Ravensglen Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Hello LS readers, What is it with exes! Just need to get another opinion. My ex Husband randomly emailed me today at work after 5 years NC. He “hopes I’m doing well” and wanted to let me know that an older gentleman from the church we attended while we were married had passed away, and he “thought I would like to know”. O...K.... My instinct is, he wants to get a foot in the door and find out if I am still angry at him. Among other things, my ex husband took out a credit card while we were married using my social security number and racked up thousands of dollars in debt that I didn’t even know about until I received a letter in the mail one day saying I had a past due balance. I called the credit card company to let them know that I didn’t have a credit card with them, and was informed that the account had been opened online 3 weeks after we got married and he was listed as an authorized user. He was an alcoholic, and would leave in the middle of the night to drive around drinking and go to strip clubs using the credit card he fraudulently took out in my name. I wanted to get rid of him so badly and gave him 30K in inheritance to get him to agree to divorce and I have had a very difficult time forgiving myself for that ever since. He said he would not sign the papers without it. Anyway, it was not a good breakup. We were married about a year and a half. No kids together. Now he emails me out of nowhere to let me know someone at the church died? Hmmm. I showed the email to my current husband (we’ve been married for 4 years) and he doesn’t seem to have much input. In the past I have failed to have appropriate boundaries with ex’s which led to an EA with a different ex who reached out to me after 10 years. I don’t want to make the same mistake again. LS readers, when an ex reaches out, is it best to ignore them? Thanks for any input!
Poppy47 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Protect yourself and ignore ignore ignore. He can only be contacting you because he wants something. You need to protect your marriage and your happiness. Poppy
alphamale Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 when an ex reaches out like that he is looking for something. I would not respond to him since you are remarried and have children
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Exes usually want money, sex or an ego boost. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 No guilt - Ignore the email and block him. He doesn't deserve a response from you. you've moved on and he's not a part of life anymore. 1
Author Ravensglen Posted January 5, 2019 Author Posted January 5, 2019 Thanks for the advice! I just deleted it. I really appreciate the replies, it helps to have objective opinions. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I just deleted it. Well done. Forget him, look at this from the other end - what possible interest, other than debt collection, would you have in talking to him? It would be one thing to feel some pull from an ex you had decades of good times with, but that clearly doesn't seem to be the case here ... Mr. Lucky
Geraltt Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I'm going to to against the grain here and suggest that maybe, must maybe, your ex has no ulterior motive other than what he said: to tell you that a mutual friend had died. When my father died, I reached out to my ex-wife (hadn't been in touch with her for close to a decade) telling her what had happened. We didn't speak in person; it was all through email. And both my mother and myself got a nice card from her, expressing her condolences. Haven't been in touch with her since, nor she with I. Perhaps it's worth considering that maybe thinking ill of someone's intentions might not be the best first reaction. 3
preraph Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I bet your husband is having thoughts even though he's not expressing them, probably waiting on you to HANDLE this and get rid of the ex for good. He can't be happy about it. The ex is probably old and drunk and desperate now just looking for a pawn. I would tell you not to even acknowledge you got the message at all. If it was email, you might have changed emails. If it was social media, you might not look at that. Just don't do anything. You could block him, though. Or you could not do anything and wait a month when he's not looking and then block him. 1
Jamess1 Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Misses the bad boy ex husband, new husband is boring . . . the fact she is even asking, rather hoping her ex wants some.. Remember little children, "The medium is the message."
Naivewomen Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) @jamess1 I have read several.of ur posts and u have described me to a tee. You have opened my eyes more than my IC has. [] Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content
viatori patuit Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 This happened to me only my ex contacted my brother. I sent her an email telling her to go away. She responded. I threatened a restraining order and that did the trick.
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