MIAho Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 For the last three months, I had been dating this woman. We had great chemistry together and a lot of the same interests. About two months into our relationship, she moved to a new town that was about an hour away from where I lived but we still continued to meet each other half way and occassionally, I would spend the night at her place. Last weekend, I was staying at her place for the weekend and we had plans to hang out with her best friend, her cousin and his girlfriend. We went out for dinner and drinks and her cousin was being extremely generous and paid for dinner and several rounds of drinks. As a response, I bought everyone a round of drinks. The following week, she abruptly broke up with me and listed a number of reasons. She was upset because I let her cousin paid for the dinner. She was also upset because we always used to split the bill when we went out to dinner, which was always at her insistence, since she always used to tell me that she "wasn't the kind of girl who expects guys to always pay for everything." Two weeks ago, while she was home sick, she claimed that I never asked her if she needed me to get her anything, even though I was out of town and was constantly checking up on her. She said that I left a wet towel on the floor of her bedroom when I last stayed over her apartment. Since the breakup, I have tried to talk to her and apologize but she has refused to respond to my texts or phone calls. I'm a little confused by some of her reasons and feel that there might have been another reason for her breaking up that she didn't tell me. Any thoughts?
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I don't know. It's a little unreasonable to expect someone to drive an hour to bring you Pepto Bismol if you have some friends or family closer. She was confusing about paying. If YOU invited her cousin and those people, then I guess some places, it would be up to you to pay, but if she did or they organized it, seems like whoever asked either should pay OR it should be split. Considering it's HER relatives, I'd have thought she'd pay or they'd pay and leave you out of it, but maybe like you did, buy a round, seems fair. So maybe there's more. Maybe she just lost the spark. I guess if she isn't talking, you'll never know. Was there anything going on at dinner that was embarrassing or loud? I ask since it happened right after that. 2
Rayce Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I am sorry but the "wet towel"... very petty. Dude... you deserve better than that. 1
Author MIAho Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 I don't know. It's a little unreasonable to expect someone to drive an hour to bring you Pepto Bismol if you have some friends or family closer. She was confusing about paying. If YOU invited her cousin and those people, then I guess some places, it would be up to you to pay, but if she did or they organized it, seems like whoever asked either should pay OR it should be split. Considering it's HER relatives, I'd have thought she'd pay or they'd pay and leave you out of it, but maybe like you did, buy a round, seems fair. So maybe there's more. Maybe she just lost the spark. I guess if she isn't talking, you'll never know. Was there anything going on at dinner that was embarrassing or loud? I ask since it happened right after that. She was one who organized it, since she had been saying that she wanted me to meet her friend for weeks and she decided to invite her cousin at the last minute. Didn't seem like there was anything weird that happened that night. If fact, at the end of the night, we kissed and she said that she couldn't wait to see me again.
basil67 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Occasionally you'd spend the night together. Why only occasionally? Doesn't sound like this arrangement would meet anyone's needs.
GinON Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 It sounds like she is just not into the relationship, could be the distance, or she just isn't that into you and she can't just say (or can't even see that she needs to just say) its not working. If she was really into you she would say, "Don't leave the towels on the floor, nitwit, now get over here so we can have some fun!" As far as the paying for stuff, She should do a similar thing, "Hey, I would rather you pay for half next time, when its appropriate." Or at least talk to you about it the next day or something. I say you are winning here, she seems rather unpleasant, savinga pile of things to complain about as ammo for a break up. It puts you on the defensive so she can easily push you away. Move on and be glad it didnt get drawn out longer. Stop defending yourself and using logic, she isnt leaving you for logical reasons that you can fix.
Author MIAho Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 Occasionally you'd spend the night together. Why only occasionally? Doesn't sound like this arrangement would meet anyone's needs. It was usually because she worked early in the morning every other weekend.
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 She was upset because I let her cousin paid for the dinner.She was also upset because we always used to split the bill when we went out to dinner, which was always at her insistence, since she always used to tell me that she "wasn't the kind of girl who expects guys to always pay for everything." Two weeks ago, while she was home sick, she claimed that I never asked her if she needed me to get her anything, even though I was out of town and was constantly checking up on her.She said that I left a wet towel on the floor of her bedroom when I last stayed over her apartment. My guesses. She was showing you off so expected you to take the lead, not stand back and let the cousin pay. You lost some respect from her there.Not sure but maybe along the lines of "We are a couple", WE will pay our share. YOU ignored her potential input by paying for a round on your own, or maybe it fed into #1 too. She expected you to suggest that you as the "power couple" pay for everything, not take the weaker stance in just you paying for one round of drinks.She was expecting more care and attention from you.Loss of respect. You are a grown man, she is not your mother or your skivvy. I guess there were other similar instances of you treating her place like a hotel. There may also be some resentment around why did you always stay with her, why never at your place?
FMW Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 How did the cousin paying for the dinner come about? As long as it was clearly his idea ("hey, I've got the check, my treat"), you "letting him pay" is not unreasonable. You paying for a round of drinks was a natural follow up. Since you say you usually split dinners out together, if you never paid for her I can see where she might give it some thought if she's really sensitive about paying her own way, but even then I would see that as a reason for a discussion - not a breakup. If you were "constantly" checking up on her while she was sick then she has no reason to be upset. It's unreasonable to expect you to make long distance runs to pick up things for her for some minor cold/flu. The towel thing is ridiculous. If she's that rigid about things then count yourself lucky you didn't get any more involved with her. Three months is probably a natural point where people decide whether they want to continue investing in a relationship or not. Maybe she decided she didn't like the hour distance between you now, maybe she met someone else. Whatever her reason, her refusing to respond to your texts and phone calls makes it clear there's nothing more for you to do. Don't waste any more thought on it, move on and enjoy the opportunity to meet someone new. 1
Author MIAho Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 How did the cousin paying for the dinner come about? As long as it was clearly his idea ("hey, I've got the check, my treat"), you "letting him pay" is not unreasonable. You paying for a round of drinks was a natural follow up. He secretly paid for dinner when he went to use the restroom. As we were waiting for the check, he announced that he already paid it.
preraph Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Well, the cousin shouldn't have paid. In my world, she'd have paid and you, the bf, would have given her part of the bill later, your part. The cousin should NOT have paid, but that is on your gf. You're not her family's sugar daddy.
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