Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I think this is an interesting topic. Obviously you should work toward getting your life together and focusing on yourself as soon as the break up occurs, but for those who are looking to reconcile with an ex, how long is too long of a wait? 4 months? 5? Sound off in the comments below!
Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I think it's different for each individual. Me, I'd say maybe one to two months maximum would be the longest I'd wait without my other half before asking for a reconciliation.
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I would never go back with an ex. For me, if we weren’t able to solve our problema while being in a relationship, breaking up won’t fix it. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 When you see things starting to fail in your relationship, address then then, not after a break up. If you are the one being dumped by being confronted with somebody else's seemingly sudden desire to break up, you talk about it for maybe another week. If that doesn't fix it walk away. Wasting a half a year of your life trying to fix something the other person wants no part of fixing is waste of time & drags out the pain. If both people are actively working toward fixing whatever went wrong, then it takes as long as it takes.
Author Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 I thought this would be an interesting topic. How often does reconciliation between exes happen? I'd wager it happen about 40% of the time or less. But let's treat this as a poll! Did you: Reconciled with an ex Did not reconcile with an ex and moved on Did not reconcile with an ex but are still hopeful
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I thought this would be an interesting topic. How often does reconciliation between exes happen? I'd wager it happen about 40% of the time or less. But let's treat this as a poll! Did you: Reconciled with an ex Did not reconcile with an ex and moved on Did not reconcile with an ex but are still hopeful He broke up with me! I did not reconcile and moved on... he’s still hopeful, even after 8 months.
Author Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 He broke up with me! I did not reconcile and moved on... he’s still hopeful, even after 8 months. Very interesting Sophie! Congrats on working toward a better and brighter future! Did you discern why he tried to come back? Might be helpful for other posters!
Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I ended my last relationship which was an extremely difficult decision. Yes I'm devastated but in some ways I'd like to reconcile with her, whether she would I don't know.
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Very interesting Sophie! Congrats on working toward a better and brighter future! Did you discern why he tried to come back? Might be helpful for other posters! A month after he broke up with me, he came by the apartment that we used to share and told me that he thought we should get back together, he made a mistake bla bla bla (to be honest, I think he was sober again and just realized what he lost). I told him HELL NO! He was not happy about it, started harassing me... it was hell for 2 weeks. Then he tried another tactic: going to my friends, my friend’s parents to cry and tell them he missed me. Everything to make me realize that my decision not to take him back was the right one. Maybe 4 months after our break, he stared dating again. He began texting me again, saying that after dating a couple of girls, he realized what he lost and that he’ll never have it again, told me he changed, told my friends the same thing. But I didn’t change my mind. He wrote me on Xmas and NY, but I didn’t reply.
Author Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 A month after he broke up with me, he came by the apartment that we used to share and told me that he thought we should get back together, he made a mistake bla bla bla (to be honest, I think he was sober again and just realized what he lost). I told him HELL NO! He was not happy about it, started harassing me... it was hell for 2 weeks. Then he tried another tactic: going to my friends, my friend’s parents to cry and tell them he missed me. Everything to make me realize that my decision not to take him back was the right one. Maybe 4 months after our break, he stared dating again. He began texting me again, saying that after dating a couple of girls, he realized what he lost and that he’ll never have it again, told me he changed, told my friends the same thing. But I didn’t change my mind. He wrote me on Xmas and NY, but I didn’t reply. Good for you for sticking to your guns! I like how "begging and pleading" is a huge turnoff regardless of whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, maybe that's why people recommend no contact so strongly after a break up
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Good for you for sticking to your guns! I like how "begging and pleading" is a huge turnoff regardless of whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, maybe that's why people recommend no contact so strongly after a break up We were no contact for about 2 weeks, but his stuff was still at the apartment and he dragged that out as much as he could to stay in contact with me. As I said, the second that relationship was over, I was done. Felt relief because it was really bad at the end. I gave everything I had during the relationship to make it work, and it wasn’t enough. So no amount of begging or Nc or whatever would have made a difference. When I’m done, I’m DONE. 1
basil67 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If a person says they aren't interested in reconciliation, don't waste time waiting. If they are unsure, then wait for as long as you feel is reasonable.
Author Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 If a person says they aren't interested in reconciliation, don't waste time waiting. If they are unsure, then wait for as long as you feel is reasonable. Hmmm. I think that's a reasonable point of view, so what would you say about people who just go immediate no contact after breaking up yet still hope for reconciliation?
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Hmmm. I think that's a reasonable point of view, so what would you say about people who just go immediate no contact after breaking up yet still hope for reconciliation? If both persons hope for reconciliation, why break up in the first place?
Author Fekenaws Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 If both persons hope for reconciliation, why break up in the first place? GIGS, immaturity, incompatible at the time, etc. There's alot of reasons
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 GIGS, immaturity, incompatible at the time, etc. There's alot of reasons I can’t really answer because for me, once it’s done, it’s done... I don’t go back with an ex, ever. If I end the relationship, it’s because we have problems that we can’t resolve and time won’t change that. If the other person dumps me, it means he isn’t willing to work on what’s wrong or he just checked out, and I won’t put myself through that again, so no chance in getting back together.
Mrin Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 47, male. I've only reconciled once. As for how it turned out - I'll let you know in about 40-50 years. ;-)
Grisha Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Out of the 5 relationships I’ve been in I got dumped by 3, I dumped 1, and 1 was mutual. 1st Gf dumped me after just 4 months because I was weak and needy. I begged for her and she ended up blocking me. After about 4 months I moved on and found someone much better. After about 1.5 years she tried to reconcile but I was already with someone better so I had no interest. She’d tell me how much she missed me and asked to see me multiple times to which I made excuses. 2nd Gf I dumped after 3 years of a toxic relationship to which I realized I had to break up with her no matter how hard it seemed it would be. She would call me, come to my job, my house, cry to me for hours, beg, all the above. I just wasn’t into her anymore (I was interested in another girl right when we broke up) she tried to remain my friend and tried getting back together for almost 2 years. Never happened. 3rd Gf lasted 3 months. She was cold with me and she wasn’t treating me the way a gf should. Later on I found out she wasn’t over an ex who she broke up with 3 weeks before her and I got together. The breakup was mutual between us because I had sent a kind text saying how I felt and she said she’s sorry but doesn’t know how she feels about me and I never responded. About 8 months later of NC she randomly reached out and asked me out. I went out with her (but I had my mind and love on another girl) She was chasing me for about a month until she gave up because I never showed much interest (I was into her but into another girl more) we still talk every month or two. 4th Gf lasted 8 months. This was a hot/cold relationship. It was hard to leave this one because she’d text me 24/7 but we’d only hang out once or twice a month because of her “busy schedule” She ended up leaving me and later on telling me she was in love with her college track coach who was 35 while she was only 19. She was always in love with him but didn’t realize it until he made a move on her.. he left her after about 6 months and tried reconciling with me a year later but I had found the best I’ve ever had by then which was my 5th Gf. I don’t ever plan on dating my 4th because im no longer physically attracted to her. We are friends to this day. 5th Gf. I chased this one for about a year. One day we got close and it just happened. We dated for 7 months which she also seemed very hot/cold. I seemed way more interested in the relationship than her. I was always the one asking to see her even though I was only asking once a week. She ended up breaking up with me but in a very unsure way. I took other people’s advice and just helped her end the relationship by telling her we should go our separate ways unless she’s SURE about me. Told her to let me know if that happens. It’s been 10 weeks and she reaches out but not in ways that it seems she wants to come back. I tried telling her to not contact me unless she wants to be with me but she still contacted me the other day about a small question. Nobody has caught my eye because I’m still in love with her, but I’m sure eventually I will find someone else if she never comes back. This was by far the prettiest girl I’ve had and all 3 of her ex’s all begged for her and stalked her and all that so I decided to be the first ex bf to not do that. We shall see what happens.
Grisha Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) My ex that dumped me 2.5 months ago has had 4 ex’s who she all dumped but reconciled with. It depends on the person. A lot of girls act out on emotion and are more likely to get back with an ex than a guy would. When a man breaks up with a woman he didn’t do it out of emotion. He did it out of logic. I’m not saying all men and woman are like that but the majority are. I love that my ex broke up with me because it made me become very motivated to better my life. I’m a scrawny 6’4 man about 140 pounds who has already reached 155 pounds in 2 months and put on muscle. The gym has become a lifestyle and the feeling of confidence has sky rocketed. Even if she never comes back I plan on reaching 200 pounds and I’m dam sure I will look a lot better in the future. Guarantee she’ll regret it years down the road lol anyways my number would be 4 months max depending on why the breakup happened. She broke up with me because she was struggling in life and she’s just at a low point. Hardly getting by financially. Frustrated about not getting where she wants to be. Just many things. She wasn’t and still isn’t happy with her life as an individual and I was always helping her. Edited January 6, 2019 by Grisha
Normm Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 It's not a matter of time. If you've been dumped then the healthy approach to take is to get on with your life and not wait around or worse yet beg the person in the hope they will somehow change their mind and all the stuff they felt was wrong with you and the relationship won't matter anymore. Sometimes the dumper comes around, weeks months or years later but so what? The important thing here is what the dumpee does after being dumped- and that's NOT asking how long is too long to wait.
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