Somethinglovely Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Hopefully I’m able to explain everything. I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years things were always rough, but we had such an amazing spiritual connection that we pushed through the BS and made it work. This girl has broken up with me too many times, she’s put me in grave financial trouble and has hurt me in multiple occasions where I had to just get over it in order for everything to move forward. Currently, she’s blocked me from every social media sight as well as texting. I did go overboard and texted her a bunch and called a lot. In my defense, I was shocked at what I was hearing. Recently she started smoking a lot of marijuana for past few months and it changed who she is. When she’s off it the relationship is fine, but when she’s on it. Everything I say pisses her off or she doesn’t want to be around me. These past two months have been hell. I do my best to love and support her and I understand she’s going through a lot emotionally as well as with her parents. Here’s my issue, and I hope you guys can make me come to some realization. She told she is ignoring me because when she smokes she realizes that I’ve hurt her in the past since we had a lot sex in the beginning. She said she feels used and doesn’t want to be around me rn. Which is understandable, I apologized and left her alone. 2 days later of no contact I message her saying he can we talk about everything. She is just simply cold and distant , keeping in mind that same week before the break up she was being all sweet and loving. After she said it was over, don’t contact her. You guessed it, I kept doing it. I started saying stuff like why are you ignoring me are you going to sleep with your dealer. She responds I will tonight now leave me alone. She’s not the type to sleep around, or dare a bunch of guys. I’m the only guy she’s ever been with to be honest. She expressed to me that she loves me but she does think about being with other people. This is what shocked me because 4 years I never thought about being with anyone else. Here’s my current issue, for the past two months she’s been treating like utter sht. She’s been doing drugs , being depressed, putting me down, using my money, then would leave me st end of the week each week. I felt worthless, no appreciated,. During the semester, she meant a new dealer, now I don’t know their relationship or if they hung out or text but I do know they talk on some level. When I was texting her, she texted back angrily saying he’s the only one I can trust rn. I’m not sure if she said that just to piss me off but it really hurt me. She’s been posting pictures of herself on social media happy, new makeup, saying that she’s started working out. They are signs to me that she’s been seeing someone behind my back. Or sort emotionally cheating on me. The past two days where hell, yesterday I found out she was drunk as hell at the bars. The day before that I was worrying about her sleeepig with another guy. I’ve been texting her pretty much non stop all day because I’m going crazy trying to figure out why is she acting like this.. it can’t simply be because she feels hurt from the past. Lastly, I’m just confused. I feel lost, hurt , and betrayed. I asked to be honest about if she meant someone or is sleeping around. I just get complete silence. I told her it was for my closure, I can’t be left with my mind to think about some dude with her I’m become a nut case. Guys I just am explanation something doesn’t add up about the break up. In my gut I want to believe she’s just going through **** and needs space but for some reason I can’t stop contacting her and I know that’s bad. Just doesn’t make sense why she just won’t respond either yes I did or no I didn’t. At least if I received a yes I can say okay **** it. But the only reason I concerned now is because she mentioned wanting to be with other people. Then she got mad at me and said she was gonna **** some dude since I’m not leaving her alone. In my head I thinking she caught feelings for the guy in the past two months and now is acting on them, but again this is all speculation. What can I do you know? I asked her for the truth? She won’t even reply to that. It’s like everytime there’s an issue she just disappears and I don’t here for her for days or weeks. I’m just extremely hurt guys the entire relationship. I should her complete love, faithfulness, and admiration. Perhaps it was the distance because we are long distance that got to her and she was emotionally weak. I just want the truth but I’m afraid I may never even get it. She treats me as if I don’t exist. It’s just really hurtful because I truly and honestly never meant to hurt her in past and I’ve expressed that. I apologized for having so much sex with her and told her that I was also emotionally immature and I should have waited as well. But even with that apology she ignores me. Doesn’t give me any input of wether or not, she wants me in her life or to go. She texted me earlier this morning saying she’s hurt what I’ve done to her and don’t want to talk and she misses me. I don’t know guys just for the amount of times she ignored me while I know she’s reading my messages makes me suspicious. But if the person not willing to be honest or even commicste at all. What can do..I’m just afraid if I step back she’s gonna be smoking, partying, having sex. She’s just been on edge these last two months and it seems she’s doing stuff to sabotage our relationship. I just don’t see where the live went. She was in love with me, but as soon as she started being depressed and smoking regularly her behavior, her outlook on life, her morals have changed. She’s still a very pretty woman but she’s become so discusting on the inside it’s hard to look at a photo of her now.
basil67 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I’m sorry you’re going through this again with her. After your previous posts I had hoped that you’d move on from her silliness. That said, she’s barely an adult, so she still has a lot of maturing to do. You know how you speak of your connection and how you cut through all the BS? Read back through your posts and you will find that is not the reality. Reality is that she’s a mess and you’re wasting your life on her. If you were my son, I’d be wanting so much better for you than this mess. I bet your folks feel the same.
salparadise Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Dude, pull yourself together. I'm sorry for your pain but you have to realize that this is not the end of the world... end of a relationship yes, but that is not unusual and you are not the lone ranger. Yea, it's miserable when you love someone and they treat you like dirt. Suffering a loss is hard too. You have to move on. There is no other choice. Look, she's treating you like crap. A man with self-respect would kick her to the curb for treating him that way. But you're just crying and begging and pleading... not manly behavior, and if further diminishes you in her eyes. Having too much sex is not a legitimate reason for any of this (assuming it was always consensual). She's crazy-making. She's dumping you for some mostly undefined reason and intends to start phukking other guys if she hasn't already. She's telling you that because she knows it hurts you. She's treating you like crap. You can't make sense of it because it makes no sense, it just is what it is. Accept it and begin the process of getting her out of your life and out of your mind. Don't allow her to mind-phuk you anymore. No contact. Block and delete everything. It's the only answer. Nothing else really matters. I know you'll have to go through a process to even get to the point of being ready for NC, but the bottom line is that you have to accept it and move forward.
Zahara Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Hopefully I’m able to explain everything. I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years things were always rough, but we had such an amazing spiritual connection that we pushed through the BS and made it work. Contradictory. You’re suffering between idealizing/romanticizing a dysfunctional relationship instead of accepting the reality of it. You didn’t push through the BS. You put your head down and tolerated it. If in 4 years things were always rough, then that was not the making of an amazing connection. That’s the making of two people bound by a toxic attachment. Instead of trying to save her, you need to save yourself. It’s apparent you’ve lost sight of your self-respect and your self-worth. Maybe it’s time to look internally — easier to try and fix another when you’re avoiding looking at yourself. Hopefully you pick yourself up, dust up and focus on moving on from this. This is not worth it. Block and stay no contact. It’ll be painful but you’ll look back one day and realize it was the healthy and smart thing to do. Edited January 5, 2019 by Zahara 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Your relationship was very dysfunctional and she has a lot of growing up to do. I would venture to say that you do, too. You need to move on from this. What you describe is a toxic mess with a girl who has long been checked out. You will probably never get the exact answers you seek from her, but you badly need to move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Having this relationship be over is actually the best thing. You two are not good for each other -- you have broken up multiple times in the past; she has hurt you; you have hurt her; you have to suppress your feelings & "get over it" for the relationship to work; she's not more about drugs then you; she has blocked you everywhere. Because you have been together so long, she's all you know of relationships. That doesn't mean all relationships are this screwed up. Change is scary but after you get past the acute pain, you have a bright future ahead of you with somebody else. 1
nolanola Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Real talk: You know how to get her to stop treating you like crap? Stop interacting with her. This situation is toxic and these are often the hardest to break. It's like an addiction and the initial time period (the withdrawal) is the worst. However, you are on the road to no where with this woman. Would you like to end 2019 writing a post about how she treats you badly and sleeps with other men but you still love her? That is where you are headed. Take your dignity back and go no contact with her. It will be really hard for the first few weeks, maybe even months. But I promise you will be SO much happier afterwards. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) OP, you are in love with who you wish she would be and the dream of having a a quality relationship, not her/not this "relationship" . . . "she’s put me in grave financial trouble" -- Look at the economics of the situation . . . lifetime of poverty and stress and pain for 30 seconds of bliss once in a while? Edited January 5, 2019 by Redhead14 1
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Hey guys I need some input on something that’s been bugging me. For the past 2 months my ex and I have been on rocky terms. She’s been going through stress, anxiety, and depression. She was doing drugs on top of that. When she would be sober, she would be nice and sweet. However, she would always be in panic mode. When she’s high she’s more confident and mellow. This is Where she gets annoyed by me or doesn’t want to talk. Anyway, 2 weeks ago she drops a bomb out of no where. She said she’s been having thoughts of being with other people and exploring. I’ve been her only boyfriend and sexual partner ever. So I tell her ty for being honest. Week after that she breaks up with me completely saying thst she can’t be with me rn because smoking made her realize that she might have been used by me in the beginning of the realtionship.( we had a lot of sex) I didn’t use her though I tried my best to explain that but she wouldn’t listen. Fast forward to two days ago, she started posting pics after not posting for months, she started going to bars. Today she admitted to hooking up with a guy. This tore my world apart, it hasn’t even been that long how does she just do that to me after 4 years. I asked her why did do it, she said she felt like I hurt her in the beginning and she wanted to feel how being used felt like? I asked her was it worth it, she said no it was just physical. My thing is, I’m really hurt because how can she think that’s okay to do? It doesn’t sound like she feels that guilty, she more like ok it happened now whatever. She tells me loves me but can’t be with me rn, she said she wants this year to herself, ( last year of college, she’s always been in relationship with me) she never experience really having a group of friends, going out , nothing. She just hung out with me. I understand where she’s coming from, but I feel just ****ing ****ty I gave this girl my world and cater to everything she wants. I just don’t understand why would she say I used her, break up with me. Go out and party and have sex to feel what being used is like.. then asks me that she wants to be open, but give her 1 year she loves me and will find me. I already know not to wait, around for maybes. But , it’s just wrong man, she says she still loves me and wants a future with me but wants to be open but want me to wait... I love her but, it’s really hard to get past what she did. We aren’t back together but, we are talking about the situation. I’m so damn hurt by her actions. I just never imagined her doing that to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 As we all said in your nearly identical thread here, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/673607-anyone-i-need-serious-urgent, this girl is not mature enough for a committed relationship and you need to let go. This was not a healthy partnership and you are not helping yourself by getting updates about her personal life now. It's going to be best to go No Contact and heal. She did the right thing by ending it if she wants to explore other guys, but you certainly don't need to hear about it. 1
MetallicHue Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I would stay completely clear of her. I know you have a history with her but this happening now is a good thing for you overall. I don’t know how some people can do the things I’ve heard of on this forum. There’s a lot of selfish people out there. 1
5x5 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 She's your ex! So what she does after you, is not doing anything to you. When sexual relationships end, it's time to move on. She evidently has and you would do well to do the same.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 I’m sorry you’re going through this again with her. After your previous posts I had hoped that you’d move on from her silliness. That said, she’s barely an adult, so she still has a lot of maturing to do. You know how you speak of your connection and how you cut through all the BS? Read back through your posts and you will find that is not the reality. Reality is that she’s a mess and you’re wasting your life on her. If you were my son, I’d be wanting so much better for you than this mess. I bet your folks feel the same. I agree. Come to find out today she slept with someone else after recently breaking up with me. I asked why, she said while “high” she realized that I supposedly used her for sex in the beginning of our relationship. ( she was a virgin) We did have a lot of sex, but I tried to explain that I didn’t use her but she wouldn’t listen. Anyway, she goes off one night screws a random guy. I asked her was it worth it, she said no it was just physical. I then asked why did she do it, she then says she wanted to feel what it felt like to be used and wanted to know if it was the same feeling as having sex with me. I just don’t understand how could she do thst to me 4 year relationship. It just eats at me everyday. She’s just changed so much, but her logic as to why she does things doesn’t make sense.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 OP, you are in love with who you wish she would be and the dream of having a a quality relationship, not her/not this "relationship" . . . "she’s put me in grave financial trouble" -- Look at the economics of the situation . . . lifetime of poverty and stress and pain for 30 seconds of bliss once in a while? Surely not worth it.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 As we all said in your nearly identical thread here, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/673607-anyone-i-need-serious-urgent, this girl is not mature enough for a committed relationship and you need to let go. This was not a healthy partnership and you are not helping yourself by getting updates about her personal life now. It's going to be best to go No Contact and heal. She did the right thing by ending it if she wants to explore other guys, but you certainly don't need to hear about it. I understand and your totally right. In a way, I want that perfect stable relationship, I just don’t understand why it’s so difficult for her. I don’t get why she does the things that she does, I just know she tries to justify it somehow, still never makes sense.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Contradictory. You’re suffering between idealizing/romanticizing a dysfunctional relationship instead of accepting the reality of it. You didn’t push through the BS. You put your head down and tolerated it. If in 4 years things were always rough, then that was not the making of an amazing connection. That’s the making of two people bound by a toxic attachment. Instead of trying to save her, you need to save yourself. It’s apparent you’ve lost sight of your self-respect and your self-worth. Maybe it’s time to look internally — easier to try and fix another when you’re avoiding looking at yourself. Hopefully you pick yourself up, dust up and focus on moving on from this. This is not worth it. Block and stay no contact. It’ll be painful but you’ll look back one day and realize it was the healthy and smart thing to do. It may be a bit easier to do that now since I found out she slept with someone immediately after break up. Her excuse was she wanted to feel what it was like to be used because she felt like I used her in the beginning since we had a lot of sex. Smh
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 It may be a bit easier to do that now since I found out she slept with someone immediately after break up. Her excuse was she wanted to feel what it was like to be used because she felt like I used her in the beginning since we had a lot of sex. Smh This is so ridiculous it's almost comical. I hope you don't buy that; that sentiment reeks of manipulation and immaturity. Block her for good so you can move on. You need to polish up your filter so you don't allow yourself to get involved with someone like her again.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 I would stay completely clear of her. I know you have a history with her but this happening now is a good thing for you overall. I don’t know how some people can do the things I’ve heard of on this forum. There’s a lot of selfish people out there. I agree. Messed part is she told me today she just recently slept with someone else. After I asked why, she said she felt used and that’s why she broke up with me. ( we had sex a lot in the beginning and she felt I took advantage of the fact she was a virgin) I tried explain this wasn’t the case that I genuinely respected her and cared but she wouldn’t listen. Long story short asked if it was worth it she said no it was just physical. Just kills me that she would even think to do something like that I mean I know I was her only partner ever but like wtf I loved her so much I just don’t understand how people can justify these actions
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 This is so ridiculous it's almost comical. I hope you don't buy that; that sentiment reeks of manipulation and immaturity. Block her for good so you can move on. You need to polish up your filter so you don't allow yourself to get involved with someone like her again. Agreed. In your opinion, what do you think the reason was? She isn’t the type to just want sleep with anyone so it was just confusing and hurtful thst she did that
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Of course you are confused. You haven't understood what the truth was about this relationship. It has always been a train wreck. You were her first. Now she has decided that she wants something else, somebody who is not you. That much is clear. Stop trying to understand why she does anything. She probably doesn't know so you will never know. Instead focus on why you want this woman who was so horrible back Don't say it's because you love her. This was not love. This was her kicking you in the teeth over & over again & you letting her. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Agreed. In your opinion, what do you think the reason was? She isn’t the type to just want sleep with anyone so it was just confusing and hurtful thst she did that She's young and inexperienced and curious. That's it, really.
Author Somethinglovely Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Real talk: You know how to get her to stop treating you like crap? Stop interacting with her. This situation is toxic and these are often the hardest to break. It's like an addiction and the initial time period (the withdrawal) is the worst. However, you are on the road to no where with this woman. Would you like to end 2019 writing a post about how she treats you badly and sleeps with other men but you still love her? That is where you are headed. Take your dignity back and go no contact with her. It will be really hard for the first few weeks, maybe even months. But I promise you will be SO much happier afterwards. Thank you and you’re right. Right now, I find myself fishing for answers. I’m not looking to get back just wanted to know what pushed her.
5x5 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Thank you and you’re right. Right now, I find myself fishing for answers. I’m not looking to get back just wanted to know what pushed her. Answers aren't going to change anything, it's done. So do yourself a favour and stop wasting your time pining after her. Move on already!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Thank you and you’re right. Right now, I find myself fishing for answers. I’m not looking to get back just wanted to know what pushed her. Honestly? She met a guy she liked.
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