dimplz824 Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 Does it work? Any thoughts?? I am a OW who has been with MM for 18 months, but the emotional A started about 3 years ago. W found out about the A, he denies to this day of course, they had agreed to divorce and he was to move out Jan 1 of this year. He then decided that "he can't be without his kids" so he asked her to reconsider. January came around and she signed them up for MC. They have been going every otherweek. Our relationship hasn't changed at all. He tells me he loves me. He had told her he didn't love her, but know says that he would never say that to her again, no matter if he did or didn't. So back to my question. Does it work? What are the chances that if he isn't honest it won't work? The MC is supposed to be done by the end of this year and of course like an idiot I sit here waiting...
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 1. Does it work? 2. What are the chances that if he isn't honest it won't work? 3. The MC is supposed to be done by the end of this year and of course like an idiot I sit here waiting... 1. Only if both partners are committed to making it work. 2. It depends on who he is being honest with, and his capability to compartmentalize. Which leaves you with some scenarios based on the current possibilities: A. Lets say he is a cakeman - then he can easily go right into counseling and work on strengthening his relationship with is W, and his R with her will get 'better' with no discernable effect on his R with you, since he compartmentalizes them in two different places with no overlap. He will continue both R's. B. Lets say he isn't a cakeman, and he is serious about working on his R with his W. It wouldn't be surprising, if during the course of the counseling he sees that his R with you undermines what he has with his W and he is merely gathering up the strength in MC to cut you loose. C. Lets say he isn't a cakeman, is not serious about working on his R with his W and is placating her to get her off his back, or is hoping that the MC sessions will lead them to amicable co-existance instead of reconciliation, so that he can continue his life as a H and a father. Unfortunately, only your MM knows which scenario it is and it would do him no good to reveal that truth to either of you at this point. So... you have no way of really knowing what it going on. 3. You can sit at home and wait until the end of the year, or you can let MM know that he is welcome to stop by but that you are going to start dating again since you have no way of knowing the outcome, and besides - how do you take the word of a MM? It isn't worth much when you really think about it. The bottom line is that he is putting you on hold. It doesn't matter why he is in MC - the fact is, he is in marriage counseling. He had the chance to be with you, and he is spending that chance in MC with his W. Perhaps its time to put him on hold, yourself!
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