goodbye... just like that

[t]

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. I am devistated. I fell in love with him and I am in a state of shock and depression. I know that these things happen, however, I am still sad. I wrote him an email(we've already talked on a few occasions about us) explaining that it feels like a member of my family has died. I told him that he broke my heart and because of this I may never be able to see him again. I also told him that he is very special to me (family) and that he should not hesitate to find me if he ever needs anything. I love him so much and it hurts that he is putting me aside like I never mattered, like I was never special to him. All the things that he has said to me in the past contradicts all of him words and actions now. His reply to my email...."sorry thank you goodbye" That's it. I can't believe it. That's all he has to say after I pour my heart and soul out to him one last time. In my opinion his last three phrases(sorry thank you goodbye) were very rude and make me feel like a pile of ##### and a whore, all I was, was a warm body. #####. People are so cruel. I gave so much and got so little in return......help

[kikie]

lesson to be learned: don't give your all until u'r sure it will be reciprocated ...

 

time heals ...

[Tony T]

Often the people we fall in love with are not the real people at all, but the people we perceive them to be.

 

You ex's answer to your Email was pretty rude. However, he could be hurting and wants no further contact right now and figures the best way to ensure that is to reply in a cold fashion. Or, he could just be a pretty cold person.

 

What you're going through now has happened to most people more than once. It happens to single people and married ones as well. Many relationships last for a set period of time. The object is to enjoy them while they are intact and fulfilling. Some last a few years, some last a lifetime but, unless you die together, there is always heartbreak and pain eventually...no getting around it. But the joy we get while relationships are good is usually worth it.

 

You need to cease ALL contact with your ex and go forward with your healing process. You'll feel very empty for a while, you'll lose some weight, you may not be able to sleep well...but things do get better. Be sure to eat, do things with friends, and talk about your loss with those who care. Just don't burn their ears off.

 

Don't try to screw your mind up wondering what you could have done to have kept it going. And don't blow your mind trying to figure out why he's being a jerk now. Getting the answers aren't worth the energy. It's always best to move on and move quickly once something has gone sour.

 

While you probably meant it at the time for him to contact you if he ever needs you, as times passes he will be the very last person in the world you'll want to hear from. And I promise you, you DON'T love him now. It is impossible to love someone who treats you like crap. You may love the person you thought he was and that's the biggest part of your loss...realizing that what you loved about this guy really didn't exist.

 

Celebrate the good, positive times and just forget the rest...but learn from it.

 

It all passes with time and new love shows itself when the right time comes.

[t]

Often the people we fall in love with are

not the real people at all, but the people we perceive them to be. You ex's answer to your Email was pretty rude. However, he could be hurting and wants no further contact right now and figures the best way to ensure that is to reply in a cold fashion. Or, he could just be a pretty cold person. What you're going through now has happened to most people more than once. It happens to single people and married ones as well. Many relationships last for a set period of time. The object is to enjoy them while they are intact and fulfilling. Some last a few years, some last a lifetime but, unless you die together, there is always heartbreak and pain eventually...no getting around it. But the joy we get while relationships are good is usually worth it. You need to cease ALL contact with your ex and go forward with your healing process. You'll feel very empty for a while, you'll lose some weight, you may not be able to sleep well...but things do get better. Be sure to eat, do things with friends, and talk about your loss with those who care. Just don't burn their ears off. Don't try to screw your mind up wondering what you could have done to have kept it going. And don't blow your mind trying to figure out why he's being a jerk now. Getting the answers aren't worth the energy. It's always best to move on and move quickly once something has gone sour.

 

While you probably meant it at the time for him to contact you if he ever needs you, as times passes he will be the very last person in the world you'll want to hear from. And I promise you, you DON'T love him now. It is impossible to love someone who treats you like crap. You may love the person you thought he was and that's the biggest part of your loss...realizing that what you loved about this guy really didn't exist.

 

Celebrate the good, positive times and just forget the rest...but learn from it. It all passes with time and new love shows itself when the right time comes. Thank you Tony....but wht exactly am I supposed to learn from this????

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "but wht exactly am I supposed to learn from this????"

 

1. Every relationship isn't forever.

 

2. Pay attention when you're in a relationship.

 

3. Don't idealize the beloved. Love them for exactly who they are, not who you would like them to be or who you perceive them to be.

 

4. When it's over, don't try to go into extra innings. Just end it and move on.

 

5. When you stop learning, you're dead!!!

[sparkle]

Actually..I'm looking at this from a different point of view. You two broke up a few weeks ago. When you broke up, why didn't you end contact with him right then? Even after you two broke up, you decided to email him and pour your heart out to him. Why? Did you think it would change his mind?

 

Well maybe you emailed him just to get your feelings out for the last time and bring about some closure in your mind. But did you expect him to reply back doing the same? If he broke up with you, then most likely he wouldn't return an email in a similar manner.

 

I thought his response was appropriate. "Sorry" about everything you mentioned in the email, "thanks" for the email, and "goodbye", meaning the end, meaning he wants it over. Now.

 

You didn't give too many details about the breakup, so I can't speculate anymore about whether his response was rude or not.

 

But I've been through a similar situation. I broke up with a guy for very good reasons. And after the breakup, he basically cried and kept bugging me about it in emails and phone calls right after the breakup. Well I had given him a good reason in our lengthy discussion the moment we broke up.

 

Yet he emailed me a couple weeks afterwards, pouring his heart out in his email. It was VERY similar to everything you wrote him. At that point, I was SOOO fed up with him, he wouldn't leave me alone. His "poor me" act didn't really get much sympathy from me, and I didn't feel that I owed him any more of an explanation. I had already done my part, I had been nice to him about it. Now it wasn't my problem whether he was having a terrible time dealing with it. I hate to say this, but the way he kept acting turned me off even more, I realized that I made a good choice in breaking up with this guy if he couldn't get a hold of himself and not like a breakup was the end of the world, or a "death in the family".

 

My reply back to him was, "sorry about what I put you through, goodbye". That's only five words longer than your ex's reply to you.

 

So what you learn is this: while a detailed explanation or sympathy from him would be nice, in no way does he owe you one. A breakup is explanation enough. A breakup says, "for whatever reasons I have, this isn't working out, I'm not happy, I don't want to be with you anymore". Period.

 

And you learn to act like an adult and be mature about accepting this breakup. It's just part of the growing up process.

[Tony T]

That seems to be just like it is....

[Miss Mojo]

hi t,

 

i went exactly through what you're going through nearly 7 months ago.....we were very much in love, always talked about the future....then bam! he broke up with me. i had *no* idea it was coming. like you, i wrote to him, then we spoke on the phone, and he was rude as all hell. it really hurts, i know....but try not to read into his rude, abrupt reply. my ex wrote to me after he was so rude to me over the phone, and apologised because he said breaking up with me was the last thing he wanted to do, but he was under a ton of pressure from different angles, and it was the fairest. he said he was rude to me because he was hurting and he thought it might be easier if i could hate him. very stupid way of thinking, i know, but it happens....sometimes when people are hurting, they are a bit self-absorbed and guard their defences.

 

what you are feeling right now has been experienced by a large majority of people here. it temporarily turns things upside down. there's a major period of adjustment to pull through, and during this period of adjustment, you will probably find that you don't eat well, you will cry at the drop of a hat, you will feel depressed, you won't sleep very well, you will think about him constantly, you will feel angry, hurt, content, sad, happy, homicidal...all within the space of a minute. but all that is totally normal and you must believe me when i say that things *will get better*!!!

 

i remember when my last relationship ended, i was absolutely floored/devestated/heartbroken...pick any of those, pick all of them. i used to pray time would hurry up so i could get to that point where i could say, "hey, i'm over him!!". well, i'm not 100% over him, but i'm getting there....and trust me, so will you.

 

what helps to get over someone is to make sure you have no delusions of getting back together. you could really let yourself down thinking that, and not move on.

 

DO take up new hobbies/sports or do volunteer work...anything to keep you focused on something other than the breakdown of your relationship. talk to your friends, go out with your friends, make new friends, keep a journal of how you feel and watch yourself progress.

 

DON'T get involved with another guy yet and don't analyse the situation or start thinking "what if" or "if only". nothing will change the fact that he made up his mind to end the relationship.

 

i would seriously suggest that for now, you don't offer to be friends with him. i think deep down, this is a way of trying to hang on and hoping something might develop oneday. you can't be friends with him when you are feeling the way you do. maybe oneday, when you are 100% over him it might work, but now would be a big mistake. it is hard to break contact (i did it for my own sanity), but it helps you to move on.

 

good luck

[t]

hi t,

i went exactly through what you're going through nearly 7 months ago.....we were very much in love, always talked about the future....then bam! he broke up with me. i had *no* idea it was coming. like you, i wrote to him, then we spoke on the phone, and he was rude as all hell. it really hurts, i know....but try not to read into his rude, abrupt reply. my ex wrote to me after he was so rude to me over the phone, and apologised because he said breaking up with me was the last thing he wanted to do, but he was under a ton of pressure from different angles, and it was the fairest. he said he was rude to me because he was hurting and he thought it might be easier if i could hate him. very stupid way of thinking, i know, but it happens....sometimes when people are hurting, they are a bit self-absorbed and guard their defences. what you are feeling right now has been experienced by a large majority of people here. it temporarily turns things upside down. there's a major period of adjustment to pull through, and during this period of adjustment, you will probably find that you don't eat well, you will cry at the drop of a hat, you will feel depressed, you won't sleep very well, you will think about him constantly, you will feel angry, hurt, content, sad, happy, homicidal...all within the space of a minute. but all that is totally normal and you must believe me when i say that things *will get better*!!!

 

i remember when my last relationship ended, i was absolutely floored/devestated/heartbroken...pick any of those, pick all of them. i used to pray time would hurry up so i could get to that point where i could say, "hey, i'm over him!!". well, i'm not 100% over him, but i'm getting there....and trust me, so will you. what helps to get over someone is to make sure you have no delusions of getting back together. you could really let yourself down thinking that, and not move on. DO take up new hobbies/sports or do volunteer work...anything to keep you focused on something other than the breakdown of your relationship. talk to your friends, go out with your friends, make new friends, keep a journal of how you feel and watch yourself progress. DON'T get involved with another guy yet and don't analyse the situation or start thinking "what if" or "if only". nothing will change the fact that he made up his mind to end the relationship. i would seriously suggest that for now, you don't offer to be friends with him. i think deep down, this is a way of trying to hang on and hoping something might develop oneday. you can't be friends with him when you are feeling the way you do. maybe oneday, when you are 100% over him it might work, but now would be a big mistake. it is hard to break contact (i did it for my own sanity), but it helps you to move on. good luck

Thank you.

 

It helps to have someone care. I am sad. I know I will heal. I already have a little. I am a very giving and loving person, so I have come to the conclusion that I will never fully understand.....ever. I think I care TOO much sometimes. Love hurts. Luckily it can't hurt all the time. Humans hurt and heal in so many different ways. It is the only way to know that you are alive. Good luck to everyone. I hope you all find happiness.

[Rogue]

HI!

 

"t" , I'm not going to tell you that is just part of life, and that you should stick it out and bear it. You already know that. What I am going to tell you is that you have the wrong attitude about relationships! Here's why:

 

1) You've poured so much of yourself unto this guy,expecting him to be your universe.No wonder you're getting hurt.NO human being can be everything you need. No human being can give you can fullfill how much hope you've put in. Romantic relationships are to ease of our loneliness,and give emotional support,not decide our whole lives for us!

 

2) You act as if you'll never have another boyfriend as long as you live. Nobody is irreplaceable, though some people are harder to find than others. YOU WILL have another relationship after this! You want to know why? Because you've already learned how to connect emotionally with another person.It's like riding a bike, you'll never forget how.You've had a boyfriend once, you can do it again!

 

3) You act as if your boyfriend were perfect.Nobody is without flaws.We're all a little ignorant. Think about it. Try and remember some of the stupid things he's done. Try to remember some of his ignorant views, or some of his annoying personality traits. He wasn't perfect. And now you don't have to deal with those things anymore.

 

4)You're still an attractive young woman.Somehow you got the idea in your head that if your ex doesn't love you, no one will. That idea is wrong! Whatever your ex thinks of you has no bearing on who you are. He could hate your guts, but that doesn't change your true value. Listen, you can't let this sort of thing decide your self-worth for you. There's a lot more to a human being than what their ex thinks of them.

 

5) Somehow you think you must have failed somewhere, or else this wouldn't have happened.WRONG! This would've happened no matter who you are, what you did. It happens to the best and worst of us.It will happen to you.Just because it happened to you, doesn't mean you weren't "good enough".

 

It doesn't mean you "blew it". You're not a failure just because one of you relationships did not work out.

 

6)There's no need to be bitter.Do you want your next potential boyfriend to see you like this? Do you think the next guy who comes knocking on your door is any way responsible for what recently happened? So chin up, lass!

 

Wipe those tears away! Forgive,forget and move on to better things!!Your best revenge( and believe you'll be thinking of revenge soon enough) is to be happy! If you go around depressed, your ex's ego will just get a boost. But if you are genuinely happy, he'd realize what a mistake he made letting you go.Too bad for him,it's over now, forever and ever, but you want him to deal with the regrets.

 

7) There are a lot of people all around you with worse problems than this. You're not going to be much help to them feeling sorry for yourself.

[kikie]

Good job! Very true ...

 

But god, is it hard to convince someone that their gf/bf aren't meant to be _everything for them ...

HI! "t" , I'm not going to tell you that is just part of life, and that you should stick it out and bear it. You already know that. What I am going to tell you is that you have the wrong attitude about relationships! Here's why:

 

1) You've poured so much of yourself unto this guy,expecting him to be your universe.No wonder you're getting hurt.NO human being can be everything you need. No human being can give you can fullfill how much hope you've put in. Romantic relationships are to ease of our loneliness,and give emotional support,not decide our whole lives for us! 2) You act as if you'll never have another boyfriend as long as you live. Nobody is irreplaceable, though some people are harder to find than others. YOU WILL have another relationship after this! You want to know why? Because you've already learned how to connect emotionally with another person.It's like riding a bike, you'll never forget how.You've had a boyfriend once, you can do it again! 3) You act as if your boyfriend were perfect.Nobody is without flaws.We're all a little ignorant. Think about it. Try and remember some of the stupid things he's done. Try to remember some of his ignorant views, or some of his annoying personality traits. He wasn't perfect. And now you don't have to deal with those things anymore. 4)You're still an attractive young woman.Somehow you got the idea in your head that if your ex doesn't love you, no one will. That idea is wrong! Whatever your ex thinks of you has no bearing on who you are. He could hate your guts, but that doesn't change your true value. Listen, you can't let this sort of thing decide your self-worth for you. There's a lot more to a human being than what their ex thinks of them. 5) Somehow you think you must have failed somewhere, or else this wouldn't have happened.WRONG! This would've happened no matter who you are, what you did. It happens to the best and worst of us.It will happen to you.Just because it happened to you, doesn't mean you weren't "good enough".

 

It doesn't mean you "blew it". You're not a failure just because one of you relationships did not work out. 6)There's no need to be bitter.Do you want your next potential boyfriend to see you like this? Do you think the next guy who comes knocking on your door is any way responsible for what recently happened? So chin up, lass! Wipe those tears away! Forgive,forget and move on to better things!!Your best revenge( and believe you'll be thinking of revenge soon enough) is to be happy! If you go around depressed, your ex's ego will just get a boost. But if you are genuinely happy, he'd realize what a mistake he made letting you go.Too bad for him,it's over now, forever and ever, but you want him to deal with the regrets. 7) There are a lot of people all around you with worse problems than this. You're not going to be much help to them feeling sorry for yourself.

[*Stardust* ** *]

Thank you everybody for the posts. Even though all the post are for "t", but it also helps me a lot.

 

I went through the same thing as Miss Mojo and "t". Now year and a half have been passed, I still cannot get over it 100%. It still hurts somehow.

 

Miss Mojo, thank you very mush for you post. It made me understand why the other person had to use that kind of rude respond. After reading your post, it just made me cry.

 

t, you are not alone. things will become better. One day you will know that all the thing happened to you now teach you to grow up to another state of life. You will know what the word "strong" really means.

 

I've learnt many things after the break up. I've learnt what I had done wrong on my last relationship. I see things much more clearer than before. I've never felt I grown up that much before. One day you will know...t.

 

Wish you luck.

 

Sorry if my English is not understandable. I am international.

[t]

Thank you everybody for the posts. Even though

all the post are for "t", but it also helps me a lot. I went through the same thing as Miss Mojo and "t". Now year and a half have been passed, I still cannot get over it 100%. It still hurts somehow. Miss Mojo, thank you very mush for you post. It made me understand why the other person had to use that kind of rude respond. After reading your post, it just made me cry. t, you are not alone. things will become better. One day you will know that all the thing happened to you now teach you to grow up to another state of life. You will know what the word "strong" really means. I've learnt many things after the break up. I've learnt what I had done wrong on my last relationship. I see things much more clearer than before. I've never felt I grown up that much before. One day you will know...t. Wish you luck. Sorry if my English is not understandable. I am international. Thank you I hope that you find happiness. Your English is pretty good for not being English. I can't speak anything but English so be proud. Good luck with everything you do.

[t]

HI!

"t" , I'm not going to tell you that is just part of life, and that you should stick it out and bear it. You already know that. What I am going to tell you is that you have the wrong attitude about relationships! Here's why:

 

1) You've poured so much of yourself unto this guy,expecting him to be your universe.No wonder you're getting hurt.NO human being can be everything you need. No human being can give you can fullfill how much hope you've put in. Romantic relationships are to ease of our loneliness,and give emotional support,not decide our whole lives for us! 2) You act as if you'll never have another boyfriend as long as you live. Nobody is irreplaceable, though some people are harder to find than others. YOU WILL have another relationship after this! You want to know why? Because you've already learned how to connect emotionally with another person.It's like riding a bike, you'll never forget how.You've had a boyfriend once, you can do it again! 3) You act as if your boyfriend were perfect.Nobody is without flaws.We're all a little ignorant. Think about it. Try and remember some of the stupid things he's done. Try to remember some of his ignorant views, or some of his annoying personality traits. He wasn't perfect. And now you don't have to deal with those things anymore. 4)You're still an attractive young woman.Somehow you got the idea in your head that if your ex doesn't love you, no one will. That idea is wrong! Whatever your ex thinks of you has no bearing on who you are. He could hate your guts, but that doesn't change your true value. Listen, you can't let this sort of thing decide your self-worth for you. There's a lot more to a human being than what their ex thinks of them. 5) Somehow you think you must have failed somewhere, or else this wouldn't have happened.WRONG! This would've happened no matter who you are, what you did. It happens to the best and worst of us.It will happen to you.Just because it happened to you, doesn't mean you weren't "good enough".

 

It doesn't mean you "blew it". You're not a failure just because one of you relationships did not work out. 6)There's no need to be bitter.Do you want your next potential boyfriend to see you like this? Do you think the next guy who comes knocking on your door is any way responsible for what recently happened? So chin up, lass! Wipe those tears away! Forgive,forget and move on to better things!!Your best revenge( and believe you'll be thinking of revenge soon enough) is to be happy! If you go around depressed, your ex's ego will just get a boost. But if you are genuinely happy, he'd realize what a mistake he made letting you go.Too bad for him,it's over now, forever and ever, but you want him to deal with the regrets. 7) There are a lot of people all around you with worse problems than this. You're not going to be much help to them feeling sorry for yourself.

I appreciate your list. I know that I am a beautiful person and that I am worth more than I think. That is what confuses me. I guess not everything was meant to be understood. I am getting through this, I knew I would. It is going to take a while. Thank you very much for your honesty and concern. Don't be a stranger. I have an email adds if you ever want to take privately. <e-mail address removed>

[t]

Thank you everybody for the posts. Even though

all the post are for "t", but it also helps me a lot. I went through the same thing as Miss Mojo and "t". Now year and a half have been passed, I still cannot get over it 100%. It still hurts somehow. Miss Mojo, thank you very mush for you post. It made me understand why the other person had to use that kind of rude respond. After reading your post, it just made me cry. t, you are not alone. things will become better. One day you will know that all the thing happened to you now teach you to grow up to another state of life. You will know what the word "strong" really means. I've learnt many things after the break up. I've learnt what I had done wrong on my last relationship. I see things much more clearer than before. I've never felt I grown up that much before. One day you will know...t. Wish you luck. Sorry if my English is not understandable. I am international.

I just want to thank everyone for their responses. I am going through a sad time. It's good to get some advice from those who have been through it as I have.

[feelin'blue&depressed]

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. I am devistated. I fell in love with him and I am in a state of shock and depression. I know that these things happen, however, I am still sad. I wrote him an email(we've already talked on a few occasions about us) explaining that it feels like a member of my family has died. I told him that he broke my heart and because of this I may never be able to see him again. I also told him that he is very special to me (family) and that he should not hesitate to find me if he ever needs anything. I love him so much and it hurts that he is putting me aside like I never mattered, like I was never special to him. All the things that he has said to me in the past contradicts all of him words and actions now. His reply to my email...."sorry thank you goodbye" That's it. I can't believe it. That's all he has to say after I pour my heart and soul out to him one last time. In my opinion his last three phrases(sorry thank you goodbye) were very rude and make me feel like a pile of ##### and a whore, all I was, was a warm body. #####. People are so cruel. I gave so much and got so little in return......help

i know exactly how you feel. my boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago. he is now acting like i'm not important, and to top it all off, he started dating the girl he cheated on me with the night we broke up, so go on with your life, never forget the good memories you had together, and your life will get better. things may work out in the future and you both may get back together. that's what i hope for, but if him and i do get back together i hope he's more of a man than he is a boy. it will get better with time. being hurt after loving someone so much is very hard, i'm only 18 and i'm finding this out early. love is a good thing and can sometime be a bad thing.

[t]

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago.

I am devistated. I fell in love with him and I am in a state of shock and depression. I know that these things happen, however, I am still sad. I wrote him an email(we've already talked on a few occasions about us) explaining that it feels like a member of my family has died. I told him that he broke my heart and because of this I may never be able to see him again. I also told him that he is very special to me (family) and that he should not hesitate to find me if he ever needs anything. I love him so much and it hurts that he is putting me aside like I never mattered, like I was never special to him. All the things that he has said to me in the past contradicts all of him words and actions now. His reply to my email...."sorry thank you goodbye" That's it. I can't believe it. That's all he has to say after I pour my heart and soul out to him one last time. In my opinion his last three phrases(sorry thank you goodbye) were very rude and make me feel like a pile of ##### and a whore, all I was, was a warm body. #####. People are so cruel. I gave so much and got so little in return......help

What the *&^%....he called my cell phone and left a message.

 

He said...."Hi...It's about 9PM, your pager does not work and I don't know your new home phone so I guess this is the only way. I just called to see how you are doing. Give me a call if you want, we can chat. That would be nice...." Something like that. Anyway.... WHAT THE %^#@!!!!!!!! Last week it was "sorry, thank you, goodbye. I did not call him. Someone tell me what they think....Please!!!!!!

[t]

What the *&^%....he called my cell phone

and left a message. He said...."Hi...It's about 9PM, your pager does not work and I don't know your new home phone so I guess this is the only way. I just called to see how you are doing. Give me a call if you want, we can chat. That would be nice...." Something like that. Anyway.... WHAT THE %^#@!!!!!!!! Last week it was "sorry, thank you, goodbye. I did not call him. Someone tell me what they think....Please!!!!!!