Real36 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 I’ll try to keep this short... I met a man on Tinder. We chat for a while, talked about meeting but couldn’t align schedules that week and then communication just kind of died. The following week he sees me at a local place we both frequent (unbeknownst to either of us) and starts messaging me again. We exchange numbers and start waving and saying awkward hellos when we see each other in real life. He eventually tells me that he is getting divorced but it isn’t final yet. He says he isn’t really looking for dating or hook up, just more of a friend. I tell him I understand and kinda thought he felt that way already. We have a unique hobby in common so we still talked and eventually went out. The first meet up was fun and there was definitely attraction between us but we behaved very much like friends. My NYE plans fell through so I invited him out. We had a great time and there was obviously a spark between us. We ended the night with passionate sex and it was wonderful. I didn’t hear from him the following day and felt a little bad about that. I did see him yesterday and we text last night. We will get together again but neither of us know when due to schedules. I feel like I’m getting caught up in a whirlwind of passion and excitement that I haven’t felt in years! But, I know this will probably end with a little heartache. Am I crazy to get involved with him?
stillafool Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 I would caution you to never get involved with a man who is not yet divorced. He has told you ahead of time that he is only looking for a friend so please keep that in mind and don't get ahead of yourself with your feelings. You will get hurt. Lot's of times these guys are not over their wives yet and end up going back and not divorcing. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Separated people are not all that free to date. You end up feeling like you are going through the divorce with them. Reign in your emotions before you get hurt. Once the ink is dry on his divorce, you can give a relationship a real try. From what you posted I don't think this guy is emotionally available to date. proceed with extreme caution.
Author Real36 Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 I am so very aware that this is going to end up hurting me. But, for some reason, I don’t want to stop. It’s been a long time since I’ve meet someone that I actually spark with. I date regularly but haven’t met anyone that I like more than casually in over a year. He and I match so well. I know we aren’t dating and likely won’t. I’m sure he’ll want to be single for a while, I totally understand that. I wish I could have met him once he was past that stage. For right now, I’m going to keep talking to him and hanging out occasionally until the inevitable end comes. It’s just too much fun to stop.
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 For him it was a night out for fun/a release, for you it feels like a promising relationship, something you so desire to have. Keep yourself out of bed and your head on straight. Draw the line by communicating with him that you can keep this casual, you want more, so you both need to kool it. If you don't you will end up being a rebound. hang out, but keep your emotions out of it.
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 If you are enjoying his company, continue but guard your heart.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Keep seeing him if you want, but keep your options open. Remember that he is more than likely seeing and sleeping with other women too, if he's an active Tinder user and is not looking for a relationship. Personally, I think it's an unwise choice, given that you already felt off when he didn't talk to you until the day after you had sex. How will you feel when he's quiet for a a couple days? Or a week? Or when your messages to him go unanswered but you can see he's been active online? Your answers to those questions should help you from getting in too deep with this guy. 1
Insoc Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 I would caution you to never get involved with a man who is not yet divorced. He has told you ahead of time that he is only looking for a friend so please keep that in mind and don't get ahead of yourself with your feelings. You will get hurt. Lot's of times these guys are not over their wives yet and end up going back and not divorcing. While I agree, I'm Currently Separated and I'm way "over my soon to be Ex". Case to case basis, there are reasons why I'm such and maybe the next person isn't, in my case it was 5+ years of a downward spiral which prepped me to be ready the first month or two was hard, wasn't even thinking of getting involved with anyone, but that has changed. Will say this, if you are "Currently Separated' and trying to do the online dating thing, you might as well have a blinking light on top of your head saying "Danger! Danger" because 99% of more of the people won't be interested and if they are they are somewhat dubious till you are divorced, I found that out already.
Insoc Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 Separated people are not all that free to date. You end up feeling like you are going through the divorce with them. Reign in your emotions before you get hurt. Once the ink is dry on his divorce, you can give a relationship a real try. From what you posted I don't think this guy is emotionally available to date. proceed with extreme caution. Agree, but there are things many people don't understand about people coming out of LTR/Marriages, they are often not ready to date because they have been out of the game for so long, can be a little rusty I know I am, took me a few months to start to realize that. Usually this causes issues when there is very poor communication or all by text relationship, just dangerous.
Author Real36 Posted January 7, 2019 Author Posted January 7, 2019 I know that no one really cares but I just want to say that this man is exactly what I have been looking for. We went for dinner and beers on Saturday and had a wonderful time. He held my hand and kissed me, did not expect sex. He remembers what I say and notices little things that about me. We shared a moment over a mutual love of bleu cheese. When it came time to pay the tab I said we should split it, he said he would pay this week and I could pay next. I am trying very hard to keep my expectations appropriate but he is making it very hard.
preraph Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 100 percent of the time, once the divorce is final, regardless they have an affair with you already, they then feel free to date around, and think you ought to already know that's going to happen, because now they're single and they aren't committed to you and aren't about to right after a divorce. I would advise you to slow it way down or even put it on hold.
MetallicHue Posted January 7, 2019 Posted January 7, 2019 I would express caution as well. A divorce is messy and there are a lot of emotions that go along with it. My dad did have a successful marriage and met someone while separated. My mom on the other hand tried to date but could never hold it together. There is a lot of residual damage with divorce and it can end badly for people trying to date while separated. Regardless it seems like you’re willing to take a risk and I hope it works out for you. Love is always a risk one way or another putting trust in someone else that they won’t break your heart.
Author Real36 Posted January 8, 2019 Author Posted January 8, 2019 MetallicHue, yes it is a huge risk but I’m willing to take it. It really has been years since I’ve met someone that I truly enjoyed being with like I do with him. I know that it probably won’t go very far but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. There will be no hard feelings when it ends. Just a little sadness then on to the next one. I’m normally the rational type. But this time I choose to indulge.
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