LittleLuu Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If a guy you have just met tells you he is not looking for something serious right now (and you are but not in a rush to get into anything) is it worth to continue seeing him?
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Not if what you want is serious. If you want to kill time with someone who is NEVER going to be serious, feel free, but don't stop dating other people. They wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it. You're not going to change his mind with your womanly charm. He just wants sex and isn't ready for anything else. Date other guys if you want and then dump him when you find one who wants what you do. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I'll translate for you. Guy says he's "Not looking for anything serious right now" = he wants to have casual sex with no commitment. "Not looking for anything serious right now" also = I don't like you enough to imagine a serious relationship with you. But you're attractive enough that I'd like to have sex with you. It's the "formal" indirect way to say you just want to have sex. 2
Author LittleLuu Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) He didn’t directly say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but said he’s not sure we are looking for the same things and I told him I wasn’t looking for hook ups but also not looking to rush into anything serious and he said same and that he would like to see me again. But his original statement implied to me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Edited January 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) I wasn’t really looking for a relationship when I met my actual bf, but I was open to the idea if the right person came along. I was just out lf a 4 year relationship so going into another one wasn’t my plan. We went on dates for a month, became exclusive after 5 weeks, and we’ve been together ever since. Nonidea when it stopped being « dating » and started being a serious relationship. We just took it day by day and it naturally developed into something serious. Most people, when they say they’re not looking for anything serious right now, they only want sex. But for some, they just need time to take things slow. Edited January 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
losangelena Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 OP, what do you want? Do you want a serious relationship, or okay with something casual/nebulous?
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 No one would ever say something so offputting as "not ready for a serious relationship" if they were ready for a serious relationship with you. It's just a way to be vague and get sex, period. Would you ever tell someone you're not interested in a serious relationship if you thought they were super interesting and were interested in them? 2
SophieG Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 He didn’t directly say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but said he’s not sure we are looking for the same things and I told him I wasn’t looking for hook ups but also not looking to rush into anything serious and he said same and that he would like to see me again. But his original statement implied to me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. No one would ever say something so offputting as "not ready for a serious relationship" if they were ready for a serious relationship with you. It's just a way to be vague and get sex, period. Would you ever tell someone you're not interested in a serious relationship if you thought they were super interesting and were interested in them? I did, before meeting him. I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but if I met the right person, I’d be open to a relationship. He knew where I stood. After 2 weeks of dating, he told me he could really see himself with me, but wasn’t pushing anything on me, he was willing to go with my pace and take things slow, which we did.
Author LittleLuu Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) I am glad that it worked out for you Sophie, I do think things can be a little different when the roles are reversed though (guy looking for a relationship/girl isn’t) as they say men are the keepers of commitment and women are the keepers of sex. I have told him that I am not looking for anything casual so maybe eventually he will choose not to continue seeing me. Edited January 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author LittleLuu Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 OP, what do you want? Do you want a serious relationship, or okay with something casual/nebulous? A serious relationship would honestly be difficult for me to maintain right now due to my career but at the same time I am looking for someone who has potential for something to evolve and I am definitely not looking for hook ups or fwb.
MetallicHue Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If a guy you have just met tells you he is not looking for something serious right now (and you are but not in a rush to get into anything) is it worth to continue seeing him? I think if that’s the expectation at the beginning he doesn’t think of you well enough. I wouldn’t lower my standards to date someone like that. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If a guy you have just met tells you he is not looking for something serious right now (and you are but not in a rush to get into anything) is it worth to continue seeing him? If you want serious, you will be wasting your time with him. If you are open to sex without monogamy & no commitment AND you can guard your heart against falling for such a person it may be fun for a while. You run the risk of missing out on a better guy while you are fooling around with him. IF you can't divorce your emotions from sex, don't even try because you will be back here crying that he lead you on. These non serious things rarely evolve to something serious later. By then most guys lose respect for you because you allowed yourself to play around. If you go into this assume it will always be not serious.
Andy_K Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If a guy you have just met tells you he is not looking for something serious right now (and you are but not in a rush to get into anything) is it worth to continue seeing him? When a girl says she's not looking for anything serious right now, it normally means she doesn't want to rush into anything but is open to things gradually changing in the natural course of things if you two are a good match. When a guy says the same thing it means he wants to screw you regularly without the prospect of any commitment, ever. 5
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 These non serious things rarely evolve to something serious later. By then most guys lose respect for you because you allowed yourself to play around. If you go into this assume it will always be not serious. You get put into the "only for sex and fun" box and if and when he wants to get serious he looks elsewhere, as you are then not of the "quality" he is looking for. 1
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 When a girl says she's not looking for anything serious right now, it normally means she doesn't want to rush into anything but is open to things gradually changing in the natural course of things if you two are a good match. When a guy says the same thing it means he wants to screw you regularly without the prospect of any commitment, ever. Thank you for your candor.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 When a girl says she's not looking for anything serious right now, it normally means she doesn't want to rush into anything but is open to things gradually changing in the natural course of things if you two are a good match. When a guy says the same thing it means he wants to screw you regularly without the prospect of any commitment, ever. Totally on the money, Andy. I'm afraid some women hear the "nothing serious" from a guy as meaning they're open to the relationship growing into something serious if the chemistry is good between them. Very logical. But for guys ... those words (and even that body language of that intent, OP!) mean they only want sex. And yes, guys will dangle the I'm not looking for anything serious NOW to hint at the possibility of wanting something serious LATER--when they have made a firm decision to close off anything serious emerging later.
mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I don't like it when I encounter someone who says they are not looking for anything serious. If they come out and say that to you, then you (as the woman) must ask yourself if you are not wanting something serious. If it's an OLD situation, you must say to yourself that this is the one and only encounter you will have with this person so make the most of it for that one meeting. If you have not heard anything from him within 48 hours after the first encounter, you will not hear from him again. And ... That's that. If you are with someone for another few encounters, and he still says he doesn't want something serious, then by all means keep your options open. I ask myself how and why it is that people date at all if they aren't looking for something serious. I myself am at the point where I want something serious, it's one thing if and when you meet and you have no chemistry with each other then nothing ventured nothing gained. But to continue to see someone when you don't want anything serious? I don't think that's right.
Author LittleLuu Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 I was thinking of giving it at least another date or two (without sex) and guaging his level of interest from there but thinking twice after reading these responses and I guess even if someone is just looking for sex from you they are going to put on an act anyway.
chillii Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Sorry to say but not looking for something serious just means sorry, your just not someone l'd wanna be in a relationship with.
Author LittleLuu Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 To clarify; He didn’t actually say “I am not looking for anything serious” he said he gets the impression I want something serious and doesn’t think we are looking for the same thing. I asked him what he’s looking for an he said he didn’t know. I said I wasn’t looking for anything casual just someone who I’d like to get to know and see how things evolve. He said he wanted the same. I interpreted that to mean he wasn’t looking for something serious but he did also say he’s not looking for anything casual...
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 He's warning you against having expectations where he is concerned. 2
Author LittleLuu Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 He's warning you against having expectations where he is concerned. I get that
manfrombelow2 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 It means that he's not into you. Period. He didn’t directly say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but said he’s not sure we are looking for the same things and I told him I wasn’t looking for hook ups but also not looking to rush into anything serious and he said same and that he would like to see me again. But his original statement implied to me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Malin889 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I've had so many guys online say to me, as we were just chatting, before we've met, "I don't think we're looking for the same thing". I think it's funny because they don't even know me and have only been messaging me for a short time, and they never even asked me what I was "looking for", but just assume they know what I'm looking for. Usually when someone whose never met me says "I don't think we're looking for the same thing", I take it to mean "I'm not interested in talking to you further." That's just my take on it. It's a nice way of saying they're not interested. Maybe your guy is, maybe he isn't, but why say it?
Author LittleLuu Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) I've had so many guys online say to me, as we were just chatting, before we've met, "I don't think we're looking for the same thing". I think it's funny because they don't even know me and have only been messaging me for a short time, and they never even asked me what I was "looking for", but just assume they know what I'm looking for. Usually when someone whose never met me says "I don't think we're looking for the same thing", I take it to mean "I'm not interested in talking to you further." That's just my take on it. It's a nice way of saying they're not interested. Maybe your guy is, maybe he isn't, but why say it? Yes I agree. After he had said this to me I wished him well and told him I wasn’t looking for anything casual but he continued talking and said he wanted to see me again next week. So I don’t know...I have to keep him at his word and not assume that he wants anything serious from me but if I don’t sleep with him I don’t really see any harm in going out with him again since he asked. Edited January 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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