Cancer and a Break Up

[illusive]

Sorry all, this is going to be pretty long!

 

I met an incredible girl in November, and we had two of the best first dates I'd ever been on. A few days after these dates, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer (I'm 27). I called her and explained the situation and gave her an out, I understood if she didn't want to go through this with a guy she barely knew, but this was very much real and I had to deal with it. Much to my surprise, she drove over to my house 20 minutes after our phone conversation with beer and we talked all night and made out like teenagers.

 

We spent one more night together before I was admitted to the hospital for 5 days where surgeons proceeded to remove one of my nuts (RIP righty ). After the surgery and a CT scan, I received a clean bill of health; I was only stage 1 and the cancer had not spread. I'm still on close watch, but for now I am cancer free - they caught it early, and I was very lucky.

 

While I was in the hospital she called me nightly and we would chat, she would text me all day. When I got out she came to visit me (I did not want any visitors while I was in the hospital), and again while I was recovering we talked on the phone for HOURS every night.

 

By the time I was recovered enough, we proceeded to be even stronger and have the most sexually compatible relationship I've ever been in. The nightly conversations continued, the dates, the texting... I was on cloud nine. She talked about road trips to go and meet my old man who lives about 10 hours away, she invited me to her Christmas party because she wanted to show me off (one of her coworkers mentioned how happy she seemed with me) and we had a blast.

 

This girl pulled me in a way I had never experienced before. There was no games, she told me how she felt, she spoke her mind. She also complimented me. All the time. That was so new to me. She stopped by my house for 20 minutes to bring me a brownie one night because she saw them while at lunch and thought I'd like it.

 

Christmas day came and she gave me the sweetest letter I have ever received. She stated that she was the luckiest girl in the world to call me her boyfriend and that I made her feel special, sexy, safe and appreciated.

 

She moved to my country 5 years prior, so she was without family here and I invited her to my own family Christmas which she seemed very excited about. She got along with everyone and most of my family members commented on how sweet and bubbly she was.She started being a bit distant after Christmas when she got sick.

 

Fast forward to NYD.

 

She came over and ended everything. She said she felt guilty that she did not feel a certain way about me (despite everything she said or did otherwise up until this point), and that she should feel more loving feelings for such an amazing guy like me (I even told her it's been 2 months, I'm not expecting anything here, we never said I love you or anything, but she got scared she wouldn't feel a certain way in 6 months. I argued that the only way we would know that was in 6 months time... She is living way in the future).

 

It's so confusing how she went from one extreme to the other. She constantly commented on our sexual chemistry and our connection. Obviously she needs to sort out some stuff in her own head, that is very clear, but still. She kept commenting on her baggage and I told her she was dating a 27 year old that had been through cancer and was missing a nut, I didn't care whatever baggage she thought she had... I wanted to be with her regardless because of who she was.

 

I point blank called her out on how much she had hurt me and that by the sounds of it, it didn't matter what I said or did, she clearly had made up her mind. I told her that she had to do what was best for her and I couldn't be mad at her for that.

 

Obviously I will go NC, and I have deleted all essence of connection; previous convos, photos, etc. But that doesn't change the hurt. The whole situation just sucks... We were not together long, but she certainly had a huge impact on me. Normally after 2 months I would not give this a second thought at all - but she really pulled me in and fought for a relationship with me.

 

She is clearly mixed up, I don't think I am supposed to understand, I was just unfortunately the one that had to deal with it.

 

 

Be curious to hear others thoughts!

Edited January 5, 2019 by illusive

[d0nnivain]

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis but thank heavens the doctors did their thing & you now have a clean bill of health.

 

It sounds like she's a nice person, stood by you in the immediate aftermath but just can't deal. It may be that she really just doesn't feel that strongly about you. If not for your illness she wouldn't have "been there" the way she was & you wouldn't see so betrayed. It probably is just one of those things.

 

That doesn't make it less painful.

 

Try to focus on the good things like your health. You will heal from this too.