Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 I'll add thw full text as read it again and i just cant fathom her ending it off this: Hi, i am still free tonight but im exhausted as didnt sleep at all last night and after work i just want to go home and sleep, im walking home too as my cars in for repairs. i wont be good company tonight being this tired. If its ok with you i can come see you tomorrow xxx'
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 That's less about softening the blow but it's kinda worse. She's still in selfish mode. She's all about her. . . she has no understanding about how much dragging this out is hurting you, nor does she seem to care.
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) That's less about softening the blow but it's kinda worse. She's still in selfish mode. She's all about her. . . she has no understanding about how much dragging this out is hurting you, nor does she seem to care. Thats what i cant get my head around. How can she text me saying 'its not over i cant stress that enough i just need some time i love you loada and when we meet sunday lets draw a line under it and move on planning our future together' Then not talk for 5 days.... then our set day to reconcile she replies how shes too tired and would prefer tomorrow. I cant figure out if shes just protecting herself and onky wanting to meet when shes 100% ready to not argue because shes scared 1 more fight will end us if the meet doesnt go well... or whether its the 2nd option, she just doesnt care anymore and wants a way out. Its so confusing. Theres arguments for both sides of which it could be but changing her profile picture etc all seems like a way to hurt me when im doing nothing back to hurt her. Im not wanting to fight and agree to draw a line through it as we'd planned. I cant sleep because i never know whats going on anymore. I get why she may be feeling like being selfish but surely some part of her would want to make sure im ok with all this. I keep responding in a cool relaxed mannor but inside im in bits with confusion. But i cant tell her that or she'll see me as weak and that im guilting her. So i just keep smiling. Edited January 6, 2019 by Whatnow8599
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 I replied 'get some rest tonight then and lets meet tomorrow' sge replied 'thank you sleep well' thats it again all day
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 Plus whats annoying me even more is when we did speak 5 days back she kept saying 'this isnt a break Up its just nice to sometims have time apart' yet the time apart meant no talking for 5 days??? And before this weve never gone a day without contact. Now shes postponed today it feels like shes pretending we are still a couple and everythings fine and If i say anything ill be accused of overthinking jt and 5 days apart with no contact is a normal thing. I just have this gut feeling im being completley led on until shes fully over me but could someome really do that? Text you saying they love you & want a future together... then suddenly end it. Is it a game? Am i overthinking it? What is going on here
SevenCity Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 ... I just have this gut feeling ... I don't think you are overthinking, I think your gut is telling you what you do not want to admit. I can tell you if a girl put me on hold for a week she likely would not have anyone to come back to - not that she would intend to do so. If you want to be with someone, you would never run the risk of them feeling like they were asked to wait for you or run the risk of them leaving. Would you ever do this to her? Having been through what I have in the past few years, I have zero tolerance for this. In your case I would give it until tomorrow and if she postpones again I would say "I'm sorry, this is not the relationship I signed up for. Please take care of yourself and goodbye".
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) I don't think you are overthinking, I think your gut is telling you what you do not want to admit. I can tell you if a girl put me on hold for a week she likely would not have anyone to come back to - not that she would intend to do so. If you want to be with someone, you would never run the risk of them feeling like they were asked to wait for you or run the risk of them leaving. Would you ever do this to her? Having been through what I have in the past few years, I have zero tolerance for this. In your case I would give it until tomorrow and if she postpones again I would say "I'm sorry, this is not the relationship I signed up for. Please take care of yourself and goodbye". I know youre right. I nearly said that today but if she is playing a game shes playing it well. Her words and actions are worlds apart. Her words saying lets build our future sunday etc etc her actions of no contact for 5 days then changing her profile photo and postponig me, car trouble or not id assume shed of felt the same way i did. But again if the arguments have been down to a lot of my insecurities i do wonder if shes undecided so is testing me with this change of photo and postponement to gauge my reaction. I complain she walks, I play it cool and she thinks... hmm maybe he has changed. But im also fighting with myself to not be some lap dog doormat as i keep thinking back to before i was cheated on by my previous ex, the old me would of laughed and called it a day the second she asked for space, never mind wait 5 days and wait again now its postponed. I keep feeling like i should stop fighting the urge and just say outright 'if youre not interestrd in meeting neither am i, your call' I'll give it till tomorrow and i already know itll get to 4pm 5pm ill of heard nothing. Think ill give it till 6pm the very latest then ill just say. I know it must be hard for her as she knows ive told her if either of us ever calls it a day theres no going back. So i can tell shes also worried about saying it. I just wish sometimes shed actually talk to ne rather than this. But i cant wait forever Edited January 6, 2019 by Whatnow8599
Marc878 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 She says on her 1 text today that her car is in for repairs tomorrow and she wants to come see me and not have me drive. I dont know whats true and whats not anymore but i replied that we need to meet tomorrow and she said 'thank you ill msg you tomorrow' I alreay have a feeling ill hear nothing. Shes also changed her facebook profile picture from us to her and her friends. I think shes pushing hoping i make the decision for her easy way out So i feel tomorrow she'll not contact me or if i do she'll make an excuse to postpone again, cars not fixed or something. She'll be waiting for me to make 1 mistake and itll get jumped on. I did sit here tonight and reverse the roles. I already know if i changed my profile picture, didnt speak to her for 5 days then postponed id know why i was doing it, and it wouldnt be a good reason She did it for a reason. I wouldn't contact her again. Not sure why everyone in these situations want to let the other make the decision?
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 She did it for a reason. I wouldn't contact her again. Not sure why everyone in these situations want to let the other make the decision? People do it because if i made the decision id then not only have a breakup to deal with but the guilt too if she turned round and said 'youre leaving over fscebook'. Why put anything possiblw futher onto myself
SevenCity Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Regardless if she is playing a game or not it doesn't matter. She is crossing your boundaries and you are allowing her to do it which will cause more of it in the slight chance she wants to try again. Sure, it's possible she is testing but this is not the way to go about it in a loving relationship. I've seen this from so many women. They do not want to be the bad guy so they soften the blow not realizing it causes far more pain.....at least I hope they do not realize. If I heard from her after 5 PM I would say "Sorry, I"m really tired so can't meet tonight. Another time, perhaps.". Then, start dating other women. 1
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 And whats weird is your reply is perfect. Yet my 1st thought was 'i couldnt do that To her' then i realised shes happily doing it to me. I also know in my heart tests like this are childish and to say we both agreed To put a line under it and build a future together, i really should be asking myself if a future is even possible with someone who can be this selfish and heartless.
loversquarrel Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 You are so desperate it's pathetic. Sorry for my strong words I'm not attacking you....think of it as a slap in the face. She's done with you, end of story so stop holding on to hope. It sucks but I'm going to give you a huge lesson in "women speak" and that is THE MESSAGE IS IN THE MEDIUM. She is telling you and you are refusing to listen. Dude, wake up and do yourself a favor, call her right now, **** texting, and tell her "I give up, I'm done" then hang up and ignore. Seriously grow some balls and respect yourself. You'll be better for it and you will open the doors for better prospects. You will thank me for it.
Poutrew Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Here is the plan for tomorrow: Wait till 6 p.m. If there is no text or communication from her, then just block her on all things, and become a ghost. Ignore from there on... But seriously, I think you already have her answer. She deleted you from her Facebook page and replaced you with friends. Would she do that if you still meant anything to her? You have been more than fair. Now, become a ghost and go back to living your life. The main lesson to take away from all this is to never put up with a woman's shenanigans. Be strong or they loose all respect for you, and you become just another 'girlfriend'...
Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 "What's going on here?" - A nice young man is being jerked around and treated like a doormat by an immature, manipulative, inconsiderate, selfish woman-child. What she's doing is unacceptable and unfair to a spectacular degree. If I were you, I wouldn't be "there" when she finally reaches to meet up and talk. Leave her hanging like she's doing to you. 1
Marc878 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 People do it because if i made the decision id then not only have a breakup to deal with but the guilt too if she turned round and said 'youre leaving over fscebook'. Why put anything possiblw futher onto myself In other words you can't make a decision. So you're gonna give her total control over you because? You are accepting what she's dishing out. I got news for you women aren't attractive to pushovers. Better wake up Perhaps download and read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF It's short and will probably help you a lot Good luck
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 OP, I don't believe you are over-thinking. I am sorry to say that it doesn't look very promising. Sure, it's important for couples to have time to themselves and with their own friends. But 5 days of space is something quite different. A couple can easily enjoy their own social lives and some solitude without having to go out of contact for days. What she is doing is test-driving the single life without yet letting go completely, but I have a feeling that's what is coming next. My sense is that she has been having doubts for some time, and tried to convince even herself that moving in was the next logical step - but that she doesn't truly want to. Perhaps she was going along with the idea in an effort to keep the peace, or to avoid the more painful truth that it isn't what she wants. I wouldn't keep waiting past today, though. She can't reasonably expect you to hold on until she is less "tired" to have this conversation. If you don't hear from her today, or if she tries to postpone or cancel again, I think you are going to need to pull the plug yourself. 1
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 I agree with all the above. Its almost 12.30pm here and if she hasnt contacted my by 5pm im going to just ring her (or text if she doesnt answer), to take her things back. What is so wrong is that my last text her to say if this is over theres no guilt i just need to know. She sent that reply about how its anything but over. I just feel like she has now said all these things to get the break she always wanted where as she knew if it was an official break id of walked becahse i tokd her i would. Shes played this perfectly to get the breakup she actually wanted by the looks of it and next time this happens with anyone, whether they sugar coat the break as space or whatever im done. I knew in my heart 6 dsys ago if she can go 1 day without talking to me its over. Why didnt i just trust myself then fgs
SevenCity Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Although it is the hardest move in the biz, I agree a preemptive strike is in order. The above poster is correct and you have zero to lose and might turn things around if there is even a slim chance of hope. Nothing would knock her on her ass and cause more self doubt than taking back control of the situation from her. And not “Since you won’t do it...”, rather, “I am making this decision because I refuse to be treated this way by anyone”. Having had feelings like you do, I know it’s nearly impossible though. But you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If she miraculously says she wants to get back tonight, you will now have let her know this behavior is acceptable to you and she can do it anytime she wants.
SevenCity Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 The “I just need to know” is about the worst thing you can say. As a man, you are expected to know where you stand and take action accordingly. Not wait around until she maybe makes up her mind. Taking control of the situation will be scary but you will feel SOOOOO much better when it is all said and done. You are allowing her to control the situation which is turning her off even more.
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) As an update i decided to call her. She answered. I said theres no pressure but tonight we meet at (said restaurant), at said time as its nlw or never. We either move forward together or im moving forward on my own. I dont hate you and wont make you feel guilty either way im happy to do either or now'. She agreed to meet. So we shall see how tonight goes but in hindsight im glad i allowed her the time she asked for and im glsd i respected it by not texting her or demanding ultimatums. Sometimes the advice is to be blunt and harsh where as j was more thinking although it feels bad for me there is 2 of us going through this so maybe her having time wasnt a bad thing and its given me time to reflect. I think sometimes the worst move is to be mardy and walk away, sometimes its better in my opinion to do as i have, give her the space, respect it and never let on that its hurt you. Tonight ill act like i enjoyed thr time apart but im glad we are talking again. If it ends now at least i can walk away knowing i didnt push this or contribute to endig it and for that ill walk away happier than if i ended it. I already know if id text her today and ended this id be feeling 10000x worse than what i will if it ends later tonight because id have the guilt to deal with that i didnt give her the space requested. Plus id be upset thinking 'What would of happened if id just waited'. Ill update this post regular as ive noticed a lot of these posts yet theres never an update. I think it will be useful for people to see how my story works out as ive done everything opposite to what my gut has told me to. We shall see now. Either way now i know ive given it everything so can walk away happier. My advice for anyone going through this, do what will make you happier for if it did end. And for me this is the easiest way out because i wont feel any guilt now or regret anything. I agree though that if tonight goes well ill say if we ever need space again its done as we deserve better. Edited January 7, 2019 by Whatnow8599
brent878 Posted January 8, 2019 Posted January 8, 2019 How did it go brother? I read this whole thread as I have been through this. I want the update. To play devil's advocate: I once had a girl ask me for space. We didn't talk for 5 days. I chased her after that for months. Then we broke up after a massive fight. Got back together 10 days later. She has been obsessed with me ever since, and I no longer have interest in her. My point is - a woman asking for space, even more than once, is never a death sentence if you can appropriately disappear. Sometimes now in relationships if I am feeling like I'm being needy or clingy I just lock my phone in a drawer for 2-3 days and disappear. Women are weird man. A guy shows interest and they want nothing to do with it - then you back off and it's like "where'd you go?" Absurd. But wheres the update!?
Author Whatnow8599 Posted January 9, 2019 Author Posted January 9, 2019 (edited) Hi everyone apologies ive been in a bit of a slump. The update as promised: My gut was right but in hindsight i am happier taking the approach i did as i dont feel 1 ounce of guilt. She arrived at the restaurant and text me that she was in the car park, she got out, hugged me, asked me to get in the car and i knew what was coming. She started to cry and read me a letter shed wrote as she didnt want to forger anything. It basically said how sorry she was, she disnt want to originally end it but the days apaet made her see bla bla bla exactly as i said it would to her if she took space before she replied how much she loved me and cant stress enough how it isnt over. I didnt get angry and honestly i was just upset but could see she was visibly upset too. We had a 5 minute chat, i left, we hugged and said goodbye. Shes taken me off Facebook etc and thats it. I havent heard a thing since. So yeah. Its over I knew all along the day we went without talking it was over as she said once how she couldn't go a day without talking and j know nobody does if you love someone. I didnt need 6 days apart to kmow it was done after that but ive healed in that time as to be honest id already accepted it after day 1 apart. Edited January 9, 2019 by Whatnow8599
preraph Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 I'm not saying this is the totality of the conversation, but if it is, I understand why she's mad. It seems like the ONE thing men want to talk about is lack of sex, and it is very annoying to women because sex is not their Number 1 priority, plus some men are loathe to talk about the things that are. Give her space. Don't whine if you go for a week without sex. Don't make sex the hill you die on. To a lot of women, it just seems very petty. Again, not saying this is the issue, but with limited info, it's what I'm getting, plus you're insecure and suspicious. You act like you're being generous by letting her go out with friends! We should all always keep our friends and not let a partner's insecurity run us off from having them and getting isolated. So glad you are lenient about it, but still, it sounds like you think this is even something you have a say in when it shouldn't be.
SevenCity Posted January 9, 2019 Posted January 9, 2019 Sorry to hear that but you knew this was coming. At least now you know how much to trust a woman’s words. Remember your gut and listen to it going forward...it will serve you well. It took a few dats for the reality of my dumping to set in. I hope you a speedy recovery.
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