kendahke Posted September 27, 2019 Posted September 27, 2019 So he’s still texting her, explicitly. And water is wet. But you knew this back on January 8th. Why are you with someone who has been emotionally cheating on you for 8 months? January 10: I blocked him because I don’t want to hear his excuses (you guys warned me) and I’m not ready to confront him now. How do you know he's still texting her if he's on block? Lemme guess--he was unblocked on the 11th... 3
Author RavenHairr Posted September 27, 2019 Author Posted September 27, 2019 We broke up then few weeks later got back together. I know, I’m an idiot who deserves this.
Author RavenHairr Posted September 27, 2019 Author Posted September 27, 2019 The worst part is when I saw the texts again, there was some from June when we were on vacation in her area and he was telling her that he’s looking for a hotel room, then he said he can’t make it because he didn’t know to get away to see her, cause I was there.
mortensorchid Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 He's clearly still doing IT with her and with you at the same time. Ignorance is bliss, truly, but I'm sorry this happened for you to find out this way. Reconsider things with him.
Highndry Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 By getting back together with him you told him his behavior was perfectly ok. You talked a good game, but that's where it ended. Your actions were weak and desperate, and you are getting the man you deserve. Until you gain some self-respect, you will continue to be treated with none. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 How in the world could you ever go back to this lying piece of crap? 1
Author RavenHairr Posted September 28, 2019 Author Posted September 28, 2019 I’m guessing his behavior is long term that he wouldn’t ever stop or change? I’m done. I’ve already done so much damage to myself that will take me years to reverse, and I doubt I’ll ever heal from this. I’m not feeling like the victim, I had a chance to walk away. I’m just stating facts.
Beendaredonedat Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 I’m done. I’ve already done so much damage to myself that will take me years to reverse, Then do yourself the loving thing FOR YOU and book yourself into some therapy to help you to come to terms with WHY you would allow this for yourself. Don't just overlook whats going on within you because if you do, the chances you will end up with another D-bag are two-fold and you'll not have the personal boundaries and confidence to walk away yet again. and I doubt I’ll ever heal from this. Yet even more reason to get some help with whats going on inside you that you don't have the love of self to KNOW that you deserve a good man and you will find him because you're not going to let d-bags in your life for a minute longer than the time you suss them out to be the jerks they are. Love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of learning how to be brave and confident and in knowing that you are a prize that any man should be happy to respect and love and if he doesn't then you bounce on him quickly and permanently. No second chances for anyone who disrespects you as a lifestyle.
Author RavenHairr Posted September 28, 2019 Author Posted September 28, 2019 I believe he does love me though? 1
Beendaredonedat Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 (edited) Love has nothing to do with your situation. He is a serial cheater who will never change his ways because there are people like his ex and you that take him back after he's shown that he can't be with just one woman. If he did love you, its inconsequential to your situation. In other words, Whats love got to do with it if he can't respect you or the relationship. He's done this to three women now. I hope you get that therapy, Raven because you need to form some personal boundaries that will keep you safe from men like him that "love" you. Keep in mind that when someone knows how to love, they would never do something like what he's done knowing how it would hurt you. Did you ever confront him about the sexual texts you found or did you just hide from the glaring red flags and your own intuition? Edited September 28, 2019 by Beendaredonedat
kendahke Posted September 28, 2019 Posted September 28, 2019 I believe he does love me though? but is it the kind of love that is healthy for you? His love comes with a clause that he can cheat and arrange rendezvous with his ex behind your back without fear of consequences. This weekend, get yourself a nice hot cup of tea, go on youtube and binge watch Terri Cole videos.
Author RavenHairr Posted September 29, 2019 Author Posted September 29, 2019 I don’t know how someone allegedly in love and a relationship can send those kinds of texts...
Beendaredonedat Posted September 29, 2019 Posted September 29, 2019 He doesn't know what love, loyalty or respect actually is. 1
elaine567 Posted September 29, 2019 Posted September 29, 2019 I don’t know how someone allegedly in love and a relationship can send those kinds of texts... The operative word being "allegedly". You rushed into the middle of a break up. Bad move. You thought you were better than the ex, you would really love him, you would heal him, you would be his saviour. He would love you more. But wrong! It didn't go to plan. He still hankered after his ex. You forgave him, as after all what you had together was "Oh so special". But wrong again. He is still hankering after her. I guess she is the one he wants, you are just the one he can get. If that is good enough for you then carry on, but as I wrote in January. "There is nothing for you here, just more heartache I am afraid." When a man shows you he is not totally on your team then you have to take notice. He can say he loves you till kingdom come but it is all meaningless, if behind your back he is betraying you. When you were all "loved up" on vacation, he was plotting to meet up with his ex... Words are easy to say, especially when it is in his best interests to keep you sweet, whilst he works on getting his ex back... 1
Author RavenHairr Posted September 29, 2019 Author Posted September 29, 2019 I’ve seen their texts and they did talk about me. He told her that I’m not into the sexual things he is into (and she’s into too) and how she fits all his needs so well and how they fit together so well and how he can’t forget many things and wishes he was closer so he’d give her MORE of those things.
Beendaredonedat Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Yes, we get it that he wants her. The question now is: What are YOU going to do about it?
major_merrick Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 He told her that I’m not into the sexual things he is into (and she’s into too) and how she fits all his needs so well and how they fit together so well You two are not sexually compatible. Her skills and interests match what he's looking for better than yours do. So...of course he's fondly remembering the good times because what he's got now isn't working out. But he should be telling you this, not her. Breaking up with him is probably best. But if not (or if you want an interesting time before an eventual breakup) then attempt bring the ex in on it. Either you'll freak the ex out and she'll go away, or you'll have a female partner for a fling.
Noproblem Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 I only read the first post. Yeah I would leave this guy right away! No way I would stay!
Noproblem Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Why do you think he loves her? Could it be just missing her? I don’t want to be in denial but I want to understand. If he really does love her that means he never loved or will love me. The relationship is over. cause you are available, he can have sex with you and not be alone when he goes out. You are not his best choice, but you are with him, so why lose free sex over a fantasy? So, yeah he loves and lusts his gf but he can't have her so he is Ok with you at the moment, but he can always cheat, but you can always forgive him because he is the greatest man on planet earth!
Author RavenHairr Posted September 30, 2019 Author Posted September 30, 2019 cause you are available, he can have sex with you and not be alone when he goes out. You are not his best choice, but you are with him, so why lose free sex over a fantasy? So, yeah he loves and lusts his gf but he can't have her so he is Ok with you at the moment, but he can always cheat, but you can always forgive him because he is the greatest man on planet earth! Do you mean his ex gf? You said his gf so I’m not sure if you’re talking about me or her?
Leigh 87 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 While I myself said I don't approve of OP's boyfriend's behaviour, I DO NOT THINK telling them to break up is a good idea. It's always easy to tell a couple to break up just because one of them messed up at some point, but coming from a guy who was at both end of the spectrum, I strongly suggest OP to have a conversation with your partner about this, with a calm tone. Just ask him these two questions: 1/ Is it true that you don't need me anymore? 2/ Is it true that you value and love your mistress more than me (and our family)? If his answer is YES, then just break up. If his answer is NO, then I believe EVERYONE deserves a second chance. In fact, being tolerant and giving our partners a second chance is also an expression of LOVE. And sometimes, giving our partners a second chance also means giving ourselves a second chance, too. I feel sick reading all the comments trying to convince OP that walking away is the only option. Get a hold of yourselves, people. The thing is, people who are experienced and well versed in male behaviour, all know that men who are truly madly in love - don't act this way. Not unless they are the type who is incapable of true love - then sure, the men who have emotional issues and CAN'T truly love ANY body -- could "love" the OP as much as they are able to love, and still cheat. Whether the OP wants a man with a stunted capacity to love is her own choice, but it sure sounds like it wouldn't be enough for her. Men who are truly head over heels for a new partner are usually stil all all dreamy eyed and excited about the sex a year in. If a man is doing this crap a mere YEAR in, then there is absolutely no hope..... NOW is the time of excitement and new beginnings still for most newly in love men! This isn't several years into a relationship when weight gain and or boredom can set in. It's alarming when men seek out desire this early on, basically. Especially with an ex : decent people KNOW that doing so with an ex is the worst of the worst. It's like cheating whilst pregnant-----. Going back to an ex for validation and thrills is just something that decent people know is scummy. I believe in second chances myself. I am married to a man who gave me many chances and I gave him many chances too. We took ages to get it right. I even got fat at one stage and became a crappy person to him. I forgave him and overlooked major drug addiction and we overcame a lot and second chances don't even cut it with us; more like a million chances we have one another because deep down we wanted to just get it right and seemingly knew it was within us. But more so, we blindly hoped she to love. So while I am a huge proponent of second chances...... I don't believe cheating a mere year in is ever going to lead to a good outcome for the OP........ he really should still be hot for her a year in and without any temptation. Lifelong monogamy is usually challenging at the best of times for even the most in love couples..... Needing to sext elsewhere this early on is a clear with that this guy is sadly not exactly enamoured or head over heels or very into the OP. If they were together five years and had kids and a house together- maybe the routine of life with a character flaw thrown in, could be worked through and forgiven. But a YEAR in ..come on now. Overlooking mistakes THAT early on is really a recipe for disaster. It's not like he has even proven he could be satisfied with the OP for over a year before he went indulging inappropriately in his desires. If the connection with the OP was enough for him for five or ten years then sure, a second chance wouldn't be so dumb. I 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 You're 33. Please get out NOW so you can still have kids with the right guy. You don't exactly have many more years left to waste if you want more than one child.
healing light Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 This guy was looking for a hotel room to meet up with her while on vacation with you? That tells me he's been balls deep with her during your relationship. On top of emotionally cheating. Please take the blinders off, there is nothing redeemable about this situation. He's a cheater. He never got over her. The grass has always been greener for him on the other side.
kendahke Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 I don’t know how someone allegedly in love and a relationship can send those kinds of texts... Him loving you is balanced upon you not making any fuss about him rendezvous-ing with his ex behind your back. The minute you say something in protest about what he's doing, you're going to see how quickly that love turns into contempt. 1
Inspire Posted September 30, 2019 Posted September 30, 2019 Trust is the foundation to which your relationship is built upon. So what happens when a building gets a crack. Eventually, it collapses. You're now in a position where you can't take his word at face value and that IMO is a recipe for disaster. Do you agree? His texts suggest he wasn't just reminiscing. Trying to get a hotel room with her while on holiday with you is not appropriate in any way shape or form, is it not? Why would she care if he got hitched? He is clearly still into her and what she thinks.
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