Mrmichaelblake Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 My girlfriend has a family friend (guy, same age) who is unbelievably rude to me. Walks by me when I try to shake his hand, ignores me if I make any effort to talk to him, tries to interrupt me the second I start talking to the group etc. My girlfriend and I have talked about this. She agrees he’s being an ******* but called me insecure for saying that he probably has a crush on her. She responded to that statement as though I accused her of cheating and called me immature and insecure. I gave him **** back at some point and my girlfriend told me I was in the wrong for doing that. We see him 5 or 6 times a year. She sees it happening and treats him like a prince as it’s going on. Laughing, smiling, talking to him as much if not more than anyone else. All as this is happening. I’ve had some friends who have been disrespectful to her, and it infuriated me. I called them out in a subtle way and it stopped. Last time we saw this guy I explained the difference, and that this guy keeps being ruder and ruder to me because it doesn’t effect his friendship with her so he feels comfortable pushing boundaries even more. She accused me of being controlling and making her walk on eggshells for not saying the right thing. Advise?
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 You hit the nail on the head. The guy sounds like a tool yet, she likes him. her turning it around on you is her gaslighting you. Don't stand for it. She is repeatedly putting his feelings above yours. Are you sure you want a GF who would prefer to be with another guy? 1
doyathinkso Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Hey, he's just upset with you because you're moving in on his girlfriend. Yeah, that's right .... His Girlfriend. And she knows it too, or at least hopes so. She wants more attention from Him. She's just leading you on and using you to make him jealous enough to make a move. 1
AriesDude Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 yeah really does sound like he is just baiting you to worsen your own relationship with your gf so he can aim for her and your gf is pretty much "putting the icing on the cake" as the expression goes. This is where you have to really put your foot down man. Giving her an ultimatum between you and him probably not gonna work out in your favor but at least then you will know where you stand and can avoid pathetic friends in the future. Or you can ignore it until he drives you to the point where you will fight with your gf and make her choose which will then end even worse. If im wrong and she really loves you...she will block him from her phone and never go near the guy as a favor to you... Here's to hoping im wrong.
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Why would you call someone your GF that treats you so disrespectfully like that. It's a no brainer she ain't worth your time. You need a new GF. 2
chillii Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Yeah sorry but she should happily be in your corner on this . l was in this sitch once back in my 20s , she always back him , caused that much shyt. l was always the bad guy that had problems. But if the shoes on the other foot and he was a she and doing that to her, all hell broke lose and she was the most jealous girl l ever knew .
basil67 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I'd break up with her. I also wouldn't give her a reason why I'm walking because she'd just twist it around back on me. I'd probably say something as simple as 'I just don't like you anymore' and give no reason. 1
Highndry Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 She has no respect for you and is obviously smitten with him. Dump her immediately.
Juha Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 If the person you are dating does not have your back 100%, drop them!!! Your GF is not in your corner and you really do need to drop her quickly and find someone who has your back and is in your corner 100%. I have dropped GF's who were great but they did not have my back and did not think it was a big deal or understood why it was important to me. These people are not worth having in your life if you want a serious relationship because when things happen they wont be there for you Drop her and find a women who is invested in you I wish you luck
bathtub-row Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 You’re controlling and insecure just because you’ve pointed out the obvious? Lose this girl. She’s disrespectful and irrational. 1
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 Whether he sees her as a romantic prospect or has adopted some brotherly or best friend or protector role it is obvious he does not rate or respect you. He sounds like he is important in your gfs life and as he is a family friend then she will not want to rock any family boats by cutting him off or upsetting him. This may be about family loyalty. Maybe do some delving as to who he really is and why your gf and her family treat him like a prince. You either put up and shut up, it is only 5-6 x a year or you walk, as he seems to be a person who is sticking around regardless.
Author Mrmichaelblake Posted January 8, 2019 Author Posted January 8, 2019 (edited) Update: we talked it over again. She agreed with me this time. It took a while but she did. She conceded that she would not be ok if I let one of my friends treat her like that. One thing I forgot in the last post. There was a moment at the last party where she said her friend privately making a comment about “letting the past be the past” and then continued to be super rude to me. This was the night before I posted this. This morning she said she was sorry again. I said thank you, and then said “don’t take this the wrong way but how did that conversation go where x said something about letting the past be the past go?” She said that conversation never happened. I assured her she told me it did. She then said she didn’t remember it. She got nervous and repeatedly asked if I believed her that she didn’t remember. I sighed, said it was a weird thing to forget and to just give me a minute. I woke up, did the dishes, took a shower. Came back to talk. She said me asking that question undid everything and was a display of me thinking the worst of her. She also said me questioning if she remembered or not was insane immaturity on my end. I left and I have mixed feelings. 1. I don’t think that was an unreasonable question to ask. I did not assume there was a grand conspiracy. It was just a missing part of the night on my end. 2. I honestly don’t believe she doesn’t remember that. We were drunk but she remembers every other detail from that night and the defensiveness is weird. Maybe I have trust issues, maybe this response is as shady. 3. At the same time I feel that she admitted she was wrong and expressed sympathy towards me and that should be enough to give her one last chance. 4. Also feels like she’s hiding whatever the context of that convo was and the answer would make everything worst. But if she sees her mistake and is serious about changing how bad could it have been? Opinions? Edited January 8, 2019 by Mrmichaelblake
AriesDude Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 @Mrmichaelblake yea that "sympathy" she showed you clearly didnt mean anything if she called you "insanely immature" after that. She is clearly trying to instigate a fight...the obvious guess would be that she wants to break up but wants you to do it as she is too afraid or wants to go crying to her friends or this other guy going "He is such a meany...he broke up with me...please comfort me bla bla" She sounds too young to have a relationship man. Break it off and move on. Or try and work on it and go through the same mind-numbing torture and manipulating every single week until she finally called you every bad name in the book. 1 morning where she goes "i'm sorry" after everything you said she did is not enough. It's over man. If i'm wrong ill shoot myself in the foot man....trust me. im not
doyathinkso Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 Mr. MikeyBlakey you are being played. She is what is called a cake eater. This is officially a lost cause. Find a good girlfriend. She will Never be it.
bathtub-row Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 She agreed with you but it took some time. Wow, that’s great that you finally convinced her to get into your corner. For a few seconds, anyway. Are you reading your own words? This girl is unbelievable. What’s more unbelievable is that she has you second-guessing your very in-tune instincts. Keep ignoring those alarm bells and they’ll just get louder and louder.
40somethingGuy Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 Update: we talked it over again. She agreed with me this time. It took a while but she did. She conceded that she would not be ok if I let one of my friends treat her like that. One thing I forgot in the last post. There was a moment at the last party where she said her friend privately making a comment about “letting the past be the past” and then continued to be super rude to me. This was the night before I posted this. This morning she said she was sorry again. I said thank you, and then said “don’t take this the wrong way but how did that conversation go where x said something about letting the past be the past go?” She said that conversation never happened. I assured her she told me it did. She then said she didn’t remember it. She got nervous and repeatedly asked if I believed her that she didn’t remember. I sighed, said it was a weird thing to forget and to just give me a minute. I woke up, did the dishes, took a shower. Came back to talk. She said me asking that question undid everything and was a display of me thinking the worst of her. She also said me questioning if she remembered or not was insane immaturity on my end. I left and I have mixed feelings. 1. I don’t think that was an unreasonable question to ask. I did not assume there was a grand conspiracy. It was just a missing part of the night on my end. 2. I honestly don’t believe she doesn’t remember that. We were drunk but she remembers every other detail from that night and the defensiveness is weird. Maybe I have trust issues, maybe this response is as shady. 3. At the same time I feel that she admitted she was wrong and expressed sympathy towards me and that should be enough to give her one last chance. 4. Also feels like she’s hiding whatever the context of that convo was and the answer would make everything worst. But if she sees her mistake and is serious about changing how bad could it have been? Opinions? You have a red flag and you know it, just don't want to come to terms with it yet. It is likely they have a history (carnal knowledge) and there could still be some lingering feelings on her end. Funny that you not appreciating being disrespected like that makes you 'immature and insecure' but him being a total toolbag is OK. I'd tell her that I am secure enough to drop her and find someone who isn't 'incredibly immature.' 1
Art.at.Heart Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Update: we talked it over again. She agreed with me this time. It took a while but she did. She conceded that she would not be ok if I let one of my friends treat her like that. One thing I forgot in the last post. There was a moment at the last party where she said her friend privately making a comment about “letting the past be the past” and then continued to be super rude to me. This was the night before I posted this. This morning she said she was sorry again. I said thank you, and then said “don’t take this the wrong way but how did that conversation go where x said something about letting the past be the past go?” She said that conversation never happened. I assured her she told me it did. She then said she didn’t remember it. She got nervous and repeatedly asked if I believed her that she didn’t remember. I sighed, said it was a weird thing to forget and to just give me a minute. I woke up, did the dishes, took a shower. Came back to talk. She said me asking that question undid everything and was a display of me thinking the worst of her. She also said me questioning if she remembered or not was insane immaturity on my end. I left and I have mixed feelings. 1. I don’t think that was an unreasonable question to ask. I did not assume there was a grand conspiracy. It was just a missing part of the night on my end. 2. I honestly don’t believe she doesn’t remember that. We were drunk but she remembers every other detail from that night and the defensiveness is weird. Maybe I have trust issues, maybe this response is as shady. 3. At the same time I feel that she admitted she was wrong and expressed sympathy towards me and that should be enough to give her one last chance. 4. Also feels like she’s hiding whatever the context of that convo was and the answer would make everything worst. But if she sees her mistake and is serious about changing how bad could it have been? Opinions? What exactly was the outcome of that talk? You said in your first post that she already agreed that he was being an ass to you. So this agreement was that...it wasn't ok? As for opinions, there are some situations in relationships where struggle just comes with the territory. This isn't one of them. Some people spend their entire relationships trying to avoid instances like what you're going through (significant other around member of the opposite sex), but sometimes it gives us the best insight as to who we are in a relationship with. From your reading your posts, your girlfriend is letting someone treat your poorly, soaking up his attention, verbally confirming twice that she is aware he is treating you poorly, and hurling insults your way when you want to address it. Oh, and it appears you believe she is lying right to your face. My best advice is to figure out whether or not you want to be with someone that you have to convince to consider your feelings - all while you get called insecure a bunch of times. Also, be weary of the significant other that immediately jumps to calling you insecure.
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