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I like someone that is completely not my type... He's the opposite

sunflowerandclouds94

By sunflowerandclouds94
in Dating

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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I’m also puzzled as to why you’d be worried about sexual harassment. If anything, your boss should be the one to worry!

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

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I’m also puzzled as to why you’d be worried about sexual harassment. If anything, your boss should be the one to worry!

 

Well I texted him if he wanted to go hiking with my friends on his cell phone. He did say I can message him if I ever need anything. He could use that against me. I don't think he would but you never know. I'm not going to pursue this anymore because yeah I'm not going to s*** where I work. Just sucks because these feelings emerged all of a sudden. Like I was not attracted to him at all before. Didn't like him as a person, boss or anything. I thought it was a sign for a universe lol. Also I'm not sure if I'm misreading the signs. Like he could just very well be trying to be a good boss is all and wants me to come to work and is being nice. He and I clashed a lot before so it's weird.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

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I don't think it's a good idea to date people from work, but... Jeezus. The guy is busy one day and you already think he's not interested?

 

You have to work on controlling that anxiety, girl!

 

It's hard to work on anxiety when my state doesn't have good psychologist out. Lol. I love theraphy but it's hard to find a counselor. But yeah my friends all said he's not going to drop everything he can because his family is in town(Hispanic culture prioritizes family a lot) I feel like I'm reading everything wrong though. Like he could geniunely just be trying to be a good boss and I'm thinking it's flirting or hitting on me? He could be just having fun and I'm taking it too literal. Definitely going to just stop everything and work though.

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Well I texted him if he wanted to go hiking with my friends on his cell phone. He did say I can message him if I ever need anything. He could use that against me. I don't think he would but you never know. I'm not going to pursue this anymore because yeah I'm not going to s*** where I work. Just sucks because these feelings emerged all of a sudden. Like I was not attracted to him at all before. Didn't like him as a person, boss or anything. I thought it was a sign for a universe lol. Also I'm not sure if I'm misreading the signs. Like he could just very well be trying to be a good boss is all and wants me to come to work and is being nice. He and I clashed a lot before so it's weird.

 

He is the one with power over you! How is he going to claim sexual harassment? :confused:

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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I know it's hard and expensive to get therapy. But I feel you should at least research online psychology topics about relationships, anxiety in dating, reading male cues in dating etc. Relationships are hard work, and if we're not equipped with emotional tools we need to navigate it, we miss on reading things the right way, and controlling our anxiety and reactions/impulsiveness. (I myself am trying to work on it and there's a ton of info online). Good luck!

 

Edit: seriously, enough with the "harassment" lawsuit, people. That's not the issue here. OP relax on that, it's not happening. I think your biggest issue is how you're dealing with things emotionally. Work on that side.

 

It's hard to work on anxiety when my state doesn't have good psychologist out. Lol. I love theraphy but it's hard to find a counselor.
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manfrombelow2 Established Member

manfrombelow2

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Seems to me that, given the young age and inexperience, OP is quite confused about what to do now that she has had already "confessed" her feelings with her boss.

 

Well, the harsh truth is: nothing is more convenient for a male than having a female subordinate drooling over him. Most of the cases, you would end up sleeping with your boss and nothing else grows from there (especially if your boss has already married).

 

While there's nothing bad about two consent adult having sexual intercourse if that's what they both want, but what if your boss only wants sex and you want something else, a "relationship" perhaps?

Edited by thaygiaogiang
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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

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Seems to me that, given the young age and inexperience, OP is quite confused about what to do now that she has had already "confessed" her feelings with her boss.

 

Well, the harsh truth is: nothing is more convenient for a male than having a female subordinate drooling over him. Most of the cases, you would end up sleeping with your boss and nothing else grows from there (especially if your boss has already married).

 

While there's nothing bad about two consent adult having sexual intercourse if that's what they both want, but what if your boss only wants sex and you want something else, a "relationship" perhaps?

 

Hello thanks for responding,

 

He doesn't have wife or kids. He's single and we both found each other on an online dating website. He has showed interest before but I declined. But now I'm showing interest and I'm not sure what he wants. I've been transparent in which I confessed my feelings. But then he just shyed away. He hasn't shut me down and he hasnt said he's not interested or he would just like to keep it professional. He just hasn't addressed it yet nor have we talked about it outside of work. I think that may be the case here. He wants sex and I want to date. He just came out of a 5 year relationship so that may be the case. Two different things going on plus with work it just complicates it more. I've come to the conclusion that I will just leave it alone because I need money and I don't think he's that interested.

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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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-he turned down your suggestion to hike with a family excuse

-he said you could stay at his house

-he stared at your cleavage and put his finger through your button hole in your cardigan

-he's called you a vixen / gorgeous

 

Seems pretty clear to me he's into you for sex, not really to spend quality time with you and get to know you.

 

-you're worried about sexual harrassment lawsuits because of a few comments on this thread

-you told him you're into him but that he should reject you

-he told you to calm down

-your friends laugh at you when you tell them the story and tell you you're socially awkward

 

You have some pretty big issues with anxiety you should probably work on before you date.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

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-he turned down your suggestion to hike with a family excuse

-he said you could stay at his house

-he stared at your cleavage and put his finger through your button hole in your cardigan

-he's called you a vixen / gorgeous

 

Seems pretty clear to me he's into you for sex, not really to spend quality time with you and get to know you.

 

-you're worried about sexual harrassment lawsuits because of a few comments on this thread

-you told him you're into him but that he should reject you

-he told you to calm down

-your friends laugh at you when you tell them the story and tell you you're socially awkward

 

You have some pretty big issues with anxiety you should probably work on before you date.

 

Yes and he is not avoiding me at work now.

I haven't spoken to him though.

I knew this from the beginning he wanted sex, but then I listened to others and started to get bold. Friends and other coworkers said go for it. He likes you. Now I look like a fool. Idk how to fix my anxiety. I've had it for 10+ years. I've been to counselors and it doesn't work either. Idk what else to do.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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I think you should leave it alone with your boss.

Hooking up with him could be a messy situation, especially if you're prone to anxiety!

 

Meditation rewires the brain to be more calm.

Have you tried that?

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

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I think you should leave it alone with your boss.

Hooking up with him could be a messy situation, especially if you're prone to anxiety!

 

Meditation rewires the brain to be more calm.

Have you tried that?

 

Didn't want to hook up. I just wanted to get to know him and see if we could date. But he's avoiding me at work now. :/

It's like a push and pull thing going on.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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If I were you I would just drop this whole thing and carry on as coworkers.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Run do not walk away from this situation. This is a very dangerous situation for a variety of reasons. You'll feel better about yourself.

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