BaileyB Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I clarified because people were using the acronym MM which I'm guessing is married man. To be honest, I do not feel guilty (not to say that I am totally fine with it, either!). If anyone is feeling guilty it would be him. I'm not cheating on anyone. And his family situation has nothing to do with me. Probably controversial to think that way, but that's how it is. I was going to add... I'm actually impressed by your response. It seems like you have heard the advice offered here, considered the wisdom gained by those who have gone before you, and you are planning to make a decision that is respectful both to yourself, and to this man and his family. Read more on this site and you will learn others have gone before you and rushed headfirst into their affairs... consequences be damned! And then you share that you have little remorse for your part in this affair. You show little empathy for doing something that is hurtful to another woman and her child. Go figure. Do what you want to do, it's entirely your decision. Just to say, I find that really sad. 2
Author Ae85 Posted January 9, 2019 Author Posted January 9, 2019 Well, if you weren't judging before, it certainly looks as though you're judging now. My husband cheated on me and when I spoke to the other woman (who was one of several) I wasn't in the slightest bit angry with her. I felt that all the blame was on him for being unfaithful. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else. He pursued her and she knew he was married, so according to you, she should have felt guilty and known better. I didn't and still don't bear her any ill will. My husband was the cheater, not her. So I figure it's the same logic in my current situation as the OW.
BaileyB Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) I don't disagree with your comment, he is the person who is in a committed relationship and he is the individual who is engaging in behavior that betrays that relationship. I'm sorry, we digress from the topic. My apology. Carry on... Edited January 9, 2019 by BaileyB
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 To be honest, I do not feel guilty (not to say that I am totally fine with it, either!). If anyone is feeling guilty it would be him. I'm not cheating on anyone. And his family situation has nothing to do with me. Probably controversial to think that way, but that's how it is. It all just part of mental gymnastics required to justify sleeping with another woman's man. 3
standtall Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Look up Chris Watts....don't say you were not warned. 1
findingnemo Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) I'm seeing a guy who has a partner of 10 years and a child. He says one of them often sleeps in the spare bedroom and that they lead fairly separate lives. They have come close to breaking up over the past few years but have stayed together for the kid's sake. <snip> It has been a while since I last posted. A former OW who spent years out of the A but remained emotionally attached. LS helped me break that unhealthy bond. My advice? Don't do it. Cut and run now. Affairs are way too complicated for normal human beings, I think. Having said that, I recently got pleasantly shocked when I met someone who lived with his partner and who upon meeting me, left. It is clear that they had serious issues before that. What surprised me was his decisiveness. I thought that it would become another OW situation and categorically said no. He left her. He moved out, got his own place and now we are together. Still early days on the final outcome but so far, so good. We do have other issues though. I guess what I am saying is that the blanket response to your post would be a firm NO. Maybe if he seemed willing to end his self-described non-relationship before you two begin seeing each other, it could work. It seems, from your post, that he wants to stay with his partner and have you too. If that is the case, then stop now while you can. If not, and he says he will leave, give him space. Let him leave first because his relationship isn't working and then see where yours together takes you. I hope this helps. Edited January 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Wallysbears Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 My concern here is the child. Because what WILL happen, almost by the book, is the woman will find out about the affair and toss this guy out and then fueled with animosity take him to court for child support and custody. And the coparenting relationship will be damaged and the child will carry the weight of that for quite some time. Is that your fault? No. But women with high integrity don’t go messing around with men who are married/living with their partner and kids. And men with integrity don’t go ****ing around on their family for a little side action. This isn’t just about adults. Their is a child involved. If that’s not something sacred, then I don’t know what is. 2
TooBad Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 I think by the time you ask here, you're already too emotionally invested to just walk away or keep your distance. I could be wrong though.
Miss Clavel Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 (edited) I'm almost 10 months in and have been working towards going NC the last month or so, not entirely successfully as my MM keeps insisting I am the love of his life and he is working towards leaving his wife. My best advice - RUN don't WALK!!!! <snip> omg. if i was you i would have called up his wife, already!!! Edited January 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 2
Starswillshine Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 I clarified because people were using the acronym MM which I'm guessing is married man. To be honest, I do not feel guilty (not to say that I am totally fine with it, either!). If anyone is feeling guilty it would be him. I'm not cheating on anyone. And his family situation has nothing to do with me. Probably controversial to think that way, but that's how it is. That is quite concerning. I would have a hard time being involved in a situation that I know is hurting someone else especially a child. And I would have a hard time dating someone who had no issue hurting other people. Doesnt matter who the responsibility falls on. 2
Mrs._December Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 I doubt he's sitting there calculatedly thinking "I will pretend to enjoy talking to her so that she'll sleep with me." LOL. You'd be SHOCKED at just how many men are willing to do exactly that for sex. :lmao: 2
Mrs._December Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Also, he is not married for the record. No, he's the type who doesn't think she's worth marrying but she's good enough to have his kids and do everything else for him. OP, you really don't think you're his FIRST rodeo, do you? 2
Overtaxed Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 I doubt he's sitting there calculatedly thinking "I will pretend to enjoy talking to her so that she'll sleep with me." No.. That's exactly what he's doing. Or, because I don't actually know the OM, I'll say it differently, that's exactly what every OM I know of IRL is doing. What combination of words/"dates"/gifts do I need to use to get access to sex? That's the equation that rolls around in many a man's head, including mine (before I was married) constantly. Yes, it's calculated, almost always if my personal experience is anything to base a conclusion on. I've had sex with almost 0 women where I wasn't at some point thinking "what's gonna get me laid fastest here" and responding in such a way to lead me to that goal. And while I've never had an A, I can tell you from my male friends who have, take that "cold calculating" approach I described personally and multiply it by 10. Because it's no long just calculating how to get her in bed, it's also figuring out how to keep her coming back, how to get her to not tell the wife, how to keep her close enough for sex but not so close that she demands more. This stuff doesn't happen by accident, it's a calculated thing, especially in A's. LOL. You'd be SHOCKED at just how many men are willing to do exactly that for sex. :lmao: I can say this with 100% certainty, every man I know well enough to share something this private with me would agree with that statement. We've all done it (me and my group of friends). Most of the sexual partners I've ever had have been exactly as a result of this type of action (lying about my feelings to have sex, put generally).
HappyAgain2014 Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Wow, I didn't expect to get so many replies! Thank you, all. To clarify a couple of things: I don't have children, and do not want any. I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone and have been out with other men, but no one has sparked my interest or attraction like him. It certainly came out of left field. We are meeting tomorrow for a drink (and only that!) and I am going to get some of this out in the open. I am definitely leaning towards ending it before I get in too deep. Stay tuned... It’s certainly your right to not want children but where could this relationship go if he’s with you? His child will become a considerable part of your life. It’s hard for a child to accept a new woman in dad’s life. Even more so when that woman played a part in the family they know disappearing. Children don’t care about previous issues. They go with what’s right in front of them and what they are told. If mom says you broke their family, you’re not going to have a good relationship with this child. That will matter more than you realize.
AngelLove Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I clarified because people were using the acronym MM which I'm guessing is married man. To be honest, I do not feel guilty (not to say that I am totally fine with it, either!). If anyone is feeling guilty it would be him. I'm not cheating on anyone. And his family situation has nothing to do with me. Probably controversial to think that way, but that's how it is. You're just as much to blame as him. Yes he's the one stepping out of his relationship but is cheating with your help. You're not a victim here. His family is So yes, anyone would question a persons character who knowngly get involved with man who is otherwise attached . Moreover, I'm having hard time letting go my MM who made false promises. Even though he lied about leaving his wife, I still take responsibility in my part in it. I knew he wasn't single. I'm just as much to blame. So are you 1
Bufo Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Once again..... do the math. Keep score while reading OW posts. How many ended well versus how many ended up poorly for the OW. My estimate? About 95% end up poorly. add to the dreary statistics the fact that he already has a child with her and you don’t want children. Hook up with him and you have an instant family. Think this through.
darkmoon Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) he is somebody's else's guy if he was kinda suave when you two first got together, acted like he was free, knew when to get home without it looking suspect, well, not sure if this is his first affair, he seems practised though and then there is your lonely Christmas to face, so yes, run away now before you get any needier Edited January 26, 2019 by darkmoon
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