xweeverx Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Hey everyone. First let me say that my heart goes out to everyone here who is suffering through a breakup. They truly suck, and can be brutal. This is not my first heartbreak, and I know it will get better, but going through the process can almost seem impossible at times. The main reason I am here is to try to meet others that are going through this, and possibly support each other. Basically looking for a "breakup buddy". Talking is a huge part of healing, and finding someone who is going through the same thing as me might save us both on therapist costs (lol). I'm 48yo male, no kids, retired military, down-to-earth, easy to talk to, blah blah.. I, like so many others, am really having a difficult time with No Contact (NC). The brain can really be mean during these times. Some of you probably know this, but going through a breakup has the same effect on the brain as trying to quit using drugs, especially if you were with that person for longer periods. You are actually going through withdrawals. Some Youtube channels that have helped me: - Mouth of the Ape - Noah Elkrief - 10 Hour Rain Sound by Thomas Hall It's been about 1 month since I got dumped by my GF of 6 years. Right after Thanksgiving, so what a joy it has been to go through Christmas and NYE with a broken heart. On top of that, we were living together in her house, so guess who also had to move-out.....yep, yours truly. I've had heartbreak before, but this time it really hurts because I know it was my fault. I know it's normal to beat yourself up after a breakup, but I'm absolutely positive I caused this by not allowing us to truly get close. It's that old song, "Don't Know What You've Got 'til it's Gone". What's even more heart-shattering is that I feel like she's still "on the fence" about truly letting go, and this is where it's soooo difficult to employ No Contact. It becomes a nuclear war of thoughts for and against contacting them. On one side you feel like you need to remain front and center in their minds, and on the other side you know it could also be best to give them space and time to possibly miss you. The other constant thought is, when do you throw in the towel and give up? There is a statistic out on the web that says for every year of relationship time, you will need 2 months of recovery time. UGH!!!! Again, my heart goes out to all those going through this. Hugs and Love. Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Katie357 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I am 8 weeks into my break up of a 15 year relationship. We only got married in July 18 aswell and split by November. I was devastated but am really trying to pick myself up from this. It's difficult though. Physical pain of a broken heart is awful, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.. We have children involved so NC is impossible and makes the process so much harder! I find talking helps too so am open to talk!
Goldenheart Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I am in the same boat trying to commit to no contact. Breakups really do suck but like they say if it’s meant to be it will be. Space and time are the only things that will help 1
Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 What a good idea OP. I'm in the same situation with my now ex girlfriend who emotionally and had intentions to physically cheat on me. I was with her for 7 months, but the pain is there no matter how long I was with her for.
Author xweeverx Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 I am 8 weeks into my break up of a 15 year relationship. We only got married in July 18 aswell and split by November. I was devastated but am really trying to pick myself up from this. It's difficult though. Physical pain of a broken heart is awful, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.. We have children involved so NC is impossible and makes the process so much harder! I find talking helps too so am open to talk! Wow, 15 years total, just married, and then a breakup 4 months later? Who ended it? Have you guys ever broken up before? I know what you mean about the physical pain of heart break...it's brutal. I sometimes wonder why we are wired/programmed to hurt so badly during this. I guess that's one of the reasons relationships should be handled with care. But we usually allow ourselves to lose sight of what's important in the relationship, or forget to nurture it, or even forget about what it feels like to be crushed. Even after being heart broken 2-3 times previously in my life, and telling myself that if I ever found my dream girl that I would treat her like gold.....I still managed to screw it up. I feel so stupid.
Author xweeverx Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 Day 2 of NC, but I'm already feeling weak.
Katie357 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Wow, 15 years total, just married, and then a breakup 4 months later? Who ended it? Have you guys ever broken up before? I know what you mean about the physical pain of heart break...it's brutal. I sometimes wonder why we are wired/programmed to hurt so badly during this. I guess that's one of the reasons relationships should be handled with care. But we usually allow ourselves to lose sight of what's important in the relationship, or forget to nurture it, or even forget about what it feels like to be crushed. Even after being heart broken 2-3 times previously in my life, and telling myself that if I ever found my dream girl that I would treat her like gold.....I still managed to screw it up. I feel so stupid. Yep, married just 4 months. He broke it off with me.. basically we had a few weeks after the wedding of arguing/ bickering. Nothing significant but would start off something small and end up being big rows ( I just thought it may be the come down of the wedding as we have had worst arguing periods over the 15 yrs). Any way this left him feeling confused how he felt towards me and he basically told me he now understands what it means to love someone but not be in love with them. Massive shock.. We tried a break but weeks into it hebsaid he felt the same, didn't miss me the way he should so it became permanent. I just feel it doesn't make sense- your feelings can't go like that and wonder if he felt this way before the wedding but he tells me he didn't. I just wonder if there is more to it. 1
Rayce Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 This is the right place for support. Hope your recovery period is short. I've been here about a month now mostly just reading. I am 1 month and 2 days into NC that I initiated because of the jealous feeling he was bring up in me on social media. The holidays have been so hard and I am a complete mess in the head right now. I still have no clue what really happened. My story is very complicated and I guess I am sort of working up to getting it out there. 1
Author xweeverx Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 Sorry guys, sometimes I have the motivation and brain power to respond to posts and be supportive, but today has not been one of those days. I managed to not break NC today, but everyday it's a freakin war between my head and my heart. As I lay here, I'm sending out positive thoughts and love to each of you on this thread, and anyone else who is hurting. -Rob
TheBetterPerson Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Day 2 of NC, but I'm already feeling weak. It's been nearly a week and it hurts so much everyday... I literally am going through the same thing
MetallicHue Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) It's been nearly a week and it hurts so much everyday... I literally am going through the same thing Stay strong. I know that it hurts a lot. It may not get better tomorrow. I know people like Poly and Nola have been dealing with a long time. But it will get better eventually. Take things one day at a time. There are a whole bunch of people on the forum who will support you. I know that when I’m stressed out having your best friend to confide in may help you too. I’ve dealt with stress from a lot of different things in life but having a few close friends to talk to will help. Edited January 7, 2019 by MetallicHue
TheBetterPerson Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Stay strong. I know that it hurts a lot. It may not get better tomorrow. I know people like Poly and Nola have been dealing with a long time. But it will get better eventually. Take things one day at a time. There are a whole bunch of people on the forum who will support you. I know that when I’m stressed out having your best friend to confide in may help you too. I’ve dealt with stress from a lot of different things in life but having a few close friends to talk to will help. Thanks, if stupid as i havent seen him since the end of August 2018 but there has been contact made and the last contact was on New Years Day. Its just after nearly 8 years he is already seeing someone and its like a feeling i have never felt before, i feel so sick, like i could be sick and like i am sick - its just horrible but i know if i stick with NC it will get better but right now it's the worst!
avriltreize Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 xweeverx - I'm so sorry about your break up. I've had my share of break ups but less than 2 weeks ago I had the worse one of them all. We had been together 13yrs. We never lived together but I was over at his place more than my own. My ex had never been in a long term relationship before and really had no experience in anything. He never was the 'opening up' type of guy but had his own way of showing how he felt about me. When we started together there was a learning period and I think a few years in we had a short break for a couple months. I wrote him this long letter about the typical do's and don'ts. Asked him to talk to his friends and we eventually got back together. Now 10yrs after that he decided for reasons he can't explain he wanted to end it. The NC hasn't started yet which I know, I know from all these posts is not a good idea. But to be totally honest, I think everyone should do what they think works best for them. And right now, having him still around talking, texting, emailing and even seeing is working for me. I know it's over and there is no chance of a getting back together, I've come to terms with it. What the struggle is for me is all the feelings that were there fading away. I told him there will be a day that I'm not sad anymore we are over but happy for the time we shared.
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