Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 After a breakup, if you were either the one who ended the relationship or the one who was hurt and dumped, would you still harbour some sort of feelings for them to the point where you would suffer from a broken heart? Obviously every relationship is different, but generally would you mourn them and the relationship or do you think you could move on in life to the point of it not becoming an 'interference'?
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Of course. A relationship is a precious wonderful thing. You feel good when you are falling in love. When it ends, there is pain, loss & fear of the unknown future. 2
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 After a breakup, if you were either the one who ended the relationship or the one who was hurt and dumped, would you still harbour some sort of feelings for them to the point where you would suffer from a broken heart? Obviously every relationship is different, but generally would you mourn them and the relationship or do you think you could move on in life to the point of it not becoming an 'interference'? I think it’s different for every relationship. My last one, things were rocky for a year and the last 2 months were hell (we lived together but saw each other once a week, he was sleeping over at friends and not letting me know, would disappear for 2 days without a note or text, was using drugs and lying about it). So when it ended, I was simply relieved because the relationship was bad at the end. But, if everything was good for me and he broke up out of nowhere, I would have been devastated and heartbroken. For example, if my current bf left me today, I would suffer... much more than my last relationship, even though I’ve been with him 6 months and was with my ex 4 years. 1
loversquarrel Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Yes of course, it is the death of something. 2
Twizzlestick Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I’ve been dumped after ten years and yes I believe in a broken heart. I have one. It’s the most terrible emotional agony. You’re plunged into a dark abyss, forever falling in darkness with a horrid weightless pain in your stomach. My Dad’s a vicar and used to discussing and counselling all manner of grief, loss etc. He says the process of a true lost love is identical to grief and in many ways more destructive as it involves a decision made by someone, an abandonment. Answering your second bit. I don’t know. I really really wish I did. I hope with all my soul that I can come out of this and eventually not feel remorse and pain. And further more to love just as much in the future. I’d hate to feel someone’s decision to bail has sentenced me to a life in purgatory. Whilst they jaunt in their merry healing way. But then I read articles that say “women heal faster, men never get over a lost love” and then I want to throw my iPad across the room in despair.
MetallicHue Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I’ve been dumped after ten years and yes I believe in a broken heart. I have one. It’s the most terrible emotional agony. You’re plunged into a dark abyss, forever falling in darkness with a horrid weightless pain in your stomach. My Dad’s a vicar and used to discussing and counselling all manner of grief, loss etc. He says the process of a true lost love is identical to grief and in many ways more destructive as it involves a decision made by someone, an abandonment. Answering your second bit. I don’t know. I really really wish I did. I hope with all my soul that I can come out of this and eventually not feel remorse and pain. And further more to love just as much in the future. I’d hate to feel someone’s decision to bail has sentenced me to a life in purgatory. Whilst they jaunt in their merry healing way. But then I read articles that say “women heal faster, men never get over a lost love” and then I want to throw my iPad across the room in despair. That’s horrible that you had to go through that. I would think it maybe even worse than the grieving process if you got dumped and were with them for so long. I hope you meet someone else someday and love again even better than the last. I would think with a toxic relationship breakup it wouldn’t be so bad to break up.
Twizzlestick Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 That’s horrible that you had to go through that. I would think it maybe even worse than the grieving process if you got dumped and were with them for so long. I hope you meet someone else someday and love again even better than the last. I would think with a toxic relationship breakup it wouldn’t be so bad to break up. Thanks metallichue. I really hope so. It feels like I’ve handed my soul over to someone and that’s it, they’ve tossed it into the river and I’m left on the bank staring into the water whilst they skip off. I’m still astonished how they can spend months quietly digesting their “feelings” in a highly self absorbed way, not discuss things or try out of respect of being in a relationship and then make a decision that leave someone like this. It’s made all the worse that they seem to bound off. In the small amount of contact I did have afterwards they seemed more bothered what people thought of her when they found out she’d ended it. Out of pride I didn’t let on how destroyed I’ve been. I’m left boggled. I thoroughly respect someone’s feelings but I don’t think she has any idea of the consequence on someone’s life. Guess that’s a common feeling.
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 It depends. When you're ready to get out, there's no broken heart and you get over it, though may mourn the loss of that person as a friend. But most people do mourn. For me, what I mourn most is the loss of the momentum and hope, which makes you feel so alive. I have had a couple of guys just take a chunk out of my heart and really leave me changed. Remember, though, that the great love you feel comes from within you. It's not something that is born between you and the other person. That's just who you gave it to, but it's still in you to give to someone else. Just be careful who you give it to. And also remember, not everyone feels as great a depth of love as someone else does. There are people who just don't feel that intensity. 1
MetallicHue Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Thanks metallichue. I really hope so. It feels like I’ve handed my soul over to someone and that’s it, they’ve tossed it into the river and I’m left on the bank staring into the water whilst they skip off. I’m still astonished how they can spend months quietly digesting their “feelings” in a highly self absorbed way, not discuss things or try out of respect of being in a relationship and then make a decision that leave someone like this. It’s made all the worse that they seem to bound off. In the small amount of contact I did have afterwards they seemed more bothered what people thought of her when they found out she’d ended it. Out of pride I didn’t let on how destroyed I’ve been. I’m left boggled. I thoroughly respect someone’s feelings but I don’t think she has any idea of the consequence on someone’s life. Guess that’s a common feeling. I know from the grieving process thinks take time. But it sounds like you’re going through a lot worse than what I’ve experienced. It is very disheartening to hear this. Some people just don’t understand. Good luck at least I feel like for you things can only get better. 1
Twizzlestick Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I know from the grieving process thinks take time. But it sounds like you’re going through a lot worse than what I’ve experienced. It is very disheartening to hear this. Some people just don’t understand. Good luck at least I feel like for you things can only get better. Thanks for your kind words, I keep the thought going to myself that it isn’t predetermined I’ll always be lost to this.
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I’m still astonished how they can spend months quietly digesting their “feelings” in a highly self absorbed way, not discuss things or try out of respect of being in a relationship and then make a decision that leave someone like this. It’s made all the worse that they seem to bound off. That is often how dumpers operate. The truth is often that they tried and tried and tried to make things work but then they give up. They can take a while to process that and to pluck up enough courage to actually leave but often by the day they decide to break the bad news they may be almost completely healed. Hence why they move swiftly on, leaving the dumpee blind-sided and devastated.
Twizzlestick Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 That is often how dumpers operate. The truth is often that they tried and tried and tried to make things work but . Mmm. I can only talk in my case. They might think they’re trying and trying but whether they are is another matter. She might think she was. She didn’t really. She even admitted it. She spent most of last few years not fully emotionally bothering, that’s not trying. She wasn’t spending those years plucking up courage to end it, because she asked me to make some huge sacrifices (which I did to save the rele long story). Of course I had faults too, mainly through running out if emotional energy, but I was talking about it.. There was an imbalance that’s lasted at least 5 years. I’ve seen counselling about it the last year. Way off topic sorry OP Yes broken hearts do exist.
Recommended Posts