughter, he’s not my usual type. He’s so nice but that’s the problem.. I’m not used to it, almost sickly sweet. He invites me out and always pays for everything, always compliments me calling me beautiful and is a real gentleman. My past relationships have been with a**holes and maybe I’m just used to being treated like crap? It’s only early days in term of dating him and at first I found him boring but the more I think about it I just crave drama and the ups and downs of the unhealthy relationships I’ve had in the past. I really want to give it a chance with him, the more dates we’ve been on the more feelings I have for him but it isn’t instant chemistry maybe it’s just a slow burner He admitted he’s falling for me fast and didn’t want to freak me out, he’s mentioned meeting parents, meeting my son and he talks about the future he would like a family/settle down and maybe have more. I’m not sure if these are red flags but I have said I want to take things slow. We were at his house the other night and started making out, things got heated fast and we ended up sleeping together for the first time. He had trouble keeping an erection and mid way stopped and blamed it on performance anxiety and said he was nervous. The sex was really bad but I put it down to inexperience and being with someone new. Me being me thought he isn’t into me etc and the whole thing was awkward. We talked about it and cuddled afterwards. He said he’s usually with a woman for a few months before getting physical and didn’t feel comfortable and didn’t want to ruin what we have cos he really likes me. What do you think? Should I give him a chance, hope the sex gets better and some sparks happen Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Juha Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 Sounds like you have issues you need to fix before dating this guy or anyone. He is a good guy and you do not like it as you only date losers and a holes. Maybe you need to mature some more before trying to date a real adult male
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 You can have total control over this if you tell him firmly "Save the talk of meeting parents, etc for later, I still want to get to know you more first." "I've had troubled relationships in the past as you know, and I want to take a different approach to dating someone new." "Sorry if this sounds like I'm pushing back but, I just need to do this." Hopefully he will understand. You just need to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. It's OK to have Independence and think about you and your self worth. 2
PRW Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 I think you have a combination of two things. Your side you have already explained pretty well and I think you seem to at least understand what is going on with you, so there isn't much to say about that. On the guy's side he doesn't have a lot of confidence. He may be able to get past that with some time, but you will have to be willing to put up with some imperfection until then. So that choice is up to you. You may also have to nudge him to "take point" and not be a "follower" in the relationship and not leave all decisions up to you. I didn't see you indicate if he does that or not, but guys who lack confidence tend to do that. He admitted he’s falling for me fast and didn’t want to freak me out, he’s mentioned meeting parents, meeting my son and he talks about the future he would like a family/settle down and maybe have more. I’m not sure if these are red flags but I have said I want to take things slow. It is a bit of a red flag but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker,...you'll just have to keep him dialed back on that and watch to see that he doesn't lose control over it. This is also a common thing with guys who lack confidence. They come from a scarcity mindset and live in fear of "losing the girl" which causes them to cling. But if it is not too severe, it may settle down as they get more comfortable over time and the fear subsides. However this is also something you have to be conscious of and decide if you want deal with it,...so again, up to you. 1
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