Should I send another message?

[dragonwalker]

There was someone I was really interested in on okcupid especially since it seemed like she and I shared some key and unique interests. I had "liked her" about 1-2 weeks ago and I come to find at 1:20 Monday morning on 12/31 she liked me back but no message.

 

Apparently I think the application doesn't send her my message from last week until she like me back. I send a follow-up question about my initial question. She responds: "Hi XXX! I haven't, but I'll definitely check it out when I have the time. Thanks for the recommendation :)" I asked her about a documentary out in theaters.

 

 

I send this message to her on Tuesday: "Happy New Year Flor, how has your holiday been? How long of a vacation do you get from work and school?"

 

I see that by Wednesday she's read it but there hasn't been a response yet. Normally I'd move on but I feel maybe I should continue trying?

 

If any of you think so, should I just ask another question?

 

I don't get why people do this after they have "liked you." To be fair she did mention in her profile she says she trys to respond to everyone which is very surprising leading me to believe she is very new online or very nice. Yet she also said under what she is looking for: "this thing [okcupid] has become boring. I don't even know anymore." I also saw that she was on several times since reading the message at the same time I was for several hours.

Edited January 6, 2019 by dragonwalker

[Garcon1986]

You should specifically propose a date and a venue for her now; she's probably tired of endless online chatter. Ask her out and put the ball in her court. She's waiting for the real deal.

[smackie9]

Stop being so passive. Just get to it...."I see you are interested in _____,How about we meet up for coffee to discuss________"

[manfrombelow2]

To answer your question:

 

NO, you should not.

 

Why? Because any normal person with dignity would never try to "send another message" after the 1st one got ignored.

 

Moreover, that person doesn't own you anything just because she "liked" your profile in the first place. She has every rights in the world to not response to you if she doesn't want to.

 

And by not replying to you (on purpose I suppose), you should take that as her subtle way of saying "please leave me alone." And when someone wants us to leave them alone, we leave them alone by not trying to contact them anymore.

 

It's simple 1+1=2 logic.

 

My advice is you should move on, and proceed to check out other girls, instead of stucking with this particular one because that's weak and beta behaviour, which will get you nowhere.

 

There was someone I was really interested in on okcupid especially since it seemed like she and I shared some key and unique interests. I had "liked her" about 1-2 weeks ago and I come to find at 1:20 Monday morning on 12/31 she liked me back but no message.

 

Apparently I think the application doesn't send her my message from last week until she like me back. I send a follow-up question about my initial question. She responds: "Hi XXX! I haven't, but I'll definitely check it out when I have the time. Thanks for the recommendation :)" I asked her about a documentary out in theaters.

 

 

I send this message to her on Tuesday: "Happy New Year Flor, how has your holiday been? How long of a vacation do you get from work and school?"

 

I see that by Wednesday she's read it but there hasn't been a response yet. Normally I'd move on but I feel maybe I should continue trying?

 

If any of you think so, should I just ask another question?

 

I don't get why people do this after they have "liked you." To be fair she did mention in her profile she says she trys to respond to everyone which is very surprising leading me to believe she is very new online or very nice. Yet she also said under what she is looking for: "this thing [okcupid] has become boring. I don't even know anymore." I also saw that she was on several times since reading the message at the same time I was for several hours.

[d0nnivain]

Nope. Ball's in her court. She found somebody else on the app who tickles her fancy more then you. It may be timing. But she's not interested.

[manfrombelow2]

Exactly, I would like to add, that it doesn't have to be that woman's having someone new. Even if she hasn't found anyone better, she still have every rights to stop replying to OP for whatever reasons that only God knows.

 

And most importantly, she doesn't own OP anything, even a "reply."

 

Nope. Ball's in her court. She found somebody else on the app who tickles her fancy more then you. It may be timing. But she's not interested.

[dragonwalker]

@thaygiaogiang. Thank you for responding. Reading your response I am not clear that you understand the situation. I apologize that is perhaps partly my fault.

 

You said that "...any normal person with dignity would never try to 'send another message' after the first one got ignored." That is not what happened. I initially liked her and sent her a message. She liked back. I sent a follow-up question to my first message. She responded. I send another message. No response.

 

 

From my perspective she did two things to encourage contact. The like and the message. You are absolutely right that she does not "own"[owe] me anything. I do not know how you came to that conclusion. If it's because I asked why I didn't understand there was no response after the exchange than you and I clearly work on different logic.

 

@Garcon, smackie, I might do as you say I'm leaving the possibility she may have gotten busy.

 

@d0nnivain, I get you, it's possible

[manfrombelow2]

You're welcome to stick with your own opinions, please don't start a debate. I merely gave you my point of view, you don't have to try and prove me wrong. Because I don't care and I don't own you anything.

 

@thaygiaogiang. Thank you for responding. Reading your response I am not clear that you understand the situation. I apologize that is perhaps partly my fault.

 

You said that "...any normal person with dignity would never try to 'send another message' after the first one got ignored." That is not what happened. I initially liked her and sent her a message. She liked back. I sent a follow-up question to my first message. She responded. I send another message. No response.

 

 

From my perspective she did two things to encourage contact. The like and the message. You are absolutely right that she does not "own"[owe] me anything. I do not know how you came to that conclusion. If it's because I asked why I didn't understand there was no response after the exchange than you and I clearly work on different logic.

 

@Garcon, smackie, I might do as you say I'm leaving the possibility she may have gotten busy.

 

@d0nnivain, I get you, it's possible

[Garcon1986]

Either way, keep on sending messages to prospective women. Don't worry about the opinions here, we've all got a thick skin from joshing each other around.

[edgygirl]

I can only speak for myself but on my okc profile I made it very clear that I prefer first messages talking about things that refer to more fundamental topics like personality or interests in life, and why did they think we might be a good match, instead of asking me about concrete stuff like "how is your day going" "how are your holidays/vacation/Sunday going".

 

Those type of messages get me bored instantaneously and I stop responding. My rationale: you don't know me, my day or my vacation shouldn't matter to you yet. I care about ideas, passions, personality.

 

That's why I find Myers Briggs so helpful. I am (N) intuitive and I can't match with (S) sensors - they are all about concrete things as in: what are you doing for this weekend? Whereas I am more about the abstract stuff as in - hey I have an idea that can change the world, let's discuss it.

 

I send this message to her on Tuesday: "Happy New Year Flor, how has your holiday been? How long of a vacation do you get from work and school?"

Edited January 6, 2019 by edgygirl

[maxi105]

hi d/w. does she live near you? do you like her profile or pic. if so maybe try one more message and if its ignored, move on and look at other people on the site, or other sites if your getting bored there.

 

she might have been genuinely busy as its the start of a new year, so I agree with smackie and just put something more concrete out there to her and if she does live in a realistic location that you can or are willing to travel too write and see if she gets back to it properly in a way that you know what is going on or if she'd like to hook up or not.

 

but if she lives too far, forget it, its probably just an online thing.

 

maybe you could also try actually getting out there and meeting people (if you are not doing that already), it saves a lot of time and you can tell if they like you a lot quicker and have more fun getting to know them chatting etc.

 

but, its true, sometimes you do get people liking others on these sites endlessly but who don't actually say much to the messages they get in order to move things on. or those getting in touch with people in the profiles they see that live hundreds or thousands of miles away!!! laugh:!!!! so of course it would all get very expensive if anything ever happened!

 

ah well....I guess its nice just to know people are out there and willing to chat, even if it cant (or is unlikely to come to anything real), it just depends who you meet and whether there is a likely match, you like each other and are free etc.

 

give it a go sure if you are still interested, but from what you've already said, if she's been online for a few hours since you wrote and you were online at the same time and she hasn't replied to her inbox to you by then, it might be that she isn't as interested as much.

 

but good luck anyway. but there are loads of people on there with an ok profile surely aren't there?

 

so dont let the situation knock you back. it happens a lot online dating sites!

good wishes. maxi

[Gretchen12]

I was on okcupid. Women get like 50 messages a day, everyday. Responding to messages is a full time job. What makes it easier is that only some of the men actually propose we meet up the coming weekend, and of those, only some of them seem to be compatible according to their profiles, and among those, only some of them live nearby. Lastly narrow it down to the good looking ones, only a few remain.

For me, the process is this:

1. Be available (ask me out)

2. Be a match (profile should give info, not be blank)

3. Be geographically compatible.

4. Be good looking (have good photos).

 

A lot of men are just not available (number 1). Nobody has time to chat with so many people. That's just not sustainable past 2 messages.

 

Oh, and I might add that if she "liked" you, that means you pretty much already got numbers 2, 3, 4. A woman will not "like" you on okcupid unless you are a prospect.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Gretchen12

[dragonwalker]

@edgy, max, Gretchen. The general question about her vacation/schedule was also to determine likely times I might be able to ask her to meet. Actually, my very first message to her was based on one of her interests in historical documentaries and I had asked about a very unique one that was out in theaters about that time. From the answers women provide about how soon they are willing to meet, most say after chatting for several days, some say weeks so from those statements I have tended to not attempt to ask until at least several days. However this seems to be another one of those things that people say but perhaps don't actually mean....

 

She lives very close by which was another big thing why I even gave more thought to it.

 

Generally I do look at the profile photo first but almost always read the entire profile. If interested I will go through as many of her answered questions as possible so I attempt to make an effort to understand her as best I can.

 

I have a combination of recently taken professional photos and more casual photos posted. I think my photos are good based on how I feel and at least one other person on this forum who I have shown them to. I'm average looking though but I'm trying. Also with some help I have extensively edited my profile to make it relevant.

 

I will send 1 last message early this evening to meet and no more unless she responds.

Edited January 7, 2019 by dragonwalker

[Gretchen12]

It's not how many messages you send. It's what you say in it.

[ExpatInItaly]

She would have replied by now if she were interested, OP.

 

I would not bother sending another message. Her silence is your answer.

[Mac0908]

How old are you? If you're over 19 and are stressing this much about some random chick on Okc who didn't write back to your second message and probably has 30 other messages coming in a day, then no offense but you got a LONG way to go.

 

@thaygiogang was correct. Move on.

 

And piece of advice coming from an Online Dating Veteran...

 

"Happy New Year Flor, how has your holiday been? How long of a vacation do you get from work and school?"

 

Cut the small talk when it comes to initial messages on a dating app. Save that stuff for when you're legitimately dating. In the first few messages, these days, where women are receiving endless messages a day, attention spans are less and less and people are busier than ever, you must say something interesting to get their attention. Not how are you and how long of a vacation do you have? I know you were trying to figure out her schedule, but you don't go at it like that. Next time be direct and simply say "We should definitely grab a drink this week. What's your schedule like?"