2nd Date Evaluation, Keep it going or End it?

[Insoc]

So I had a 2nd date with this woman, this would be within a week of the 1st date. I was invited over to her house again, we spent a good part of the day and evening together, most of my time was helping her move some furniture around her house because she just moved a few weeks ago into this new place and was still unpacking, I thought why not help since she had nobody to help her. She was very appreciate and kept saying she felt bad.

 

We went out for dinner later, then came back, on this 2nd date I asked her what she is looking for and what her plans are, because she wasn't too clear on them. She said she wasn't looking to go "exclusive", I said well same for me and that take's time, but I wasn't sure how to read it if that meant not at all or in time? I know sometimes that happens sooner after a few dates, but for many it takes longer.

 

She also mentioned she "doesn't need a man to be happy" but on the flip-side wants someone to share her life with, another confusing comment.

 

I like her, we seem to have good chemistry but there are a few things that bother me, she seems to forget what I told her about my life prior, I have to repeat myself often but maybe that's just me and in time it would improve. It could be that she lives a way too busy of a life and has too much going on, so I don't want to pass judgement.

 

Also I don't know if she is into me, like I am her or if how she feels about me is the same. There has been no sexual moves or flirting, she flat out told me that overly aggressive men wanting sex so soon or a one night stand is a turn-off and I sorta knew that from reading her prior.

 

I have been out of the dating game a while, but prior dates I was on before I was married, usually I could tell if a woman was into me. Seeing that we were in her home alone, she never sat close to me on the sofa, there wasn't a lot of touch going on, we did hug when we met and when I left, there just isn't any interaction in between. That could be her way of not moving too fast or just playing it safe, I don't know?

 

We also don't talk daily or do I see any infatuation, like with other woman I may dated recently or in the past. Communication is casual, that's it.

 

So I'm at that point now where I'm trying to determine what to do, keep it going or just back off and not waste anymore time. We both have busy schedules we talked about another date sometime later in this month, but I don't know if this will take anything to the next level? I just don't want to get the "I like you as a friend" comment soon.

 

So should I move on, or keep it going and be patient? I feel like that distance thing when we are together is a big red flag, dunno?

[smackie9]

She has put up boundaries, not showing interest in the romantic aspect....you need to read between the lines. You just became her friend.

[Insoc]

She has put up boundaries, not showing interest in the romantic aspect....you need to read between the lines. You just became her friend.

 

That's exactly what I feel with her or how I felt after the 1st date, I kissed her on the lips and it didn't feel like there was anything there, she also doesn't ever say things like "I had a real nice time with you", I do however, I send her messages after the evening saying positive things but there is nothing from her, so yes it seems that when we 1st met she made her mind up fast.

 

I think it's because I'm much younger than her, she feels I'm not going to stay with her, if she get's romantic. I have that presumption, dunno? She is very hard to read on this aspect, but I suspect she may have also contacted me with a fake user account to see what my intentions were on dating other woman. I suspect, but don't want to be paranoid.

 

I actually initiated the 2nd date and it wasn't easy, took a lot of communication and I almost didn't do it.

 

I suppose it's now time to cut it off, just feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm no interested in being "friends" or someone who is there to screw in a light bulb, plus she lives quite far from me, so it's a drive.

 

I suppose I won't call her again, see if she responds and give her the blow off or just let it fall naturally?

[manfrombelow2]

A woman who has no interest in you would never allow a man into her house when there's only the two of you.

 

But, as far as I can tell, you didn't have the balls to get a little bit aggressive then, and that was interpreted by her as weak and beta behaviour.

 

If there's one thing certain about women, is that their feelings for you are ever-changing. She "liked" you enough to invite you into her house, but you blew that chance by playing too safe, and now the spark is gone, her feelings for you are now dropped (no matter how high they were).

 

That's the fact. And now all you need to do, is to walk away and never look back. This is the reason why single alpha men need not to stick with just one woman, but should date multiple women at the same time instead, so you won't put all eggs into one bracket, which means when things go wrong with one woman, you can easily forget about her, move on to the next one in your list. That's alpha mindset.

[Lotsgoingon]

 

I actually initiated the 2nd date and it wasn't easy, took a lot of communication and I almost didn't do it.

 

I suppose it's now time to cut it off, just feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm no interested in being "friends" or someone who is there to screw in a light bulb, plus she lives quite far from me, so it's a drive.

 

I suppose I won't call her again, see if she responds and give her the blow off or just let it fall naturally?

 

You have answered your own question with these paragraphs here.

 

She's not showing interest + she has you working hard and helping her unpack ... .= leave her alone ... She's not interested.

 

The right woman will not leave you so unclear. She'll make it clear where you stand. Let go. Move on ...

[elaine567]

I was invited over to her house again, we spent a good part of the day and evening together, most of my time was helping her move some furniture around her house because she just moved a few weeks ago into this new place and was still unpacking, I thought why not help since she had nobody to help her. She was very appreciate and kept saying she felt bad.

 

Can I have a date?

There are a whole lot of odd jobs you could do at my house...

I'll make a list.

[Insoc]

A woman who has no interest in you would never allow a man into her house when there's only the two of you.

 

But, as far as I can tell, you didn't have the balls to get a little bit aggressive then, and that was interpreted by her as weak and beta behaviour.

 

If there's one thing certain about women, is that their feelings for you are ever-changing. She "liked" you enough to invite you into her house, but you blew that chance by playing too safe, and now the spark is gone, her feelings for you are now dropped (no matter how high they were).

 

That's the fact. And now all you need to do, is to walk away and never look back. This is the reason why single alpha men need not to stick with just one woman, but should date multiple women at the same time instead, so you won't put all eggs into one bracket, which means when things go wrong with one woman, you can easily forget about her, move on to the next one in your list. That's alpha mindset.

 

No, I'm an Alpha most definitely, you can ask my ex-wife on that one when we met, I just don't think she was interested, I touched her and put my hands all over her the 1st date, in a respectful manner, wasn't groping or being overly aggressive, was testing her, I even ran my fingers through her hair and complimented her a few times.

 

I went on several dates the past month, at the end I grabbed the ones I felt there was some attraction, by the shoulders and pulled them into me and kissed them on the lips, not a peck but quite deeply, the ones I could tell liked it or wanted it, was obvious. I did it with this one and you could tell she wasn't into it, there was nothing there.

 

I would put my hand on her back, or touch her arm when I was talking to her. I was testing her to see how she would react and there was nothing, she came off as not being interested in my moves. I did this on the 2nd date as well.

 

I was invited to her house after the 1st date, she trusted me of course and it wasn't like we were all alone her one Son who was living with her over the holiday came home around 1 hour after we arrived.

 

She flat out told me on the 2nd date that a man wanting sex so soon or a hook-up was a big turn off, so further aggression on this one like your saying, would have likely ended up being more negative. I didn't see her as the type who can handle that, you can tell she was too reserved or not interested. She got fixed up before we went out, I told her she looked good and asked her to lean into me to smell her perfume.

 

Maybe I should have been more aggressive, but not all women are receptive to that and by me testing the waters with her, it felt that was the case.

[Insoc]

You have answered your own question with these paragraphs here.

 

She's not showing interest + she has you working hard and helping her unpack ... .= leave her alone ... She's not interested.

 

The right woman will not leave you so unclear. She'll make it clear where you stand. Let go. Move on ...

 

I figured that, but I tend to be "paranoid", I think she is uncomfortable with me being 8 years her junior, like if she get's serious with me, you know that Beatles song "When I'm Sixty-Four"?

 

I'm the youngest guy she ever dated so far, the last exclusive she had was one year older, so it maybe she is uncomfortable with a younger guy, even though she came on to me and sorta sounded desperate in her attempt to swoon me.

 

It's like it's uncharted territory for her, younger guy may fly where and older guy or same age, may be more stable LTR material. Dunno, I never dated a woman that old, I'm usually +/- 2 years tops.

 

I also kept telling her age isn't an issue, she looks much younger, but it still seemed to bother her.

[manfrombelow2]

Let's not debate about you being an Alpha or not.

 

Sometimes, even when we've done everything right, things still refuse to go our way, and it's life. Again, I advise you to not waste time for somebody who doesn't want you back. It's just 1+1=2 logic.

 

No, I'm an Alpha most definitely, you can ask my ex-wife on that one when we met, I just don't think she was interested, I touched her and put my hands all over her the 1st date, in a respectful manner, wasn't groping or being overly aggressive, was testing her, I even ran my fingers through her hair and complimented her a few times.

 

I went on several dates the past month, at the end I grabbed the ones I felt there was some attraction, by the shoulders and pulled them into me and kissed them on the lips, not a peck but quite deeply, the ones I could tell liked it or wanted it, was obvious. I did it with this one and you could tell she wasn't into it, there was nothing there.

 

I would put my hand on her back, or touch her arm when I was talking to her. I was testing her to see how she would react and there was nothing, she came off as not being interested in my moves. I did this on the 2nd date as well.

 

I was invited to her house after the 1st date, she trusted me of course and it wasn't like we were all alone her one Son who was living with her over the holiday came home around 1 hour after we arrived.

 

She flat out told me on the 2nd date that a man wanting sex so soon or a hook-up was a big turn off, so further aggression on this one like your saying, would have likely ended up being more negative. I didn't see her as the type who can handle that, you can tell she was too reserved or not interested. She got fixed up before we went out, I told her she looked good and asked her to lean into me to smell her perfume.

 

Maybe I should have been more aggressive, but not all women are receptive to that and by me testing the waters with her, it felt that was the case.

[Insoc]

Can I have a date?

There are a whole lot of odd jobs you could do at my house...

I'll make a list.

 

I don't know if I'll offer a honey do list before I'm a "honey" again lol, I thought of it as more of showing my boyfriend/LTR material, but one can feel used too. Dunno?

[Insoc]

Let's not debate about you being an Alpha or not.

 

Sometimes, even when we've done everything right, things still refuse to go our way, and it's life. Again, I advise you to not waste time for somebody who doesn't want you back. It's just 1+1=2 logic.

 

Agree, I'm all new to this dating game, coming out of LTR/Marriage now in Divorce, the complexities of each person are mind boggling, I just tend to reflect back on my experiences and how prior dates or my ex was with me when we met, there was more contact and being close within a few dates. I read so much on it, then there is a flip-side, some want to take it slow. Confusing to say the least...

[GinON]

Not sure why you are asking her what she wants in a relationship. That sounds kinda needy and insecure. Doesn't sound like you are that interested in her to me, waiting for her to decide what she wants.

 

You got friend zoned, next time try using () the furniture before moving it around!

[manfrombelow2]

Second this.

 

Love is about fun and relax. The fact that OP got too serious too soon killed all the vibes needed to keep the spark between him and the woman alive.

 

Remember, the best way to interact with women is to create and maintain a positive, light-hearted, fun-filled and relaxing atmosphere for the two of you to enjoy together by hanging out, having fun and hooking up. The rest will take care of itself.

 

You don't try to bring up your relationship status, you don't try to label your relationship, you don't talk about "relationships", because it's the women's job to do (labelling things is a feminine behaviour caused by feminine energy). All you need and must do, is hang out, have fun and hook up. The rest will take care of itself, including the woman.

 

I suggest OP buys and reads the book of Corey Wayne called "The 3% Man" on Amazon. It helped me improve not only my game, but also myself tremendously.

 

Not sure why you are asking her what she wants in a relationship. That sounds kinda needy and insecure. Doesn't sound like you are that interested in her to me, waiting for her to decide what she wants.

 

You got friend zoned, next time try using () the furniture before moving it around!

[Insoc]

Not sure why you are asking her what she wants in a relationship. That sounds kinda needy and insecure. Doesn't sound like you are that interested in her to me, waiting for her to decide what she wants.

 

You got friend zoned, next time try using () the furniture before moving it around!

 

I see your point, but every date I been on has asked me the same question, "what are you looking for?", I'm left with the spotlight on me answering that.

 

Since she was so hard to read, I had to take that chance in getting a feeling. Also when I kissed her after the first date, there wasn't much in it on her end, so any using the furniture before moving it likely would have been met with similar results, that's just how I felt.

 

Sometimes not all are thinking what your thinking, I realized that a few times you can just tell even if you think they are playing hard to get, they just don't want it or want it so soon.

[Insoc]

Second this.

 

Love is about fun and relax. The fact that OP got too serious too soon killed all the vibes needed to keep the spark between him and the woman alive.

 

Remember, the best way to interact with women is to create and maintain a positive, light-hearted, fun-filled and relaxing atmosphere for the two of you to enjoy together by hanging out, having fun and hooking up. The rest will take care of itself.

 

You don't try to bring up your relationship status, you don't try to label your relationship, you don't talk about "relationships", because it's the women's job to do (labelling things is a feminine behaviour caused by feminine energy). All you need and must do, is hang out, have fun and hook up. The rest will take care of itself, including the woman.

 

I suggest OP buys and reads the book of Corey Wayne called "The 3% Man" on Amazon. It helped me improve not only my game, but also myself tremendously.

 

Not sure where I got "too serious"? I'm being told I wasn't aggressive enough lol. We actually had a great time on both dates spent a lot of time together in a relaxed atmosphere, joking, talking, playing board games and picking on each other, everything you'd expect, serious conversation wasn't the case but wet talked about our lives, family and losses. it's just that there was nothing from her physically, closeness that I'd normally expect and perhaps that was my fault for not getting up and sitting next to her close or making moves, but I felt with her it would have ended up in disaster. One time she sat down on the bed, I was going to sit down next to her and put my arm around her and then make a move, but as a guy you tend to feel when a women is not interested in that stuff, at least that was my sense, maybe I was wrong?

 

She knew my "status", she asked me questions on "will you be going back to your ex", a few times, she brought up her Ex and life, going into great detail. I sometimes try to not read too hard into things and get paranoid.

 

Sometimes people are not as aggressive or in a hurry as the other person, in this case she isn't in a hurry and flat out told me "she doesn't need a man in her life to be happy", how do you respond to that one? When a guy hears that, for me personally it's a big turn-off because you can say why are you dating what is your mindset? It's like why bother if that's the way you are looking at this.

 

For me, the "friend' aspect here is the biggest factor, she also doesn't really comment or say much on how nice the evening was or stay in touch daily, so to me this happened after the 1st date, she wants to keep testing the waters and not get too serious with anyone too soon, she doesn't want to appear needy or that one man alone is a keeper.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Insoc

[Insoc]

Also need to add, when it comes to over analyzing dates, I'm probably the worse person out there, one thing I'm finding challenging in this dating game. I tend to run old school, when you know someone is into you, one can feel it and see it in how they react or are with you, but I last dated in my 20's so now being in the 50 age group, it is entirely different in terms of what I experienced before I was Married.

 

I'm finding women on my age in general to be skilled in selection, more detailed and not in a rush at all, also indecisive or unsure of what they want. This woman in particular told me multiple things of where she see's herself in 5 years, one was living single in Idaho in some small town that is up and coming, low COL and near a ski resort, then she goes well it would be nice with someone special too. Then 5 minutes later she is telling me, all her friends, family and kids are here, so it's hard to leave.

 

From my point of view, I can go anywhere in the world right now that I'm divorce pending, I have no ties here and reboot myself anywhere so when she asked me where do I see myself, I said my future is open I can stay put or go anywhere I can find a job in my field. She was picking my brain to see if I would move or leave here.

 

I do tend to make knee jerk decisions on dates, but you know when you enter the friend zone, it's easy to see.

[edgygirl]

Listen to thaygiaogiang - I can tell by his last posts on LS that he understands the female brain. Showing attraction by kissing her does not equate to sexual aggression. If a date was at my house and didn't even touch me, I too would 100% think he's a beta low energy type and next him.

 

I advise you to stop taking what women say literally. Read between the lines. Life is not so black & white.

 

Even if she was not receptive to a kiss, at least you would know for sure either the interest is there or not.

 

Also: it's important to keep the attraction going or it dies. Being a handyman for a whole afternoon with no touching kills attraction.

 

She flat out told me on the 2nd date that a man wanting sex so soon or a hook-up was a big turn off, so further aggression on this one like your saying, would have likely ended up being more negative. I didn't see her as the type who can handle that, you can tell she was too reserved or not interested. She got fixed up before we went out, I told her she looked good and asked her to lean into me to smell her perfume.

 

 

Maybe I should have been more aggressive, but not all women are receptive to that and by me testing the waters with her, it felt that was the case.

[elaine567]

From my point of view, I can go anywhere in the world right now that I'm divorce pending, I have no ties here and reboot myself anywhere so when she asked me where do I see myself, I said my future is open I can stay put or go anywhere I can find a job in my field. She was picking my brain to see if I would move or leave here.

 

I do tend to make knee jerk decisions on dates, but you know when you enter the friend zone, it's easy to see.

 

To any woman looking for "serious" or even semi serious, you put yourself into the friend-zone by suggesting you were some nomadic man that could end up anywhere.

That is not someone she can afford to invest in.

Here today, gone tomorrow...

[Malin889]

Why did she invite you over- did she make you dinner or anything or was it just to move furniture?

[Malin889]

I actually initiated the 2nd date and it wasn't easy, took a lot of communication and I almost didn't do it.

 

I suppose it's now time to cut it off, just feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm no interested in being "friends" or someone who is there to screw in a light bulb, plus she lives quite far from me, so it's a drive.

 

I suppose I won't call her again, see if she responds and give her the blow off or just let it fall naturally?

 

It took a lot of communication on your end?

 

How did you feel when you were at her house? Did you feel good about it?

How did you end things? A hug, a handshake, a kiss? If there was no feeling in the kiss after the first date, why did you plan a second date?

[manfrombelow2]

Thank you Edgygirl for the excellent post.

 

As a fellow male, it hurts me to see OP can invest that much time and energy into trying to "win" an online debate to prove he is right and the people who are contributing into his case are not.

 

Refusing to accept reality is, in fact, another sign of weak, beta and feminine behaviour.

 

From all my ups and downs in the game of dating, I've learned that women need a guy who doesn't try to interpret their words too literally and seriously. As a matter of fact, women need men know how (and when) to "ignore" their verbal BS and just lead the way instead.

 

For example, I never ask a woman sth like "Excuse me my lady, could I please have the privilige of having sexual intercourse with you?" because no women, no matter how horny, would say "yes" to such a line. I just "go for it' instead. And that's masculine energy right there. And you know what women want in men? Bingo, they want masculine energy. After all, love is a game of emotions. And emotions are not maths where 1 plus 1 always equals 2.

 

The bold part: Women will treat men based on how they show up. For example, if a guy shows up as a alpha masculine dude, she will treat him like one, which means having sex with the guy eventually. On the contrary, if a guy shows up as a handyman, she will treat him like one, which means looking at him doing the job, saying thank you, paying him the money, waving goodbye, and close the door. (In OP's case, there was seemingly no money involved, lol?)

 

Oh, and so far, women only have had sex with handymen in porn.

 

Again, I advise OP to buy and read said Corey Wayne's book, instead of spending a good deal of time trying to win his argument here, because that's a total waste of his time.

 

Listen to thaygiaogiang - I can tell by his last posts on LS that he understands the female brain. Showing attraction by kissing her does not equate to sexual aggression. If a date was at my house and didn't even touch me, I too would 100% think he's a beta low energy type and next him.

 

I advise you to stop taking what women say literally. Read between the lines. Life is not so black & white.

 

Even if she was not receptive to a kiss, at least you would know for sure either the interest is there or not.

 

Also: it's important to keep the attraction going or it dies. Being a handyman for a whole afternoon with no touching kills attraction.

Edited January 6, 2019 by thaygiaogiang
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[Gretchen12]

OMG! You moved furniture! You "put out" and now it's the next morning.

[Insoc]

Listen to thaygiaogiang - I can tell by his last posts on LS that he understands the female brain. Showing attraction by kissing her does not equate to sexual aggression. If a date was at my house and didn't even touch me, I too would 100% think he's a beta low energy type and next him.

 

I advise you to stop taking what women say literally. Read between the lines. Life is not so black & white.

 

Even if she was not receptive to a kiss, at least you would know for sure either the interest is there or not.

 

Also: it's important to keep the attraction going or it dies. Being a handyman for a whole afternoon with no touching kills attraction.

 

I do see your point, but I did touch her though throughout the day and in the evening after we ate and came back to the house. I even ran my fingers through her hair and said she smells really good, she told me she doesn't like compliments, not sure aside from just grabbing her and tossing her on the bed, what else I could have done? She just didn't seem too interested in that stuff.

 

There was one time she was sitting on the edge of the bed, I almost sat down next to her and made my move, but I didn't feel she was in the mindset, she told me flat out that a man wanting sex so soon is a instant turn off, should I take that as a crock?

 

Well I took my shirt off when I was doing the home remodeling, like in one of those Lifetime movies and I'm real toned and in good shape? Thought that would have made a difference since it always works in the movies lol, of course I'm kidding.

[Insoc]

To any woman looking for "serious" or even semi serious, you put yourself into the friend-zone by suggesting you were some nomadic man that could end up anywhere.

That is not someone she can afford to invest in.

Here today, gone tomorrow...

 

Not the complete story, she asked me if I would consider relocating to another area, because she was talking about leaving the area for someplace new.

[Insoc]

Why did she invite you over- did she make you dinner or anything or was it just to move furniture?

 

That took most of the afternoon, but some other people were there moving stuff in, then after that was over we went out to eat and came back to a quiet house, we watched a movie, and played some board games and I just used the time to get to know her better.