Shiraz Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 I am OW. My MM tells me, that he considers me family we have been together 4 years. Here is the scoop. He just completed writting his thesis. In the acknowledgement, he mentioned me as helping with paper work. The end he starts the sentence "Above all, special appreciation is due to my wife xxx, and our daughters" What hurts is the "above all". Do you think he wrote that, because it's expected, or what he should do? or am I being silly being hurt over two little words. I do know he loves his wife and family. But he also says he loves me the same. I know he can't put me in with his family in public.... I guess I just need some one to talk me through this one. I don't need to put down here, I know how some peole feel about "OW", hey, I'm not perfect nor am I proud of my situation. So if you can't say something nice.... don't say it. I've heard it already. Just looking for other women in my shoes.... what are your thoughts feelings. THanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 He wrote that, because likely he means it. It isn't easy to hear - but she has stood by his side all along, given birth to his children, helped him build a home, is his parenting partner, his lover, his support, his legacy - etc. That doesn't have anything to do with how he feels about you. You and his W provide him emotionally in different ways, and his appreciation of you both is bound to manifest itself in different ways. He may say he 'loves you the same' but the truth of the matter is that he doesn't. He loves his W as his W. He loves you as his OW. Both may be equally strong to him - but entirely different. Part of being a HOW (happy other woman) is understanding and accepting that, and not letting things from the R he has with W affect the relationship he has with you.
LittleMiss Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 I agree with LB. He loves his wife and that's something that you know already, but don't like to hear. I was the OW for a few months so I know how hard it can be. It's still hard for me now when he goes to see his kids at the house that they lived in together. I know this experience as an OW can be emotionally draining. I feel for you, but at the same time I'm wondering why you continue to be his OW if you know he still loves his wife. Why put yourself through the heartache? I don't mean to put you down in any way, I am just genuinely curious.
Author Shiraz Posted September 16, 2005 Author Posted September 16, 2005 Thank you ladies, for being gentle with me! Why am I with him. I do love him. When we met 4 years ago, I had just left my abusive husband, and I was also getting help for sexual abuse that happened when I was young. My MM would take me to appointments, take me home after listen to my tears and fears and was just an awesome friend and support for me. I fell in love with him. It's hard to let go now. I get hurt a lot. Knowing he leaves me to go home. But I odn't have the strength or courage to let go. One day I hope. But it's really hard to let some one who knows you better than you know yourself go.
LittleMiss Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 I'm so sorry you have been through so much. I too was in a very abusive relationship before I met my MM and I was also a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I can understand why you would want to hold onto him. Has he ever gave you any impression that he is willing to leave his family to be with you? I'm asking because if you think there is a chance he would leave then that explains you holding onto this relationship. If not, then you need to tear yourself away from him. It will only cause you more pain to stay with him knowing he will never be yours. I would try and wean myself away from him slowly. Try to not contact him as much and go out and try and meet someone else. Someone who will be emotionall and physically available to you. It's the only way I see you having a chance for real love and intimacy in the future.
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