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My gf never gets jealous !?


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Posted

Hi, looking for some advice.

 

In a new relationship with a fiercely independent woman. Gorgeous, strong career, multiple advanced degrees (which I also have). She is frequently away at work or events. During these times, I find myself struggling with jealousy, though I never mention anything of course. I get nervous that, despite my multiple doctorates and being at the top of my field, in great shape, making loads of money etc, she will flirt or be propositioned by someone in my absence. She isn't the best communicator - she will text that she loves me if prompted, occasionally without prompt, but can go radio silent for long periods when busy. I struggle with insecurity despite being confident in what I bring.

 

In the reverse scenario, she never gets jealous. Not even one iota. I have dinner one on one with female friends, I travel for work as well, I have lunches with female colleagues, and my best female friends are very good looking (and she has seen pictures). I am recently out of a relationship where my partner was insanely jealous - would get upset if I was texting female friends, out too late etc. This is the opposite end of the spectrum where I could be out till 3 am with all women and she wouldn't bat an eyelash.

 

Her ambivalence feels off. I would think she should have some fear of losing me. Am I just dating a very mature and secure woman and should thank my lucky stars? Just feels like whether she lost me or not makes no difference to her, though she maintains she loves me with everything she has.

 

Confused. Why no emotion? Why zero insecurity?! I've never dated someone like this. Help!

  • Sad 1
Posted

She isn't jealous and insecure because she knows her own worth.

 

If you opt to cheat on her or do anything, this is the type of woman that would leave you in a heartbeat and go happily along with her life and find another man that would appreciate her and NOT cheat on her.

  • Like 4
Posted

I don't see ambivalence in what you've described.

Of course she's not texting when she's busy. She's busy, focused.

I dated a man who flirted a lot and seemed to want me to be jealous, but if he wants to go why would I stop him?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
She isn't jealous and insecure because she knows her own worth.

 

If you opt to cheat on her or do anything, this is the type of woman that would leave you in a heartbeat and go happily along with her life and find another man that would appreciate her and NOT cheat on her.

 

This is a very unusual response. Who said anything about me cheating on her?

 

Bizarre. Please think a bit more thoughtfully before you reply in such a presumptuous way. I'm not planning to cheat on her -- relax.

 

She in fact has a history of a partner cheating.

Posted

Maybe she's got a strong ego and refuses to show vulnerability by being jealous. It fits her personality.

Posted

So far, seems like your relationship is still going smoothly, it's you are the only one who is having to deal with your own insecurity.

 

You are jealous because you're coming from a place of fear - the fear of losing your woman, because deep down inside, in an unconscious level, you believe you're not good enough and not worthy of your woman. This is beta and weak behaviour.

 

On the other hand, your woman is not jealous because she is full of self-confidence and she is totally centered. She knows she is good enough for you and your relationship, she knows she has no competitors because to her, all women out there are no match for her. And given this kind of mindset, the moment you do something wrong, for example cheating and getting over-jealous or getting complacent...etc... Your woman will dump your sorry azz faster than you count to three.

 

My advice: Keep working on yourself, keep being in your center. Be the masculine guy your woman deserves.

 

Hi, looking for some advice.

 

In a new relationship with a fiercely independent woman. Gorgeous, strong career, multiple advanced degrees (which I also have). She is frequently away at work or events. During these times, I find myself struggling with jealousy, though I never mention anything of course. I get nervous that, despite my multiple doctorates and being at the top of my field, in great shape, making loads of money etc, she will flirt or be propositioned by someone in my absence. She isn't the best communicator - she will text that she loves me if prompted, occasionally without prompt, but can go radio silent for long periods when busy. I struggle with insecurity despite being confident in what I bring.

 

In the reverse scenario, she never gets jealous. Not even one iota. I have dinner one on one with female friends, I travel for work as well, I have lunches with female colleagues, and my best female friends are very good looking (and she has seen pictures). I am recently out of a relationship where my partner was insanely jealous - would get upset if I was texting female friends, out too late etc. This is the opposite end of the spectrum where I could be out till 3 am with all women and she wouldn't bat an eyelash.

 

Her ambivalence feels off. I would think she should have some fear of losing me. Am I just dating a very mature and secure woman and should thank my lucky stars? Just feels like whether she lost me or not makes no difference to her, though she maintains she loves me with everything she has.

 

Confused. Why no emotion? Why zero insecurity?! I've never dated someone like this. Help!

  • Like 1
Posted

You should be relaxing, because she just merely gave out an example, a theory.

 

This is a very unusual response. Who said anything about me cheating on her?

 

Bizarre. Please think a bit more thoughtfully before you reply in such a presumptuous way. I'm not planning to cheat on her -- relax.

 

She in fact has a history of a partner cheating.

Posted

If you came out of a relationship with all the fun trappings of a jealous person I would think this would be a breath of fresh air. Enjoy it !

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
You should be relaxing, because she just merely gave out an example, a theory.

 

Lol I'm all set here, thanks for the advice.

Posted
This is a very unusual response. Who said anything about me cheating on her?

 

Bizarre. Please think a bit more thoughtfully before you reply in such a presumptuous way. I'm not planning to cheat on her -- relax.

 

She in fact has a history of a partner cheating.

 

I think you need better reading comprehension skills. The response was on point. If you value yourself (which your partner does), the worst thing that can happen is to have someone cheat on you. If that happens and you truly value yourself, it's not too big of a problem...you can just move on like Beyonce in Irreplaceable. That sounds like why she's not jealous.

 

What's interesting is your own lack of self confidence despite, apparently, being in the top 5% of the males population. Some people like it when their partner is jealous because it feeds their ego. Perhaps her lack of jealousy is making you feel insecure and it has been my experience that the best "catches" are often times the MOST insecure.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
I don't see ambivalence in what you've described.

Of course she's not texting when she's busy. She's busy, focused.

I dated a man who flirted a lot and seemed to want me to be jealous, but if he wants to go why would I stop him?

 

Again. the question was not about her lack of texting. It was about me asking if it was unusual for me to think a lack of jealousy represented ambivalence.

  • Author
Posted
I think you need better reading comprehension skills. The response was on point. If you value yourself (which your partner does), the worst thing that can happen is to have someone cheat on you. If that happens and you truly value yourself, it's not too big of a problem...you can just move on like Beyonce in Irreplaceable. That sounds like why she's not jealous.

 

What's interesting is your own lack of self confidence despite, apparently, being in the top 5% of the males population. Some people like it when their partner is jealous because it feeds their ego. Perhaps her lack of jealousy is making you feel insecure and it has been my experience that the best "catches" are often times the MOST insecure.

 

If you value yourself it's not a big deal if someone you love cheats on you? What kind of backwards logic is that?

Posted

100% totally agree.

 

I think you need better reading comprehension skills. The response was on point. If you value yourself (which your partner does), the worst thing that can happen is to have someone cheat on you. If that happens and you truly value yourself, it's not too big of a problem...you can just move on like Beyonce in Irreplaceable. That sounds like why she's not jealous.

 

What's interesting is your own lack of self confidence despite, apparently, being in the top 5% of the males population. Some people like it when their partner is jealous because it feeds their ego. Perhaps her lack of jealousy is making you feel insecure and it has been my experience that the best "catches" are often times the MOST insecure.

Posted (edited)

I think he meant that if after you've done everything right as a centered man, your partner somehow still cheated on you, then what can do then other than removing that person out of your life?

 

If you value yourself it's not a big deal if someone you love cheats on you? What kind of backwards logic is that?
Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude
Posted
If you value yourself it's not a big deal if someone you love cheats on you? What kind of backwards logic is that?

 

Because it means they weren't worthy of you and didn't value you.

 

Period.

  • Like 2
Posted
If you value yourself it's not a big deal if someone you love cheats on you? What kind of backwards logic is that?

 

Technically I said that it's not "too" big of a problem. That implies amplitude. Too big of a problem for someone like that might include physical abuse or cheating leading to an STI. If someone cheats on me - at least early in a relationship - it's not a big deal to me because I know I will find someone else. Ironically, by not being a big deal to me, it doesn't happen.

 

But you also skipped the part about your own insecurity. Why do you feel insecure? How did it feel when your ex would get jealous?

  • Like 1
Posted
Again. the question was not about her lack of texting. It was about me asking if it was unusual for me to think a lack of jealousy represented ambivalence.

 

You did say "She isn't the best communicator - she will text that she loves me if prompted, occasionally without prompt, but can go radio silent for long periods when busy. I struggle with insecurity despite being confident in what I bring." Then, "Her ambivalence feels off. ... Why no emotion?"

 

You didn't say, "Does lack of jealousy mean that she is ambivalent?"

 

But anyway, are you now asking whether lack of jealousy = ambivalence or are you asking whether it is unusual for someone to believe it does. The latter indicates insecurity because it is a question about whether you are normal or unusual.

  • Author
Posted
Technically I said that it's not "too" big of a problem. That implies amplitude. Too big of a problem for someone like that might include physical abuse or cheating leading to an STI. If someone cheats on me - at least early in a relationship - it's not a big deal to me because I know I will find someone else. Ironically, by not being a big deal to me, it doesn't happen.

 

But you also skipped the part about your own insecurity. Why do you feel insecure? How did it feel when your ex would get jealous?

 

I know I am insecure. This is not a thread to delve into the origins of my insecurity! I have been working on this for years. Can we please stay on topic of the actual question I asked? It appears the answer is, no, she isn't ambivalent, just confident, so okay. That is helpful and that's what I was looking for clarity on.

 

Thank you for the contributions.

  • Author
Posted
You did say "She isn't the best communicator - she will text that she loves me if prompted, occasionally without prompt, but can go radio silent for long periods when busy. I struggle with insecurity despite being confident in what I bring." Then, "Her ambivalence feels off. ... Why no emotion?"

 

You didn't say, "Does lack of jealousy mean that she is ambivalent?"

 

But anyway, are you now asking whether lack of jealousy = ambivalence or are you asking whether it is unusual for someone to believe it does. The latter indicates insecurity because it is a question about whether you are normal or unusual.

 

Perhaps there was a lack of clarity. My question was the former: Does a lack of jealousy represent security or ambivalence? Apologies if this was unclear.

Posted

Some possible explanations:

-She has an avoidant attachment to you. Jealous, insecure feelings are experienced and quickly shoved down.

-She has a secure attachment to you. She trusts you completely.

-She is just not that into you and doesn't mean it when she says she loves you completely.

 

What sounds most reasonable to you?

 

Are your alarm bells going off because you feel that your behaviour is not appropriate in a relationship and would make even the most secure woman insecure?

Being out till 3am with all women would be a good example of that, though I assume that was hypothetical on your part.

 

How frequent are these one-on-one dinners and out of town trips?

How long have you been together?

Posted
Perhaps there was a lack of clarity. My question was the former: Does a lack of jealousy represent security or ambivalence? Apologies if this was unclear.

 

Okay. I think it indicates security.

  • Like 1
Posted

I second this.

 

A lack of jealousy is all about having a strong security in oneself.

 

Okay. I think it indicates security.
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I second this.

 

A lack of jealousy is all about having a strong security in oneself.

 

[]

 

Previously when I have been apathetic towards an ex's behaviour it was because I wasn't all that interested in them. A prior post alluded to this and I suppose that's possible, but I doubt it.

 

It's more that the lack of a response to things that incited insecurity in prior partners gave me reason to think maybe she just didn't care, but that is probably incorrect. Anyway, this was actually pretty helpful.

 

[]

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
References to deleted content redacted
  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

Well, just be in your center. When you're 100% sure you are always the best version of yourself, you will not care anymore what your girl is doing, where she is doing it or even with whom she is doing it with, because if the worst case scenario happens (your girl cheats), then she has never been worthy of you anyway.

 

Best of lucks.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and remove full quote of immediately preceding post
Posted

She's not jealous because she knows she'd be just fine if you decided you didn't want her anymore and cheated on her. She's probably had to "move on" before in her life and gained strength from it. She likes her own company and trusts her own strength to overcome what life throws at her.

 

She also probably just trusts you, which is not a bad thing.

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