Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting. It turns out she has saved his number all this time (why I don't know) as she says she is just 'friends' with him. I'd noticed his name in her phone months ago when she asked me to check her doctors surgery number and I asked who he was and she said that it was someone she )used to go to school with (which is a blatant lie!) She texted him first last week asking how he was and he replied saying fine etc which seemed innocent at first. Then he said that he had always wanted her and wanted to 'f*ck her so much'. She replied do you actually and how much do you want me? He knew she was with me because of her Whatsapp profile photo of the two of us. This sort of talk went on for a bit until he said 'do you want me?' and she replied 'just sex?' He said yeah, then she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away.' I only unlocked her phone because I had a feeling/suspician that she was texting someone behind my back due to her Whatsapp last seen times changing very frequently (when she hardly used it prior to this other than to text me.) If I hadn't had unlocked her phone (which I know was wrong) then I don't think she would ever have told me that she was texting this guy. I caught her and she kept saying that I have crossed a line by doing this......a bit hypocritical since she first engaged in flirty/sexual texting and essentially emotionally cheated on me behind my back! She has said that I have betrayed her trust, which yes I have, but she in turn has done the same to me because she betrayed me first. I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually. Yes, things haven't been great between us, but we have got past rocky patches in the relationship. Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back?
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Both of you were wrong. However yours was the lesser evil. She didn't have an emotional affair. She was half way to a physical one. As much as it hurts, better your know now & break up.
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back? I ask you, which is the more significant "wrong?" Best that you have this information now, before you put any deposits down for the wedding. I think you know the answer to your question already... Do you really want to marry a woman who would secretly text another man in an overtly sexual way... 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 Both of you were wrong. However yours was the lesser evil. She didn't have an emotional affair. She was half way to a physical one. As much as it hurts, better your know now & break up. Yes, she has shown her true colours by being unfaithful. I am hurt obviously but as they say time is a healer.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 I ask you, which is the more significant "wrong?" Best that you have this information now, before you put any deposits down for the wedding. I think you know the answer to your question already... Do you really want to marry a woman who would secretly text another man in an overtly sexual way... If you mean who is more at fault here, then I would say she is because she has betrayed me first. Simply put, no I don't want to be with a woman who is capable of being unfaithful to me.
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If you mean who is more at fault here, then I would say she is because she has betrayed me first. I would say that she is because cheating in an absolute dealbreaker in a relationship. Looking at someone’s phone when they ask you is a relatively minor infraction... 1
loversquarrel Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 You were not wrong, not even a little bit. Look at the big picture - you don't check as a habit because of paranoia nor out of abusive behavior. You accidentally discovered something that didn't sit well with you and you had some previous knowledge of how they knew each other. Do you really think if you asked she would have been honest with you about it? The best thing you did was to call her out on it and break up. Another way of dealing with this could have been to ask her to see her phone on the spot and observe her reaction. The problem here though is you won't know for sure because she won't show you and she'll brand you as controlling. You did fine op. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's not like you didn't find anything. Oh, and yes sexting is cheating.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 I would say that she is because cheating in an absolute dealbreaker in a relationship. Looking at someone’s phone when they ask you is a relatively minor infraction... A lot of couples sometimes agree upon rules as to what is acceptable or unacceptable in their relationship but for me I don't even think it should be discussed, morally it is wrong to cheat full stop. If you aren't happy, at least have the balls to tell your partner!! I looked at her phone without her asking me to this last time and that is how I discovered the messages.
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually. First off she cheated.. and I'd bet it was physical or she was going to make it physical because of the bolded part in the above post... Hindsight being 20/20.. no you weren't in the wrong to look at her phone, she must've given you a reason.. but in the end it shows lack of trust which isn't good even if she wasn't cheating.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 First off she cheated.. and I'd bet it was physical or she was going to make it physical because of the bolded part in the above post... Hindsight being 20/20.. no you weren't in the wrong to look at her phone, she must've given you a reason.. but in the end it shows lack of trust which isn't good even if she wasn't cheating. I'm sure there was nothing physical going on between them in terms of the cheating but I do know that she has at least emotionally cheated on me which hurts me as much as it had been physical. She was being sneaky with her phone having it on silent all the time and leaving it face down when not in use but the Whatsapp 'last seen' feature was what made me suspicious about her texting someone in the first place.
stillafool Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Whether she cheated or not it is clear she does want to have sex with the other guy. She's not a keeper and certainly not wife material.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 Whether she cheated or not it is clear she does want to have sex with the other guy. She's not a keeper and certainly not wife material. I was furious obviously upon reading the messages that I found and just couldn't believe that she'd do something like this. I'd had no reason to suspect her for the duration of our relationship until a few weeks ago. It's her loss as she will be a miserable lonely woman for the rest of her life.
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Two wrongs do not make a right. As for degrees of "wrong", i.e. who is more wrong?, splitting hairs only makes for thin hair. What I mean is, the foundation of this relationship was weak at best and is the reason it crumbled.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 You were not wrong, not even a little bit. Look at the big picture - you don't check as a habit because of paranoia nor out of abusive behavior. You accidentally discovered something that didn't sit well with you and you had some previous knowledge of how they knew each other. Do you really think if you asked she would have been honest with you about it? The best thing you did was to call her out on it and break up. You are spot on LQ. What I find odd is why she saved his number for all this time whilst she was with me but only initiated texting a few weeks ago when she knew she wasn't available to date anyone? I had my suspicions and my gut told me that something wasn't right when she was using Whatsapp into the early hours chatting with him after I had gone to bed! Of course she wouldn't have been honest about it if I had asked her, she is pissed off that I rumbled her and she is deflecting the blame onto me when she is the guilty party. Another way of dealing with this could have been to ask her to see her phone on the spot and observe her reaction. The problem here though is you won't know for sure because she won't show you and she'll brand you as controlling. She would probably have deleted the text before showing her phone to me being sneaky as she is. You did fine op. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's not like you didn't find anything. Oh, and yes sexting is cheating. Thanks again LQ, she is better off being my ex.
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 It's her loss as she will be a miserable lonely woman for the rest of her life. No she won't, it doesn't work like that.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 Two wrongs do not make a right. As for degrees of "wrong", i.e. who is more wrong?, splitting hairs only makes for thin hair. What I mean is, the foundation of this relationship was weak at best and is the reason it crumbled. I see what you mean, but I think she is more wrong because she went behind my back to text this guy first and continue with the content of the chats. Yes, the foundation of the relationship was never a strong one so for that reason that is why I think that it has crumbled because it was never strong in the first place.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 No she won't, it doesn't work like that. Why do you say that?
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Why do you say that? Because that is wishful thinking on your part as she has "done you wrong" and is nothing to do with reality. She may soon find the guy of her dreams marry and live happily ever after, you may grow old, be miserable and alone... Who knows what lies in store?
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If you two have made a verbal agreement to be exclusive, or committed, to each other, then yes, she's cheating. If you have not agreed on only seeing each other, then no, she is not. Sounds like she is, though, and clearly she's looking for the next man.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 If you two have made a verbal agreement to be exclusive, or committed, to each other, then yes, she's cheating. If you have not agreed on only seeing each other, then no, she is not. Sounds like she is, though, and clearly she's looking for the next man. There was no agreement as such about what and wasn't acceptable but we both just assumed that due to our beliefs etc. then cheating is always morally wrong. She has actually said in the past that cheaters are the lowest of the low - what an absolute hypocrite!! She chose the cowards way out by not communicating her unhappiness with me, instead going behind my back by inducing an affair. I never saw it coming.
doyathinkso Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Your question ... Girlfriend sexted - Is it cheating? In one word, YES. Fiance, no way. Go and find yourself a decent girl. This one ain't it. Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Your question ... Girlfriend sexted - Is it cheating? In one word, YES. Fiance, no way. Go and find yourself a decent girl. This one ain't it. Oh believe me I have cut her loose already, no way am I standing for her behaviour. I have my self respect to think about and she ain't going to spoil that. Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
loversquarrel Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 No she won't, it doesn't work like that. You are correct, what he should be thinking is that she isn't good enough for him, that's how it works. 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 11, 2019 Author Posted January 11, 2019 You are correct, what he should be thinking is that she isn't good enough for him, that's how it works. I've tried telling myself this but despite what she did, I still love her.
brent878 Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 I've tried telling myself this but despite what she did, I still love her. Ew. Gross. What a loser. No, just no. Let her go have disappointing sex and realise what a massive mistake she has made. Ew. EW 1
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