I like someone that is completely not my type... He's the opposite

January 5, 2019

So this person showed interest in me first.

He's showed signs that he's attracted to me but I rejected him first because well he's my BOSS at work. I didn't want to start anything with that. But the more I was around him the more attracted I got to him. Btw he's the same age as me. 24. Also he's NOT my type.

I usually like tall, slender men who are of east Asian descent.

The guy I like is short, kinda chubby and hispanic. I ended up having this really large gut feeling. It felt hallow because I wanted to tell him I have a crush on him. Felt like I wanted to regurgitate it out. I ended up clocking out of work and I told him. He was surprised but I told him to reject me because it's not appropriate. He said he wasn't going to but I made him otherwise. The next day he asked if we are ok. I apologized for making it awkward. He says it's not and that I'm overthinking it and that we can talk as human beings outside of work. He said work is work. Outside of work is chill. Does that mean he likes me? Or is he trying to reject me outside of work?

January 5, 2019

Yours is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

Never announce to people especially superiors at work that you have a crush on them. What you took as signs of interest were probably just him being a good boss. Unless he asks you out on a date, there is no interest

He's trying to make things at work not awkward. Follow his lead but keep your mouth shut about some crush you think you may have

January 5, 2019

Yours is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

Never announce to people especially superiors at work that you have a crush on them. What you took as signs of interest were probably just him being a good boss. Unless he asks you out on a date, there is no interest

He's trying to make things at work not awkward. Follow his lead but keep your mouth shut about some crush you think you may have

He's not a good boss at all. He sucks.

He has told me if I want to stay at his home that I could text him. He has found me on an online dating website as well and wanted me to message him but I didn't because yeah work.

January 5, 2019

Yours is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

Never announce to people especially superiors at work that you have a crush on them. What you took as signs of interest were probably just him being a good boss. Unless he asks you out on a date, there is no interest

He's trying to make things at work not awkward. Follow his lead but keep your mouth shut about some crush you think you may have

Maybe I should quit. I already messed up and told him and I have to live with it forever.

January 5, 2019

He's not a good boss at all. He sucks.
He has told me if I want to stay at his home that I could text him. He has found me on an online dating website as well and wanted me to message him but I didn't because yeah work.

Why did you bother to tell him you had a crush on him if you don't want to go through with it. It seems like you're playing games trying to get him to chase. I agree this is a sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

January 5, 2019

Why did you bother to tell him you had a crush on him if you don't want to go through with it. It seems like you're playing games trying to get him to chase. I agree this is a sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

Ok so what should I do?

Should I quit?

How does one file a sexual harassment lawsuit?

I don't want him to file one on me.

I can't continue to go to work like this.

Do I talk to him? Do I avoid?

January 5, 2019

Why did you bother to tell him you had a crush on him if you don't want to go through with it. It seems like you're playing games trying to get him to chase. I agree this is a sexual harassment case waiting to happen.

I had to tell him. Which I never will do again at a job BUT I was clocked out of work. Like I've never done this ever at a workplace. I had a previous manager that liked me as well but I didn't go for it because I didn't want to get in trouble. I did now at my current job and I'm in this mess. I'm so nervous he's going to file a lawsuit against me. Please help.

I just thought with the signs he gave me like showing me he found me on a dating website, him kinda flirting, him extending his home to me in time of need were signs he was interested in pursuing something outside of work. I'm just going through a very bad time right now. I'm desperate I guess.

January 5, 2019

Crushes and flirtations and workplace flings happen all the time.

You only get into harassment territory or #metoo territory if the one of the people is a jerk and constantly harasses the other--even after the one person has expressed no interest.

Companies have reasonable policies for a supervisor-employee relationship. My workplace, for example, simply requires that if a supervisor-employee couple forms, both people must tell the company. Then the company will either transfer one of you to a different division or appoint a different supervisor for the employee.

There's no reason to quit your job--unless you are wealthy and want to do so for other reasons.

Your supervisor sounds like he handled things fine. You on the other hand, are freaking out. Lose the shame, lose the embarrassment.

The problem is that you wimped out on getting an answer from this guy. You're asking us if he's interested. Uh ... you're the one who initiated this bold step, so it's YOUR job to get that answer from him.

Tip for crushes. There is a difference between me crushing on someone and me feeling the interest of the other person. Most of the time, if there is real energy between you two, you would NOT have to schedule a dinner and announce this. You would FEEL it, powerfully so--not just your own feelings but his interest. What you did is the middle-school equivalent of approaching another student randomly in the lunchroom, totally catching that person by surprise.

Put your game face on ... do your job, do your job well and keep your job. You're going to have coworkers have crushes on you at some point in your life. Big deal. You'll handle it ... you wouldn't want them to quit just because you weren't interested. If there is something genuine between you two, it will emerge.

January 5, 2019

Crushes and flirtations and workplace flings happen all the time.

You only get into harassment territory or #metoo territory if the one of the people is a jerk and constantly harasses the other--even after the one person has expressed no interest.

Companies have reasonable policies for a supervisor-employee relationship. My workplace, for example, simply requires that if a supervisor-employee couple forms, both people must tell the company. Then the company will either transfer one of you to a different division or appoint a different supervisor for the employee. <snip>

I'm having an anxiety attack because of the other answers saying sexual harassment lawsuits. He invited me to text him on his phone number. I asked if he waned to go hiking with friends. He said he has family in but maybe he will see me there. Idk if he's trying to say no in a nice way. Idk if I should back off. Idk how to talk to him outside of work to discuss what happened. I like your answer but I can't rule out the possibility that he has a paper trail and might file one against me. Yes I am flipping out. I never gave him a chance to give me an answer. He said that too. He wanted to digest everything but I didn't allow him. He said I'm overthinking things and we can talk outside like normal human beings.

---------------

Also yes my dating life is still in the teenager age. I've never dated anyone well. Never had a bf. Like finances I can be an adult in. Working I can do. But when it comes to dating and men I have No experience. I also dated questionable people in the past. Druggies, alcoholics, and bad boys mostly. Nothing ever serious though.

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge and fix quotes

January 5, 2019

It's funny I go through this. I can't date properly while all my friends are successful women who are dating men with nice jobs and dates them for 5+ years. They all laugh at me in like an endearing way and say I'm socially awkward. They all laughed at me when I told them this story. They say he likes me but he's keeping it professional. They say to wait it out but don't pursue it too much.

January 5, 2019

So if you are no longer in this job, why not go pursue him now?

January 5, 2019

He's your boss. He can't sue you. The bigger concern is: Is he married or have kids, which is as good as married? Don't assume anything. The other concern is, will he simply sleep with you and then that's all he ever was interested in?

January 5, 2019

He's your boss. He can't sue you. The bigger concern is: Is he married or have kids, which is as good as married? Don't assume anything. The other concern is, will he simply sleep with you and then that's all he ever was interested in?

He's the same age as me. 24. He's single. He just got out of a relationship. He's on the same dating app as me. He has no kids either. I think he just wants sex though. Like he's just lusting. He's made a few sexual jokes to me at work. He called me a vixen. He always complimented me on my pictures .. said I was gorgeous. He has tried to hangout with me outside of work but I declined because I didn't want to get in trouble. But now here I am.

January 5, 2019

I had to tell him. Which I never will do again at a job BUT I was clocked out of work. Like I've never done this ever at a workplace. I had a previous manager that liked me as well but I didn't go for it because I didn't want to get in trouble. I did now at my current job and I'm in this mess. I'm so nervous he's going to file a lawsuit against me. Please help.
I just thought with the signs he gave me like showing me he found me on a dating website, him kinda flirting, him extending his home to me in time of need were signs he was interested in pursuing something outside of work. I'm just going through a very bad time right now. I'm desperate I guess.

Calm down. I doubt he is considering this at this point. We are trying to warn you to be careful about your advances towards him so you won't get in trouble.

January 5, 2019

Lawsuit? Over what? ... Over telling someone you like him? Lawsuits involve cases where one employee sends dozens or hundreds or thousands of hostile and nasty emails to another ... says completely inappropriate (sexualized) things REPEATEDLY ... continues to make mean or aggressive or offensive comments even after the person has said stop ... threatens to demote the other person unless the other person complies with sex ... or if someone creates a hostile work environment, which requires in reality months and months of nastiness and even then lawsuits are rarely filed for less than a year or more of ongoing harassment.

Telling a supervisor you find him attractive is no one's definition of sexual harassment. I used to tell my former supervisor (19 years older--and a really beautiful woman) that she looked great all the time ... She loved it ... She would always say, "Oh, yeah today I have a big meeting." True: I didn't ask her out and I wasn't lewd ... I also encouraged her to date again after her boyfriend suddenly died of a heart attack. Women coworkers tell me when I'm looking good.

People have room to be human on jobs ... you developing a crush on this guy is human ... The issue here is that you have an anxiety problem ... You also approached this guy when you really didn't have the social skill and confidence to handle the awkwardness of it. You did no planning in your approach for what would happen if he expressed no interest. You apparently acted on some impulse--without thinking through what you were doing. (Less than sharp, but no firing offense.) We are allowed to be socially awkward and clumsy--many of us are.

Seems like therapy for that anxiety and for improving your social skills might be in order.

January 5, 2019

I actually don't see any problems dating someone at work even if they're your boss, as long as you know work is work, follow the policies, and.. if anything just find another job.

However, what you're doing is so wrong.. why are you playing games with him?

First of all, you rejected him at first because he's your boss (understandable). But then you realized you have feelings for him.. so you confess. That's very brave of you and honestly not a lot of people can do that. BUT, why did you tell him to reject you? Why are you saying, "reject me because it's inappropriate"? Now you're here wondering what could have been if you DIDN'T play games with him.

And then now you're saying.. he might just be looking for sex and that he's a terrible boss. I mean.. lol.. honestly with the way he's flirting with you.. I see it as sexual harassment. But since you're attracted to him to and you're both consenting adults, do whatever you want.

January 5, 2019

I actually don't see any problems dating someone at work even if they're your boss, as long as you know work is work, follow the policies, and.. if anything just find another job.

However, what you're doing is so wrong.. why are you playing games with him?
First of all, you rejected him at first because he's your boss (understandable). But then you realized you have feelings for him.. so you confess. That's very brave of you and honestly not a lot of people can do that. BUT, why did you tell him to reject you? Why are you saying, "reject me because it's inappropriate"? Now you're here wondering what could have been if you DIDN'T play games with him.

And then now you're saying.. he might just be looking for sex and that he's a terrible boss. I mean.. lol.. honestly with the way he's flirting with you.. I see it as sexual harassment. But since you're attracted to him to and you're both consenting adults, do whatever you want.

I know! That's exactly what happened. Lol.

He was very surprised and he told me to calm down. He said we can talk about it like normal human beings. Then he said to not overthink it. I recently had a home situation where I lost my home. He said his family is in town but I am more than welcome to come to his home and sleep on an extra mattress. But then I invited him to go hiking with the friend I'm staying with. He said he's glad I'm ok and that he's going hiking with family at this certain trail so maybe we will see each other. So now he's declining me and I think I missed my opportunity but like at work he touched my freaking button hole. He put his finger through it. I'm so confused with everything. I feel embarrassed going into work now lol. We both hide it well but I'm taking this rejection hard.

January 5, 2019

<snip>
First of all, you rejected him at first because he's your boss (understandable). But then you realized you have feelings for him.. so you confess. That's very brave of you and honestly not a lot of people can do that. BUT, why did you tell him to reject you? Why are you saying, "reject me because it's inappropriate"? Now you're here wondering what could have been if you DIDN'T play games with him.

And then now you're saying.. he might just be looking for sex and that he's a terrible boss. I mean.. lol.. honestly with the way he's flirting with you.. I see it as sexual harassment. But since you're attracted to him to and you're both consenting adults, do whatever you want.

My question is how do I make it known now? I don't want to play games. I didn't mean to play games either.

----------------------

Also he wants to talk about it outside like human beings and he has my number so how come he hasn't brought it up?

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge posts and remove superfluous duplicate quote

January 5, 2019

Don't quit until you have another job lined up. He can't file a suit against you. What I meant was that the whole thing looks bad.

He wants peace at work. Just go to work & do your job. Don't "chill" with him outside of work. Don't talk to him about things that are unrelated to work. Just keep work & romance separate.

[]

This is not a good place for you to work. Start looking immediately.

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Discussion of mis-read word redacted

January 5, 2019

Omg guys sorry I meant button on my shirt LOL

So we were in a room at work. He kept looking at my shirt then I asked him what he's starting at. My button was undone on my cardigan and he put his finger through the opening of the button hole

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote of deleted content redacted

January 5, 2019

Still don't **** where you work.

Get a new job. If you still like this guy, then you can date but not while he's your boss.

January 5, 2019

Don't quit until you have another job lined up. He can't file a suit against you. What I meant was that the whole thing looks bad.

He wants peace at work. Just go to work & do your job. Don't "chill" with him outside of work. Don't talk to him about things that are unrelated to work. Just keep work & romance separate.

[]

This is not a good place for you to work. Start looking immediately.

I'm sorry I meant button hole on shirt.

He touched my cardigan with his hand.

At work I said something about something being too big (work related) and he made a joke saying that's what she said.

Then he say super close to me like our face was super close. He laughed and said sorry I'm too close aren't I?

I feel like he's just enjoying the attention from me now and wants sex but that's it. But anything else he's like eh

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote edited

January 5, 2019

If you think he just wants FWB especially if you don't, just shut down all personal talk. Engage about work related subjects only.

January 5, 2019

If you think he just wants FWB especially if you don't, just shut down all personal talk. Engage about work related subjects only.

Yeah. I texted him yesterday asking if he wanted to hike actually. He said his family is in town and maybe he will see me out there. I'm taking it as a not interested sign. But I'm still going to find a new job. I don't want to work under him because I'll keep thinking about how stupid I am. But I've been wanting to find a new job for a while so it's a win win for me. I just thought he was going to be genuine because he seemed nice and doesn't drink and he showed me interest first. I feel like I'm never going to find anyone. I try online dating, work.. can't find anything.

January 6, 2019

I don't think it's a good idea to date people from work, but... Jeezus. The guy is busy one day and you already think he's not interested?

You have to work on controlling that anxiety, girl!

I texted him yesterday asking if he wanted to hike actually. He said his family is in town and maybe he will see me out there. I'm taking it as a not interested sign.

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I like someone that is completely not my type... He's the opposite

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