RSEJ Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Been 4 years since I been on here haha - met a girl through a friend for 30 mins (I'm on holiday) - had an immediate crush on her - in the evening followed her on insta, she followed back and liked my pic. I tried to dm her saying hi, she didn't respond. 2 days later before I left I dmed her saying if she would like to go for coffee with me AND MY FRIEND (WHICH IS ALSO HERS) - no response. 1 week later I add her on fb - we've been chatting on fb messenger for about 1.5 weeks and she's asking me lots of different engaging things - the replies are pretty much once every day (same with mine, slightly longer) which is hard to flirt or anything. My question 1. Should I just reply like within an hour and try and get it flowing? 2. How do I make it more flirty with just one a day and on fb messenger? 3. Should I ask for her number or just take it slow? Thanks guys
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 TBH I don't think she's interested. More like she's your chat friend. When a girl doesn't respond to an invite, that usually means she's not down for romance.
Author RSEJ Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 TBH I don't think she's interested. More like she's your chat friend. When a girl doesn't respond to an invite, that usually means she's not down for romance. But using that logic I could say myself I am not interested. I respond usually every 12-24 hours, same as her =/
Author RSEJ Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 TBH I don't think she's interested. More like she's your chat friend. When a girl doesn't respond to an invite, that usually means she's not down for romance. Ah I may of misread - you mean the invite to drinks with her and my friend This was on Instagram dm - it never had the little 'seen' mark next to it... I dunno I guess you know maybe it didn't get sent - I'm not sure.
edgygirl Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 She doesn't seem to be that into you and/or has other dating prospects right now Keep her on the back burner too... one day she might 'come back'. Look for other girls for now. You can send her a message again in a few weeks and see if she starts replying. I just replied to a man who kept writing me but I was not that enthusiastic about. And he's been so kind I even agreed to plan a date. So I'd say give her a break and try again later.
basil67 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 You met her on a holiday. Does this mean the two of you aren't local to each other? Even if she likes you, she may not be interested in dating someone who's long distance.
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 She may simply prefer not to start something you can't finish. You are on holiday. She may not want an LDR 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If she didn't respond to your offer of a coffee date, she isn't interested. Once a day messaging does not equal interest. 1
healing light Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Were you her instagram friend when you sent the DM about the coffee date? If not, it could have gone into her message request box so unless she accepts it, it won't show as seen. If she declines it, it also would not show as seen. I'm one of those people that does not have fb messenger on my phone. I find it too annoying, so I would also only reply to my messages once every day or every few days. I may not even keep replying back and forth if I had no interest--I'd try to let the conversation die off. If her messages respond to the bare minimum and/or don't ask you questions back, I would assume she may just be trying to be polite. When I date another person again, I would not be inclined to encourage endless texting. I think you should ask her out directly where you are messaging and how she replies will let you know whether to cut it loose. Edited to add: Just realized you answered some of my questions in your original post (that she has been engaging you back/asking you things and you were friends when you sent her the DM). Edited January 5, 2019 by healing light
Author RSEJ Posted January 6, 2019 Author Posted January 6, 2019 TBH I don't think she's interested. More like she's your chat friend. When a girl doesn't respond to an invite, that usually means she's not down for romance. The thing is i sent the dm before i followed her - i was thinking maybe she missed it :/. She doesn't seem to be that into you and/or has other dating prospects right now Keep her on the back burner too... one day she might 'come back'. Look for other girls for now. You can send her a message again in a few weeks and see if she starts replying. I just replied to a man who kept writing me but I was not that enthusiastic about. And he's been so kind I even agreed to plan a date. So I'd say give her a break and try again later. Honestly, i mean maybe she does - i know she doesnt have a bf - i just dont know why you'd ask so much about another person if you werent interested. You met her on a holiday. Does this mean the two of you aren't local to each other? Even if she likes you, she may not be interested in dating someone who's long distance. Yeh, met in one location then she went to her home country (in europe) i went to mine (in europe) about 3 hours away by plane. She may simply prefer not to start something you can't finish. You are on holiday. She may not want an LDR That is very true, willing to try and find out though If she didn't respond to your offer of a coffee date' date=' she isn't interested. Once a day messaging does not equal interest.[/quote'] As above i sent the message before following so it would of come up as a non follower, and into her other inbox. Theres a chance she would of missed it (small i know), if the first message was some how declined/missed the second one automatically is. Were you her instagram friend when you sent the DM about the coffee date? If not, it could have gone into her message request box so unless she accepts it, it won't show as seen. If she declines it, it also would not show as seen. I'm one of those people that does not have fb messenger on my phone. I find it too annoying, so I would also only reply to my messages once every day or every few days. I may not even keep replying back and forth if I had no interest--I'd try to let the conversation die off. If her messages respond to the bare minimum and/or don't ask you questions back, I would assume she may just be trying to be polite. When I date another person again, I would not be inclined to encourage endless texting. I think you should ask her out directly where you are messaging and how she replies will let you know whether to cut it loose. Edited to add: Just realized you answered some of my questions in your original post (that she has been engaging you back/asking you things and you were friends when you sent her the DM). Thanks for really reading the message it was quite lengthy - I actually wasnt following her before i sent the message (I sent it first - im like 80% sure) . And exactly - Every time she asks like 3/4 questions about me or the subject - you know its engaging, its not as if she's trying to end the convo. I agree with you - i want to try and take it up a notch or state my intentions (in a non weird way), I was thinking i could maybe ask if it would be alright to get to know her over the phone. Any more suggestions?
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Bump this post would please like some opinions on last message =)
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 If she was interested she would be throwing some cute emojis with, "So how are you?" xx She knows you are interested in her. Guys are usually the pursuers. My suggestion is to ask her to meet for coffee. You can ask her now or you can spend a huge amount of time to get the same results. It doesn't make a difference if you spend weeks talking before you ask them out. She has already made up her mind if she will or not.
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Yeh, i was going to I just was hoping there would be some more dialogue first... youre right though. What do you think about asking to get to know her better over the phone or whatsapp?
PRW Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 2 days later before I left I dmed her saying if she would like to go for coffee with me AND MY FRIEND (WHICH IS ALSO HERS) - no response.Sorry man, that is the most timid and pathetic way to ask someone out. Of course there was no response. You didn't actgually offer a real date. All you did was ask what she thought about the "concept" of a hypothetical date. Her lack of response meant she it not excited about hypothetical dates. 1 week later I add her on fb - we've been chatting on fb messenger for about 1.5 weeks and she's asking me lots of different engaging things - the replies are pretty much once every day (same with mine, slightly longer) which is hard to flirt or anything.Still dancing and dithering around it. Should I ask for her number or just take it slow?You are as slow as a glacier already. Make a plan for a date. Do it yourself, don't ask her to plan it for you. Then you offer her a date for a specific day/time/place. Present it as an opportunity for her to enjoy time with you,...not the reverse of you enjoying spent time with her, if she would be so gracious as to let you. You don't "flirt" over text or social media,...you flirt in person.
PRW Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Yeh, i was going to I just was hoping there would be some more dialogue first... youre right though. What do you think about asking to get to know her better over the phone or whatsapp?Nonsense. The phone is for setting dates,...not "getting to know" someone. Whatsapp? Screw the social media. 1
BeeT Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I guess you could just be super bold and straight up say 'Hey, I had a crush on you when I met you. I know we live far apart but any chance you'd be interesting in taking things further?' and then you pretty much know straight away by her response (or lack of) what the deal is. That's if you want to be really bold, and tbh you have nothing to lose if you aren't going to see her in person. Judging by her actions so far though, I'd say its very unlikely she's interested.
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Sorry man, that is the most timid and pathetic way to ask someone out. Of course there was no response. You didn't actgually offer a real date. All you did was ask what she thought about the "concept" of a hypothetical date. Her lack of response meant she it not excited about hypothetical dates. Still dancing and dithering around it. You are as slow as a glacier already. Make a plan for a date. Do it yourself, don't ask her to plan it for you. Then you offer her a date for a specific day/time/place. Present it as an opportunity for her to enjoy time with you,...not the reverse of you enjoying spent time with her, if she would be so gracious as to let you. You don't "flirt" over text or social media,...you flirt in person. Appreciate your response PRW. Normally I would agree with everything you have said but i literally met this girl for 30mins, through a friend she hadn't seen in like years. I was on holiday with that friend and other people. I couldnt ask someone out over just 30 mins of seeing them - its almost creepy. Nonsense. The phone is for setting dates,...not "getting to know" someone. Whatsapp? Screw the social media. Once again - only met her for 30 mins and she lives in another country - in ever other case id agree with you but i think it's a little bit different.
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 I guess you could just be super bold and straight up say 'Hey, I had a crush on you when I met you. I know we live far apart but any chance you'd be interesting in taking things further?' and then you pretty much know straight away by her response (or lack of) what the deal is. That's if you want to be really bold, and tbh you have nothing to lose if you aren't going to see her in person. Judging by her actions so far though, I'd say its very unlikely she's interested. So her last message asked me like 3 different things - including how is where i live, I replied and put in, you should come some time - ill see how she responds. Yeh I think I will in a slightly more casual, not so Ihaveamassivecrushonyou kind way haha
PRW Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I guess you could just be super bold and straight up say 'Hey, I had a crush on you when I met you. I know we live far apart but any chance you'd be interesting in taking things further?' and then you pretty much know straight away by her response (or lack of) what the deal is. That's if you want to be really bold, and tbh you have nothing to lose if you aren't going to see her in person. Judging by her actions so far though, I'd say its very unlikely she's interested.I suspect by the time he takes all this in and then finally gets around to having any contact with her that any interest she had would be gone. I like the idea of the boldness. But I would never tell a woman about a "crush" unless we were in a solid relationship or married. Crush implies putting her on a pedestal. A guy needs to offer a date without apologizing or making excuses. So that suggested statement would play out like this: Guy: Hey, I had a crush on you when I met you. Woman: (Thinking to herself, then why didn't you make a date then?) Guy: I know we live far apart Woman: (Thinking, so he thinks seeing him will be a hassle, and he's giving me a reason to say no?) Guy: But any chance you'd be interesting in taking things further? Women: (Thinking, so he has such a low view of himself that he thinks there is very little chance of getting a date, and he is actually telling me so?) It should be simpler and to the point, and presented as an offer. Guy: Hey, let's get together and have dinner at <place> on <day> at <time. It is a really nice place and the food is great. Women: (Thinking, hmm, sounds like fun, he's already lined up the plans. All I have to do is show up, look hot, and have fun.) Sounds great! I'll see you there.
PRW Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) Once again - only met her for 30 mins and she lives in another country - in ever other case id agree with you but i think it's a little bit different.Plus over a week and a half of dancing around the issue on social media. You are also treating it like getting a date makes her your GF. It doesn't. Several dates doesn't make her your GF. On average in a healthy situation where both parties are secure and have self confidence it takes about two months of dating before exclusivity comes up in conversation. Only after exclusivity are you BF/GF. I stand by my points. Edited January 7, 2019 by PRW
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Plus over a week and a half of dancing around the issue on social media. You are also treating it like getting a date makes her your GF. It doesn't. Several dates doesn't make her your GF. On average in a healthy situation where both parties are secure and have self confidence it takes about two months of dating before exclusivity comes up in conversation. Only after exclusivity are you BF/GF. I stand by my points. I guess youre right if im the one travelling to the country (which i would) then it comes down to - does she like me or not, is there anything there. I might as well ask if shed like to go for a drink some time. Yeh I would never say i had a crush on you - hence my response to the previous poster
PRW Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I might as well ask if shed like to go for a drink some time. Yes. Except it is not a question, it is an offer Not: "Would you like to..." It would be: "Let's go do..." Not: "sometime" It would be: "day/time/place" 2
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) ignore message there was an error quoting - admin please delete this Edited January 7, 2019 by RSEJ please delete, quoting error
Author RSEJ Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 Yes. Except it is not a question, it is an offer Not: "Would you like to..." It would be: "Let's go do..." Not: "sometime" It would be: "day/time/place" First point: Dont agree, look i know you have to be all 'alpha male and that' but especially when someone doesnt live in the same country - I dont know it just seems to forceful/desperate - i'm open to having my mind changed though. Second point: totally agree
Geraltt Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 Yes. Except it is not a question, it is an offer Not: "Would you like to..." It would be: "Let's go do..." Not: "sometime" It would be: "day/time/place" I'd adjust the first one from "Let's go do..." to "I'm going to do XYZ and I'd like you to join me."
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