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BF sexting his ex.


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Posted

Still waiting to hear your answer to two questions, Raven.

 

1. Did you ever talk to your b/f about what you discovered in his texts or did you just keep it to yourself?

 

2. What are you going to do about this? Are you going to stay and just talk about it here while you remain in a three way relationship or are you going to gurl-ball up, hitch up your self-respect and leave him so you can heal and eventually find a guy that actually respects you, values you and knows what it's like to be a good partner to you?

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Posted
Still waiting to hear your answer to two questions, Raven.

 

1. Did you ever talk to your b/f about what you discovered in his texts or did you just keep it to yourself?

 

2. What are you going to do about this? Are you going to stay and just talk about it here while you remain in a three way relationship or are you going to gurl-ball up, hitch up your self-respect and leave him so you can heal and eventually find a guy that actually respects you, values you and knows what it's like to be a good partner to you?

 

Yes, I did tell him and he broke down and said he was so sorry and that he made a mistake... that was the very first time we broke up when I first started this thread.

 

Deep down I want to be with him, but not like this. Could he change? Could he get over her and stop thinking about her for good? Could he love me deeply, be happy with me and find the sexual satisfaction that he doesn’t seem to feel with me?

Posted

You know what you have to do. It is not easy. Staying with him won't be easy either. Drop him. Now. He's not good for you or any other woman. He is a serial cheater and will cheat over and over again. It makes no difference if he says he loves you or anyone else. Cheater. Period.

Posted

You have been badly burned once, then badly burned twice and you still want to go play with that fire....

Madness...

Posted
Yes, I did tell him and he broke down and said he was so sorry and that he made a mistake... that was the very first time we broke up when I first started this thread.

 

Deep down I want to be with him, but not like this. Could he change? Could he get over her and stop thinking about her for good? Could he love me deeply, be happy with me and find the sexual satisfaction that he doesn’t seem to feel with me?

 

You know that he won't change. By staying with him, you give him no reason to change either. Why would he when you enable him to have you and her and she enables him to have her and you.

 

He doesn't know what love, loyalty, commitment, monogamy means and he likely never will know because at his age, it has become a lifestyle and not just some passing situation.

 

He likely has "sexual satisfaction" with you but he's not giving up what he's getting from her. You know this because he said he was sorry for hurting you but he's still doing it with her.

 

Stop being so obtuse about this. You clearly know the answers to your questions. You aren't going to get the any of us to tell you what you want to hear.

 

Where are your parents? Your friends? Can you get them to help you get away and stay away from this man that has you dazzled to the point that you ask questions you know the answer to in the hopes that one of us will tell you what you want to hear?

 

If you are this kind of needy (see your quote above) then clearly HE knows that he can treat you like crap and you'll not leave him. You enable his douchebaggery by staying with him.

Posted (edited)

Deep down I want to be with him, but not like this. Could he change? Could he get over her and stop thinking about her for good?

 

Anything can happen. Will it happen? Maybe--but not without it taking 20 lbs of flesh off you in the process because he's going to keep those tethered hook in her until something external forces them out of each others orbit... and going by all you've written since January, you don't appear to have sufficient mass to make that happen.

Could he love me deeply, be happy with me and find the sexual satisfaction that he doesn’t seem to feel with me?

Stop going down this road. You don't seem to understand that despite what he is saying to you to keep you on the hook, there is something fundamental about the ways of his ex that he cannot leave alone. That was a roll of the DNA dice and timing on their parts. While you can learn the things he likes, you're not going to be her doing it to him--and that's his drug. If he took things on your vacation so far as to try to set up a sexual tryst with his ex, then no. He cannot love you deeply AND leave his ex alone. You will have to share him with her if you insist on being with him--and that will age you before your time.

 

The plan fact, going by what you write is that you aren't his ex and he wants/desires/craves his ex.

Edited by kendahke
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Posted
Anything can happen. Will it happen? Maybe--but not without it taking 20 lbs of flesh off you in the process because he's going to keep those tethered hook in her until something external forces them out of each others orbit... and going by all you've written since January, you don't appear to have sufficient mass to make that happen.

Stop going down this road. You don't seem to understand that despite what he is saying to you to keep you on the hook, there is something fundamental about the ways of his ex that he cannot leave alone. That was a roll of the DNA dice and timing on their parts. While you can learn the things he likes, you're not going to be her doing it to him--and that's his drug. If he took things on your vacation so far as to try to set up a sexual tryst with his ex, then no. He cannot love you deeply AND leave his ex alone. You will have to share him with her if you insist on being with him--and that will age you before your time.

 

The plan fact, going by what you write is that you aren't his ex and he wants/desires/craves his ex.

 

 

Ok that made sense. Are you saying that it’s something he can’t control like a drug? Like beyond his own will? The messages I found the first time when I posted on here he was telling her he misses what they could have, and wishes he could give her what she needs in more than one way... and she asked “like sex?” And he said “I would hope more.”

 

But this was months ago, I assumed over time her spell or whatever she had on him would wear off!

Posted

I know at 33 it is difficult to let go of the man you want, the man you probably felt was going to be your last, maybe you even thought he was "the pick of the crop"...

However, you are now twisting yourself into knots so that you can somehow accept this dreadful situation you find yourself in, and believe you have a great future with this man.

 

BUT he doesn't feel the same about you.

You are just Miss RightNow, a nice and gullible person he can use, until he gets his ex back or he can find someone better.

This is no "mistake", it is a calculated campaign to get her back.

You cannot "love" someone into wanting you and you alone.

He tells you he loves you but is schmoozing up to his ex in the same breath... it is what cheaters do, they lie and lie and lie... to get what suits them best.

 

You can spin it into it being a "spell" she has cast or she is a "drug" he cannot resist, but truth is you are just not "enough" for him, that is the bottom line.

 

You are the rebound and sooner or later he will dump you, either for his ex if he can persuade her to have him back, or he will move on to someone else who is "enough" for him.

Sorry!

There is a big pot of coffee filing the room with aroma here, time to wake up...

Posted

"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene Please don't take him just because you can Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green Your smile is like a breath of spring Your skin is soft like summer rain And I cannot compete with you, Jolene..."

:(

  • Like 1
Posted
Could he change?

 

 

Not likely.

 

 

Could he get over her and stop thinking about her for good?

 

 

He might get over her, but odds are that he would find someone else to focus on.

 

 

Could he love me deeply, be happy with me and find the sexual satisfaction that he doesn’t seem to feel with me?

 

 

Also not likely. He's already not happy with you and your sex life, already doesn't love you deeply. Perhaps you represent what he thinks he *should* want (good on paper, etc.), but ultimately, he doesn't feel that sort of attachment for you. Perhaps he can't feel it for anyone, but that's not your worry. You need to do what's right for you, and every day you spend with this man who is not your forever after is another day where you are not free to fid him.

Posted
Right. You’re right. His ex fiancée left him cause she suspected he was cheating. He admitted the situation she found about didn’t make him look so well. He had his coworker at their home at midnight (fiancée was visiting family abroad) and sat on the couch with him with his fiancée blanket over her and a cup of tea and he took pictures. He says nothing happened cause that coworker is married. Anyway his ex didn’t believe him and they broke up.

 

This is how you handle a guy like him and this is why he is still hung up on this girl. She thinks more of herself than him. Try it. You ask why he still has you there if he wants to be with her? You did say you split the cost of everything. This is a reason to keep you around.

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Posted
"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene Please don't take him just because you can Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green Your smile is like a breath of spring Your skin is soft like summer rain And I cannot compete with you, Jolene..."

:(

 

Haha ouch!

Posted
Ok that made sense. Are you saying that it’s something he can’t control like a drug? Like beyond his own will?

 

I was very clear in what I said, Raven. Go re-read what I wrote. That's what I'm saying.

 

The messages I found the first time when I posted on here he was telling her he misses what they could have, and wishes he could give her what she needs in more than one way... and she asked “like sex?” And he said “I would hope more.”

 

But this was months ago, I assumed over time her spell or whatever she had on him would wear off!

 

Ever hear of the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder"?

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Posted

Do you guys think if she tried to get him back, he’d leave me? Go back to her!?

Posted

It appears quite likely he'd at least TRY that.

 

Please please do yourself a huge favor and, whatever else you do, DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. It would be a huge mistake.

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Posted
It appears quite likely he'd at least TRY that.

 

Please please do yourself a huge favor and, whatever else you do, DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. It would be a huge mistake.

 

Because of the cheating? Or other red flags you can sense?

I’m starting to doubt he’s ever going to get married. He’s 34 going on to 35. He’s been engaged once before years ago, after the ex fiancée gave him an ultimatum I guess.

Posted

Yes, because of all of the above. Marrying a guy who's likely to cheat is signing up for a world of hurt IMO.

Posted

@RavenHairr, is it possible you're dating my daughter's ex? :lmao::lmao: (I know you're not because my daughter is 35 and his new girlfriend is 23. He had also been engaged before - twice, I believe - and the woman broke it off with him because of trust.)

 

They recently broke up because she didn't trust him. His phone would go off all hours of the day. He always kept his phone away from her and always had explanations why his phone was always going off. Meanwhile, he talked about all of his exes incessantly. She suspected he was still in contact with at least one of them. Every time she would confront him, he would get very defensive. They broke up because she just didn't trust him.

 

Now, months later, he's in a relationship with another young woman, but he still texts my daughter all the time, telling her he misses her, complimenting her on her clothing, etc. She asks him if his new gf knows he's contacting her, and she reminds him that THIS is what she suspected him of when they were together.

 

I don't know why some men do this, but run. Run fast. Run far.

Posted

You have to understand the allure of affairs to understand why he won't stop. This other woman represents perfection because all she is to him is exciting, sexual, and fun. With anyone he's actually in a relationship with (including the other woman when he was in a relationship with her), he has to deal with the mundane and the boring and fights. How would anyone ever be able to compete with the other person? Life is too mundane to compete with the excitement of the affair.

 

The only way that stops is when the person meets someone that blocks out all other light. Sadly, that is not him and you are not it. Be happy that you know that now. Be happy that you have the chance to find someone for whom you block out all the light.

Posted
Yes, I did tell him and he broke down and said he was so sorry and that he made a mistake... that was the very first time we broke up when I first started this thread.

 

Deep down I want to be with him, but not like this. Could he change? Could he get over her and stop thinking about her for good? Could he love me deeply, be happy with me and find the sexual satisfaction that he doesn’t seem to feel with me?

 

Caught my ex sexting his ex 8 months into the relationship. When I told him he said he would stop talking to her.

He never did but I found that out one year later when I broke up with him.

 

He is not sorry he did this; he is sorry he got caught.

  • Like 1
Posted
Do you guys think if she tried to get him back, he’d leave me? Go back to her!?

 

In a heartbeat.

 

Any man who'd jeopardize his relationship with his current girlfriend by planning a rendezvous with his ex while on vacation with said current girlfriend will leave you the second the ex gives him the green light.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Posted

So we broke up not long ago and guess what? They’re back together.

  • 2 months later...
Posted
On 10/12/2019 at 12:50 PM, RavenHairr said:

So we broke up not long ago and guess what? They’re back together.

Of course.  

 

This thread has been incredibly interesting to read. I posted one very very similar on another board (and even a rendition of it here) and everyone tried to tell me I was being taken for a spin. It was just like your thread: pages and pages of people trying to show me the truth, but like you, i scaled every possible crack for hope. I saw hope in everything. 

 

I wonder how our our brains get caught up like this. It’s scary to watch it unfold. But even in my case, I still haven’t broken up with the girl. I know my self esteem must be shot. But I still try to convince myself she will get over her ex and end up with me because at-least it means she keeps me company for the time being. Preferable to being lonely 

Posted
On 10/12/2019 at 6:50 PM, RavenHairr said:

So we broke up not long ago and guess what? They’re back together.

I am not surprised by any stretch of the imagination. I could clearly see that this was the road they were on.

 

Next time, don't be some guy's mule while he's waiting on an ex to open a can of "act right".

Posted

frankly speaking I hate such people who betray you...

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